Have you ever wondered how to ask a girl out in person?
This article is for men with balls of steel. It’s definitely not for little boys who like to hide behind their smartphone without facing the dragon. You are a dragon slayer. You’re ready to go out into the wilderness and approach her, face to face.
That means you’re already ahead of the crowd.
But you still have a lot to learn, my young Padawan. How do I know? Well, I’m sure you’ve already tried to ask a girl out. Maybe you walked up to her and she rejected you. Or you wanted to and the voices in your head stopped you.
I know this feeling too well.
I’ve done it so many times. Or let’s say I tried it so many times. But it never worked because I didn’t have the right mindset and the right strategy. I just stumbled along and the results showed it.
This changed once I learned…
Are you ready to become one of the few guys who don’t have to hide behind their smartphones?
Then let’s get started…
How to Ask a Girl Out in Person: The Individual Steps
A friend of mine recently asked me the following question:
“Why is it so hard to ask a girl out in person?”
I looked at him in disbelief. I mean, if it was 1998, I would have understood his question. But it’s 2018. Wake up! You’re one of the few guys who actually think about talking to her without the help of technology.
You have no competition!
Everyone else is typing, chatting, and texting. These zombies are glued to their smartphones and IPads while you have the best chance. No matter if you want to ask her out in high school, in college, at work or at any other place…nobody is stopping you.
Oh, wait. One thing is stopping you.
Your mind is the enemy and here’s what it says to you:
Of course, we both know that she is stunning and that you really want her. But your mind wants to protect you from pain. That’s why it wants to stop you from taking action.
If you only had the right mindset…
1. Don’t Make a Big Deal Out of It
It’s not a big deal!
You’re asking a girl out. So what? Millions of other men have done it before you. They survived it and you’ll survive it too. It’s the normal and natural thing on earth. Men do it all the freaking time.
For the love of God, why are you so nervous?
I know why. This is not the first time you look for information on this topic, am I right? You watched videos, you read articles, and be honest. Did you ask one of your friends for advice and he told you to “just be yourself”?
You didn’t stumble upon this article by accident.
Here’s what I would do if I were you:
Stop imagining anything. Don’t make a big deal out of it. You have nothing to lose and you don’t know what’s going to happen. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself and enjoy the process.
“How can I possibly enjoy the process of asking a girl out in person?” I hear you asking.
Here’s the answer…
2. Be Outcome Independent
Of course you want her number!
You want her to say “yes” when you ask her out in person. You want her to hug you and you want her to kiss you on the first date. We all want that. But worrying about the outcome won’t help you to achieve the desired outcome.
It makes everything worse.
The best way to approach this is by being outcome independent. I know. That’s easier said than done. I mean, you want it so bad and now I’m telling you to be outcome independent. I must be insane.
But I also know that outcome independence leads to…
Outcome independence leads to the desired outcome. It’s counterintuitive but true.
3. Make Sure that You Feel Comfortable
Imagine the following scenario…
You wake up. You don’t shower because you’re already late. Your hair looks like French fries from McDonalds and your breath smells like a dying donkey. Oh, and don’t forget about your clothes. You look as if your mom dressed you.
Let me ask you:
Would you ask her out in person?
Of course not! You don’t feel comfortable doing it!
Now imagine the following scenario…
You wake up. You take a long shower and you don’t forget your cologne. Your hair looks great because you went to the barber…and because of your new styling crème. You brush your teeth and pack one or two chewing gums for the way. Oh, and don’t forget about your clothes. You just bought a brand new leather jacket and you can’t wait to wear it.
Let me ask you again:
Would you ask her out in person?
Of course you would! You feel amazing!
The moral of the story:
Try to not care about the outcome but prepare as if you care.
4. Choose the Right Place and Time
Most guys have terrible timing.
The last point is obvious but what about point number one and two?
There’s one thing you need to know about women:
They have two faces. Chameleons change color and girls change their masks. That’s how it is and how it always will be. One mask is for the public. Her real face is for everything that’s private. You want to run into the second mask.
Public mask: “I don’t go out with guys. I’m a good girl. That’s why I have to reject you.”
Private face: “I’d love to go out with you. I can be a bad girl. That’s why I say yes.”
What women say and do in public is different than what they say and do when you’re alone with them. Ignore this fact and she’ll say “no” even though she wants to scream “yes”.
Wait until she’s alone.
That’s the only time she’ll take of her public mask and reveals her real face.
5. Approach Her Casually
You already know her, right?
I’m pretty sure you’re here because you have a certain girl in mind. You have a crush on her and you want to ask her out in person. And she probably knows you…or at least that you exist.
There’s no need to use the daygame approach.
You don’t have to run in front of her, stop her, and say “excuse me, I just saw you walking down the street and I had to approach you. You look absolutely amazing.” That’s perfect for meeting strangers on the street. It’s weird if you do it with a girl you already know.
Here’s what you do instead:
You approach her in the most casual way possible. Like I said, you don’t make a big deal out of it. Treat her as if you’re already close.
Let me give you a few examples:
These openers are casual, but they communicate your intentions. That’s what you want.
6. Start a Conversation about What She Likes
You have to talk about something.
You could talk about the news. But that triggers too many negative feelings. You could also talk about what you like, but I doubt that she’s interested in football, video games, and boobs.
Here’s the solution:
Talk about what she likes.
I don’t care if she’s into horse-riding, swimming, or body painting. Let’s pray that she’s into body painting. However, the topic doesn’t matter. As long as she’s passionate about it, you’re on the right track.
The more she enjoys the conversation, the more she’ll open up. Make her feel comfortable and asking her out will be easy peasy lemmon squeezy.
7. Connect with Her Emotionally
You’re talking about swimming and you’re bored out of your mind.
Hey, you want to know how to as a girl out in person. So don’t complain. Remember: No pain, no gain. Nobody cares that you hate water. If she likes to swim, you talk about swimming. And don’t forget to connect emotionally with her.
“How should I do that when I hate the stuff she likes?” I hear you asking.
That’s a good question because, well, let’s face it. Showing an interest in her interests is the easiest way to connect with her. You can do that…but only if it’s true. Lies will backfire because one day she’ll take you swimming.
Have a look at this alternative approach:
Instead of saying “yeah, I also love swimming” even though it’s a filthy lie, you relate her emotions to your interests. You can’t relate to her passion, but you can relate to the emotions she feels when she’s swimming.
Let’s say she feels free when she’s in the water.
Here’s what you could say:
Seduction, dating, and asking a girl out in person is all about establishing an emotional connection.
8. Test the Water with a Gentle Touch
Let’s see if she feels a connection.
Women want to get touched by guys they like. They don’t want to get touched by guys they can’t stand. That’s why getting physical is the perfect opportunity to test the water. But be careful. The touch has to be a natural part of the conversation.
Here’s what I usually do:
Do one or all of these things and observe how she reacts.
Does she back off?
Take one step back and continue to connect with her.
Does she lean in with a smile on her face?
She likes the fact that you came to ask her out in person. Now you can close the deal.
9. Suggest Taking Her on an Interesting Adventure
What do I mean by “interesting adventure”?
Come on. You already know the answer. You’ve talked about her interests. You know what she likes and you probably also know what she doesn’t like. That makes it so easy to come up with ideas for your first date.
Suggest a place or an activity she likes.
The girl in our example loves to swim. Everything that’s related to swimming makes her heart beat faster. And that’s exactly what you want. You want to take her to an environment (or create one) that makes her feel good.
Here are some ideas:
I don’t care if you hate water. Suggest a day at the lake. She’ll wear a tight bikini and she’ll be wet after the first round of swimming. This image should help you to get over your fear.
Here’s how you ask her out:
“Hey Lauren, I bet you love swimming in the lake. Why don’t we go there on the weekend?”
Make it casual and she’ll say “yes”.
10. Mention a Reason to Get Her Number
She wants to go out with you. Be proud of yourself. You successfully asked a girl out in person and she said “yes”. That’s awesome.
But will she show up?
Well, it depends. If you tell her to meet you on Saturday at the lake, she’ll probably forget it. You need to stay in contact with her. Yep, you need to ask for her number. Or let’s say you want to give her a reason to give it to you.
Mention a reason and she’ll put her number in your phone:
Nobody said that the reason has to be good.
Any reason is good enough. I mean, she wants to do it anyway…
11. Let Her Know That It’s Your Little Secret
This is powerful stuff.
I know. You got her number and you want to say goodbye. You want to go home and celebrate your victory. And you can do that. But first, I want you to say one last sentence to her.
Here’s what you say:
“Don’t worry. This will be our little secret.”
That’s what she wanted to hear because she was afraid that you’re one of these guys. You know, these guys who kiss and tell. She hates these assholes. She doesn’t want the whole neighborhood to know that she’ll go to the lake with you.
It’s your secret.
This is the safety net she needs to do whatever she wants once she’s at the lake.
12. Hug Her One Last Time
One last touch...
You asked her out in person and she said “yes”. And she knows that everything that will happen at the lake stays between you and her. She’s excited.
Give her one last hug and you’ll know the answer.
You hug her and you can feel how she presses her body against yours. She wants you to feel her boobs on your chest. And she wants you to feel her warm cheeks touching your neck. She’s so into you.
That happens when a man who rose like a Phoenix from the ashes asks a girl out in person.
Summed Up Wisdom
Do you want to know how to ask a girl out in person? Then you need to stop making such a big deal out of it. So many guys have done it before you. It’s easy. But it’s only easy if you have the right mindset.
The more you worry about the outcome, the higher your chances of failure. Be outcome independent, but be prepared. You don’t want to feel like shit when you approach her. And yes, a casual approach is totally fine.
Just make sure that you connect with her. Ask her about her interests and relate her emotions to you. Now that you know what she likes and what she doesn’t like, you can suggest a venue. And don’t forget the hug after you got her number.
Sebastian Harris says
Always try. You never know unless you try.
“You could also talk about what you like, but I doubt that she’s interested in football, video games, and boobs.”
LOL, that part was so funny–that made me smile. 🙂
Sebastain, i have a question for you. i work at a gym. there’s a beautiful latina who works with me and i LOVE latinas. i don’t know much about her. i’ve never hung out with her outside of work. but i like her and i want to ask her out to lunch. i don’t know if she’s single, but i can easily figure this out because i can have another co-worker find out for me.
my question is this: if i ask her out, and she’s not interested, do you think it’ll make things awkward because we work together? in other words, if you ask a girl out that you work with, and she says no—it could possibly make things awkward moving forward.
what do you think? should i still ask her out?