My Wounds of the Past and My Vision of the Future

“Why do you look so tired?”

I am sick of this question. I hear it every week.

Sebastian Harris after writing his bestselling book Rise of the Phoenix

And yet, you deserve an answer. You deserve it, because I will soon reveal my face to you. Not in the next couple of weeks, but soon. At the beginning of 2017 you will know the face of the Global Seducer. I will show my face and it will probably look tired, as always.

Okay, let’s be honest. I don’t write this article because I want to prepare you for the shock of your lifetime. You will see my face soon enough and to be honest, I don’t look very scary. The real reason why I am writing this article right now is because I need to do it. It’s a way of therapy.

And I can tell you one thing. I am fucking tired right now. I couldn’t sleep the whole night. On the one hand, that freaking air conditioning in my apartment in Bangkok was driving me crazy. Something was loose in there. It sounded like a chainsaw. It made me incredibly aggressive.

a creature from hell

On the other hand, there was my mind. I have a very creative mind that loves to express its thoughts and feelings on blank word documents, but I also have an unpredictable mind that tortures me with fears, worries and nightmares.

Don’t get me wrong. I am a very happy person. I love my life in the same way as I love writing for you. My fears, worries and nightmares are not grounded in depression. I smile most of the time and it’s not a fake smile.

I am happy, but I carry a lot of old wounds with me.

A then there is my vision of the future that scares the shit out of me…

My Wounds of the Past

Have you read my about page? Then you probably know that I was born with a congenital heart defect and that I had my last surgery when I was 13 years old. I am not telling you this because I want pity. I am telling you this because I want you to gain a better understanding of who I really am.

So, I had my first heart surgery straight after I was born. I was born a couple of months too early, I weighed less than a water bottle and my dad could hold me in one hand. I was tiny, I was vulnerable and my life started with a scalpel on my chest and hundreds of needles in my arms and legs. I had a damn lucky start in life.

Of course, on a conscious level I don’t remember any of this. Most scientists agree that as an adult you don’t have any memory of the things that happened before your third birthday. That might be possible, but I can’t deny that this time had an influence on me…a very powerful influence.

The first couple of months of my life were pure hell.

I had one surgery after another, I screamed all day long (my poor parents) and I was irritated whenever someone touched me. Maybe that’s why I needed such a long time to be able to attract an emotionally healthy relationship.

My parents did a really great job. I still have a very close relationship to them. They are awesome. I love them with all my heart.

Nevertheless, my subconscious mind still remembers this time as pure hell. I remember it in my dreams. These nightmares are killing me. I see myself in an operating suite. There’s blood everywhere. My chest is open. I bleed. I scream. I see everything.

Maybe I also have these nightmares because I know that I have to do it all again. The day will come when I will lie in this operation suit with an open chest. The day will come. As much as I would love to suppress it, I will need another surgery. Not in the next couple of weeks, but one day.

And to be honest, it scares the shit out of me.

The memories of the past that float around in my subconscious mind and the thought that my chest will be opened at least one more time are reminding me of how precious our time on this earth is.

That’s one reason why I quit my job to travel the world and seduce women all over the world. That’s why I am thankful for every second I spend with my wonderful girlfriend.

a tired face in a happy moment

That’s why I am not scared of following my vision and living my passion with each and every article I write for you.

But is it really true that I am not scared?

My Vision of the Future

I promised myself to always be honest to you. I am not putting so much work into every article I create and every podcast I record, just so that I can lie to you. I have lied during my short but educational corporate career. Every meeting was one big show. I am done with lying.

I am here to tell you the truth and the truth is that I am fucking scared, at least in the very moment I write these lines. Tomorrow is another day, but today I am tired and scared.

I am scared that things won’t work out the way I want. I am scared that I will run out of money while turning my passion for helping, inspiring and motivating you into a career that allows me to put a roof over my head and food on my table. I am scared that my heart will thwart my plans by forcing me to say “hello” to uncle operation suite sooner than I expect and wish.

I am scared that the vision I have for The Global Seducer Community and for you won’t thrive and prosper.

I hope that this was just the beginning…

I am a dating coach and an aspiring digital nomad and yes, I am scared. I know that I should be busy talking about my threesomes and posting “do what you love” memes on Facebook, but I rather write this off my chest.

Maybe you think I am a pussy for being so emotional. That’s okay. I can deal with that.

Maybe you also have fears. That’s okay. You have to learn to deal with them.

I guess your fears are somehow related to women, rejection and escaping loneliness.

To be honest, I know every single one of your fears. Believe me, I’ve been there too. But I overcame these fears. And I will overcome the fears that were keeping me awake last night.

For today I am done sharing my fears with you. Feel free to share yours with me via email or in the comments below.

I hope you and I can both sleep tonight…

Summed Up Wisdom 

I carry a lot of old wounds with me. They hunt me in my dreams. They hide in my subconscious mind, but they are there.

But the wounds of my past are not the only killers I carry around. Life would be boring if only the past was relevant. My future is scaring the shit out of me as well.

Today I know that following your purpose and living the life of your dreams always sounds so easy, because nobody is talking about the dark side…