“I need a girlfriend and I need her now!”
When was the last time that this thought wandered through your head?
When was the last time when you looked at yourself in the mirror and thought that the life that you are currently living is not worth living without a woman who completes you?
I know from my own experience how much it hurts to not have the success with women that you want to have. When I think back to my life before I overcame my fears and before I learned how to seduce women, I see an insecure guy sitting alone in his empty apartment.
My weekends consisted of watching movies, wasting my time with internet pornography and every now and then I met a friend for a beer. That was basically it. I had no women in my life and besides feeling like a complete looser because of the situation I was in, some of my “friends” back then made fun of me for not having any contact to women.
Are you in the same situation? Maybe you don’t spend all your weekends alone in misery and maybe you are not surrounded by false friends who are a major reason why you don’t have the courage to approach your possible future girlfriend.
No matter how fulfilling or unfulfilling your life is…I know that there is something missing.
There is a voice in the back of your head that screams at you whenever you are alone, whenever you see romantic scenes in movies and whenever you see happy couples.
Something inside you screams at you that all you need in life right now is a girlfriend who takes care of you and your dick.
“I need a girlfriend!”
All I can say is:
“Are you sure?”
Are you 100% sure that this is really what you need? Do yourself a favor and throw your rose-colored glasses in the garbage and open your eyes to the real world.
I Need a Girlfriend: Why Do You Want Her?
I want to ask you an honest question.
Why do you really think that you need a girlfriend in your life?
If you hope that a girlfriend will finally bring some fulfillment and happiness in your life, you will never be able to attract an emotionally healthy girl who wants to be your girlfriend.
As long as you are not happy on your own, you won’t be happy with someone else.
Besides adding a bit more happiness and fulfillment to your life, a lot of men have certain goals when they think that they need a girlfriend.
Unfortunately, some of those goals are anything but helpful to establish an honest relationship that is based on trust and love. If you are looking for a relationship with the wrong reasons in mind, you will either stay single, or you will end up in a toxic relationship that will become your personal hell.
Look How Great I Am
A very common motivation for guys to end up in a relationship is the desire to impress their friends. A couple of years ago I was constantly faced with jokes and laughter, because I was one of the only guys in my social circle who had absolutely no sexual experience women, besides kissing one ugly girl who was so drunk that she couldn’t even walk anymore.
I know how much it can hurt to hear the same jokes over and over again and to see all the couples in your social circle who at least pretend to be happy. It is completely natural that you develop the desire to finally prove to your friends that you have what it takes to attract a beautiful and sexy girl into your life.
You want to show them how great you are and you want to be the one who laughs last. All you want is to show up with an insanely hot girl who makes them jealous, because their partners are average compared to the girl that you are together with.
I have been there and I know that you want this feeling of superiority and the joy of being envied.
However, is this really the best requirement to get a loving and caring girlfriend?
No, definitely not.
The big risk that this desire brings along is that you do everything to end up with a hot girl, without caring about whether or not she is a good person and good for you. I also wanted to date an arrogant model until I had such a girl in my life. Then I suddenly realized how fucking stupid I was for ending up with a model who was not only beautiful, but also very good in creating unnecessary drama.
Think about whether this motivation really serves you in the long run.
A Blowjob Every Now and Then
Besides impressing their friends there is another reason why a lot of guys think that they desperately need a girlfriend in their life. One very common reason why men want to end up in relationships is the urge to have sex on a regular basis.
I bet that the thought of regular blowjobs is also a big motivaton for you to end up in a relationship.
Even though I have to admit that this is a big benefit of relationships, it shouldn’t be your number one reason to end up in one.
Women who see you as a possible boyfriend want to feel that you want to be together with them because of their personality and not because of their vagina. A guy who just wants to have someone in his life who regularly bangs the shit out of him appears to be extremely desperate.
Being desperate is a great strategy to scare away every woman, without ever finding the right girlfriend.
You Want a Relationship
Forget about impressing your friends and forget about desperately longing for someone you can fuck every day. The only reason why you should scream “I need a girlfriend!” at the reflection of your mirror, is because you want to experience all the aspects of being together with a woman.
A woman who is tuned in with her feminine instincts knows what you are after, the moment she looks at you for the first time. If you approach her from a place of desperation and the need to show off with her, you can’t expect her to be attracted to you.
If you, however, approach her with the desire to get to know her, to find out who she is and to connect with her both on a sexual and on an emotional level, she will feel appreciated and special.
I Need a Girlfriend: The Advantages
Even though a high divorce rate shows that not all relationships are never-ending fairy tales, there are a few advantages of ending up in a relationship with a girl.
Of course not every guy has the luck to experience a relationship that has one or even all of the following advantages. Maybe I should exchange the word luck with the word choice.
However, those advantages can only come to light when you don’t come from a place of desperation and sexual frustration. In this case, the following benefits hopefully have the power to motivate you to hunt for your future wife, or at least your future ex-wife.
I have already written an article about one night stands in which I revealed the misbelief that having sex with a lot of girls makes you a great lover. You can read it here. To sum it up you can say that the reason why one night stands won’t make you a great lover is because sex gets better, the more you experiment with each other and the more you trust each other.
In a normal and healthy relationship, you should have sex every day.
In case you are in a relationship right now and you only bang your girlfriend once a week, you can of course continue to lie to yourself, but you can never convince me that your relationship is fulfilling.
More sex with the same girl naturally leads to more trust, a more intensive feeling of intimacy and some naughty experiences along the way.
Love and Trust
Even though some self-proclaimed alphas might say that love is something that only weak men have to deal with, it is actually a pretty amazing feeling to fall in love with a girl and to experience how she falls for you.
I don’t want to sound cheesy but there is really nothing more beautiful than a woman who tells you that she loves you while she has tears in her eyes.
These are the moments that you will never forget. I doubt that you will have this experience with a girl who you only bang once, but I know from my own experience that you can enjoy this feeling with a woman you devote a lot of time to.
Enjoy the love and trust that develops while you are in a relationship. It might not last forever but the time it lasts will create memories that are worth more than gold.
Someone to Share Your Life With
Everybody has hobbies and passions. No matter if you are into bodybuilding, skiing, diving or jumping out of an airplane with a parachute on your back, I bet it is more fun to do this stuff with a partner instead of doing it alone.
This doesn’t mean that you should transform your petite girlfriend into a professional bodybuilder, or that you should throw her out of an airplane while she gets several heart attacks.
I am pretty sure that you find some activities that you both enjoy.
Sharing your hobbies, your passions and therefore your life with another person can be a truly fulfilling experience.
Your (Not Imaginary) Best Friend
I know that a woman can never replace your best male friend. That’s also not her job. Nevertheless, it is possible to become so close with a girl, that you think you already know her for years, even though you only date her for two months.
There are girls who you fuck for months and you don’t feel any connection with them. With others you spend two nights and you know that she has the potential to make your life a bit sweeter.
You shouldn’t even think about settling down before you haven’t found a girl who has the potential to become your best friend.
I Need a Girlfriend: The Disadvantages
In the same way as songs from Enrique Iglesias gave women wrong images of love, Hollywood fucked up the brains of millions of men. Being together with a woman is not always comparable with living in a candy store. Sometimes you rather think that you ended up in a second hand shop that is right before bankruptcy.
Walking hand in hand in the park, watching the stars on a romantic hill and promising each other eternal love is great, but it doesn’t always look like that. The majority of guys who cry “I need a girlfriend!” ignore all the negative aspects that being in a relationship brings along.
I know that it is a widespread cliché that you will lose your freedom when you are together with a girl, but unfortunately this is absolutely true. Okay, it is only true when you end up in a traditional monogamous relationship, instead of choosing a more open form of sharing your life with another person.
The sad reality is that 99% of men choose the traditional path.
In this case, you really lose your freedom. Even though movies usually define this loss of freedom as not being allowed to get pissed drunk every night, the real loss of freedom comes into play when you want to undress another woman.
It is on you whether or not you decide to castrate yourself by choosing a relationship model that forbids you to sleep with other girls. Most men do.
The 24/7 Trap
Living together with a woman is absolutely amazing. She cooks for you, she takes care of you and she sucks your dick whenever you are horny.
That must be the image that most men have in mind, otherwise they wouldn’t move together with their girlfriends.
I know from a lot of friends who live together with their girlfriends, that this image gets crushed with the hammer called REALITY, as soon as you singed the contract for your first apartment. As soon as she has the keys, you are trapped.
Living together with a woman can be quite stressful.
Besides blowjobs that you usually get till week number three it is nearly impossible that you won’t annoy each other after a few months of living together.
In case it gets so bad that you rather want to sleep on the couch instead of lying next to her at night, you should prepare yourself for a stressful fight over the apartment.
The Monogamy Lie
The aspect I am going to talk about is closely related to the loss of sexual freedom that a monogamous relationship brings along.
I don’t want to lie to you:
The romantic belief that human beings can be monogamous until the rest of their life is nothing but a lie.
More often than not this sweet little lie leeds to a lot of frustration, anger, wrong expectations, disappointment and even more lies. My buddy Bill knows what I am talking about:
The only men, who are able to maintain the façade of being a reputable monogamous boyfriend or husband, are the ones who kill their sex drive by masturbating three times a day to porn movies. Yes, in this case it is possible to be monogamous.
Are you really willing to pay this price?
For me this price would be too high. All the other men who decide to not kill their sex drive will end up searching for the sexual relief that they need. In case you think that this is going to be a rant against unfaithful men…
Happily Ever After
All the previous negative aspects that I have mentioned should make you wonder if the ideal of a never-ending love and a couple who lives happily ever after is even realistic.
Forget about the wishful thinking and think about how high the chances are that the outcry “I need a girlfriend!” has the potential to attract a girl into your life who will stay by your side until you die.
Maybe I am wrong and the next girl you meet is the one who proves every disadvantage of being in a relationship wrong. In this case I would congratulate you.
It is possible to find such a girl. I found her and so can you.
However, the only reason why I could attract such an amazing girl into my life is because I realized what I really need.
I Need a Girlfriend: What You Really Need
Even if you find this perfect wonder woman, which is highly unlikely, you might have approached this whole “I need a girlfriend thing” the completely wrong way.
Maybe investing all your time in the search of a girlfriend, who finally brings some rays of light into your life, is the wrong thing to do.
Sorry, but a man who thinks that he desperately needs a girlfriend, needs something else first.
If you are in this position, the sudden appearance of a woman in your life wouldn’t change anything.
You would lose her faster than you typed her number into your phone. What you really need is to become a man who exchanges “I need a girlfriend!” for “I can get a girlfriend whenever I want!”
Let me show you what you have to do to become this man.
Isn’t the outcry “I need a girlfriend!” nothing but a cry for help?
If you are really honest to yourself, you don’t need a relationship. At least, you don’t need it at the moment. Before you will be able to experience a happy relationship with an emotionally healthy girl who loves you and who loves herself, you have to learn to love yourself.
Maybe you feel offended because you are convinced that you already love yourself. Sorry man, but if you would really love yourself, you wouldn’t have any problems with attracting a wonderful partner into your life.
The law of attraction says that you can only attract the things and people into your life that your energy level allows you to attract. A guy who doesn’t love himself can never attract another woman on the basis of love, respect and trust.
The old saying that you have to love yourself before you can love others is true, no matter if you are a man, a woman or something in between.
The Ability to Seduce Women
Is a guy who absolutely loves himself afraid of meeting girls? Hell no. If you love yourself you have absolutely no problem to walk up to girls and to introduce yourself to them. A lot of our deepest fears and insecurities are attributed to a lack of self-love.
However, just because you are able to walk up to a girl you like doesn’t mean that you know what to say, how to stand and how to sexually escalate. That’s why learning how to seduce women is the most important thing to do, right after you have developed a feeling of self-love.
The ability to seduce the women you really want gives you every freedom in the world. Instead of “I need a girlfriend!” you will soon be screaming “I can date whoever the fuck I want!”
Having this ability is truly powerful and I have never met a guy with a high level of self-love and good seduction skills, who complained about not having one, two or more amazing women in his life.
As a man who is able to seduce women you have the choice if you want to have a relationship and when you want to have one.
Your Girlfriend Will Come
As soon as you have reached this stage, you will never scream “I need a girlfriend!” again.
Because you can’t remember how this needy and desperate feeling of not being able to get what you want feels like.
As soon as you develop a deep feeling of self-love and as soon as you learn how to seduce women, it’s just a matter of time until you will attract an incredibly beautiful girl into your life.
Summed Up Wisdom
“I need a girlfriend!”
Sometimes we don’t really need what we think we need. In case you just want to end up in a relationship because you hope that you can impress your friends, or because you want to get laid every day without any effort, you will never get the girl that you truly desire.
If you, however, say “I need a girlfriend!” because you want to be in a relationship with a woman, you should go for it. Enjoy the advantages of relationships, such as better sex, love and trust and sharing your life with your best friend.
Just don’t make the mistake and think that relationships are exactly what Disney movies tell you. Unfortunately, no movie tells you that you will have less freedom, that there will come the point where she annoys you, that you will get sick and tired of living monogamous and that living happily ever after is nothing but a fairytale.
“I need a girlfriend!”
What you really need is a portion of self-love and the ability to seduce women. Once you have that, the girl of your dreams will come.
I know we shouldn’t worry about what others go through, reason why i’m posting this is because I wonder how it goes when you look at it from the other perspective, i wonder “how does a girl need to learn how to get a date and get a boyfriend she doesn’t have to be the one to initiate and making the moves, leading the interaction?” because for a while, my mindset was for guys it’s a matter of knowing how, for girls it’s not a matter of knowing how, because i got this comment from a YouTube video about the Alabaster Girl, it said:
“Also girls have it easier when learning to interact with the opposite sex because guys approach girls. It’s the masculine role to initiate. So girls learn fairly young the basics even if they do nothing.”
I remember i heard a dating coach say that both genders have to learn and when i asked him how does a woman need to learn how to get a date or get a boyfriend when she doesn’t have to initiate, escalate and make the moves, he responded by saying “that’s a very good question, she needs to know how to screen a guy”, he was going to explain more but unfortuneately someone interrupted him and he didn’t get to finish.
Like i said, i know it makes sense to not worry how women go through it because i’m not a woman but still i like to know how it works when you look at someone in a different position.
Sebastian Harris says
I’m currently living in a monogamous relationship, but I experimented with open relationships before. let me tell you this: when you really, really, love a girl, it’s nearly impossible (at least for me).
Hey man, I just found your website and I’m binging on these articles. Good stuff for sure. After learning game I was able to get beautiful girls rather effortlessly. Now I have the girl of my dreams but, naturally (especially after the PUA experience) I still want to sleep with other women. My gf won’t allow this but with time she might be more open to the idea.
My question is, do you allow your gf to sleep with other men, and how do you cope with that reality? Ideally, I would want the freedom for myself only but that sounds very selfish and unfair.
Sebastian Harris says
having a girlfriend can be amazing. I am in a relationship and it’s great. All I tried to say is that you first NEED other things before you can even get a girlfriend (self-love, seduction skills) and that it’s unhealthy to assume that having a girlfriend will change your life instantly.
so would you agree, that apparently, it’s okay for a girl to “need a boyfriend” but not okay for a guy to “need a girlfriend”?
Sebastian Harris says
and why don’t you have my book on your site? 😛
Just a quick info about dating and seducing women sites; you can find some great reviews at https://hitreviews.wordpress.com/
Sebastian Harris says
I respect your opinion and hope that I can help you to find a girl who you can start a family with.
it’s not more complicated, it’s just ultra selfish.
“open relationships” are for boys, a real men wants to have a family, which implies commitment.
Sebastian Harris says
thanks for your feedback!
Sebastian Harris says
It’s true that most alpha men and bad boys are not responsible. And yet, a lot of women are attracted to them. I like your point and I definitely agree that an open relationship can get more complicated when you have kids.
” The sad reality is that 99% of men choose the traditional path. ”
Let me remember you that the meaning of love ultimately is to create a family…i don’t think that a child can be happy if his father dates other women beside of his mom, instead of being dedicated to his family…also during a period of time, when you have a child, the mom has to stay at home and can’t work, so she needs a provider, that’s a natural thing. “Bad guys” and “alpha men” aren’t real responsible men, if we was all acting like that we would still be very barbaric and unevolved, or extinct.
Your quote: ” What you really need is a portion of self-love and the ability to seduce women. Once you have that, the girl of your dreams will come.”
I agree that you don’t need a girlriend. I don’t know about the ability to seduce women.” I have always found that they like you are they don’t but I was never one to jump theough hoops or change who I am. I figured if they like me that’s fine, if they don’t that’s fine too. I have met US Senators and many prominent people and worked for a number of them and did not change who I am. Why should I change for a female? The only thing I would say is 1) don’t be overweight 2) be shaved and showered and reasonably well dressed and 3) Ask her about herself. Let her talk about herself. If she wants to know about you, she will ask
Excellent article. First if you desperately need a girlfriend you will never get one. Desperation makes them run away.
Second you don’t need a girlfirned. You need a solid plan for your future. If you can acquire friends in high places they are BETTER than a girlfriend who really can’t do anything for you. Remember a rich man is never lonely. Third, there is no guarantee that a girlfriend will make you happy. In some cases she will make you miserable. I was going out with a girl when I lived in Hawaii (Oahu). I was planning a 3 day trip to Kauai. She could not make up her mind as to whether or not to go with me. In the end she did NOT go. I had a BETTER time without her (she was difficult and argumentative and could go from being really nice to really nasty in seconds). Anyway, I had a great time and I was left with such a great impression of Kauai that my wife and I go back on a regular basis.