Finding love after divorce is not that easy
It’s an ambitious goal and hell yeah, I know why you want it…maybe more than anything else. But you have to be patient. And yes, I know how much you hate being patient. As a stereotypical German, I have patience level zero.
But wishful thinking doesn’t change reality.
Don’t you agree that it has never been harder to find someone to love?
I’ve coached many divorced men over the last couple of years. And they all told me the same. They wanted to find someone to hold, to kiss, and to love. But they couldn’t. Sometimes they weren’t ready. Other times they were ready but fell into dangerous traps.
Here’s what I learned by talking to these amazing men…
The Truth About Finding Love After Divorce
Love is an emotion.
This means that it’s constantly in motion. It’s a feeling that can change at any given time. But it’s also a feeling that you can either block or allow at any given time. You are the captain of your ship. You decide if you want to open the gates or keep them closed.
Most divorced men keep them closed.
That’s the truth…the painful truth.
It’s never easy to say “yes” to love. It’s a lot harder when the person you once loved disappointed you, abandoned you, and ripped your heart into pieces. It takes time and it takes the right mindset. But it’s even more important to avoid falling into deadly traps.
Why is finding love after divorce so hard?
Let me tell you what I’ve learned from my coaching clients…
1. It’s Just too Soon for Love
Sometimes it’s just too soon.
You can feel it. Your gut tells you what your mind doesn’t want to hear. You know that it’s too soon…but still. You want someone to kiss, cuddle, and do other naughty things with because you’re used to it. Yep, it’s all about the routine.
Most divorced men don’t realize this.
They aren’t longing for love because they want to feel thousands of butterflies in their stomach. They want it because they are used to it. You’re like a bodybuilder who has been locked out of the gym. Suddenly, you can’t do what you used to do.
Adapting to this new situation hurts.
Don’t allow old habits to pressure you to do something you’re not ready for.
2. Your Heart Has to Heal Before You Can Find Love
Yes, you have a heart.
I know. You don’t want to talk about it because you’re a man. You’re the alpha, the king, the freaking lion. That’s all fine and dandy. But alphas can love too. It doesn’t matter how badass you are. You have a heart and this red pounding thing wants to be fed.
It needs love like your lungs need oxygen.
The only problem is that we men are not big fans of what I call “heart talk”. We love to talk about beer (not me) and women (definitely me). But if you’re a long-term reader or podcast listener, you know that I talk about deep shit most men avoid.
Here are some examples:
Your heart wants you to find love after divorce.
I want the same for you. But I want you to heal first. Your heart wants that too.
3. You Are at Risk of Attracting the Wrong Woman
You are in a tricky position.
Finding love after divorce can be easy. But just because a woman loves you, doesn’t mean that she’s good for you. I mean, I could approach a girl with bipolar disorder who’s looking for her soulmate. This means I found love, right?
Well, yeah, but this also means I fucked up my life.
That’s the biggest danger. You are in the danger zone, my friend. After all the shit you’ve been through, you are vulnerable. You might not want to admit it, but you are. In this emotional state, it’s so easy for the wrong woman to take advantage of you.
That’s why you have to ask yourself:
“Is she the right girl for me?”
Ask yourself this question whenever you talk to a girl and especially whenever you’re on a date. Forget about the size of her boobs. And forget about her sweet words. Try to take off your rose-colored glasses and see the true person.
Now you can decide if you’re willing to take this risk.
4. You Don’t like Women Right Now
I’m sure you’re not a misogynist.
You’re an aspiring Global Seducer. You’re a lover of women. But that doesn’t change the fact that you are pissed at your ex-wife. It doesn’t matter if she left you or you left her. It didn’t work out and you blame her for it. At least that’s what most men do.
It’s a completely normal natural reaction.
The downside, however, is that you wear black sunglasses that paint a dark picture of women in general. You have to understand that your ex-wife doesn’t represent all women. Just because she did something terrible doesn’t mean that all women would do that.
Every woman is different.
Finding love after divorce is impossible unless you love women. With a negative mindset you will only attract women who are not able to give and receive love. These are not the type of girls you want to attract.
So take off your black sunglasses and allow the light to shine through.
5. You Are Aware of the Risk of Losing Everything
You are more careful than ever before.
I can’t blame you. As a divorced man, you know how it feels to lose everything. I (probably) don’t know you in person but I know that you’ve lost something. This is the one thing all of my divorced coaching clients had in common.
They had lost something.
Now you are aware. You are aware of what I talked about in my “don’t get married” podcast episode. The idea of signing another government contract that could rip you into pieces sounds less enticing than putting your balls in a shredder.
This awareness makes finding love more difficult but it might also save your life.
6. You Are Busy Rebuilding Your Life
Is finding love after divorce hard for you because you’re busy rebuilding your life?
That’s how it should be. That’s exactly what you should be doing. You should rebuild your life in every goddamn aspect. Seriously, take a look at your life and at the way you spend your time. Then ask yourself one simple question.
Does this activity make me a better man?
Take inventory of your life. Then do something. Do something every single day. No matter if you start the day by reading one page in my book Rise of the Phoenix or if you start your day with 50 sit ups…do something that makes you better.
I have to be honest:
I actually start my day with 50 sit ups and not with reading a page in my book. But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t read my book (Hint: it’s awesome). And it also doesn’t mean that you should give up on finding love.
The better you’ll get at getting better, the better you’ll get at finding love.
Does that make sense?
It sounds confusing as fuck but that’s how life works. Becoming a better person makes it easier for yourself to open the gates and to allow love to come in. And it also makes it easier for women to love you.
Every woman wants to love a man who wants to achieve greatness.
7. You Don’t Have the Skills to Attract Women
You can’t find love with the Hollywood formula.
In Hollywood it’s enough to walk into a shop, to run into a beautiful girl, to pick up her papers and to look into her eyes. She smiles. You smile. And eventually you get married after killing the bad guys and surviving an alien invasion.
Real life is different.
In the real world you have to do a lot of things to “find” love after divorce:
You might have been out of the game for a long time but you know the game.
The question is:
Do you have the skills to win the game?
Click here if you’re ready to meet the most beautiful women this world has to offer.
Summed Up Wisdom
Why is finding love after divorce so hard? Well, sometimes you’re just not ready for it. You want it but your heart tells you to slow down. Yep, take it slow. You’re at risk of attracting the wrong woman and we both don’t want that.
Come on. Be honest. Do you like women right now? You’ve just lost everything in a divorce. It’s no wonder that you’re not enthusiastic about the ladies. You need to change your mindset before you can attract the right woman.
Mindset is king but it’s not everything. You also need seduction skills. You can’t expect to find love after divorce by accidentally stumbling upon it. That works in Hollywood but not in real life. My book is the best medicine for real life.
Ralph McGee says
Sorry…part of me is bitter, a larger part just stopped caring. I don’t do the “bar” thing. I’m not good enough looking, suave and debonair to make it work. I don’t talk BS or “play”. I’m not wealthy.
My physical disabilities seem to make women think I want a nurse, or nursemaid. I am headed for a wheelchair, doesn’t mean I’m just going to sit. I darn sure don’t want “pity”, and sympathy is just as bad, or worse.
Fear of a relationship that is only short-lived, to be discarded once again?? Yeah…nope.
Just my viewpoint. If I’m alone until death?
It just doesn’t mean anything to me…
Sebastian Harris says
That’s an interesting perspective.
Ralph McGee says
Sorry, but love is NOT an emotion or a feeling.
It’s a choice. You either make it, or you don’t. You are building a relationship on emotions or feelings…basically, Hormones and Pheromones. They call it the 7 year itch for a reason. That’s about when the whole H&P thing wears out.
Look at old people. They snap and growl at each other. They argue the temperature. But when they think nobody is looking…
They hold hands. They hug. They kiss. They genuinely share each other. They made a choice. The whole reason for failure in relationships is just that. Failure to make a choice. I made that choice for 21 years. I did, she didn’t. Not once. Oh, you can “claim” that you “love” them. But without the choice, it’s just words. And if you dig through those words and schlock, they are actually a huge lie.
Make a change. Make a choice.