Today I want to talk about 10 reasons not to get married. To be even more precise, I want to talk about signs of your girlfriend that should rather motivate you to run as fast as you than having the glorious idea to put a ring on her finger.
But before I am going to save your life, your money and your dignity by showing you exactly when you should tell your girlfriend “honey, marrying you would be the biggest mistake of my life”, I want to show you the advice-seeking words that inspired me to write this article.
Yesterday I received and email from a young guy who is only two years older than me. After I gave him a long and detailed answer that helped him to reactivate his brain cells, he actually encouraged me to use him as an example.
Without further introduction I want to show you the email he sent me (the names are changed):
First I want to say that I am a huge fan of your articles and of your humor, even if it’s sometimes bittersweet. I know that you are very busy man, but I would appreciate if you would give me your honest opinion on the following:
I and my girlfriend Emily are together for almost two years. We are living in California. I am 27, she is 31 and all in all our relationship is quite good. We have a lot of similar interests and do a lot of things together. The only annoying thing is that she always wants to party, party, party. It’s sometimes a bit exhausting. About a year ago we had a lot of fights. She took antidepressants and was really unhappy, but thank god this changed. Now she just takes them from time to time.
Anyway, during the last weeks and months she puts a lot of pressure on. She wants to get married, better today than tomorrow. A few days ago I accidently said that we can get married if she wants and now she expect me to buy her a ring, but I don’t know if it’s the right choice.
It would be great if you could give me a bit of advice.
Even though I read the whole email, I could have stopped at “all in all our relationship is quite good”.
That said it all.
I not only gave this disillusioned fella a bit of advice, I wrote him a whole novel in which I made one thing clear:
“Don’t do it!”
Jason, in case you still decide to do it there is only one thing I can do:
I am Not Against Marriage, BUT….
Don’t get me wrong. I am not against marriage, but this guy listed more red flags than a torero could possibly use throughout his entire career.
Yes, there are women who want to marry because they are in love with you.
There are women who see marrying the man of their dreams as the biggest gift on earth. There are women who still have traditional family values and who regard pleasing their husbands and raising children as the key to a fulfilled life.
However, those girls are extremely rare, at least when you are searching in the USA, in Germany, in the UK or in any other country that has been infected by the feministic, individualistic and materialistic virus that we call culture.
If you have found a beautiful, young, traditional, loyal girl with strong family values and a big heart I am the last one who tells you that you shouldn’t marry her. If you, however, are together with a woman who shows the same red flags as Jason’s wifey (hopefully not) for lifey, you should think twice before you make the biggest mistake of your life.
The uncomfortable truth that women don’t admit and many men don’t want to hear is that the majority of women know exactly WHY they decide to ask their loving and sometimes dumb enough boyfriends to put a ring on their finger.
Why She REALLY Wants to Marry You
I am not a misogynist, I respect and love women and I enjoy spending time with them. Due to the fact that I spend the majority of my time around women, I know that they are anything but stupid. You might not want to hear that, but women who are in love tend to think a lot more rational than men who are in love.
There is nothing as naive and gullible as a man who is in love.
Women know that and a lot of them make use of the fact that they can do, say and demand whatever they want as long as their boyfriend wears those beautiful rose-colored glasses. Please take off your rose-colored glasses for one moment and think about the following question:
Why do you think she wants to marry you?
If you are really honest to yourself you can think of at least one logical reason that has nothing to do with her unconditional love.
She Wants to Fulfill Her Romantic Fairytale
There is actually one reason why women want to get married that is closely related to love. At least it is closely related to an ideal image of love, which is the result of too many Disney movies.
In the real world you could describe this image as a completely unrealistic expectation.
One reason why women want to get married is to fulfill their romantic fairytale, which is definitely a reason not to get married. I mean, you can try to fulfill her unrealistically high expectations of the prince with the white horse, the knight in shining armor and the caring husband who tells her every morning how beautiful she is, even though she gains more than two kilos every week.
You can do that, but don’t say I didn’t warn you if you plunge yourself into emotional and financial ruin. Yes, financial ruin is a bittersweet by-product of a girl who wants to live her fairytale by having a fairytale wedding. The average wedding in the USA costs more than $26.000.
In case you would decide to allow some other naïve idiot to fulfill her fairytale dream, you could take the $26.000, travel the world for two years, sleep with countless beautiful women and end up finding a girl who is marriage material and who is grown-up enough to not need a $26.000 wedding. It’s just a suggestion.
She Knows that Marriage Means Power
Marriage is power. I am sorry, but I can’t say it in any other way. I am sure that your girlfriend is a respectable and lovable human being, but if she urges you to get married, it might be because she wants to feel an exclusive security that our messed up society provides her with.
50 years ago this security meant a loyal husband who provided for her and a comfortable life. Today the security that women can expect from getting married exceeds your wildest dreams. And believe me when I say that she knows more about the benefits and the power…um the security that marriage brings along.
I know that I will get a few hate comments for what I have to say now, but countless brutally honest conversations with Western women showed me that I am right.
The truth is that women know that once they are married they have the power to do whatever they want.
They can stop sleeping with you, they can stop taking care of their looks and they can stop to be the loving and charming girl that they used to be. Hell, they can even cheat on you, get a divorce and still get the kids and a huge amount of your hard-earned money.
Of course not all women are like that, but ignoring the fact that some women see their wedding day as their ultimate pay day can be a deadly mistake. I am a lover of women, but I can’t allow that the love for women leads to naive ignorance of the obvious.
As a man in a Western country you have to understand that the contract works against you.
She Wants to Get Her Piece of the Cake
We already got quite controversial, but now it’s time to shift up one gear.
I am actually not a big fan of this whole sexual value theory that says that women lose all their sexual value once they hit 30, while men increase their sexual value when they are over 30.
That’s not true at all. If a woman eats healthy, hits the gym and looks after herself she is definitely way more attractive at 30, than a man who eats junk food, gets fat and hasn’t been in the gym since the invention of the bench press.
Saying that men get more and more attractive when they get older, while women get less attractive is extremely narrow-minded and only true under certain conditions.
You simply can’t deny a few simple facts that encourage women to marry at the age of 30. Guess what? They have nothing to do with love.
You can be the most confident feminist or white knight in history, but you can’t deny that a lot of women tend to get nervous when they reach the threshold of 30. They know that this is (from a biological perspective) the last chance to have children. They know that a healthy and successful 30 year old man could easily date women 5 to 10 years younger and they also know that their body ages rapidly once they reach a certain age.
I mean, there is even a woman who claims that women lose the dating game, especially when they want to find a man at the same age who matches them in terms of success and education. If you are such a guy you don’t have to wonder why your girlfriend urges you to get married.
She knows that she can’t get anyone better than you. She also knows that, ten years from now, you could easily get a woman who is a lot younger and more attractive to you. Isn’t love beautiful?
10 Reasons Not to Get Married aka 10 Signs She is Not Marriage Material
Now that you have hopefully realized that there are in fact reasons why your girlfriend wants you to put a ring on her finger that have nothing to do with love, it is time to look at some dangerous red flags.
Instead of just listing general reasons not to get married that every man with half a brain cell knows (e.g. don’t do it because your parents want it), I decided to give you a practical guide on how to spot a woman who won’t be a good wife.
The following signs and reasons not to get married provide you with enough clarity to make a wise decision. If you ignore them, you might end up like this guy.
1. She Has Been Raised in a Western Culture
The Western women, the media and especially the German minister of family affairs will hate me for what I am about to say.
As a man who has both experience in dating Western women and women from more traditional cultures you will understand me. As a man who has only dated Western women, I can hopefully inspire you to explore and feel the green grass on the other side, before you decide to marry some 30 year old dragon.
If the girl you should/want to marry has been raised in a Western culture you should not get married. Period.
It’s not even the fault of the women that I see myself forced to say this. Just have a look at the values that our society rams into the brain of young women and you’ll understand my warning.
- Individualism is worth more than family structure and a supportive relationship. Be as individual as possible and don’t allow a man to change you!
- Party, work and get wasted till you are 35. Then you can look for the handsome, successful Mr. Right (or Big) who does everything for you, even if you are on antidepressants and addicted to alcohol. Live the Sex and the City dream baby!
- A stressful management position that eventually leads to a burn out and a mental breakdown is the road to female fulfillment. Having a family is just a burden.
- A woman who stays at home and takes care of her kids misses out on the opportunity to live the life of her dreams (aka number 3).
2. She Loves Sex and the City and Desperate Housewives
When I told my girlfriend about Sex and the City and Desperate Housewives she just looked at me and said “are these the crazy American shows for lonely middle-aged women who can’t find a man?”
That’s why I love her so much.
Unfortunately, the ratings figures of those and other crappy shows that convey the same message are so high that both young and old women watch it. Okay, but why should watching those shows be one of the reasons not to get married?
Well, if your girlfriend loves shows in which the single lifestyle of middle-aged women is pictured as glamorous, exciting and fulfilling while being married is pictured as frustrating and miserable, it’s not hard to imagine how she REALLY thinks about getting married.
A woman who watches those shows because she fantasizes about the lifestyle and who additionally gets conditioned to believe that bollocks has the potential to be a very desperate wife.
3. She Says Thinks about Divorce Before the Marriage
Did your girlfriend ever mention the topic divorce? Has she ever thought about what could happen if you two get married and it wouldn’t work out? Has she ever told you what she would do if a divorce would be inevitable?
“When we would get divorced, I would…”
In case this or a similar gibberish sounds familiar to you, you should not get married. Being together with a woman who even thinks about getting a divorce is an obvious reason not to get married.
A girl who really wants to be your wife and who is 100% sure to spend the rest of her life with you doesn’t even think about divorce!
Isn’t this a bit extreme?
Maybe, but it will save you from a lot of stress when “I would” turns into “I can” or “I will”.
4. She is a Cheater
Let me ask you a very simple question. You can either choose A or B as an answer. I don’t want to ruin the quiz for you, but if you choose A you end up in a happy marriage. If you choose B, you’ll eventually find your wife lying naked in your marriage bed while the sperm of another man is dripping down her lips.
Here is the question:
Who do you think is more likely to cheat?
A: a woman who has never cheated on anyone.
B: a woman who has done it before.
The answer shouldn’t be that hard. Nevertheless, I met quite a few guys who even think about marrying a girl who swallowed the sperm of another man after they were already together for two years.
Again, it’s time for another facepalm…
Yes, she might regret it and maybe she cheated on her ex-boyfriend and not on you, but that doesn’t change anything about the fact that cheating is one of the reasons not to get married. If she did it once, the inhibition level to do it again is damn low.
5. She Urges You to Get Married
I already told you that it is no coincidence that a lot of women want to get married when they reach the age of 30.
At this age their biological clock is screaming at them:
“Now you partied enough. It’s time to settle down with your prince charming. You know that you are not as beautiful with 35 as you were with 25, you know it! Why don’t you act? Act goddammit! The clock is ticking! You are running out of time!”
Let’s have a look at the result of this inner monologue:
“Honey, we should get married!”
“Why don’t you want me to marry? What are you afraid of?”
“Even Beyoncé says if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it…when do you marry me?!”
Gentlemen, don’t allow a woman to push you into marriage. Just because she urges you to get married doesn’t mean that you should do it, especially when you don’t really want it. An urging girlfriend is definitely one of the reasons not to get married.
6. She is a Lot Older than You
In case you are in love with a woman who is much older than you I have the deepest respect for you. Dating older women can be exciting and extremely educational and I am pretty sure that she is an amazing human being.
Nevertheless, I have to warn you.
If you are an inexperienced 20 year old guy who meets a sexually experienced 35 year old woman who fucks your brain out, you probably want to spend the rest of your life with her and inside of her.
But before you think about marrying this woman, because you are so in love with her, think ten years down the line. When you reach the age of 35 you might want to start a family, have children and explore the world with your partner.
When you reach this age she is already 50 and way too old to have children without risking a 50/50 chance that they all have Down’s syndrome. When you then think about traveling the world when the kids are in college, she is already 70 and probably too weak to walk without a wheeled walker.
I don’t want to offend you or any older woman. I just want you to be realistic about it.
7. She is an Ex Party Girl
Another reason not to get married is when the girl who expects the ring is an ex party girl. Why is this one of the reasons not to get married?
Because there is no such thing as an ex party girl.
If she has been a party girl in the past, she is still one today. Maybe she has stopped hitting the clubs, but the personality characteristics that led her on the party girl road are still inside of her. The desire to get wild and unpredictable and the urge to get male attention (a lot of male attention) are still inside of her.
I don’t know about you, but marrying such a girl is a risk that I wouldn’t take.
8. She is Materialistic
What does your girlfriend value the most?
In case she values your honesty, your sense of humor and your caring nature, marriage is not the worst idea. In case she values her new Prada handbag, your car and your credit card, you should think twice before you put a ring on her finger.
The number one mistake that a financially successful man can possibly make is to marry a materialistic woman.
Seriously, you don’t have to wonder when she eventually files for divorce. Of course she wants a divorce when all she has to do to get a huge part of your money is to walk into the office of a divorce lawyer and to cry one or two crocodile tears.
Find out if she is materialistic BEFORE you agree to marry her. A good test is to tell her that you’ve decided to buy a Porsche. If she says “Honey, that’s awesome! I always wanted to sit in such a car”, you should make sure that she never sits in yours.
9. She Gets Physical
Would you believe me when I tell you that I have a friend whose girlfriend threw him against the wall during an argument? I’ve seen it with my own eyes.
Would you believe me when I tell you that this freaking idiot married the girl who threw him against the wall? I’ve seen the wedding pictures.
When I told my girlfriend about it she just looked at me with the most shocked face a human being can possibly make.
If my girlfriend would ever get physical, no matter if she would hit me or push me, I would end the relationship immediately. This is not only one of the reasons not to get married. This is a reason to never talk to this person again.
If you decide to marry a woman who ever got physical, you lost the right to call yourself a man.
10. She is on Antidepressants
Did you know that one in four women between 40 and 50 are on antidepressants?
I am sure that she will be a great mother during the few minutes she doesn’t cry. I am also sure that you will have a happy and fulfilling relationship with a woman who would kill herself without her medication.
In case you don’t get my sarcasm you might get this:
If a young and beautiful woman takes antidepressants when she is in her twenties, she will take a lot more when she is in her forties!
Sorry, but if you are dumb enough to marry a girl who isn’t able to deal with life without pharmaceutical drugs, not even god can help you. Enjoy the crying, the whining and the pathetic begging when you finally decide to break out of the prison you built for yourself.
Summed Up Wisdom
I am not against marriage, but if you haven’t found a girl who is marriage material you should think twice before you put a ring on her finger. If your partner has been raised in a Western country she knows that marriage means power and that it is the smartest thing she can do when she turns 30. Oh, and prepare yourself for a ridiculously expensive wedding.
If she sees the main characters in Sex and the City as role models and if she has spent the majority of her life in a Western country, asking her for her hand is definitely a mistake. A girl who wants to live a fulfilled life as a wife doesn’t cheat, doesn’t think about a divorce and doesn’t need antidepressants to not fall from the alter.
If she is a materialistic ex party girl who tends to get physical during arguments, you shouldn’t allow her to urge you to get married. Those are all reasons not to get married. And think twice before you marry a woman who is much older than you. Eventually reality will catch up to you.