Is your relationship going down the tubes?
Do you give your girlfriend more than one reason to leave you?
Then you should learn how to stop being a jealous boyfriend, before she has enough and packs her suitcase. In case you really have this problem it is just a matter of time until she will end the relationship, unless you finally do something about your situation and start to overcome your limitations.
Do you know the fastest way to get rid of every woman?
Well, the fastest way might still be domestic violence, but I am pretty sure that an extreme form of jealousy comes right after that. I am really sorry to say this, but if you have this problem and you don’t do something about it your girlfriend WILL leave you sooner or later. Unless you date an emotionally unstable woman who has more insecurities than both Olsen twins together, she will definitely leave you after a while.
No emotionally healthy and confident woman stays together with an insecure wimp with jealousy issues. That’s a fact.
One more word and she will pack her suitcase and move to her alcoholic mother
You can either cry about it or you can do something about it. Take your right arm, place it on the area under your belly button and tell me if you feel a dick and two balls? You do? Great, then learning how to stop being a jealous boyfriend will be pretty easy for you.
A confident, great, interesting man who knows that he can have a lot of women doesn’t have this problem. He is too busy living his awesome life and dating an amazing or many amazing women. You have all the potential in the world to be that guy. You just have to work on yourself and on your beliefs.
But wait. Maybe you don’t even know that your behavior is slowly but steadily destroying your relationship…
How to Stop Being a Jealous Boyfriend: The Misconception
What if you think that your jealous behavior actually improves your relationship?
In this case you definitely suffer from a widespread disease that is called social conditioning. I don’t care whether you heard it from your mother, from movies, from songs or from some of your friends who live in toxic relationships that they regard as completely normal, but I am pretty sure that you have heard a sentence like this before:
“You are jealous? She must be really important to you.”
Sentences like that are responsible for a lot of breakups and divorces all around the world.
I really don’t want to know what the guy in the following video would have done if they wouldn’t have screamed “it’s a prank!”:
In the same way as there are still men who think that expensive gifts and flowers make a woman fall in love with them, there are also quite a few men who believe that jealousy is not just normal, but actually good.
Jealousy is NOT a Sign of Love
“Oh, he is jealous. He must really love her.”
No he doesn’t. He is just so insecure that he is always afraid that she jumps in bed with another dude.
That has nothing to do with love, but with deep-seated insecurities that can be really dangerous. The people who romanticize jealousy and who say that this is normal when you love someone are the same people who are completely shocked when one of those jealous guys is in the news because he killed the secret lover of his girlfriend.
Do you want to end like this? No?
Then stop talking yourself into believing that being jealous has anything to do with being in love.
Of course this feeling is triggered when you are around a person who you are in love with, but it has nothing to do with the actual feeling of being in love.
The main reason why I decided to write this article is because I don’t want you to become one of those guys who do something really, really stupid, just because you didn’t learn to control their feelings.
If you constantly worry about whether or not your girlfriend is cheating on you, you force her to cheat on you. The more of this behavior you show her, the more she’ll lose her respect and her attraction for you. She won’t want to sleep with you anymore, but she will for sure sleep with the confident guy next door.
Jealousy is NOT the Same as Mistrust
Another popular misconception is the equalization of jealousy and mistrust. Let’s say you have a girlfriend who already cheated on you. You were naive enough to believe that she will never do it again, despite the fact that you have experienced it firsthand and despite all the warnings you heared from her ex-boyfriend.
“The white spot on my pants is just yogurt…”
If you then worry that she might cheat on you this is totally understandable. But it has absolutely nothing to do with jealousy. What you feel in this situation is mistrust. You don’t trust her, because you know what she is capable of and you have reference experiences that support this fear.
Even though this is also a negative feeling, it is a justified feeling that you should have in this situation. You don’t need to learn how to stop being a jealous boyfriend. You simply need to get rid of your cheating girlfriend.
Being jealous is something entirely different.
Jealousy is a negative feeling that is unfounded and that only exists in your mind and your heart.
If you constantly think about how your girlfriend cheats on you, even if she never gave you any reason to have this fear and you know on a logical level that you can trust her, you have a serious issue and you need to learn how to stop being a jealous boyfriend.
Jealousy Has NOTHING to Do With Your Girlfriend
I hope you understand the difference of justified mistrust and unjustified jealousy. In case you understand the difference, you will agree with me when I say that being jealous has absolutely nothing to do with your girlfriend.
I can even show you what I mean by using my social circle as an example. I haven’t seen one of my best female friends for quite a long time. Not because we don’t get along with each other, but because she is together with an extremely jealous guy who definitely has to learn how to stop being a jealous boyfriend.
Even though he has absolutely no logical reason to have this feeling (she never cheated on him), they had a terrible fight after I met her the last time. It can only take a few months until she leaves him and somehow this is really sad, because according to my friend he is a really great guy, except from his “little problem”. What he doesn’t realize is that he digs his own grave.
My friend then told me via Facebook that he always blames her for being too outgoing and extroverted, for having so many male friends and for meeting a guy who obviously knows what he has to do to get her into bed.
He blames her for everything but the only person he has to blame is himself.
Not every outgoing and extroverted girl cheats. And just because I know how to seduce women doesn’t mean that I destroy a life-long friendship to have some fun.
All he does is to blame his girlfriend for his own feelings. He projects all his negative energy on her, while he tries to convince her that she is the root of the problem. The truth is that he is the root and he will also be the axe that brings him to fall.
or the rolling pin…
Jealousy Is All About You and Your Beliefs
How can you stop being the jealous boyfriend that you are right now?
Before you can reprogram your mind to become a guy who doesn’t even know how the word jealousy is spelled, you have to rifle through your beliefs to find out where you have to reprogram yourself.
Stop wasting your time talking yourself into believing that it is your girlfriend’s fault, especially when you know that there is absolutely no logical reason to feel the way you feel.
Start taking full responsibility for your thoughts and actions.
I say it one last time: If you don’t stop being jealous, your fears will come true and she will end up leaving you. You are the man and the leader in the relationship. It is your job to lead yourself and your relationship out of this misery.
You Are Afraid to Lose Her
You are afraid and if you are really honest to yourself, you know exactly what your biggest fear is. You are afraid to lose her, because you love her so much.
But wait…
Are you really afraid because you love her so much?
I already told you that jealousy has nothing to do with love. I also love my girlfriend but I can’t remember one second in which I was afraid that she would leave me. I never had that feeling, even though we often live thousands of miles away from each other.
Deep down you know that it has nothing to do with love, but with deep-rooted fears.
You are afraid to lose her because you are afraid that you will never be able to find a girl like her again. You fear that if she leaves you, this feeling of happiness that she gives you will go with her. You are afraid of ending up alone and miserable.
And why do you feel that way?
You Feel Unworthy and Insecure
The reason why you feel this way is pretty simple: You are insecure.
“I deserve her, right Teddy? Teddy, say that I deserve her!”
If you would be a confident man who knows that he is interesting, valuable and that he deserves to be loved, you wouldn’t waste one second of your precious lifetime with negative feelings like jealousy.
You might get aggressive and you might even hate me for what I just said, but I am not here to butter you up, I am here to help you.
Those negative feelings that you have can directly be attributed to insecurity and to a feeling of unworthiness. If you would believe that you deserve your girlfriend, that you are worthy of having her by your side, you wouldn’t be jealous at all.
I know that I deserve my girlfriend and if you don’t think that you deserve your girlfriend, you should start to work on yourself and on your lifestyle until you understand that you deserve her. If you don’t do that, she will look out for a man who knows that he deserves a woman like her. No woman wants to be together with a guy who feels unworthy of her.
You Compare Yourself to Others
What is it besides your fears, your insecurities and your feeling of unworthiness that transforms you from a confident lover into a desperate and jealous boyfriend?
Please correct me if I am wrong but I am pretty sure that you tend to compare yourself to other people, especially to other guys.
How do I know that? Well, there was a time when I also had to learn how to stop being a jealous boyfriend. When I think back to the time with my ex-girlfriend I realize that I had those negative feelings in certain situations.
I only felt this way around people who I thought I couldn’t keep up with.
Let me ask you two questions to show you what I mean:
Do you feel angry and helpless when your girlfriend talks to a guy who weighs 200 kilos and who drives a car that looks like a horse-drawn carriage?
Probably not, because you think that you are better in comparison to him.
Do you feel angry and helpless when your girlfriend enjoys talking to a muscular guy who looks like a swimsuit model, while they stand next to his new Porsche?
Now you probably feel a little bit different.
The question is: why?
The answer is: you think that you win the comparison with guy number one, but you are convinced that you lose the comparison with guy number two.
That’s not a good sign.
One of the biggest misconceptions of men is that it is money and not emotions that keeps women around
In order to keep amazing, confident and exceptionally beautiful women in your life, you have to become a man who feels so good in his own skin that he doesn’t even think about comparing himself to other people.
Therefore, you need to reprogram your mind.
How to Stop Being a Jealous Boyfriend: Reprogram Your Mind
How do you have to reprogram your mind to leave all this jealousy bullshit behind you and to rescue your relationship by becoming a guy who gives his girlfriend the feeling that he deserves her and that she deserves him?
Simply telling yourself that you are not jealous anymore and that everything is fine from now on is a good start, but it won’t be enough.
You have to reprogram your brain on a logical and on an emotional level.
Due to the fact that you are a man and that you love to think logically, I want to start with the reprogramming steps that you can take on a logical level.
Use Your Logical Sense
When I shared the difference between mistrust and jealously with you I told you that you have every right in the world to mistrust your girlfriend when she already cheated on you, whereas jealousy is just an emotion that has no logical reason.
Now that you have this definition in mind I want to ask you a simple question that can already help you to overcome your negative feelings:
Do you have any logical reason to feel the way you feel?
The fact that your girlfriend is extroverted doesn’t count.
I am talking about real logical reasons that would make another person understand why you feel that way.
My logical sense tells me that I don’t have to worry about anything. It has already been two weeks since she had her last gangbang
In case she has never cheated on you, has never shown any signs of cheating and hasn’t been unfaithful in her past relationships, you have no logical reason whatsoever to be jealous.
Become Aware of Your Positive Features
Why do you feel insecure and unworthy?
Why do you communicate to your girlfriend that you think that you don’t deserve her?
I am sure that you have a hell of a lot of good characteristics and personality traits that you aren’t even aware of.
Unless you have killed her mother or are an expert in domestic violence, you shouldn’t think about yourself as unworthy and you shouldn’t feel the need to express this feeling through your behavior.
I am sure you can be a real gentleman if you want. I am also pretty sure that you have at least one interesting hobby that you are passionate about. I know that you are not a complete loser, otherwise you wouldn’t invest the time to read this article in order to improve your life.
In fact, I am convinced that you are a very interesting person. Otherwise you wouldn’t be on this website and you wouldn’t want to change your life to the better by learning how to stop being a jealous boyfriend. Embrace your positive characteristics and accept the fact that you are an awesome guy who deserves an awesome girlfriend.
Awesome You, Awesome Her. Awesome Relationship
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
The only problem you might have is that you are aware of all your positive features, but you are still scared that your girlfriend will end up in bed with another guy. If this is true you should think about whether or not you tend to compare yourself to others.
You can be a great guy, but if you compare yourself to the wrong people, you will always feel like an unworthy piece of shit.
I think I don’t have to tell you that this is not only harmful for your decision to learn how to stop being a jealous boyfriend, but also for your life in general.
Of course you will feel ugly when you compare yourself with Chris Hemsworth and you will feel poor if you compare yourself to Warren Buffett. Stop comparing yourself to other people and start to throw the spotlight on all your positive characteristics. By doing this you will see that you don’t have any reason to have those negative feelings.
Jealousy Triggers are Compliments
Now it is time to rethink the situations that usually triggered negative feelings in you. Before you have read this article you probably thought about killing every guy who dared to stare at your girlfriend. That’s the typical reaction of a guy who suffers from pathological jealousy.
But is it really a bad sign when another guy checks out your girlfriend?
A guy who learned how to stop being jealous knows that it is nothing bad at all and that there is absolutely no reason to get angry.
When my girlfriend wears a tight dress and high heels I am surprised when I see one guy who doesn’t check her out.
Does this make me feel angry? No, of course not!
I feel proud to have a beautiful girlfriend who gets stared at. This is not only a compliment for her, but also for me and for my qualities as a man and as a seducer.
The next time somebody checks out your girlfriend you simply smile. When other guys gaze at your girlfriend it shows that you are a great seducer, that you have what it takes to attract an amazing woman into your life and that you are on the right path.
Click here to join me on my path…
Summed Up Wisdom
What do you have to do if you want to learn how to stop being a jealous boyfriend? First of all, you have to unlearn three popular misconceptions. Jealousy has nothing to do with love, it is not the same as mistrust and it has absolutely nothing to do with your girlfriend. It only exists in your mind and heart because you are afraid to lose her, you feel insecure and because you make the common mistake to compare yourself to others.
How to stop being a jealous boyfriend? Reprogram your mind and change your beliefs. Use your logical sense and realize that you have no reason to feel the way you feel. Realize that you are a cool guy and that you have a lot of positive qualities that help you to keep an amazing woman in your life. Stop comparing yourself to others and smile whenever someone checks out your girlfriend. It shows that you have what it takes to get and to keep a girl like her.
Thanks, Jacob 😉
This article hits the nail on the board, it’s exactly right, and while it’s very educative and helpful I still find it hard to fix my flaws. I’ve know about this flaw for a while, I am wholly conscious of it and while I was reading this article I just kept nodding to myself and agreeing to all of your points, I’ve been trying to fix it but to no avail. I at least have the decency not to show it to my girlfriend but still, I just feel like a cunt for feeling that way, I know that I have no reason to mistrust her and that solely I am to blame, yet I can never shake the feeling. Maybe as you said, this isn’t jealousy and more so mistrust that carried over from my last relationship, but even then it is unfair to my current girlfriend for me to feel this way. This article is gold to everyone that knows their flaws or is in the same position as me, even if I already knew the issue it still provided some useful insight into how I can fix it and I shall strive further to become a better person.
Thank you.
Hey Abigail,
I’m glad to hear that.
Hey Will,
thank you so much!
Just want to say thank you for the in depth article. Like many others who’ve commented, it’s been hard to come to terms with things, moreover to make the necessary change. I get jealous but it only boils over when I’m very drunk, then we shout at each other, make up after a day and then everything is fine for three months until it happens again. She’s a great woman and we’ve been together for almost 2.5 years, and will be moving in together soon. She’s never given me any reason to doubt her. I initially thought the issues, which are minimal excluding this, stemmed from my being very emotionally in touch (history of depression and in general very emotional) and she’s less so, or more accurately, just less demonstrative of it, which is different from anyone I’ve ever been with. That last statement probably isn’t wholly accurate. She is emotional but maybe we just speak different dialects with regard to the language if that makes sense. Anyway, over time, I’ve realized that I get feelings of jealousy much more often, and although I can contain them, I realize I shouldn’t feel that way to begin with but I had no idea what to do instead of just bury them, but still they’d reach through the earth and wrap their hands around my throat. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I’m tired of saying, “I’m sorry” to her and pushing her away.
So thank you for your insight. I think I’ve realized all you’ve said, at least in one way or another, but sometimes you just need to here it from someone else. I actually wrote down some of the points you touched out, so I can go over them again and again.
Thank you.
Hey Ryan,
you have to tell her how you feel about it.
Never commented on a website like this before but here goes:
Ive been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now and for the first year everything was perfect. dont think we fought one time. Year 2 has been a bit different. i understand that the “honeymoon stage” is over so i havent been trying to put too much thought into it but i know that my jealousy has been a major issue for us and am willing to do whatever it takes to not lose this girl. She has a friend however that I cant seem to get over. Like you mentioned several times in the article, she has never given me any logical reason to think that she would do anything to hurt me or do anything behind my back so i want stop feeling this way. She has a friend however that I cant seem to get over. she has told me that they have been just friends almost her entire life but there was one point where he tried to ask her out and that she told him she wasnt interested and that was that. Ive noticed that he still texts/messages/snapchats here pretty often and my fear is that he still has feeling for her whether she wants to admit it or not. ive tried taking the approach of calmly asking her about it and trying not to be irrational and calmly mentioned that it made me uncomfortable. ive never met the guy so its hard for me to get an accurate reading on him (maybe if i met him i wouldnt care so much, guess that means i am trying to compare myself to him…). I just wanted to get an opinion on whether or not i should even be concerned with the fact that they are still talking, even though she knows that it makes me uncomfortable, or am i being selfish?
are you sur she isn’t going to think he doesnt care about her if he doesn’t react ?
It’s a test. She wants to see how you react. Stay calm and you pass the test.
This was really helpful
But I wasn’t to ask
What do I do when my girlfriend talks about the really cool guys she met or compliments a friend on how sexy he is right in front of me
That kind of thing gets to me
Hey Frank,
I will launch my book Rise of the Phoenix: How to Get the Hottest Girls in a World That Wants You to Fail within the next couple of days. That’s something you should definitely read 😉
I do appreciate the read. I am on my last chance with an amazing woman and have a mountain to climb if I want this to work. Boy, do I need help!
I was married for 23 years over all. Not sure how many were really good, but more just going through the motions. I forgot about her the last few years of our marriage and she found another man while we were still married. Now, I am bringing that past into this relationship. My girlfriend doesn’t deserve my past to be her problem.
I feel that I am a good looking guy and in shape for 53. However, I am not secure with my position in life. It is mostly financial. I feel that I am making strides in my business towards a rewarding financial future, but putting pressure on myself to have that happen tomorrow. I do feel that once this happens, I will feel better about myself.
I NEED changes today in my feeling of self worth and confidence. Any suggestions of other material to read, watch, and put into action?
Hey Gavin,
I hope she’ll see your change.
Unfortunately I came across this article to late. I was dating my girlfriend for three years , but lately I’ve been jealous and controlling. She didn’t deserve that, she is a sweetheart and never did anything to damage my trust. Irecognise this now and moving forward I intend to change my thinking and value myself. Im a transitional stage in my life, I left my job and am going back to school. My ex-girlfriend has a full-time job in a hospital so I think my insecurities may have been a result of her making more money then me now.
I have never commented on an article in my life. I am posting this because I believe if I never gave this a read, I would be certain to repeat my mistakes in my next relationship and the inevitable one after that. I truely appreciate the advice in such a rough time.
Hey , maybe she will see the new and improved me and give it another shot. I’m worth it.
Cheers,
Gavin
Hey man, this all has fair points. There was just one point that is sometimes impossible to fix. Yeah jealousy is caused by insecurities but self doubt isn’t just fixed by being told to get over it unfortunately.
Yeah but if you’re girlfriend cheated on you once or twice you actually have a reason to worry.
Thanks man. It such a great motivation article for me. My girlfriend once or twice cheated on me. She got alot of sexual harassment in her university because of people used her friendliness. I worried so much that even myself becoming a mess. like you said, reprogramming my mind is what I truly need. Thank you again.
Hey Edmund,
thank you so much!
Thanks alot man…My name is eddie and i was having real issues.The thing is she loves me,but she puts other guys on her pages and well, when i see them i tend to compare myself to them and i usually give them a plus over me.Which made me feel real bad and jealous.But thank you for this article.It has really helped me and taught me not to compare myself to others and to feel good about myself.After reading this article i feel great and know am a good and awesome person.
Ive never commented on any article before but this is by far the best ive ever read.
Thanks alot
You are welcome
shoot me an email and I’ll help you.
Thanks Noah. I wouldn’t be too concerned.
I really love this article, it’s put alot into perspective for me.
My girlfriend hasn’t cheated on me before so I never got jealous of her male friends and acquaintances. But lately am starting to feel jealous of her ‘friendship’ with a new guy because she and he text alot (she only admitted it when I saw his text when I was watching a video on her phone) keep in mind she doesn’t like texting people back… not even me. From the chat I saw between them, she was even mad at him for not replyin her message on time.
I confronted her in a gentle manner and she told me that he’s just a new friend. I was a bit uncomfortable but I believed her.
The other day, he called her when we were together, she didn’t want to pick but I insisted that she does. He asked her to board a cab to come to his place. She agreed but when she hung up she told me she wasn’t going, she only said it to shut him up. However later in d day she told me she was going to see him anyways because she had an important message to give him. I was mad that she actually considered going to see d guy at his place but I swallowed it and told her to be careful.
I don’t know if am just being jealous but why does she give him preferential treatment that she doesn’t give me HER BOYFRIEND. Am pretty smart, I have a great job, I dress really nice and I have alot of women throwing themselves at me. So you see I think highly of myself, I’ve never been unsecured in a relationship before. I dunno why I just can’t trust her with this new guy. Am I just being jealous or should I be genuinely concerned?
I think it’s a case of mistrust. She allowed herself fall for a kiss. That’s an evidence staring at you right in your face. I also had a similar experience, my gf confessed to kissing a guy. She said sex never happened, just a kiss. Ever since she told me about it, its been from one strife to the other. I tend not to trust her anymore. Since that scenario,I get upset whenever she tells me a guy visited her at home, or when she gave a guy her cell number.
Please I need your advice.
Hey mate,
Thank you so much for this article. Ever since my last serious relationship with one of my exesI have been really insecure about myself and my appearance and just constantly thought I wasn’t good enough for anyone.
I had been in relationships after that and they’ve not worked out, due to both parties but I am the first to admit I was a jealous boyfriend.
I’ve found myself slipping back into my ways with my current girlfriend (thankfully haven’t made it obvious to her) but after reading this I am definitely going to learn to believe in myself more and realise who the fuck I am and how lucky she is and I also am to have such an amazing girlfriend who loves me and won’t do anything to hurt me.
Thank you so much mate!
Hey Ivan,
thank you so much for this comment. Now I’m smiling 🙂
I’ve read hundreds of articles, gone to therapists, friends family, I have spent almost a year trying to make myself better and get rid of this toxic feeling of jealousy. And until I read this article, none of it worked. I love your straight forward style, you get to the point straight away, you structure it to let people know the misconceptions and then solutions. And thank you, so so so much for this. I had been sitting feeling jealous for the last hour as my girlfriend is at a party taking drunk snaps with guys, and this has made me realize that it’s nothing. I meet girls when I go to a club but do I think about booking up with them? No! The more the merrier of course, and my gf being similar to me I’m 100000% sure she thinks the same. Thank you, sir. You are a SAVIOUR!
Hey Amandus,
yep, that’s jealousy and you have to learn to deal with it.
Hey mate,
Ive been dating this girl for a little more then a year now. she is 20 now And i was her first at the time. A few weeks into the relationship i Found out that she was about to kiss this guy in front of the club i was inside but was akwardly interrupted When my friend walked by. He told me this the next day And i confronted her. She cried And cried saying she was drunk And it was never her intention to actually kiss him it just looked like it, And that she didnt even think we were that serious at that time. I was really pissed because it was the first girl ive actually invested my feelings into, so i told her If she were to ever do anything like that again it was over in a heartbeat.
Anyways, after this happening she has been nothing But a sweetheart And she has later told me that she was scared i didnt actually like her at that time due to my reputation (i fooled around with alot of girls). But the problem for me is that after this happened i have always felt jelous And insicure whenever she goes out to a party without me. So many different scenarios run through my head, especially because the guy she “almost kissed” is, pardon my language, ugly as hell. So i Wonder, would you catagorize What i am expiriencing AS mistrust or jelousy? I feel like she was honest When she told me about the episode in later time. She doesnt socialize or drink AS much AS she used to anymore, and she always chooses a Night with me over a Night with the girls, Even though i am out alot.
Then talk to her again. That easy.
Hey Harris me and my girlfriend are having problems we dont talk as often as before in real life Im nervous about it I dont want to break up man
Hey Pete,
My advice: Follow the advice in the article and stop turning into a clingy A-hole 😉
I found your article very useful.
I would like some advice – I’m a middle-aged man, dating a woman 9 years younger.
She has admitted to cheating in past relationships, but she offered the information and seems to be very genuine about what a mistake it was, and that it was her reaction to a symptom of the dysfunctional relationship and not the appropriate way to sever it.
We have a great relationship, have really hit it off, and have moved in with each other after 6 months.
I know your article states to really be confident, but she is very attractive and I feel like I am batting out of my average a bit. I have been very careful to not contaminate the relationship with any sort of insecurity (she has guy friends), but I have, very irrationally, made up scenarios in my head that are most likely untrue. She has given me no reason to suspect that she’s anything but happy and loyal.
Last night we were pretty drunk and I let slip that I am really terrified at the prospect of screwing this up, told her that it was irrational and basically turned into the clingy A-hole that I have been in my mind occasionally. I feel like I have a pretty honest assessment of myself, and I can see that I’m reacting irrationally, but I still feel like I must address this in not only myself but in speaking with her about it. I want to be honest with her, but at the same time don’t want to come off like a weak, irrational fool. What is the suggested approach? While working on correcting these behaviors using some of the tactics in your article, do I hide this stuff, potentially drive myself crazy and hurting my relationship in the process…or, do I tell her that I realize the problem, am working on it and deal with the potential new weirdness that it may cause? I’ve already felt the first and, after last night, got a dose of the second.
Any suggestions?
Thanks in advance for your input!
Hey Johnny,
be careful with girls who say that they use flirting to get things. They might also go one step further to get things. If my girlfriend would chat with a guy who sends her dickpicks and she does NOT delete him or tell him to stop, I would walk away.
Hey Sebastian,
Great article!! Reading this helped me realize a lot of my faults and what is causing my jealousy issues. I have a situation going on and would like to know your feedback. It is is a little personal, but I am wondering what are your thoughts.
Me and this girl have been dating for about 7 months. At first when we started talking, she would always invite me out but I was broke at the time and would just brush her off so that she wouldn’t see me at my worst. Eventually I got my finances in order and started seeing her.
Me and her hit it off right away, and came to like each other a lot. She even showed how much she was into me which was kind of a nice surprise. Things were going so well. My jealousy and mistrust issues would come to mind, but I never showed her these traits and kept things to myself. I know that most of my issues are just in my head and I need to calm myself down. Some of her behavior would be a little sketchy (hiding her phone from in front of me, etc.) but overall she was REALLY good to me.
There was an event that occurred in the beginning and was very damaging to my trust in her. While we were out at one of my friend’s birthday celebration, things were going normal (being affectionate with me, kissing me, etc) but then she started to become secretive on her phone next to me. I then saw out the corner of my eye her texting a guy about being disappointed about the guy taking not taking her out to some venue, and then he suggested he make it up to her by cuddling with her. In my mind it was like my fears came true. I responded by making a joke of the situation. “Hey, I didn’t mean to hold u up from your cuddling session with your friend over there.” She did became defensive and explained that the guy was only a friend but they are flirtatious with each other and spoke in “code” to each other as well. I reluctantly accepted her explanations.(I couldn’t accuse her of lying, but it felt as though she wasn’t being totally honest with me at all) She suggested that she call the guy in front of me and tell him that they would have to distant themselves. I told her she doesn’t have to do that, but she told me she would do it anyways. She then told me that she will cut things off wit the guy for the most part and apparently had done so (which turned out to be a lie but I’ll get to that later).
After that I did become jealous at times she would hang out with other guys on a one on one basis. Guys I never knew or met, as they were single as well. She would explain to me that these are old friends and that there isn’t anything to worry about. I wouldn’t say anything initially, but I ended up asking her that she just let me know what’s going on with whomever so that I can feel easier, which most of the time she would comply. She agreed. Colleagues would tell me I shouldn’t stand for it at all, but I thought it was wayyyy too soon for me to make those kinds of demands.
Time was passing by, but I was still having concerns. Still Hiding her phone in front of me, hanging out with guys a lot who were in better shape with better cars, etc. she would ensure me that she didn’t have any interest in any of these guys, and that i shouldn’t be worried because she is only intimate with me. But It was still bothering me a lot. We then had a conversation and she admitted to me that she flirts with guys a lot at her job so that she can get favors and try to elevate her position at her job. I told her that flirting is fine and natural because I flirt myself (a lot more than I tell her) but that she has to be careful because guys majority of the time are going to expect and want more. Especially in the workplace. She said that she will never allow things to go that far.
So fast forward to this month. After seeing that she was still contacting the guy with the cuddling text from before, i felt that her answers weren’t the full truth. And one night when she was passed out drunk, I opened Pandora’s box and went thru her phone. I knew it was wrong but I needed to know why would this guy text her at nearly 2 am while I’m out with her, and why wouldn’t she answer them in front of me (which actually happened the night before). I learned that their relationship was way closer than I thought. They were very friendly and flirtatious with one another, and she was seeing him at times behind my back without telling me anything. To me it was bad because she would tell me about every other guy except for this one. I was upset because I would ask her about this guy before and she kept insisting there was nothing going on, now I found out she’s having dinner and going to movies with him without telling me at all. There wasn’t anything that indicated she was having sex with him and kissing him, but I still didn’t like it. Add to that, she was flirting and talking to a lot more guys than she admitted to me, and there was even another guy sending her dick pics smh.
There’s way more to this story, especially the part about her explanations, but I already wrote a lot. Things have gotten really bad, but I kinda don’t want to lose this girl (I have my reasons). Do u think I let things get way too out of hand, was I wrong for thinking the way I was??
Hey Ryan,
You won’t like my advice but I share it anyway: Stay away from drugs and from girls who loves drugs. And stay away from girls who flirt with other men while you’re with them. I hope that helps.
Hey Sebastian,
Really loved reading this article and it helped me understand a lot about why I feel the way I do in certain situations with my gf of 2 years. But I want your opinion of my situation because there is still a lot of jealousy I feel with her. I’m a senior in college now and my gilrfriend and I have been dating since the end of our freshmen year. We ended up living together sophomore year sort of by accident but it ended up being an amazing experience. We decided however that we wanted to savor that feeling of living together in a tight space till after we graduated, just to avoid the feeling of being married so young. However, junior year came around and she was setting up roommates for an 8 person apartment with 2 people livinf together in each room. She ended up rooming with a very attractive, genius, womanizer, and drug dealer (she loves weed as do I). He flirts with her frequently and she on occasions flirts back. Despite this I set aside my at first jealous feelings and put all my trust in her. Towards the end of junior year the fire started to die between us and we ended up breaking up (not because of her roommate). We both did not handle it very well and the fire reignited between us. Unfortunately I left to come back home to work while she stayed in the schools area, yet she spends every free moment she has with him, and they drink together often. And to top it off she is rooming with him again for this senior year in the very dorm I wanted so badly to get into but luck did not let me (which adds more to my jealousy). She has never done anything with this guy before despite occasional flirting and I trust her enough to think she will never do anything with him, but despite everything I still compare myself to him, and get worried that she is spending endless hours with him this summer. She isn’t rooming with him this summer however but with the amount of time she spends with him she may as well be. He owns a snake and has access to a dog, both pets she loves endlessly, both of which I do not have. Sorry for making this so long but I’m really lost and I don’t want to feel jealous because I know if I do I will lose her again. Do you have any advice for this particular situation?
Hey Kelvin,
this behviour is indeed weird. I would confort her and have an honest conversation.
Hi,
I have just entered a long distance relationship with a girl who stay very far away from me 10 hours flight!!! I met her when I went back to my country, now I have to come back here to work. So we decided to try this out.
The first month was good, but now we are entering the second month and I have seen that she did not tell me who she’s going out with. Sometimes, she suddenly said she needed to call her friend while we were facetime and then after like 5 10 minutes she texted me back saying that I will call you later with no further explaination….
Is she getting tired of this relationship? What should I do now? I feel like I am more committed into this relationship than her…
Thank you
Hey Andrew,
thanks a lot. You have to learn to deal with your jealousy. If I were you I would talk to your ex-girlfriend and appologize for being so jealous. Who knows…maybe you get back together.
Very great article, I think you hit a lot of aspects spot on . And I trust you know exactly what your saying . So i want your opinion. I just ended a relationship with my gf after 5 years because of my jealousy. At the time I was accusing her for what happened but couple days later found out it was actually my fault. Now I’ve had trouble getting out of the jealousy stage because i watched my parents and other family battle woth the jealousy. Anywho , My biggest reason of being jealous was bc when My gf and I had first gotten together, there was this Guy named Judas. He would Alwayssssss play around with her like kids (we were in high school) and did it in front of me . She went along with it until i brought it to her attention saying , its obvious hes flirting with you and your only feeding him by playing around back. But Judas has been a long time “Family-Friend” and her excuse or reasoning was that hes just being friendly. After all hes been that way for a long time. Long story short, he ended up liking her and I was right. I had shut him down because my gf was naive to him being flirty. My fear is that she wouldn’t know when a man would be flirty with her and would only feed into his scheme. Am i overthinking everything, or do i have a legit reason to be fearful? Either way i do want to let fo of my jealousy, but getting an outside opinion would really help.
Hey Buddy,
This article is for all the guys who are jealous without a reason. If you have a reason, it’s another story.
Hey Francisco,
I also had a long-distance relationship for a certain time. It’s hard to not be jealous in this situation. If she is so immature and selfish like you describe, you should ask yourself if you even want to be with such a person.
Hey Sebastian, thank you for this article, right now I am having a weird relationship with my girlfriend… And to be honest, although it is my fault because I am insecure, I don’t know what to do because of things she has done. She hasn’t cheated on me, or at least i believe she haven’t… but:
-She only have like two girl friends, and one of them is lesbian in which she has had something before, but she said to me that it was just a moment because she was confused, and after that she knows he only like males. (I am not counting family, and the reason she has a lot of male friends is because she finds them easy to deal with and joke and have a good time… she is the dominant, btw, I am a very pasive guy)
-A good friend of her used to ask her to have a pizza before she leaves the country (we have a distance relationship), something quite normal, right? Except that… with this guy in particular, he once told me (without knowing that i am her boyfriend, because she only told a few malefriends about us) that her, my girlfriend, told him that she was going to give him the v… in the next context:
He: will you give it to me?
She: yes
He: The donuts?
She: that too
He told me because, from what i believe, wanted to brag about her being “sexual” with him… Of course, she never told me about it, and when i confronted her she told me it was just a joke and that i shouldn’t claim anything about it because he was just a friend. She has known him more than she has know me, and they never had anything as far as i know, so yeah, it might be a joke… however, i felt disrespected, and some time after that she told me it was just that one time and that she wouldn’t do it again, but who knows…
And it is with that particular guy, who has shown more than just a friendly interest on her, one day i was in my facebook account which she knows and she used to chat in there (not anymore, she gave me hers but because of my jealously she changed it so did i) and he starts talking to me. After a few SECONDS of chatting, he started acusing me of being her and that she shouldn’t lie to him, which i told my girlfriend right away in which she responded that i shouldn’t worry about him… but why he would have that attitude?
In janaury first, and this was recent… i wanted to be with her on chat because we are distanced right now, and she told me that she didn’t want to be on chat with me because she would get bored… but she was playing an online videogame called League of Legends and she was alone with him… in chat voice, which made me feel really bad, like the part about not comparing to someone else? I lost that composture in that moment… So, she has more fun with him than with me? Is hard to deal with that, and that’s why I am writing all of this.
Also, she once went to bed at 4am like two days ago… and that guy also went to bed at 4 am in the same night once i was asleep (I feel ashamed to say this but i went full stalker mode lol)
Again, she says he is just a friend… there’s no other drama nor problems with any of the other guys and i trust her about most of the guys, but not with him… I also know because she has told me that a good friend of her and her has made fun of him because apparently she knows that he wants something with her, which makes me feel relieved haha… Also, he is super dramatic, inmature, selfish, and she knows all of that, so the only thing that stops me from being like: i know you are cheating with me!
Is because part of me knows that she would never be with him, but i don’t know…
-She has always being really close about her life, she likes to divide without exception friends from boyfriend and boyfriend from friends, she hates a lot that i want to know about her conversations and i can’t blame her, i changed that tho,although i still feel the urge.
-We are not together since we had an ugly discusion about half a YEAR ago… BUT, we still say we love each other, we are still intimate in all senses, she still worries about me being jealous of her friends… and she still asks me if i was with another woman. How can i take that? We still have the plans of living together in the future.
-In summary, she has make some mistakes… mistakes she would really hate if i commited them myself which i haven’t nor i will, but she still demands a lot of me. She is quite inmature and selfish, but hey, each person chooses their poison… She also spends less time with me since we are not “together”… should i be worried? I am sorry for taking your time Sebastian, I am kinda lost I don’t even know what to say anymore. Thank you.
Hey Paul,
ask her about her relationship to this guy. Is he a friend? Is he her ex-boyfriend?
you can suggest that you meet him before. Just for five minutes to say hi. This will help you to calm down.
Hey man, a very good article that you wrote.
I must admit am a jealous boyfriend myself and thanks to this article it gave me a boost of confidence, another thing is am pretty new in relationship am like a fresh blood if you know what am saying, my girlfriend is going out to eat with another guy in a few more days and should i be jealous? Since its just the two of them and i wont be in the same city since am moving out for training for 3 months. I know that i have nothing to worry about since she told me that shes going, she even asked permission which made me feel like a total wimpy jealous cunt haha.
Just asking for some advice from someone who is experienced. Thanks mate
Hey Alex,
that’s awesome.
thanks man it rly helped me and my relationship I’m not jealous anymore and we have a really great relationship now that I’m not so worried
Hey Tim,
my honest opinion: I wouldn’t stay together with a woman who cheated with me. Of course I don’t say that you have to break up with her, that’s your decision. However, I couldn’t do it. In case you want to stay together with her she should promise to stop drinking.
Hi man thanks for this great article. I’m sure a lot of guys needed this for their relationships. I just wanted to know your opinion on my situation and it would a lot if you could respond me.
I’m kinda confused on if i’m mistrust or jealous on my girlfriend. We used to work together n we were together everyday. But we had to spent one month away each other. It was hard for both us but i think it was much more difficult for me because i was at work all the time at that time while she was enjoy her vacation n going out n stuff. I had nothing to get off my mind from missing her n i was giving her little hard time by getting jealous of her going out n stuff. After that she finally came back n i thought we would be just fine. But after one month she told me that she slept with one guy. She told me that she was totally wasted and she don’t have any memory of her sleeping with him. Only memory she has is putting her pants back on. She didn’t tell me that cos she afraid of losing me even though we said if anything happens we would tell everything to each other. When she told me i thought i could just get over cos everyone makes mistake right? But since then i’m getting jealous everytime she goes out even with her girlfriends. Now we fight almost everytime she goes out. We tried to break up couple of times but we couldnt do it. I know deep down i love her so much n she loves me the same n she wouldnt do anything to hurt me. Can you please give me some advice? Thank you for your time
Hi Sebastian,
Thanks for your reply and thoughts.
Take Care
Dave
Hey Dave,
the fact that she stopped socialising with him is a sign that you are important to her. Great. Her past will always be a part of her. I wouldn’t be concerned about that. She doesn’t want her ex-husband to know, so there’s nothing to worry about. Support her in what she does. She will appreciate it.
Hey,
Great Article. Can I get your thoughts on two issues?
1. I trust my gf but had a problem with her associating with a guy in her circle of friends that she had a history with before she met me. Since I brought up my concerns she has stopped socialising with him. I believe I my concern to be valid but was just wondering your opinion on it.
2. She has kids with her ex husband (this has never been an issue for me) who requires councelling and support services due to his former line of work. She has recently taken an interest in volunteering to help others in that line of work however not her ex husband and doesnt want him to know. Something about this scenario just makes me uncomfortable as it seems like she is trying to reconect with her past. I understand and accept that she will always have her kids in common with her ex however now taking and intest in something related to him other than the kids seems odd. Again just curious to see what your opinion on this is.
Thanks
Dave
Hey Gary,
I’m glad that my article could help you. What does it really mean when other guys try to flirt with your girlfriend? It means that you have an attractive girlfriend and that you should be proud of it. I enjoy when other guys check out my girlfriend. It makes me prou that I the one for her.
Hey
I’m not insecure about myself at all.
I’m sure my gf loves me and she would never cheat on me.
I have chill if she is talking with other guys as in normal conversation, but I know that there are few of these guys that doesn’t give a fuck that she have a boyfriend and they are trying to flirt with her.
As a guy I can easily see these 2 types, but when there is someone trying to flirt with her I get really mad inside. I’m sure nothing will continue, but anyways I have an anger. What should I do?
You probably will say- “don’t be childish, there can’t be anything, if your gf loves you”. I know and understand that, but the emotions inside me still exists.
Thank you for this blog,
Gary
Hey Corbin,
and your feedback made my day.
Idk who you are, but you are amazing. I hate that I am a jealous boyfriend and I’m amazed with what you said in this article. You hit a lot of good points and I am a lot more confident about battling my jealously. You helped someone today a lot, thank you
Hey Reed,
first you need to calm down. Just because she’s chatting with him doesn’t mean that she will leave you. Talk to your girlfriend about this issue. That’s the first step.
Hey, I really love my girlfriend. I just have this kind of feeling where I do believe she’s in love with me, but I scared the other guy will do something that will makes her likes him. I did my very best to warn her not to chat too much with lots of jokes/emoji to him (which can cause someone feel comfortable to chat with, you know what I mean) because my girlfriend just knew him for 5 days, for working purpose in a month. The thing is I scared the guy will try so hard to get her and I did advice my girlfriend for something shouldn’t she do when facing with him / chats such as giving him hopes. I’m just scared she will like him one day. I’m helpless. What should I tell her? Or what should I tell him? Or what should I do?
Thanks Robert. Great to have you back.
I have not checked in here for some time because I thought it was getting boring, but the last several posts are great quality so I guess I will add you back to my everyday bloglist. You deserve it my friend 🙂
Hey buddy,
I share everything in this article 😉
Thanks for the article! I was wondering if you had any advice on what i could do to stop being overly jealous. I personally do not mind when a guy looks at my girlfriend, but more of when they text her trying to flirt, express their feelings of deep “liking” of her, and sometimes say some very sexual things. Now we have been off and on recently and we have very recently just got back together. What i have been very jealous about are the conversations she was having with other guys while we were single. We have not “Gone public” so to say with our new part of this relationship and the guys keep hitting her up and it enrages me. She said she doesn’t want to tell them to stop bc right now were not technically dating and wants a little freedom until i prove to change and not be so jealous and overbearing. Help?
Hey Taylah,
“Do I try get him to read this article?” Yes you should. Send him the article.
I loved reading the blog, I loved reading the comments of guys saying they have come to the realization to change their mind set. What am I suppose to do if my boyfriend (well ex boyfriend- he dumped me) is stubborn too? He knew he was jealous and controlling but did not see anything wrong with it, in fact it was “all my fault” for posting snapchats, wearing makeup to a ball, wanting a belly button piercing (yes I know, pretty extreme) I really want to try make things work with him. Do I try get him to read this article?
Hey Jeremy,
glad to hear that.
Hey Sebastian,
I really do appreciate this awesome article. I want to take the necessary steps on being more secure in my emotions and thoughts. I want to change this little glitch in the system and grow old with my girl. She looks at others guys but that’s not the underlying problem. I am. Or at least my thought process is. Thanks again man. Much love.
awesome
thanks a lot.
You can certainly see your skills in the article you write.
The arena hopes for more passionate writers like you who are not afraid to say how they believe.
Always go after your heart.
Hey Matt,
I am glad to hear that.
Hey Dan,
I am glad that my article helped you and that you could overcome your issues
Hey Arash,
the best thing you can do is to have an honest conversation with her. Let her know that you are dealing with jealousy, but let her also know that you are working on it. She’ll understand.
Hey Buddy,
I am glad that you have finally understood it. I hope you treat her like she deserves and I wish you a happy future with her!
Honestly? I have been together with one of the most loyal girls i have ever met, she tells me everything and still i am always getting jealous about her past and her 2 ex boyfriend’s. She has never cheated on them and hasnt cheated on me. But i am always asking her why she liked someone’s picture a year ago or why she talked to someone. But reading this article has finally changed my vision about everything. I always thought my girlfriend was the problem but i realise i am? I’m good with girls and have no trouble finding a girlfriend but finding someone like her is impossible. She is on the edge of dumping me but i’m so glad i finally understand what is wrong with me.
Thanks a lot man! and i hope i can finally treat my girl the way she deserves to be treated.
Hey man, I really am happy that I found your blog, I’m sure you can help me with these great posts.
I suffer from being jealous in relationships, I always end up being dumped in all those relationships I had till now, it was like this untill I met a girl, we talked for a few days and we thought that we could be the one that we were looking for a long time. We started the relationship, I was so happy with her, in fact, she was treating me really great, I felt really happy around her, I never had such feelings with any other girls!
But problems started soon, cause we were away from each other, and she was the type of girl who loves to go around with friends, I was jealous when she were spending time with friends, there were even times when I would’nt let her go out.
Things got serious and there were a few times I decided to let her go, but after a few days it was her that come for me.
I really love her, what should I do to make her happy, and get her trust back again?
I’m glad I stumbled upon this article. I just entered into a relationship with the most amazing girl and she found in me everything I couldn’t see in myself, and now I already make that same mistake of worrying she will find someone “better” than me. I realize that these issues are my own, though I never felt them before my last relationship. I was cheated and drug around a lot and I learned jealousy the hard way. This article has helped me realize that the problem does not lie with the fact that a lot of guys want my girlfriend, its because I worry that there’s someone who is able to steal her away from me. I know I’m awesome. I sing and play guitar. I can fix her car and I’m funny and fun to be around. Thanks for writing this fantastic article and helping to me see a way to overcome these issues early in my relationship so that I can succeed.
Thanks man, i’m gonna read this again just as a slap to the face so I can stop being jealous bitch and give my girl the respect she deserves.
Hey Shaun,
I am glad you understand the root of the issue. During my first relationship I was very jealous, but the more I worked on myself and the more I improved, the less I had to deal with jealousy.
i have struggled with jealousy for a long time. im great single but when i start to get deeper with a girl its like my senses are on overdrive looking out for signs of ‘betrayal'( I have been cheated on twice when i was younger, i do take some responsibility for that)
Its funny as I know there are plenty of girls that want to fuck me, but there is one girl who I will be seeing soon who i am the most interested in and i feel those familiar feelings again (as she will get to know me more than just a girl who i fuck for a week. When I can’t hide my jealous tendencies then things start going downhill.
I believe i am good looking, funny, intelligent etc but i ‘know’ there is always someone better around the corner and that I find very difficult to deal with. I go from confident guy to jealous and angry.
I understand the issue lies with me and I am glad I have found this site, as most sites seem to be for women lol. Can I ask how severe your jealousy was and though I appreciate everyone’s journey is different, how long did it take for you to get past this as I am starting to get to an age where I want a real relationship but appreciate that if i don’t handle this I will keep repeating the same old patterns.
Thanks again
Hey Mili,
that’s great to hear. I am glad you are working on yourself ,-)
This is a real honest post.. Helped me a lot to think and achieve the peace.. thanks a lot dude.. i have to work on these points and make my relation better… that can’t be possible so quickly, I have to spend more time to gradually decrease my jealousy and increase the trust. I really love her and Im going to be The Deserving Man 🙂
Hey Lloyd,
I am glad to hear that!
My lady works around men at the prison
a lot it’s new too me I’m a really jealous guy I almost lost my lady cause we argued every day cause of my jealous and trust issues and you are right I’m scared to loose my lady but after I read your article It really opened my eyes thank you so much
Heybuddy,
I witnessed the same. A lot of guys who are confident approaching women can be very insecure when it comes to relationships. I think this has two reasons.
1. He is used to appraoching a lot of girls, but not used to being in a relationship.
2. He considers this girl special which puts him under more pressure to not mess it up.
Really excellent article that is as uplifting as it is helpful. I guess an interesting thing to consider is that while you might consider yourself a very confident guy, it is still possible to be insecure when it comes to relationships. Any idea why that happens? Is the air of confidence that you have in yourself just some kind of defence mechanism?
Thanks a lot buddy. Share the Global Seducer message!
Ur the best.
I’m dating a girl for the past two years..
And this article helps me to keep my relationship healthier as well as trust on her and correct myself. Hats off to u. I’ll recommend to each and every one of my friends around the globe
Hey Owen,
glad you enjoy my sick as fuck article buddy 😉
This article was so good! Really helped and made me so much more positive, sick as fuck!
Hey Bret,
I am glad that I could help you to think positive about the future!
Thank you. Today was a bad day. But after reading this I feel so much better and positive about the future. Thanks again.
you are welcome
Hey Manny,
I am glad that it helps you!
Wow honestly the best article online i read every single word i already feel like its helping thank you alot
much appreciated thx
Hey J,
I know that you can change and get better 😉
I agree ..this article is amazing..I’m already feeling better about myself and know that I can change..thanks so much bro!!
thanks a lot man!
One of the best advice I’ve seen all day, bravo.
You are welcome
Thank you
I am happy to hear that buddy!
seriously man thanks alot u opend my eyes .you changed my way of thinking ..seriously man thankyou so much