Do you have all the qualities of a good boyfriend?
I get a lot of emails from guys who are asking me how they can get a certain girl in their class, at the work or at their local grocery store to hook up with them. I mean, nearly everyone has at least one or two girls in mind that we would love to end up dating.
While some of the men who ask me for advice want to have crazy sexual experiences with as many girls as possible, others ask me for help because they are genuinely interested in getting a girlfriend. As I already said in another article, it is not uncommon that someone stumbles upon my blog and reads my book Rise of the Phoenix, because he wants to sleep with as many women as possible, just to end up in a situation in which he wants to use his knowledge and skills to get this one special girl.
If this is what you truly want I would say “more power to you”. I already wrote quite a few articles about relationship dynamics and the process of getting and keeping a girlfriend. I wrote about the fact that wanting a girlfriend is a noble goal and I also gave you a step by step guide on how to get a girlfriend. Heck, I even gave you a detailed list about all the signs you should look out for if you consider dating a certain girl in an exclusive way.
I already gave you a lot of information about how you can find out if she deserves to call you her boyfriend and today I want to take this topic to the next level. Today I want you to think in her shoes. I want you to think about all the qualities that you should have if you want to be a truly awesome boyfriend.
Why do I want you to do that?
Knowing everything about the signs that she is girlfriend material helps you to choose the right girl and knowing how to get a girlfriend obviously helps you to motivate this particular girl to end up in a relationship with you, but that’s only the beginning.
Whereas movies end with the kiss and the three romantic words, real life just starts at this point…and is often a bit different:
You might be able to attract an educated, feminine and beautiful model into your life, but just because you are together for two weeks doesn’t mean that she will still be together with you after two years.
If you want to keep her you have to be able to make her truly happy. The best way to learn this is by thinking about all the qualities of a good boyfriend that she has in mind and to eventually become this man.
Unfortunately, you have been sold an idea of the ideal boyfriend that is politically correct, but also a big fat lie…
Why You Might Not Be a Good Boyfriend (Even though They Say You Are)
It is not a secret that I always do a proper research about a topic before I start writing. The main reason why I do this is because I don’t want to present you ruminated content that I just could have linked to. Of course there are always some similarities to other article (I simply can’t reinvent the wheel every single day), but I am usually fortunate enough to have a very different opinion on things than most mainstream media outlets that are controlled by big corporations.
This time my different opinion led to a rage that was triggered by too many sites and articles that gave a lot of harmful advice. I don’t want to list all the crap now, but one of the most harmful advices that I have read over and over again was that you should show your love with presents, especially on special occasions such as Valentine’s Day.
Of course they (the media and corporations) want to convince you that showing your affection through presents is a good idea. Spreading harmful advice like that allows them to earn about 19 billion dollars every year on one single corporate festival that we call Valentine’s Day.
You have been conditioned to please women and to say what they supposedly want to hear.
Hell, a lot of mainstream publications even try to convince you that giving up the leadership is totally okay, because she is such a strong and independent woman. Of course they don’t tell you that this behavior forces her to jump in bed with another dude who is smart enough to not believe them.
16 Qualities of a Good Boyfriend: The Politically Incorrect Version
If you want to attract gold diggers and girls who care about your purse and not your heart, you can follow the mainstream advice.
If you, however, want to attract and especially keep supportive, loving and caring down-to-earth girls, you should skip the mainstream advice and have a look at the politically incorrect way to be the perfect boyfriend.
Forget about political correctness, forget about gender mainstreaming and dive right into what you really have to do to keep her in your life.
1. You Lead. Period.
You are the man, you are the leader. It is really that simple.
Now I can already hear angry hordes of feminist screaming at me with red heads and bursting lungs. Ladies, I am not against equality. I honestly believe that men and women should get paid the same wages and that they should have the same educational and professional opportunities. I am also absolutely okay with the fact that some women want to pursue leadership positions.
However, that whole “we are all the same” bullshit has to end at the bedroom door.
The misbelief that women want to lead in relationships and that they are supposed to be the ones who wear the pants has already misled too many men, destroyed too many relationships and made too many women chemically dependent on antidepressants.
The politically incorrect but very liberating truth is that a relationship can only be happy if there is a balance between the male and female energy. There is a reason why the vast majority of women fantasizes about being submissive (which is NOT a bad thing), while the majority of men fantasize about being dominant.
Nope, it has nothing to do with the wrong upbringing. Even if some gender activists will continue to deny it, it has to do with the fact that men and women are not the same.
Women and men want different things in relationships and guess what…that’s totally fine.
I have never seen a happy couple in which the woman led her boyfriend by the hand (you see a lot of those depressed couples in Germany).
I have never been together with a woman who was unhappy about the fact that I took over the leadership. In fact, they all expected and demanded it.
If you want to have an amazing relationship you should believe in equality, but you should forget about sameness.
2. You Don’t Judge Her for Her Sexual Desires
Surprise, surprise, women have sexual fantasies, dirty minds and very naughty thoughts.
It shouldn’t surprise you but the shocking truth is that there are still a lot of guys who believe in the good girl/bad girl myth. Believe me – EVERY woman has both sides inside of her. Every innocent looking girl you see has crazy sexual fantasies and every party girl you meet in a club has days on which she just wants to cuddle and feel loved.
Your job as a good boyfriend is to accept and to respect both of her sides.
If you are judging her for being the sexual being she wants to be, while you criticize her for not going down on you, you are the definition of a hypocrite. If you, however, respect her sexual and naughty side and encourage her to embrace it, you won’t ever complain about your sex life again.
3. You Give Your Girlfriend Mind-Blowing Orgasms
Do you want to know what’s even better than flowers, expensive presents and soppy poems?
The one thing that makes every woman happy is a good, intense and earth-shaking orgasm.
I don’t want to sound like a macho. All I want is to tell you a truth that is actually backed up by science. I am sorry to say this, but if you are a really bad lover and you always come after 20 seconds, you don’t have the lovemaking qualities of a good boyfriend.
Everyone who says that sex is not so important in a relationship is already living in a relationship that is so miserable and so unhappy that having a five minute session once a month is seen as completely normal.
Sex is an essential aspect of your relationship and if this aspect suffers, your whole relationship suffers.
Make sure that you learn how to make a girl horny, how to undress her and how to be a good lover. Giving her mind-blowing orgasms releases a lot of oxytocin that makes her want to stay with you forever.
4. You Don’t Lie About the Type of Relationship You are In
One of the qualities of a good boyfriend that I used to ignore is honesty. Honesty is especially important when you are about to enter a relationship and you are still not sure what it’s going to be.
In case you are a bit confused now, the following questions will help you to understand what I mean:
Am I ready to settle down?
Is she really the right girl for me?
Do I want to have an open relationship or an exclusive one?
Could I be monogamous if I would agree upon an exclusive relationship?
Those were all questions that I used to ignore when I first started out approaching and dating girls. I was so focused on getting that number and getting laid, that I completely ignored the feelings of the women I ended up in bed with. Some girls thought they were just seconds away from moving in with me, while I was already planning my next date.
In case one of my past lovers will ever read this article I want to deeply apologize.
I won’t tell you whether you should end up in a monogamous relationship, an open relationship or no relationship at all.
You are the only person who can make this decision. All I want is that you find an answer to those questions BEFORE you become her boyfriend and that you are honest to the women you seduce.
5. You Have the Emotional Strength that She Hasn’t
Women are emotionally sensitive. I mean, very sensitive. Sometimes when a woman is crying she doesn’t even know why she is crying. While the emotions of a man are comparable to a balanced wave that only transforms into a typhoon when he gets hit really hard, a woman’s emotions are like a rollercoaster.
Up and down and up and down. Even if you stay away from the emotionally sick girls, which you definitely should, the average woman has to battle more with her emotions than the average man.
I don’t say that women are more emotional than men, but they experience their emotions more intense.
Your job as her boyfriend is to handle this intensity and to bring her down to earth when she is flying above the clouds. It is totally okay to cry as a man, but when your girlfriend’s world collapses because of some triviality that you don’t even understand, she expects you to offer a shoulder she can lean on.
6. You Have a Vision and You are on a Mission
If you want to become the boyfriend of her wet dreams you better have a vision and you better be on the mission to achieve your vision.
One quality that every good boyfriend should have is the determination to achieve something great. Living for something that is bigger than yourself is incredibly attractive.
No matter what it is you want to achieve, women will be happy following you along the path.
When I started this blog I was terrified that any of the girls I was dating would find out. What I didn’t know was that I was afraid for no reason. Some girls were a bit irritated when I told them, but when I then shared my vision with them, they were all over me.
7. You Are Her Lover and NOT Her Friend
While I agree that you won the jackpot if you have found a partner who is also your best friend, I want to warn you from behaving as if you were just her friend.
I already told you that the sexual component is extremely important. Unfortunately, for some couples this sexual component is only restricted to the bedroom. I mean, if you treat your girlfriend like your good friend for 24 hours and 45 minutes a day, you can’t expect a passionate relationship. The 15 minutes you are active in the bedroom are not enough sexual time to maintain a healthy relationship.
The sexual energy has to be in the room 24/7.
The sexual chemistry between you and her should be a constant companion during the day. I don’t say that you have to fuck like rabbits from noon till midnight, but if you treat her like a friend all day long, she will soon see you as her friend and not as her boyfriend.
A little kiss here and there, a gentle touch, intense eye contact and sexual innuendos throughout the day ensure a happy relationship.
8. You Actually Give a Fuck About Her
What’s one of the qualities of a good boyfriend that some guys pretend to have while they actually don’t have it?
No, I am not talking about cheating. I am talking about whether or not you actually care about her.
In case you are currently in a relationship with a woman, you should ask yourself the following question:
“Do I actually give a fuck about her?”
I don’t want to stab my own gender in the back, but I can’t deny the fact that some men are only together with their girlfriends because they are too lazy to find another girl who is nice enough to spread her legs for them.
Unless you care about her opinion, about her feelings and about her dreams, she is not the girl you should be dating.
She deserves a man who cares about her and you deserve a girl you care about.
9. You Don’t Pay for Her Unless You Want to
What’s the difference between a woman who dates you for money and a hooker?
The price is the same, but the prostitute is at least honest.
By now you should know that I am not a big fan of spending money on girls. There are a couple of reasons why I see it this way, but the main reason is that I don’t want to buy fake affection, love and attraction.
One of the qualities of a good boyfriend that you won’t read about in any mainstream magazine is the ability to say “no” when she wants some free stuff.
If she is not okay to split the bill with you, you know that she’s only dating you because of your financial generosity.
Unless you don’t want to pay for her, you shouldn’t do it. Giving her no financial support whatsoever is actually the fastest way to find out if she really loves you.
10. You Listen to Her Emotions and Her Words
One of the qualities of a good boyfriend that are completely underestimated is the ability to listen. I know, I know, the advice that you should just listen sounds boring and obvious at the same time. However, it is also widely misunderstood.
Listening to what she says is important, even though the world doesn’t end when you don’t remember every detail of her workday. What’s way more important than listening to her words, is listening to her emotions.
As the good boyfriend you are, you should know when your girlfriend is sad, happy, pissed and horny.
This gives her the feeling that you understand her, that you care about her and it will motivate her to stay with you until the end of days.
11. You Allow Her to be a Part of Your Life (Not to Be Your Life)
Let me introduce two guys to you. Jerry and Henry both want to end up in a relationship with Amanda. The only thing that we don’t know yet is who is going to get her.
Henry spends a lot of time working on his vision. He is hungry for success and he has the determination to achieve his goal. Therefore, he needs a lot of time for himself. He tells Amanda to respect this. At the same time he promises her to spend romantic evenings with her whenever he has some leisure time.
Jerry also wants to win Amanda’s heart. He also used to work hard on his business. He was hungry to succeed and determined to achieve great things. As soon as Amanda stepped into his life, he only has eyes for her. He neglects his work in order to spend every second with her, because he thinks that this is what she truly wants.
Guess which one of the guys will keep her?
One quality of a good boyfriend is to allow the girl he is with to be a part of his life. One quality that will eventually break you neck is to make her your life.
12. You Love Her Unconditionally, Even Without Makeup
If you only love your girlfriend when she stands in front of you in a sexy dress, with a lot of makeup and a happy smile, I am deeply sorry for you. One of the qualities of a good boyfriend is to love your girlfriend, even when she has a bad day.
Especially guys who have never been in a relationship and who know the relationship blues only from their fantasies are good at mentally beautifying every aspect of it. They assume that a woman always looks as perfect as the models you see in advertisements.
Thanks to the movie and porn industry a lot of guys have completely messed up expectations when it comes to the physical beauty of a woman.
Whenever one of those naive fellas tries to convince me that some women are just perfect, I tell him about the day I bought toilet paper for a professional model who was destroying my toilet with the worst diarrhea you can possibly imagine.
One quality of a good boyfriend is to love your girlfriend unconditionally. Love her when she doesn’t wear makeup, when she doesn’t squeeze herself in a short dress and love her when she poops.
Love doesn’t always smell like roses.
13. You Tell Her that You Love Her (but Only if You Mean It)
As the good boyfriend you are, you are not too shy to verbalize your feelings. I know that a lot of self-proclaimed alphas tell you that you are a weak pussy if you let your emotions flow and if you say what you want to say. Ignore them. These are the same guys who cry in the arms of their girlfriend when their steroid supply runs out.
Talking about your emotions is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. Whenever I tell my girlfriend that I love her, she smiles and giggles like a little child.
I feel good when I do this, not weak.
The only two times you shouldn’t tell your girlfriend that you love her are when…
- You are not in love with her and you only want to say it because you hope that this will motivate her to take her clothes off.
- You know her for about ten minutes and you are convinced that she is the love of your life because she was nice enough to not reject you.
14. You Allow Her to Change without Pushing Her
When it comes to the attempt to change your partner, I actually agree with what a lot of other dating experts say…at least kind of. I agree with the fact that trying to change your girlfriend does definitely not belong to the qualities of a good boyfriend, at least when it is done in a compulsory way.
However, I don’t see changing your partner as something bad in general. If you want her to change, you just have to communicate the reasons why you want her to change. If she then agrees that change would be beneficial to her own personal development and the relationship, it’s the best that can happen.
As a good boyfriend you allow her to change without pushing her. You lead her towards a positive change and introduce it to her.
Here’s an example:
You introduce her to the idea to overthink her spending habits and let her know that a potential change would have a positive impact on her financial situation and on the happiness of your relationship. She will think about it and if you are important to her, she will change.
15. You Live the Values that You Want Her to Live By
Do you want your girlfriend to be honest? Then be honest to her.
Do you want her to be respectful? Then respect her.
You are the man, you are the leader and therefore it is your job to live the values that you want her to live by.
A woman is always the reflection of the man she is with and the ability to show a positive reflection belongs to the essential qualities of a good boyfriend.
If you want your girlfriend to believe in the same values you believe in, you have to show her those values in action. She will learn from you and integrate your values in her own life.
16. You Let Her Go if it’s Better for You and Her
The last quality of a good boyfriend that I want to address is the ability to let go.
When I think about all the suffering that people undergo in toxic relationships and about all the time that I, others and maybe even you have wasted in unfulfilling relationships, I can’t deny that the ability to let go is absolutely essential.
In case your girlfriend is the love of your life and you are willing to integrate all the above mentioned qualities into your life in order to become the boyfriend of her dreams, I am happy for you.
If you, however, came to the conclusion that you are not willing to do the things that I talked about in this article, it might be better for you to let her go.
Summed Up Wisdom
Let’s have a look at the real qualities of a good boyfriend that have nothing to do with buying flowers and expensive gifts. As a perfect boyfriend you are a strong leader who doesn’t judge her for the fact that she loves sex and who gives her mind-blowing orgasms whenever and wherever you can.
You have the emotional strength to be there for her and you never lie about the relationship you are in. You are a visionary and her lover, not her friend. As Her boyfriend you care about her, you listen to her and you know that your love is more important than your money.
Your love is unconditional and you are not scared of telling her how you feel. You inspire her to change, but you never force her to. You live the values that you want her to live by and in case you are just not meant for each other, you let her go.