Today I am going to present you 15 incredibly valuable lessons on how to be a man in a relationship. I’ll tell you exactly what women want in a man and what kind of men women are so attracted to that they want to keep them for the rest of their life.
Even though the topic is quite complex and requires a lot of detailed knowledge about female psychology, I have to admit that coming up with the individual 15 lessons was fairly easy.
Now I could brag about how all I needed for this article was to activate the part of my brain that is filled with dozens of books about female psychology (I actually read dozens of them), but that would be a lie. I wasn’t the one who came up with the secrets that you are going to discover in the following lines.
Every single truth that you’ll discover in this article comes out of a woman’s moth.
Yes, you heard right.
Every idea, advice and tip on how to be a man in a relationship that you find in this article contains the exact words of a beautiful woman who knows exactly how she wants her man to be.
How to Be a Man in a Relationship: The Truth From a Woman
One of my most loyal readers, who, on his own admission, has transformed from a guy with no options into a man who can now choose between three beautiful girls (just by reading my articles) was kind enough to allow me to share the following advice with you.
The advice you are going to read in the following lines is the result of a deep and intimate conversation he had with a beautiful lady.
The advice is raw, authentic and unapologetically honest…just like the advice I share in my book.
I agree with every single word she says and I’ll tell you exactly why…
1. He Knows What He Wants
A guy who is relationship material is a guy who knows exactly what he wants. He knows what he wants in business, he knows what he wants in a relationship and he knows what he wants in life.
Women assume that a man who knows what he wants can lead himself and her in this direction.
One of the most popular misconceptions that guys have about leaders and men in leadership positions is that women are attracted to them because they earn approximately $2959 dollars more per month than the average office worker.
The truth is that the attraction for leaders has nothing to do with their higher salary, but with the characteristic that this position implies:
- The ability to make a decision
- The power to inspire and motivate
- The emotional strength to lead
These are all characteristics that a man who knows what he wants naturally has.
You can’t make a decision unless you know what you want. I mean, you can’t decide to take path A instead of path B when you don’t even know which path you want to go.
You only have the power to inspire women when you know in which direction you are going.
If you tell a woman that you want to move to another continent, because you want to work in a local company, learn the language for three years and then start a business there, she’ll follow you. If you tell her that you want to leave the country, but you don’t know where you want to go and what you are going to do, she’ll think twice before she packs her bags.
The number one reason why so many men are crappy leaders is because they don’t know what they want. You can’t expect a woman to follow you if you can’t even lead yourself in the right direction.
Before you think about attracting the right girl you should think about how to attract the right life and what this life actually looks like.
2. He Works on His Vision
A man that women want to be together with doesn’t just talk the talk.
He walks the walk.
Unfortunately, most men are good at speaking with words, but extremely bad at speaking with actions. One year ago I was one of them and I am sure that the smart girl who realized that a real man works on his vision, would have looked at my old self with pity.
When I think back to the days when I was beating myself up for the desire to inspire millions of men to attract, seduce and love amazing women, I remember how hard it can be to follow your vision.
The more politically incorrect your vision is, the harder it gets. The less average and mainstream your vision is, the more emotional resilience is required. It is easy to work on your vision when you want to be an accountant at a big law firm. It is hard to work on your vision if you want to travel the world, seduce women and live life on your own terms.
However, once you take the first step, you will soon realize that having a vision is far more attractive than status, money and a fake self-confidence that is based on poisonous social beliefs about brands and job titles.
The beautiful girl who was kind enough to share her opinion understands that. I hope you understand it too.
3. He Carries Himself with Confidence
If you want to learn how to be a man that women want to have a relationship with, you should do everything in your power to become more confident.
Confidence is so important and as I already explained while talking about the importance of having a vision, real confidence differs from the fake confidence that our society loves to display. Of course a certain amount of confidence is based on your experiences, your feedback from others and the way other human beings treat you. However, unless you have a certain amount of core confidence, you are like a fragile vase.
A meaningful and supportive relationship can survive the good times and the bad times, but without a strong core confidence, it is impossible to survive the bad times.
A man with a strong core confidence survives financial bankruptcy. A man who based his confidence on the status-dependent confidence that is displayed by our society might end up with a gun in his mouth.
4. He Draws the Line Between Confidence and Arrogance
There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance and finding this line can be quite challenging.
I can tell you from my own experience how challenging it can be to find this line and to walk on it, especially as an aspiring pick up artist. Nearly everything about the traditional definition of pick up is based on overcompensation. As a result, thousands of aspiring pick up artists talk themselves into believing that they are the pinnacle of mankind and that they can turn every woman into an obedient sex slave by just looking at them.
For a man who made the transition from pick up artist to seducer it is easy to detect that this “self-confidence” is nothing but arrogance that is the result of a lack of self-confidence.
Arrogance is overcompensation at its finest.
Intelligent, feminine and confident women can tell the difference within seconds.
That’s why the concept of lowering a woman’s value in order to increase your own attractiveness only works with women who see themselves as not valuable. I hope one day the pick-up community will understand that.
5. He Puts Her in Her Place When She is Wrong
Sentences such as “a real man puts her in her place when she is wrong” can only come out of a woman’s mouth when she is relentlessly honest. Most leading feminists would hate her for saying something that is so true and at the same time so politically incorrect.
Yes, nowadays it is politically incorrect to say something like that. It is socially acceptable to humiliate a man in public, but wrong to confront a woman with her disgusting behavior while she is humiliating him.
And no, I and the girl who said those wise words don’t mean “putting her in her place” in an aggressive or violent way. Not at all. I love women and I despise men who raise their hand against women.
When we talk about putting her in her place we talk about not accepting the unacceptable in a relationship:
- We talk about not accepting unnecessary drama
- We talk about not accepting avoidable conflicts
- We talk about not accepting disrespectful behavior
It’s about reminding her that she is a beautiful and feminine woman and NOT a product of negative social conditioning.
Even though the following video specifically addresses the kind of drama that black men have to deal with, it shows an excellent example of what I and the girl who was honest enough to reveal this truth mean:
6. He Thinks About the Future
What is the main difference between a relationship and a one night stand?
Nope, the sex is not automatically better, just because you are together for a long time. Some women have told me that their boyfriends of four years still don’t know the difference between their clitoris and their anus.
Nope, the love is not automatically more intense, just because you are together for a long time. I shared a bed with women who told me that our one night stand made them feel more loved than their past relationship.
The main difference between a one night stand and a relationship is the time orientation. While a one night stand is expected to last a couple of hours, a relationship is expected to last a couple of years or even a lifetime.
That’s why women don’t give a shit whether or not you think about the future when you are in them for one night. However, they do give a shit about whether or not you think about the future when they put you in the boyfriend category.
No woman wants to be in a relationship with a man who doesn’t think about the future.
You also wouldn’t take a job at a company that has no plan for the upcoming year. A man who thinks about his future gives women two thinks they crave for:
- He shows her that his future is important to him aka he wants a bright future.
- He shows her that he can imagine a future with her.
This gives her the emotional security she needs in order to follow you wherever you want to go.
7. He is an Optimistic Realist
Most women understand the law of attraction way better than men. They know that positive thinking leads to positive outcomes. They also know that you can only attract who you are. Just think about what it says about them when they attract a man who is more pessimistic than Dr. Gregory House:
- They know that this man will never achieve anything, because his negative thinking attracts more negativity.
- They know that they will never achieve anything, because his way of thinking is contagious.
- They get the feeling that they are negative grumps, because they attracted a negative man.
As the wonderful woman who shared this advice reasoned correctly, optimistic realism is what you need if you want to be the man she wants to be in a relationship with.
An optimistic realist is optimistic enough to image the life he wants and realistic enough to know that he has to take massive action to get it.
8. He Won’t Agree With Everything
A little boy who wants to please mommy agrees with everything she says. A nice guy who wants to please a woman (in a non-sexual way) agrees with everything she says. A man who knows how to be a man in a relationship won’t agree with everything she says.
Why does such a man not agree with everything she says?
Because it is impossible to do so without betraying your values!
Yes, it is impossible to ALWAYS have the same opinion as another human being. You and your girlfriend are two individuals and even though you might agree on 99 topics, there is at least one topic that you don’t agree on.
The question is:
How will you react?
You have two options:
- You can pretend to agree with her and force her to lose respect for .
- You can disagree with her and force her to respect you even more.
Unfortunately, most men choose option number one. They choose the path that makes her smile on the outside and cry on the inside.
9. He Knows Who He is and Stands His Ground
Do you know who you are?
If you do, women want you. If you do, women want to please you. If you do, women want to keep you.
What if you don’t know who you are?
The uncomfortable truth is that you can’t expect a woman to follow a man who doesn’t know who he is. If you don’t know which values you live by and which beliefs you believe in, she has no reason to follow you.
A woman is the reflection of her man and if your reflection doesn’t show her who you are, she will never become the woman you want her to be. Women want to be together with men who know who they are and not with boys who still have to figure it out.
What’s the solution?
Find out who you are. Once you know what you like, what you dislike, what you believe in and how you want to live your life, she will be more than willing to be part of it.
10. He Takes Responsibility for His Life
Do you take responsibility for your life?
No, you won’t hear the typical “are you thirty and still live with your parents?” question. Maybe you are working on a business idea and you need to save money. Maybe you lost your job and you need somewhere to stay until you are back on your feet. It’s okay to live with your parents if it’s a necessary step that brings you closer to your vision.
What’s not okay is to live with your parents because you are a lazy kid who refuses to earn his own money, who refuses to do anything productive and who refuses to grow up. Then you are in fact a man who doesn’t take responsibility for your life.
But taking responsibility for your life is far more complex than that.
It’s about being responsible for your income, for your health, for your emotional state and for your future.
No woman will judge you for living with your parents when you work on your future, but every woman will disrespect your for living with your parents if you dwell in the past.
11. He Values Honesty More than Pleasing
I already told you that a guy who knows how to be a man in a relationship says what he wants to say and that he won’t agree with every single word his girlfriend says.
It’s great if you say what you want, but it is even better to expect the same from her.
As the boyfriend she wants to have you should value honesty more than pleasing and you should definitely expect the same behavior from your girlfriend.
Do you want a girlfriend who says what she thinks or do you want to have a girlfriend who tries to please you?
While an insecure man prefers the pleasing girlfriend who smiles when she wants to kill him, a confident man respects and admires her for being honest.
I hope your girlfriend allows you to be yourself, while you allow her to be herself.
12. He Acts on His Words
I can’t even tell you how many men I have met who don’t act on their words.
I once received an email from a reader who thanked me for all the free advice I publish. In his email he promised me to approach at least ten girls the next day. This was in March 2015. In July 2015 I got another email from him in which he thanked me again for all the advice that he wants to put into practice the next day. In November 2015 I got another email form him in which he thanked me again while he listed all the excuses why he still didn’t approach any woman.
In case you are reading this I have only one message for you:
Act on your words!
Real men go after and get what they want in life. Nobody will ever respect you for not acting on your words. The only way to get respect is by doing, not by talking. You read this article up to this point. That means that you want to know how to be a man in a relationship.
Then do what you say and don’t say anything you won’t do.
Your girlfriend will respect you for your decision to move into a smaller apartment because you want to save money for a business venture. She won’t respect you if you live in that new apartment for ten months without having done anything.
13. He Knows that a Compliment Without Meaning is Meaningless
While there are a lot of self-proclaimed gurus in the seduction community who believe or at least pretend to believe that compliments don’t work, I am a big fan of compliments. Most of my interactions start with an honest and authentic compliment. Thanks to my own experience and to the emails I get from my readers, they work. However, they only work if they are honest.
You have to mean what you say and if you don’t, women will see right through you.
A false compliment is nothing but a lie and no woman wants to be lied at. That’s why it is so important to not regard compliments as pick-up lines that you should memorize.
One of the biggest reasons why guys who give compliments get rejected is their inauthentic way of giving them. If you tell a woman that she is the most beautiful girl you have ever seen while you look at her like a frozen penguin, she won’t believe you.
Women love honest compliments, especially when they come from the man they love. They hate lies that are presented as compliments, especially when they come from the man they love.
14. He Stands Next to Her and Not Behind Her
“A man who knows how to be a man in a relationship stands next to his girl, not behind her”
This woman understands something that most men will never understand. She understands that a real man doesn’t put his girlfriend on a pedestal. She understands that a real man doesn’t hide behind his girlfriend. He walks next to her, side by side.
This message is so powerful that understanding it can change your dating life forever.
What does it mean to stand next to a woman?
You both have the same value. Just because she is a beautiful woman doesn’t mean that she is worth more than you. You understand that and she respects you for it.
You stand next to her. You go through life as a couple, not as a master and a slave. You are willing to overcome the hurdles of life together. You don’t hide behind her glory. You are glorious together.
15. He Holds Her and Doesn’t Kneel in Front of Her
Yes, a relationship should be fun, but life is not always sugar and ice cream. Unless you lock yourself in the basement for the rest of your life, you will face some adversities. The beauty of a relationship is that you have someone who supports you when those adversities hit you.
That’s exactly what she expects from the man of her dreams. She expects that he is there for her when life gives her a big slap in the fact. As her boyfriend she expects you to hold her hand when you lead her.
It is your job to make her feel safe and secure, to hold her and to whisper “I will never let you down” in her ear. As romantic as that sounds, it is also your job to not lose yourself while you are supporting her.
There are already enough men who give up their life for a woman, just to realize that this eventually motivated her to give up on them. She wants you to hold her, but she doesn’t want you to kneel in front of her. She wants you to be there for her. She doesn’t want you to be for her.
All she wants is that you hold her while you allow her to be a part of your life, not the center of it.
Summed Up Wisdom
Learning how to be a man in a relationship doesn’t have to be difficult, especially when you get relentlessly honest advice from a woman. Women know exactly what characteristics their future boyfriend has to have.
He has to know what he wants and he has to work on his vision. While he carries himself with confidence, he never confuses confidence with arrogance. Raising his hand against his girl is unthinkable, but that doesn’t mean that he accepts her drama and that he agrees with everything she says.
He is a man who thinks about his future and who takes responsibility for his life. He is an optimistic realist who knows who he is and what he stands for. He values her honesty and he also expects her to be honest. He acts on his words and he avoids meaningless words. He loves her enough to hold her hand and he loves himself enough to not kneel in front of her.
Sebastian Harris says
Thanks a lot, Cory!
This is a damn Good article my man. Thank you so much.
Sebastian Harris says
You have to decide this for yourself.
Made a lot of mistakes already I think is a product of my brought up Tho learning in the process now what do I do with my current relationship since I already messed it up should I end it or can it be saved
Sebastian Harris says
you are welcome!
Bledi Berisha says
I enjoyed reading this article. I did some of this key points in the opposite side, now I think that I could do them in the right way. Thanks a lot for sharing this with us, it helped us a lot!
Sebastian Harris says
Yup, after reading my article 😉
sheila may alerta says
just be of who you are… i guesss….
sheila may alerta says
do really man do some kind of things on this present times???
Sebastian Harris says
Do the things I reveal in this article that you should do 😉
I have done most of the things you said not to do ….. How do i get back to being a real man
Sebastian Harris says
Interesting read right there. And I agree with every point listed. I enjoyed every bit of it thanks
Sebastian Harris says
I believe that both sexes should respect each other. That’s the basis for a healthy relationship.
“Men either sink or swim, Women pretty much float if that makes sense, Men either rise to the top or sink to the bottom, meanwhile women sort of exist happily in the middle”
got that from Charles Sledge, very valid point, he also said “A man doesn’t need to respect a woman to feel attraction to her while a woman needs to respect a man to feel attraction for him.”
You agree with him?
Sebastian Harris says
You are welcome my friend
Thank you so much for your help Sébastian