“I want to date a black woman, but…”
Does that sound familiar to you?
It does to me.
A couple of months ago I published an article that answers the question “Do black girls like white men?”
Thanks to the almighty power of Mother Google, this innocent article ranks number one…after it has been shared all over the internet.
Sometimes I wish that I didn’t publish that goddamn thing because now I get emails every week from white guys who want to date black women.
Don’t get me wrong. I love to get these emails. I love to help.
And I love to hear from men who have the courage to admit that they are insanely attracted to dark-skinned women. These emails make me happy.
Or let’s say that these emails would make me happy if 90% of them didn’t end with three letters that give me the chills.
There’s always a “but”!
I know that you agree with me that black women are beautiful. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading this article.
However, I also know that you do NOT agree with me when I say that it’s easy to meet, attract, and date black girls. And again…otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading this article.
You would be too busy kissing and cuddling your black girlfriend.
Imagine how you would feel if here was no “but”. Imagine how it would feel to kiss, cuddle, and fuck (nothing wrong with that) the black woman of your dreams.
In case this image makes you smile, you are ready to find out how you can become one of the few white guys who can confidently say “I love my black girlfriend more than anything in the world.”
So You Want to Date a Black Woman?
You have issues.
Sorry, but there’s really no other way I can say it.
If you belong to the group of white guys who say “I want to date a black woman” and you always put a “but” at the end of this sentence, you have at least one issue.
It doesn’t really matter what comes after the “but”. Usually, it’s nothing but a limiting belief that you keep telling yourself. It’s an idea that you either heard from friends, the media, or your parents, that does not represent the truth.
I dated black women in the past.
As a white man you have to deal with all kinds of doubts, stereotypical thoughts and worries. That’s just how it is.
Most white men have these doubts. Most of them are conditioned from a young age and hard to overcome. However, you need to overcome them in order to meet, attract and date your African dream girl.
There’s really no way around it…
1. I Want to Date Black Girls But They Don’t Like White Guys
I call bullshit.
So, I have this article that ranks number one in Google for the phrase “Do black girls like white men”. And I still get emails from guys who ask me whether or not African (American) women want to date Caucasian men.
For some inexplicable reason, millions of white guys believe that they don’t have a chance with black women.
Why? Please, tell me why.
Most black women love white guys, even the ones in South Africa…
They really do.
I know so many dark-skinned girls who would love to date a white guy. The problem is that nobody approaches them because they all think that they don’t have a chance.
It makes me sad to think about all the swirl relationships that will never happen because of white men who think that black women are not into them.
2. I Want to Date a Black Woman But I’m Not a Racist
I have dated black women in the past, but I’m not a racist.
Robert de Niro is married to a black woman and as far as I know he’s also not a racist.
Listen, just because a white man prefers to date black women doesn’t mean that he’s a racist. The fact that you are physically attracted to African women doesn’t mean that you have an evil slave fetish, no matter how many overweight white feminists tell you that you have one.
Being attracted to a specific race is OKAY.
There’s nothing wrong with you. In the same way as black men can be attracted to white women, white men can be attracted to black women. There’s nothing wrong with having a girlfriend from another race.
Please don’t believe these ridiculous articles that claim that every white man who’s into black women secretly wants to oppress and exploit them because of their slave fetish.
This way of thinking doesn’t help to improve the relationship between black and white people
I know many white guys who are together with black women and the only way the “oppress” them is by showing them how much they love them. I’m sure you would do the same.
3. I Want to Date a Black Woman But I’m Not a Social Justice Warrior
I understand that you don’t want to be seen as a racist with a weird slave fetish, but if I were you I’d be even more afraid to be seen as a Social Justice Warrior.
Yep, I’m referring to the universally loved group of people who think that everything in the whole wide world is oppressed and exploited while ignoring every form of logic and rational thinking.
These guys appear to be so progressive, but they just hide their own self-hate under a thick blanket with the imprint “I want to save the world”. They want the attention that mommy never gave them and they do everything for a few Facebook likes.
The shocking truth is that some white men think that becoming one of these weirdos is the only way to attract black women.
Social Justice Warriors make it a lot harder for normal white men to date black women.
- I received emails from white men who asked me if they have to pretend to be a Social Justice Warrior in order to attract black women.
- I received even more emails from black women who told me that they are scared to date white men because they might end up in bed with a Social Justice Warrior
“But why are black women afraid to date a Social Justice Warrior?”
Well, because they know that such a man doesn’t love them. They just love the idea of being in a progressive relationship.
I received so many emails from black women who were terrified of ending up in bed or in a relationship with a white Social Justice Warrior.
Believe me. You don’t need to become one in order to attract black women.
4. I Would Love to Date a Black Woman But I Don’t Know Where to Meet One
As someone who is living in the USA, it’s relatively easy to meet black women. You just have to take a walk in the city and you’ll see dozens of African American women.
But what if you are an American and you want to date a traditional African woman who hasn’t been born and raised in the USA?
And what if you live in Europe and you want to meet stunning black women?
You can’t just leave your apartment and approach the first woman. That’s not how it works in most parts of Europe. There are simply not a lot of black women.
Thank God there is the internet.
No matter if you are living in the USA, Europe or in any other part of the world, you can easily meet black women from all over the world.
You don’t believe me?
Click here to discover how I met black girls from the USA, Canada, and Europe
You see, there’s no reason to put a “but” at the end of the sentence “I want to date black women”.
Meeting the right girl can’t get any easier.
5. I Want to Date a Black Girl But I Don’t Know How to Ask her Out
Don’t make such a big deal out of it.
She’s a normal woman, not an alien. And she’s also not the aggressive, loud, and bitchy black girl that you see in every low-budget reality TV show.
Okay, I don’t have a lot of experience talking to African American women, but black girls from other countries are definitely NOT like the ones you see on TV, at least the ones who are into white guys.
They are friendly, they smile and they giggle when a white guy approaches them.
You can even get away with a compliment about her hair. In fact, they love compliments about their hair and about their beautiful dark-skin.
Many black women have insecurities about their natural hair. Tell her how much you love it and she’ll want to date you.
6. I Want to Date a Black Woman But I’m Afraid of What People Think
There’s only one solution for this problem:
Stop giving a fuck of what others think of you.
I want to be honest with you: Unless you stop caring about what other people think about you, your relationship, and your girlfriend, you can throw your “I want to date a black woman” dream in the trash.
With this attitude, you won’t be able to attract her.
She wants to be together with a man who shows the world how much he loves her whenever someone says something hurtful. She doesn’t want to waste her life with a little boy who cares more about what other people think than about what he feels.
Grow some balls and be proud of your beautiful black girlfriend.
7. I Would Date a Black Girl But My Parents Don’t Want Me to Date a Black Woman
“My parents don’t want me to date a black woman…”
This can be a problem.
However, just because you think that your parents would kill you and set your corpse on fire if you dated a black woman, doesn’t mean that they would really do it.
I have talked to quite a few guys who were terribly afraid to date an African woman because of one racist joke that their dad made five years ago. I remember one guy who sent me an email in which he listed all the things his father would do to him.
I told him to talk to his father. He followed my advice and it turned out that he was totally okay with it. Talk before you worry.
Nevertheless, there are cases that are a bit more problematic. Just imagine if you had a dad who’s a member of the KKK. That can get nasty.
In the worst case you have to choose between your family and the woman you love.
Only you can make this decision.
8. I Would Love to Date a Black Woman But I Don’t Want to Be a Dad
Who said that you have to be a daddy?
Oh, I see. You’ve read dozens of articles about those bad, bad black single moms. You are afraid that black women are only into white guys because they are looking for a provider for their children.
I’m sorry to say this but your fear is not unfounded. The uncomfortable truth is that 72% of all African American mothers are single moms.
Nevertheless, there are millions of beautiful and educated dark-skinned women who don't have children.
What if you can’t find one?
Then you should finally find out where to meet black women who are looking for white men and chat with some beautiful African ladies from abroad.
9. I Would Love to Date a Black Woman But I Don’t Have Swag
“Young moolah baby!”
Don’t worry. Even if you’ve never heard that expression, you can still get a black girlfriend. You don’t need to run around screaming incomprehensible gibberish while stumbling over your own baggy pants.
In fact, pretending to have the swag of a black man will work against you.
I’m serious. There’s nothing more embarrassing than a white dude who tries to act black…and fails miserably.
You also need to understand that not all black women are ass-shaking hoes who are attracted to mentally retarded rappers. In fact, most educated African women would never date such a guy. Maybe some African American women, but black women from other parts of the world would rather chop off their fingers.
You don’t need to have swag and you also don’t need to be ghetto (whatever the hell these two things mean). The only reason why black women are attracted to white men is because they are different.
Be yourself. Be the dorky white dude that you are. Black girls love you for it.
10. I Want to Date a Black Woman But Not a “Strong” and “Independent” One
These memes are all over the internet. And to be honest, as much as I love black women, I wouldn’t date a girl like her. I’m sure you wouldn’t either.
And you don’t have to.
You don’t have to because you are white.
I know that what I’m about to say is controversial, but I have to say it anyway.
There are two theories why you, as a white man, don’t have to deal with the loud and aggressive black woman that is portrayed in the media.
- 1. Black women act differently when they are around white men.
- 2. Black women who are into white guys are different.
I don’t believe in the first theory, even though a lot of black men use it as an excuse (sorry, but that’s true).
In fact, I know from my own experience that a disrespectful woman, no matter if she’s black or white, will treat both black men and white men disrespectfully. That’s just how it is.
I do, however, believe in the second theory and so does she:
A black woman who is into white guys is different, has different interests and wants different things in life.
She wants a white guy who appreciates her, celebrates her and treats her with respect.
HINT: You can meet a beautiful black woman like her today
Let me know in the comments below if you are that kind of guy…
Summed Up Wisdom
It’s great that you admit that you are into black women. I encourage you to date whoever the hell you want and if you are into dark-skinned women, more power to you. However, you can only attract women if you reach a point where you don’t have to end the sentence “I want to date a black woman” with “but”.
You need to realize that a lot of black girls are into white guys and that you don’t need swag or gold chains to attract them. You also have to realize that being attracted to dark-skinned girls doesn’t mean that you’re a racist. Oh, and the black women who want to date you are very different than the ones you see on TV.
Sebastian Harris says
Thanks for sharing!
San Francisco Dude says
I’d like to address your Point #1, “I want to date black girls but they don’t like white guys.”
“For some inexplicable reason, millions of white guys believe that they don’t have a chance with black women.
Why? Please, tell me why.”
As someone who has actually experienced this directly, I can answer this question, from the perspective of dating both in the United States and abroad.
A little background first: I am a light-skinned, heterosexual man of so-called “mixed race” descent. My skin is about the color of coffee with lots of cream, i. e. pretty light. Being from the San Francisco Bay Area, I have somewhat of a middle California accent and view toward life. Growing up there, I encountered all sorts of girls from all parts of the world. I like cute girls, from blue-black to snow-white and everywhere in between; a pretty girl is a pretty girl, and if she’s nice, she’s going to get my attention.
This was reflected in my racial dating preferences. After my military service (most of it overseas), I went to my hometown state university as a science and engineering major. All throughout school, I saw gorgeous college co-eds of various hues and made efforts to date them. This includes Black girls. To a woman, the Black ones all said no, and the reasons were, and I quote,
“I don’ date no White boyz!”
“Naw, I gotta have me a Black man!”
“I’m attracted to darker men.”
And even this gem:
“I don’ NEEEEED no man!”
Yep. Unfortunately, that was my experience. It wasn’t that I’m not educated, that I don’t do well in my life, all that. It’s that I’m not Kanye West or Jay-Z or these other “gangsta rapper” types of fellow. That’s who I saw them actually with, when they were with someone. Mind you, these are college women! Educated women! Liberal-arts majors, fellow science/engineering majors, math majors, that sort of thing.
Well, after enough kicks to the curb by Black women, I got the hint and stopped trying. I had two girlfriends in college, both of them White American. One was in her 30’s, one was about my age (no, not both simultaneously–I’m monogamous).
There was a Black French woman, though, a beautiful and tall athlete with a lovely personality and who apparently liked me. After we talked one day, I had planned that week to ask her if we could study together. 🙂 Sadly, she dropped that class that same week, and I never saw her again, though I looked out for her. Ah well. That could’ve been very interesting.
Fast forward to today. I am now engaged to my best friend. She happens to be White. Throughout my life, I had dated Europeans, Middle Easterners, Latinas, East Asians, even came close to dating a pretty girl from southern India…but not Black American women. They apparently really *aren’t* into anyone that they think looks “White”. For their sake, I hope someday they learn better. As for me, I will be married in 6 months. My best friend turns out to be the right girl for me. That’s the real “color” of love, I think.
Hopefully that helps to answer your question.
The Missus, your comment is very on point, thank you. I appreciate another perspective. I have a white male significant other, and as it were, that is who I ended up with. But he is not American and has zero American family members. I always felt that there was so much historical baggage with white American men, and if not them, their awful families. White Americans have so much to unpack but they must accept that it is their baggage to claim. black people, and black woman general, already have enough to deal with.
None of this is to say non-american white men and their families can’t be problematic. But I don’t share the same history and I felt regarded differently. I felt treated Human by a white person imagine that. I met my SO at work, overseas. Before that, I just stuck with black folks, because of the things that you listed. Me and him aren’t perfect, but I’ve never once felt my humanity questioned, like in America. Black women of course can go for white American men, it just takes plenty of work, and people have to be willing to do it.
Sebastian Harris says
I only write artiles for men, but you should check out my Afro Introductions review. It’s a dating site for African women and white men.
This article is really meaningful. I am a traditional African lady, 22year. And I wonder whether it could be possible for you yo write on how to attract a nice serious white man, because really, I need one
Sebastian Harris says
everyone is different 😉
Sebastian Harris says
“If a white man is attracted to a black woman they need to TELL THEM!!!” That’s exactly what I’m always saying…
I’m a 50 year old black woman, divorced with four adult children. I work at a hospital. A white doctor, I’ll say no names to protect his privacy, flirted with me for almost two years. This man was very attracted to me and he displayed his interest in me when no one was around. When he was near other doctors he kept his head down so that they would not see him looking at me. I later found out that he is married with two children. He has since gone to work at another hospital. My heart and mind were very stirred up by him because I never thought that I was good enough to attract a doctor let alone a white one. I don’t like that he never approached me and desired to get to know me. If he would have had the confidence to be honest with me I would never have wasted my time be intrigued by a married man, I don’t do adultery. I have no problem showing an interest in white men because I’ve done it twice. If a white man is attracted to a black woman they need to TELL THEM!!! We’re just women, we won’t bite or attack. Be honest with yourself, be honest to the woman and follow your heart.
Sebastian Harris says
unfortunately, a lot of white guys are intimidated by black women. I hope your comment will at least convince a few guys to take the first step.
I enjoyed reading this article. I’m a Capeverdean woman in the US and it has been extremely difficult to get approached by let alone date white men. They only speak if it’s online. I asked a male friend of mine what may be the issue and he said white men are naturally intimidated and fearful of rejection when it comes to black woman. What does that even mean. Yes I am educated, poised, and attractive which I would think would encourage interaction, but apparently it makes me and most black woman seem unapproachable. Woman want a strong man, period! If the only way for you to speak up and introduce yourself is behind your computer then already you create doubt. You stare a hole through my head when we share the same company (bar, concert, or any event), but you never find a voice to introduce yourself. If I approach you myself will I automatically be labeled as the aggressive black woman? Funny thing is my friend who just began seeing a white man said the tip of he day is to have a white girl friend as it supposedly cuts down some of that barrier. Thats crazy! If you find me attractive approach me. There should be no reason to feel intimidated. Even if we dnt share the same sentiments you have just gained a new friend versus never knowing me at all.
Sebastian Harris says
I appreciate that you shared your opinion, but the black girls I know love white men.
Sebastian Harris says
a lot of white men don’t believe that black women are attracted to them. They have the stereotype of the “angry black woman” in their minds. This can lead to shyness when a black woman shows interest. Dr Phil over 😉
Am Goddess from South Africa
Thank u for attempting to eradicate the negativity around a black woman.
My child, the issue is a mountain that you on ur own cannot shift and to be honest am not at all upset, I understand. A black woman is just soooooo HEAVY. NATURAL POWER like geeeez. Lol.
Am so attracted to white men and lol, when I look at them, they quickly shift their eyes from me. They DO look but when i look back they look away. Almosti like, embarrassed *i dont want her to notice i noticed her* kind of a glimpse.
Do u perhaps think you can help to clarify that and, hahaha..any suggestions on how i should respond to that.
PS (i always get what i want…so, their look make me feel am violating their rights, because i know i can get them, but i want it to be natural yet they keep looking away)
Help dr phil (just jokes)
I like most of your articles but i call bs on ” most black women love white men”. Most people date/ love people from their own race forst and foremost. A lot of black men and women have been conditioned (like all non whites) to believe white is better. A lot of black women who date white men suffer from varying levels of self hate. Having said that love is love.
Sebastian Harris says
interesting comment. Thanks for sharing.
Attraction is perhaps fickle. To see an “ugly” girl(guy?) for her inner beauty is perhaps the standard to strive for. White men (people) that humilate and jest of another, are lacking a high qualty–kindness. To misus, writer of the long comment, you feel this, as do I and we are not alone, I am sure. Of course, there is an elitest form that can engage in cultural/racial exchange, which views such as novelty, simply. Again, we see this. At some point, perhaps the only difference between us is our gender and our race. Quite honestly the female gender is appealing when possessing the characteristics absent in the individuals you described! Maybe in the end, race becomes relegated to a feature status (like a hairstyle, I do like curls), culture becomes equalized in value, and the inner person is what we ultmately gravitate to. So, uh, you wanna have lunch sometime? 😉
charles grima says
I don’t see why’s all the fuss. Underneath our skin our blood is all red and the feelings are one and the same. And the message should be LOVE ME AND I’LL LOVE YOU BACK.
Sebastian Harris says
I’m sad to hear that you have such a negative opinion on white men. Sure, there are some white guys who make racist jokes. I’m sure there are also a lot of black men who make jokes about white women. But not all of them. I know a lot of white guys who are really attracted to black women and who don’t indulge in locker room talk. Remember, negative thinking attracts negative events. Maybe you should change your opinion of white men and see what happens. Thanks for your real talk 😉
The Missus says
As a Black woman, I’m going to let you know that some of this is article is true, but most of it is just corny nonsense. I’ve had white men hit on me my whole life. It goes nowhere. I hate to say it, but I sort of feel like dating a white man is beneath me. Is it because of the long history of slavery and injustice? Is it because they appear to be physically weaker than Black men? Is it because I don’t believe a white man would ever TRULY love me and understand me as woman/human being? Well, frankly,…yes, yes, and YES.
That said, I have met some white men whom I thought were perfectly nice. Funny. Relatively smart. Pleasant. But I would not take their advances seriously, even when they appeared to be very heart-felt and sincere. Why sign up for a life time of disappointment?
Also, I have always hated the way less attractive, fat and unintelligent Black women were treated by white men. They’re so cruel and mean to those sisters. I mean, we hear your jokes about other Black women even when they are not directed to us. We hear your “nappyheaded” comments and insults. All of the comments about how this Black woman or that Black woman looks like an ape. (Michelle Obama, anyone)? It was the MOST commonly thing said abut the former FLOTUS. “She looks like an ape in heels.” Those are disgusting things to say. Comments like that don’t have to be directed at me for me to be hugely offended by them.So when a white man tries to get close to me, all I can think is “But you wouldn’t be smiling in my face and being Prince Charming if I were fat or ugly, now would you?” And I think, “What kind of jokes do you and your father make about Black women when we’re not around? What did you grow up hearing your father say about us? How about your consistently half-drunken uncle?” The INTERNAL culture of white men grosses me out. So it doesn’t matter how much you compliment my hair, my lips, my skin, my figure, etc. I’m not going to giggle and be flattered. I feel like I know the kinds of hideous things you all say in your homes and your locker rooms. Besides, why the hell am I supposed to turn a cartwheel of joy just because you noticed that I was gorgeous? Your appreciation of my beauty doesn’t make YOU special. It just means you have two eyes in your head. So just back up 10 feet and go stand with my other white male fans.
Now, don’t think, “Oh, she’s one of those mean, opinionated Black chicks that I hate.” Well, maybe I am, and maybe I’m not. But face to face, you’d never know it. Why? Because I’m always smiling. I shake hands, (firmly but politely to express my sincerity and professionalism) When white men compliment me, I say, “Oh, honey, thank you so much. You’re the sweetest thing ever.” As if it means something to me. But it doesn’t. I’m only playing the game. I need you to stay pleasant and relatively polite as I try to take over the world. And insulting your white male ego will only get in my way.
I’m not telling you all this so that you’ll feel discouraged from trying to date Black women. I just wanted to add a little salt to all of this sugar. Some Black women will always be out of your reach. Some of us will NEVER date you. We are not all sitting around just waiting for a white man to date us. We don’t need you. But you will find SOME who will date you. Just not all of us, and never the best of us. REAL Talk. 🙂
Sebastian Harris says
you are welcome. I hope you find the right guy.
fiki mvelase says
hi sebastian, my name is Fiki, I’m South AFrican and yes i love white guys too, just not the white guys in my country, that’s why i’m thinkink of moving to France, im beautiful and i know i’ll find my man there. Thank you so much for these articled, yoy have no idea how good it feels to read and understand what white men (who are into black girls) think.
Sebastian Harris says
Glad to hear that the light skinned boys love your look 😉
My Fucking God people just date who tge hell you want. Every Brown skinned female is not the same. If you lable befor you meet then hell…you’ll never findel true love.
I am a handsome brown strong female (HELL YEAH BITCH I’M FUCKING PROUD) and light skinned boys really love my look. And a quite a few have evan long termed dated me… so yeah just be you love who you are…and tge boys or girls will come rolling in… trust me 🙂