Let’s have a look at how to approach women without getting rejected, without getting attacked with pepper spray and without using Mystery’s old lines.
Maybe you have already talked about this topic with some of your friends and the tips that they gave you were anything but satisfying. They might have told you that going up to a woman and showing her that you want to get to know her is creepy and that you shouldn’t do it. They might have told you that you should rather wait for the perfect girl to appear out of nowhere.
Well, I hope you already know that this is complete bullshit and that the day where a hot girl suddenly stands in front of your door and kindly asks you if you allow her to suck your dick will never come.
The only reason why they give you this advice is because they are themselves afraid to approach women. They made the decision to live their life in quiet desperation with girls they are not really interested in, instead of facing their fears and becoming good with women.
They know that they can’t do it and the last thing they want is that you can do something that they are not capable of doing. Telling you that approaching women is wrong is nothing but a desperate attempt to prevent you from reaching your goals.
Maybe I am wrong and some of your friends are actually interested in this topic, even though they have never done it. Therefore, they have absolutely no idea how you could possibly do it. Their advice most likely starts with…
“I have read somewhere..”
“A friend of mine told me…”
“Have you read The Game?”
In case your friends give you adivce that motivates you to approach women in the same way as the guys in the following video, you should think about kicking your friends in the balls.
Do yourself a favor and ignore advice from people who don’t know how to approach women or who don’t want you to know it.
Do you know how many girls I have approached in my life?
I already approached hundreds, if not thousands of women. From my experience I know what works and what doesn’t work. Through my bootcamp with Sasha Daygame and through trial and error I learned to approach girls through exposure therapy and countless rejections.
Now I want you to learn what I had to learn the hard way. I want you to fulfill your full potential and to become a man who effortlessly attracts incredibly beautiful girls. The first step towards becoming such a man is to learn how to approach women.
How to Approach Women: Direct vs Indirect
The seduction community is at war. This war is not only totally unnecessary, but it is also a war that can’t be won. Some of the most well-known pick-up artists fight against each other in the hope to prove that their way of approaching girls is the only way to do it. The last thing I want is to participate in this war of indirect vs. direct pick-up artists.
Nevertheless, I see it as my responsibility to show you the way of approaching that works the best for me and to protect you from theories that are total bollox. Before I tell you why I personally think that you should learn how to approach women in the direct way, I want to shortly describe the difference between the direct and indirect approach.
- A guy who uses the indirect approach to meet girls uses openers, makes up reasons to approach them that have nothing to do with his actual feelings or thoughts in this moment.
- A guy who uses the direct approach to meet girls uses openers that reflect his true thoughts and feelings in this very moment.
In the following lines I want to show you why I think that the direct approach wins against the indirect approach, without claiming that my way is the only possible way. Nevertheless, I hope I can inspire you to approach girls in a direct way, at least in the majority of situations.
Why the Direct Approach Wins Hands Down
When you ask yourself how to approach women there is one question that always comes up in this context:
“Should I approach women in a direct or in an indirect way?”
Even though there are some situations in which the indirect way of meeting women can be beneficial, I would say that the direct approach beats the indirect one 90% of the time.
One reason for this is the fact that the direct approach is honest. By walking up to a girl and telling her exactly what’s on your mind, you show that you are an honest and authentic guy. This is already attractive in itself
What do you do when you approach a girl in an indirect way?
You are lying in her face.
No matter if you ask her for the direction to the nearest grocery store, if you ask her for her female opinion on the birthday present for your imaginary sister, or if you have the nerve to ask her whether women or men lie more…you are always lying.
As soon as you see a girl and you have certain thoughts about her physical appearance, but you tell her some indirect jabber, you are not only dishonest to her, you are also lying to yourself. You might be able to lie to her but you won’t be able to lie to yourself. If you try it anyway, your self-perception and your self-confidence will suffer along the way.
Speaking of your self-confidence…
Do you want to communicate to women that you are a self-confident guy?
If the answer is “yes”, you should definitely introduce yourself with a direct compliment.
There are not many guys on this planet who have the courage to tell a woman what they really think. By being one of those guys you not only show that you don’t care if other people judge you for your way of thinking (including her), but you also show that you have the balls to do something that the majority of men is afraid of doing. Women are naturally attracted to men who don’t care about what other people think of them.
Besides displaying honesty and self-confidence the direct approach has another benefit that a lot of men simply neglect.
Time is the most valuable asset we have in life.
You can be the richest man on this planet, but all your money won’t prevent you from dying one day. That’s why I think it is important to not waste a second of your precious lifetime with things that lead to nothing.
More often than not, the indirect approach doesn’t lead to anything but an unanswered call after you have talked to her for nearly an hour. She might have smiled while she gave you tips for the birthday present for your imaginary sister, but the fact that she has a boyfriend motivated her to put you in the friend zone. She didn’t know that you were sexually interested in her. She saw no reason to tell you about her boyfriend. All you had was a nice chat.
If you would have approached her in a direct way she would have known that you are sexually interested in her. She could have mentioned her boyfriend while thanking you for making her day. In the meantime you could have moved on to approach a girl who is single and totally into you, instead of wasting your time with a girl who is not interested in you.
When to Use the Indirect Approach
Now you know that the direct approach is the way to go. However, there are some situations in which it can be beneficial to use an indirect way of getting into contact with a girl. Usually, those situations are in environments that put a high social pressure on the girl you talk to.
Screaming “you are beautiful” in environments in which you are surrounded by a lot of people might not be the best idea.
As you probably already know I emphasize a lot that it is important to free yourself from the opinion of other people and to not give a flying of what other people think of you. However, don’t forget that the girl you are talking to probably still cares about the opinion of other people.
If you meet a girl in a train or in a library and you give her a direct compliment, the chance that all the people around you witness her response is pretty high.
The fact that we live in a society that still labels women when they show sexual interest in a guy will motivate her to reject you, even though she might want to rip your clothes off.
She might regret her reaction later but in the moment of your approach she saw it as the only way to escape the social judgment of the people around her. By approaching her in an indirect way it seems as if you would only have an innocent conversation. She will reveal her interest in you at a later point in time. As long as she can be sure that nobody around witnesses that her pants are getting wet, she will let you know what she really feels.
How to Approach Women: The Perfect Position
Let’s imagine you are walking down the street and suddenly a gorgeous blonde model passes your way. You look at her and she smiles at you in a very inconspicuous way.
The only thing you can think of is to introduce yourself to her, before you tell her exactly what’s on your mind. There is just one problem.
Your brain starts to dance limbo and the thoughts that are bustling around under your skullcap drive you insane.
The fact that you have no idea how to walk up to her and how to stand once you are right in front of her, make you feel completely paralyzed. Your insecurities about how to approach women make it impossible for you to walk up to her. While you are angry at yourself she sadly enters the bus that drives her forever out of your life. Let’s have a look at how you can prevent this from happening.
Walk up to Her With Pride
You might think that the best way to walk up to a girl is to directly walk up to her from the front. Sorry, but that’s not true. By doing this you only appear like a creepy stalker who waited for her the whole time. She will already notice from far away that you walk up to her.
Doing this might even scare her away. Directly walking up to a stranger can easily be interpreted as aggressive behavior. I mean, you basically throw yourself in her way and she doesn’t know whether you want to approach or stab her.
It is way better to let a girl that you are attracted to walk past you while you are trying to hold eye contact.
The way she looks back at you will already tell you if she wants to get approached or not. All you have to do now is to run after her and stop her. Stop her with a friendly “excuse me” or “sorry”, while you are reaching out your arm as a STOP signal.
The Perfect Stop Signal
Learning how to approach women also contains learning how to stop them in a way that doesn’t give them the creeps. Please be aware that every human being has a personal private space that only certain people are allowed to invade.
The moment you are approaching a girl you are still nothing but a random stranger. That’s why it is absolutely crucial to respect her private space and to keep a distance from at least a few centimeters. The personal private space differs from person to person and from culture to culture.
In case your nose touches her nose you are a bit too close.
Try to stand in front of her and not next to her. Even though standing next to her might seem a bit less aggressive, it also communicates that you are not really sure about what you are doing right now. She could assume that you are lacking the necessary self-confidence to face her directly.
How to Approach Women: Behave As If She Is Already Yours
Imagine you have just stopped a girl and you are standing right in front of her. Before you even think about starting a conversation that later leads to an exchange of body fluids, you should behave in a way that shows her that stopping for you was the right decision.
The easiest way to communicate to her that you are a cool guy is through your body language and your eye contact. Just stand and look in a way that you don’t come across as a creepy serial killer. Let’s have a look at how that works.
Let Your Body Speak
Being able to control your body language is important if you want to know how to approach women. Even though you might have read on several manosphere blogs that you have to be the most dominant alpha male who has ever walked the earth, this whole “being alpha” thing can do more harm than good.
Don’t be too aggressive in your body language.
You want to communicate that you are a self-confident and friendly guy and not a primate with a brain damage. In case you have a body language like Arnold Schwarzenegger in his best days while you are looking like a beanpole, you are probably a bit too alpha for her. Here is an article that shows you what you have to do instead.
Undress Her With Your Eyes
Besides displaying a body language that is inviting and self-confident, you should use your eye contact to attract her during this early stage of your interaction. It is important to look her straight into the eyes as soon as you stand in front of her. This communicates confidence and triggers sexual arousal.
In case you don’t feel comfortable looking a woman in the eyes you should practice to hold prolonged eye contact before you go out.
There is no way around looking a woman straight into her eyes when you want to communicate your sexual interest during the approaching phase.
How to Approach Women: The Wording
Besides knowing how to behave in her presence you should also know what words to use during the initial phase of your conversation. Due to the fact I am an advocate of the direct approach I want to provide you with some examples of what you could say when you want to learn how to approach women in a direct way.
In case you are possessed by the devil and prefer to meet women by presenting them some indirect lines, you simply have to replace the compliments that I am going to talk about with memorized lines such as…
“Who lies more, men or women?”
“Can I have your female opinion on something?”
If you really use those lines you have to promise me that you don’t complain when every girl looks at you as if you were retarded. In case you decide to go for the direct lines and to use sentences that will actually get you laid, you can simply act according to the following two steps.
When you want to learn how to approach women you have to understand that you can’t simply stop a girl and scream “you are so hot!” in her face. That’s not how it works.
The chance that she is totally confused when you tell her that she is beautiful without providing her with at least one introductory sentence that proves that you are not a crazy idiot are very high. In addition to that, she might be scared if she suddenly hears a compliment from a guy who suddenly appears out of nowhere.
The best thing you can do is to approach a girl with a so called pre-frame (credit goes to Sasha Daygame). This is a short sentence or a combination of sentences that you put before your direct compliment. The goal of this pre-frame is to quickly tell her that she doesn’t have to be afraid and that she can talk to you without walking away with serious injuries.
Let me give you a few examples:
“Excuse me. I know this sounds a little bit strange, but I just saw you walking past me and I had to come and say hello to you.”
“Excuse me. I really don’t want to scare you, but when I saw you I just had to walk up to you.”
Such a simple sentence before you transition to your direct compliment can have an incredible power.
Now that she knows that the reason why you are talking to her is because she caught your eye, she can focus on the conversation
Cast a Spell Over Her With the Right Compliment
What should you say next?
All you have to say is that she is beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, hot, stunning or whatever you can think of. Try to be as honest and precise as possible. Your compliment should reflect your thoughts and feelings in this moment. One thing you need to know is that women are way better than men when it comes to identifying lies.
As soon as you give a woman a compliment and you don’t really mean what you say, she will notice it. Be honest to her and tell her that she looks amazing when you think she does.
The best thing you can do is to think of a compliment that speaks to a certain individual characteristic of the girl you are talking to.
An individual compliment is always better than a general one.
The only thing you have to do now is to enjoy her smile, her giggling and her red cheeks, before you smoothly transition to a conversation in which you connect with her on an emotional and sexual level.
Now it is time to lead her through the whole seduction process.
How would you feel if you approached a girl today and woke up to her tomorrow?
Everything is possible for a Phoenix
Summed Up Wisdom
If you want to approach women you have to do more than walking a straight line and opening your mouth. First of all, you have to understand that the direct approach is usually better than the indirect approach, even though there are some situations in which the indirect way of meeting women is better.
After you made the decision what kind of approach you want to use, you have to learn how to stop a woman and how you should position yourself in a way that doesn’t scare her away. Use your behavior to your advantage, by attracting her with your body language and your eye contact. Before you then give her a direct compliment, you should use a pre-frame to introduce yourself to her and to make her feel safe, comfortable and excited for what you are going to say next.
Sebastian Harris says
i call B.S. on that! It happed to me. She approached me, then I was so relaxed And Leonard I will be celebrating 15years of marriage. Good luck,
Those that will say yes will say it whether you use the direct approach or the indirect one. Same for those who says know. Women already know if they are interested in you just by looking at you. Your approach does not change that.
Sebastian Harris says
I can understand your frustration because a lot of women drain your energy instead of giving you energy. This is true. But some women give you more thant they are taking. Believe me.
Pffffttt.. you’re getting ahead of yourself. First tell me why I’d want to be with a woman. What value does a woman bring into a man’s life? Absolutely nothing, from what I can see. The cost always outweighs the benefit. More and more men are seeing this and going off women for good. I have, and life is much better.
Sebastian Harris says
that’s awesome. Spread the word!
Exactly, it’s apparently just not in a woman’s nature to pursue a guy even if she has a strong desire for him
another great article. i’ve been reading your website like crazy since i discovered it. this particular article reminded of one time i used the indirect approach. there was this girl in my class that was stunning and i wanted a reason to talk to her. so when she sat down beside me, i asked for her e-mail so that we could help each other out just in case either one of us missed class one day. however, the reality is i was interested in her romantically and i just didn’t know how to tell her/express it. anyway, eventually i asked her out to lunch and it was awkward and of course she turned me down. my intentions weren’t honest from the start. consider it a lesson learned.
anyway, i’m gonna try the stuff you wrote in this article out on some girls at the gym. as you mentioned, often times all it takes is a gaze in a girls direction and her reaction will tell you if she’s open to being approached or not. the hardest part for me is breaking the ice. in other words, the opener/conversation starter is what i struggle with the most. once i get past that, i’m usually able to relax a lot more.
Sebastian Harris says
Believe me, this day will never come…
Still say that the “beta”(?) male, who lives a good clean life, maybe a little too introverted, just waits, very patiently for a woman to ask HIM out, as at least then ,he knows that she is actually interested.
Sebastian Harris says
Hey my German friend,
so, the question is: should you push after a compliment (push/pull technique)
my answer: I am not a big fan of following the push pull technique so rigurously. It takes away the natural essence of a communication. My success increased once I stopped using these techniques as if it was a manual (I know, we German’s love logic manuals). A woman is not a machine. Let the conversation flow.
Sollte man nachdem man ein Kompliment gemacht hat nicht wieder pushen? Wie z.B.: Du hast das schönste lächeln das ich kenne! [reaktion] Nein warte, das drittschönste, also nenn ich dich Nummer 3. Jemand der sich gut auskennt hat gesagt, das man diese Push/Pull Taktik auch besonders nach Komplimenten anwenden sollte. Was ist deine Meinung dazu?
Sebastian Harris says
Though I am a white male, 50, I could relate to everything that you are thinking. The society pigeonholes us and even tries to snuff the light inside. Thus, thanks a ton for sharing the story and your current insight.
Sebastian Harris says
thanks for your feedback and your encouragement
What can I say?
This is IT. Practicing this alone will make a man happy. Thanks for doing this for free, really appreciate it.