“How do I get a girlfriend?”
Just because I love to travel the world in search of the most beautiful women that this wonderful world has to offer, doesn’t mean that I have no relationships.
You might not believe it but I actually have a lot of experience in this area.
I have been together with a girl for almost four years and in the following two years after the breakup I had several short-term relationships that were either open or exclusive. At the moment I am together with a wonderful woman in my dream relationship construct.
To say that I am all about banging exotic women without ever allowing feelings and without ever concentrating on one girl at a time would be a lie. I honestly consider love and relationships, no matter what kind of relationships, as an important part of every man’s life.
Unfortunately, too many guys try to avoid relationships at all costs. They don’t do this because they don’t want them, but because they are scared of opening up and showing their vulnerability to a woman.
I am really glad that you are different.
By asking yourself “how do I get a girlfriend?” you show me that you have the balls to accept the biggest challenge that a man can possibly accept. You are ready to experience not only a sexual, but also an emotional connection with a woman.
Maintaining a relationship of any kind with a woman is the supreme discipline of seduction and teaches you more about women and about yourself than anything else.
How Do I Get a Girlfriend: Who Is She?
Before you think about all the individual action steps that you have to take in order to get a girlfriend, you should invest some time and think about all the characteristics that your future girlfriend should have and must have.
I know a lot of guys who are shitty with women and every time they ask me “how do I get a girlfriend?” I tell them the exact same thing that I just told you. Their answer is always: “I don’t care. She just has to be hot.”
Well, I admit that looks are very important, but I can tell you from my own experience that dating a model with a really poisoned personality is anything but satisfying. Nevertheless, there are a lot of beautiful women who are emotionally healthy and who would be perfect girlfriends for you. That’s why her looks is still an important factor.
Her Looks
How does your future girlfriend look like?
No, I don’t ask you how she SHOULD look like. I ask you how she DOES look like. This is a big difference. If you say that she SHOULD have a skinny body you basically say that it would be nice if she would have a skinny body, but that it is not a requirement. Fuck this vague jabber.
The best way to end up in a relationship with a woman is by being man enough to make the decision that certain physical features are unacceptable for you.
As a consequence of this decision you end up with girls that you really want to be together with.
If you are into skinny women and you end up dating a fat girl, just because she is there and you were horny, you betray yourself and your principles.
Just have a look at all your friends who settled for less and who waste their time with girls they are not really into. Look into their eyes and tell me whether they are happy or not. I already know the answer.
Her Personality
If you ask yourself “how do I get a girlfriend?” you should also ask yourself what personality traits your girlfriend should have. If you are a very outgoing person and you love to meet new people, you probably don’t want to have a girlfriend who is completely introverted.
It is impossible to have a happy relationship if you want to leave the house every evening and she just wants to stay in without ever going out. Before you go out and hunt the girl of your dreams you should really think about how a girl has to be in order to fall in this category.
I am a very introverted guy and my current girlfriend is also very introverted. That’s no coincidence. If I would be together with an extroverted party chick that always has to be the center of attention, I would go nuts.
Instead of asking yourself “how do I get a girlfriend?” you should ask yourself “how do I get a girlfriend who is a good fit for me?”
Her Interests
In the same way that you shouldn’t end up in a relationship with a girl who doesn’t have the same personality as you have, you also shouldn’t start to date a chick that has completely different interests than you.
Even though sex is a major part of a relationship and everybody who says something else is too sexually frustrated to admit it, there are also other things that come into play once you are together with a girl.
Let’s say you are interested in football and your girlfriend absolutely hates football and thinks that football fans are all fat and ugly losers who should die a horrible death.
If you are a football fan, she might be better for you
Unless you and your girlfriend have the same interests, you won’t have anything to talk about and if you talk about it anyway, the conversation will end up in a fight.
The question that you might ask yourself now is “how do I get a girlfriend who has the same interests as me?”
Let’s find out.
How Do I Get a Girlfriend: Where Do I Have to Go?
The best way to end up dating a girl who is a good fit for you in terms of her personality and her interests is by going to the places that are good to meet the women you want. A fisher doesn’t go in the forest and a hunter doesn’t go to the sea.
Going to the place where you have the highest chances of finding the women that you want is the most efficient way to meet and attract the woman of your dreams. You not only find the women you are looking for but your approach will also be more authentic. This eventually leads to a higher success rate.
Why? Because you don’t have to motivate yourself to approach women that you are already enthusiastic about.
The question is: where do you find those women?
Club vs Library
There are countless of places to meet the women that are perfect for you. If you like sporty girls you can go to the gym. If you like party girls you can go to a club. If you like intelligent girls you should go to a library.
The possibilities are endless. When I embarked on the path of becoming a successful seducer I also asked myself the question “how do I get a girlfriend?” and for me it was clear that a part of the answer was “not in clubs!”
Do I really have to explain why I wouldn’t say that a club is the perfect place to meet your future girlfriend?
It is absolutely possible that you have a different opinion on that, but if you ask me clubs are the worst environment to find a girlfriend. You might have a different opinion, which is totally okay.
Turn the favorite place of your dream girls into your personal hunting district and you will find what you are looking for.
My Schedule
What do you say? You have absolutely no free time and your schedule doesn’t allow you to check out your personal hunting districts?
Then change your schedule and make some time for it. Delete all the unnecessary activities from your schedule that don’t support your mission.
What is your mission? Well, you have asked me “how do I get a girlfriend?” and as hard as it may sound, if you are not ready to replace some of your activities that are not beneficial for this goal, you simply don’t deserve to have a girlfriend.
Stop watching TV, stop surfing the interest for hours and stop wasting your time jerking off to porn movies, when instead you could shoot your load inside your girlfriend. Unless you are willing to invest the necessary time and effort to meet the women you are interested in, you will never get a girlfriend, at least not one that you truly want.
How Do I Get a Girlfriend: Who Do I Have to Be?
Who do you have to be in order to attract a woman that you want to end up in a relationship with?
Before you get scared that I want you to become another person, because you are not attractive enough for women, I want to calm you down.
By thinking about who you have to be in order to become interesting to women, I don’t want you to change yourself completely.
All I want you to think about is what you could do, in order to become a perfect version of yourself.
Who I am
The most important thing is that you don’t do anything that you don’t want to do, just because you think that you have to impress her. When it comes to dating, I believe in a very simple rule:
You can only attract who you are.
What do I mean by that? In my experience it is very important to not only find out who you are, but to also embrace who you are. As soon as you love yourself and all your weird characteristics you project this self-love to the people around you. Nothing is more attractive to a woman than a man who really loves himself.
In order to become even more interesting to women without betraying your deepest beliefs, you should focus your energy on living an interesting lifestyle.
With the right lifestyle choices you can turn disinterest into obsession.
By designing your lifestyle in a way that makes you happy, women will instinctively be attracted to this positive energy.
What She Wants
But wait a minute…
All women want men who look like Arnold Schwarzenegger in his best years, right?
If all girls would love guys like him, the whole world would be on steroids
First of all, there is no such thing as “all women”.
Every girl has a different taste when it comes to men.
Even though there are a lot of women out there who are attracted to men with muslces there are also a lot of women who are not attracted to muscular guys.
No matter what kind of guy you are, there is a woman out there who wants to be your girlfriend.
Of course it is never wrong to improve yourself, but I can guarantee you that no matter what stuff you are into, there are women on this planet who are into the same stuff.
If you ask yourself “how do I get a girlfriend?” and your biggest passion is playing board games, it is your job to attract a woman into your life who is also totally into board games. It might sound like a hopeless endeavor but it is possible.
The only important thing is that you are ready to do whatever it takes to get her, once this girl stands in front of you.
How Do I Get a Girlfriend: What Do I Have to Do?
Now that you can be absolutely sure that there are women out there who love you for who you are, you have to think about what you have to do in order to attract those women into your life.
Unfortunately, some guys who ask themselves the question “how do I get a girlfriend?” live in a dream bubble. They believe that there will come the day where they just have to open their door and suddenly the women of their dreams stands in front of them and smiles at them before she takes her clothes off.
It is no coincidence why a lot of porn movies show scenarios in which extremely hot women seduce men who don’t have to do anything besides getting their dick sucked. The only reason why this shit sells is because a lot of men fantasize about that.
If you want to find the answer to the question “how do I get a girlfriend?” you have to leave this dream behind you and start to accept that you won’t end up dating your dream girl unless you take massive action.
Approach Her
You might pray to god that the day comes where the amazingly beautiful angel that you want to fall in love with finally approaches you and tells you that she also loves you.
Well, if you keep on dreaming you keep on masturbating.
The chance that a woman approaches you is approximately one to thousand and the chance that your dream girl approaches you is about one to several millions. The chance to win one million dollars is higher than the possibility that your dream girl approaches you.
That’s why you have to learn how to approach women, in order to get the girlfriend you truly want. By being able to approach the women that you truly want to be together with, you are setting yourself apart from all the guys who end up in relationships with girls they don’t really want to date.
Attract Her
I already talked about who you have to be in order to get the girlfriend that you truly want. To sum it up you can say that you should be the best version of yourself without changing yourself in a way that goes against your core values.
Mhhhm…who is going to be my next boyfriend?
However, being the best self that you can be requires some work.
Please correct me if I am wrong but working on your body language, improving your posture and developing a strong self-confidence are all things that are in alignment with your values.
Working on all the aspects that have the power to attract women is never wrong, especially if you ask yourself “how do I get a girlfriend?”
Seduce Her
No matter if you want to have a one night stand or if you want to have a relationship, at some point you have to pull the fucking trigger. Don’t hide your sexuality and don’t wait until you land in the friend zone.
Finding out a lot about a woman is essential if you want to have a relationship with her, but unless you sexually escalate, your relationship won’t develop in the way that you want it to develop.
Before you haven’t touched, kissed and fucked her, you are not allowed to call her your girlfriend.
Do you know the best way to make a girl want to be your girlfriend?
No, it has nothing to do with brining her flowers and chocolate. The best way to make a woman want to be with you for the rest of her life is by…
…reading chapter 5 of my book.
Summed Up Wisdom
“How do I get a girlfriend?” Before you go out and search for your perfect girl you should invest some brain power and think about how your future girlfriend should look like and how she should be. What personality and what interests does she have? Once you found an answer to this question you can think about where you want to go in order to find this type of women.
In case you love party chicks you shouldn’t try to find her in the local library. Adjust your personal schedule in a way that supports meeting your future girlfriend. In case you think that you have to become a certain type of guy to get a girlfriend I can calm you down. As long as you work on yourself and become your best self, you don’t have to change too much.
Even though a lot of guys have the fantasy that one day the perfect girl will stand in front of them, the truth is that you have to put in some effort, if you want to find an answer to the question “how do I get a girlfriend?” Do whatever it takes to approach, attract and seduce the women of your dreams and you will find a girlfriend within the next couple of days.
Hey Dave,
I’m still in Bangkok but I don’t have a girlfriend anymore. Right now I’m single.
Sebastian, so you’re in a relationship, is she a thai? are you still in bangkok?
I guess that’s natures, evolutions way of karma towards women for being passive in the mating game, for their lack of initiative, being able to get a date or boyfriend just for standing still
Men always prefer younger women. This will never change.
I have felt this way for some time now, but I like to feel that as women get older, lose their youthful looks, declining fertility, I like to think of that as nature’s, evolutions way as karma towards women for being passive in the mating game, being able to easily get dates or get a boyfriend, get laid just for being passive and no taking action at all, it’s like all they had to do was just go out and show up or simply just “be there”. It’s like they can get all of that with no effort on their part, well mainly not having to put forth social effort, because I know that women do put in effort but in different ways, the obvious one is dressing up, looking good, make-up, etc., but they don’t have to be the ones to open their mouth first, etc.
It’s like the guys who are upset that guys always have to be the ones to approach and initiate, ask out, make the first move, lead the interaction or just take the lead and feel it’s unfair, probably the main reason why a lot of guys feel that way, is because they feel that shy, quiet, socially-awkward guys will have it much harder than shy, quiet, socially-awkward girls will in dating, which is an obvious true fact, and as women get older and start getting much less attention, then they get a taste of unfairness as well.
I found this passage on a forum somewhere, from another guy who has a similar opinion, I feel he nails it in the sense that it’s only guys, men, who need to be the ones to know or learn how to get a date, how to get into a relationship, etc.
This is how I see it, it is only us guys, men, who need to be the ones to learn how to get a date, how to get a girlfriend, a girl doesn’t need to learn how to get a date or get a boyfriend, because simply put, how does a girl need to learn how to get a date or get a boyfriend when she doesn’t have to initiate anything, she doesn’t have to do the approaching and asking out, planning and setting up dates, leading the interaction, escalating or progressing things, going in for the first kiss, escalate to sex, etc. it simply “just happens” for them? That’s sure what it looks like.
Because typically the way you learn in life is by “doing”, “applying”, you won’t get better at playing a piano, or a certain sport, martial art, if you don’t practice regularly, and since all girls have to do is pretty much just dress up and look good, and just stand there, just be passive, they don’t really have to take any social actions on their part, because they don’t have to be the ones to start conversations, ask for the number, ask out, and all the rest you know, etc. So it makes you wonder what they have to learn.
Gold Jacket Luke, who posts a lot on YouTube, he even said this quote when discussing his favorite book the Alabaster Girl: “Also girls have it easier when it comes to learning how to talk to and interact with the opposite sex because guys approach girls. It’s the masculine role to initiate. So girls learn very young the basics even if they do nothing.” Of course girls don’t completely do nothing, they dress up, get in shape, try to look good, but he’s right in the sense that they are doing nothing in the sense of social actions, they aren’t doing the approaching, asking out, leading the interaction, etc.
I posted that because i’m curious to know how it works from the other perspective, another point of view.
Hey Andrew,
that other coach you mention is absolutely right.
I saw another similar comment on a similar page, you said she needs her beauty and smile, here you say once they pass 30, so would you say it’s a combination of those things?
I feel there is some truth about when you say past 30, I remember one other coach, I asked him, something similar, and he said “all of what you said mainly applies to younger women, as women get older, they start to seek dating advice because they don’t get the same amount of attention as they used to”.
Women have to learn it once they pass 30.
This is how I see it, it’s only guys, men, who need to learn how to get a date or how to get a relationship or into a relationship, I don’t possibly see how women need to learn how to get a date or get a relationship when women don’t have to be the ones to approach or make any moves and initiate or escalate anything, where it simply just happens to them. One reason why I post this comment is because I find it interesting when you look at it from the other perspective or from the other person’s shoes
setting or taking what you can get can serve as a great reference experience, I feel it has so far for me this year, I feel men approaching women, making the first move will probably remain the norm until our Sun incinerates the Earth.
But ya I like to feel that there was a time in history in which us guys, men, didn’t need to seek out help from a dating coach, seduction coach or PUA to show us how to meet women and how to attract them, get them in our lives, etc. I know we must adapt but I heard from somewhere that for many generations, couples were set up members of the family, church, community, kinda similar to how they still have arranged marriages in India.
Nope, don’t hide your sexual side. Never.
“The chance that a woman approaches you is approximately one to thousand”
this is SO true. in the last several years, i can think of only ONE woman who approached me and made it clear that she was interested. and i’m good looking guy, too.
i don’t approach women that much, so my lack of success with them is my own fault. i’ve gotta get it through my head that they aren’t going to approach. you mentioned that guys shouldn’t settle. in other words, they shouldn’t accept girls they aren’t really interested in. i’m not too good with women, so i figured i should just take what i can get, but based on what you’re saying…..i shouldn’t settle. i’ll keep that in mind.
i’m an introvert and don’t really like clubs. however, every now and then i’ll go to them because its an easily accessible place and there’s always lots and lots of young and beautiful women at clubs. but the reality is i’d much rather meet a girl at a concert or sporting event…..which are my type of places to hang out.
i’ll also have to remember not to hide my sexuality which is something i’ve done in the past. i gotta learn how to escalate sexually. thanks for the article man.
Hey Kieran,
yes, an abundance mindset is very important.
Having an abundance mindset helps as well by approaching many women and then choosing from those who you have chemistry with.
good idea. I’ll write an article about that. Look for the girls in your high school who have the potential to become models 😉
Hey could you do an article where you explain what we should do when the girl really has a boyfriend? High school student here, no lonely models to grab xD
Thanks for your comment. With this article I wanted to give you an overview of what you need in regards to beliefs, knowledge and action steps to get a girlfriend. Of course there are a lot of unique steps inside the categories approach/attract seduce that I can’t address in one article. Or do you want to read a 100.000 word post? 😉
The statement that most attractive girls are in a relationshp is actually not true. Especially girls who work in the model industry are often very lonely because nobody has the balls to talk to them.
Good post. I wonder one thing, we approach we attract we seduce…is it really that simple? I mean almost all the attractive girls already are in relationships, those who are attractive and single are extremely rare. Should we just wait for them to break up or what? It really isnt that simple to get a girlfriend, right man?