Do you want to know how to move on after a divorce as a man?
My last Skype coaching client wanted the same. He reached a point where he had to choose between two options. It was either swim or drown. I don’t know if it was my advice that made him choose swimming over drowning, but I’m glad he made this choice.
He was ready to leave the past behind him.
Something had to change and I was happy to be the catalyst. More and more divorced men stumble upon my site, ask me for help, and turn their life around. I’m immensely thankful for that. I guess the psychology classes in college finally show their true worth.
Are you also sick and tired of the fear, the worry and the hopelessness?
Then allow me to open your eyes to a new life where…
You don’t believe this is possible, right?
Well, you’ll see what’s possible when you know how to move on and thrive after a divorce…
How to Move on After a Divorce as a Man (And Get Over It)
I have to warn you.
I’ll share the exact steps my coaching clients took…but you won’t like them. In fact, I’m pretty sure you won’t end up doing half of the things I suggest. Why? Well, because I don’t want you to take the easy way out. The easy way out is easy but not rewarding.
I want you to take the exit that leads to a new life.
This article is not about affirmations and telling yourself that everything is fine. That’s bullshit. You’re suffering and I know it. You can’t tell me that you’re fine. I’ve coached too many divorced guys to believe this lie.
Here’s what I want to do instead:
You already know how to deal with divorce and now it’s time to move on.
Continue reading if that’s what you want…
1. Forgive Yourself for What Happened
You can ask yourself the same question Hillary Clinton asked herself.
Yes, you can ask yourself this question over and over again. And you can blame yourself for your mistakes. Of course, you can also blame your ex-wife for the mistakes she made. But let’s face it. It’s irrelevant who cheated, who lied, and who ended the marriage.
It’s over and it’s time to move on!
That’s the only thing that matters. Let’s not dwell on the past I mean, yeah. You can continue to hate your ex-wife for what she has done. It might have been terrible stuff. I don’t deny that. But please, think about whether or not this is helpful.
What happens when you continue this cycle of rage and hatred?
You’re stuck in the past.
Being stuck in the past makes it impossible to move on. Forgiveness, on the other hand, can lead to a new life. That’s why I ask you to forgive her and yourself. You both made mistakes and you both deserve to be forgiven.
I'm not the most religious person in the world, but this might help you...
You can’t move on as long as you’re holding a grudge against her, but you will move on once you forgive…
2. Trade Your Past for Your Future
What do you see when you look in the mirror?
Here’s what 90% of my divorced coaching clients answer:
“I see a complete failure...”
This mindset is poison for every man who wants to learn ow to move on after a divorce. You need to change your mindset or it will eat you alive. It will swallow you and spit you out like a lion spits out a wounded animal.
Listen to me: You are not a failure!
The fact that your marriage ended has absolutely NOTHING to do with your worth as a human being and as a man. You are still worthy of love, success, and an amazing life. Endings are not the end. Endings can be new beginnings.
But you’ll only experience this new beginning if you look into the future.
The past is over. The future lies ahead of you.
3. Visualize Your Dream Bachelor Lifestyle
Let’s be honest.
You shouldn’t think about marrying again, at least for now. But know that already. Well, most of the divorced men I helped knew it. But that didn’t stop them from thinking about it whenever they felt lonely.
Here’s what happens:
Do you want that?
Really think about it before you scream “yes”. You don’t want to experience the same hell again. One divorce is enough for now. But a second divorce is almost inevitable if you buy a ring for a girl you rebound with.
Instead, focus on your life as a single man.
Visualize your dream bachelor lifestyle. Go crazy. Visualize the exciting first dates, the amazing sex, and the naked girls in your bed. Dream big and you’ll experience big changes.
Now we just have to make sure that your dreams turn into reality…
4. Write Down Your Short-Term and Long-Term Goals
You need the right goals.
Unfortunately, most divorced men wish for a better life but never achieve it because wishes are neither specific nor realistic.
It’s great to say “I want to sleep with all the hot girls in my country”. That’s a great wish, but it’s not a specific goal. It also doesn’t say anything about what you have to achieve in the short-term and in the long-term.
Have a look at these short-term and long-term goals:
These goals are realistic and specific.
What if you think they are completely unrealistic?
Then you really have to read my book Rise of the Phoenix.
5. Stop Believing What They Say About Marriage
Do you still think about doing it again?
I can’t blame you.
Everyone and (especially) their grandmother tells us “the truth” about marriage:
First of all, the likelihood that you die when your wife is right next to you is close to zero. Heck, she might die first. We all die alone. Deal with it. Oh, and I guess nobody told you that most long-term studies came to the conclusion that married people are NOT happier.
You might want to think about that before you make the same mistake twice.
6. Think About Your Ex-Wives Terrible Qualities
Your brain is fooling you.
There’s a reason why old people think that everything was better before the internet and why you still can’t get over your ex-wife. You are biased. As human beings, we tend to remember positive events from the past and we tend to forget all the negative stuff.
That’s very, very dangerous.
Here’s what happens:
Here’s what I would do if I were you:
Make a list of her positive AND her negative qualities. Now you have the full picture.
Do you still want her back?
7. Fill the Void with New Activities
Maybe you do, but only when you’re feeling lonely.
I get it. You sit on the couch. You’re all by yourself. And you listen to the latest Ed Sheeran song. These are the moments when you don’t want to know how to move on after a divorce as a man. You just want to cry your eyes out.
You want to fill the void and that’s exactly what we’re going to do now:
I won’t tell you that screaming “I’m so happy” is the solution. The void is there. But you can fill it. Unfortunately, a lot of divorced guys don’t even try it because they hide in their room. Stop hiding. Go out and start living.
You deserve to fill the void. It gets smaller in the progress.
8. Live in Day Tight Compartments
God, I love this book.
Dale Carnegie’s book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living is almost as good as Rise of the Phoenix. No seriously, it’s really good…especially this one rule.
Live in day tight compartments.
Here’s what it means:
That’s the perfect recipe for moving on after a divorce as a man. By focusing on the here and now, you stop dwelling on the past and worrying about the future. This allows you to grow each day a bit more.
Eventually, you’ll reach your destination.
9. Approach Women for the First Time in Years
When was the last time you talked to a woman?
Nope, I don’t mean your ex-wife or a female colleague. Unless you believed in fidelity as much as Tiger Woods, it probably has been a while. I hate to say it, but you have to get back in the game. You have to put yourself out there.
Face the dragon and slay it.
In other words:
You can start small. A simple “hey, what’s your name?” or “hey, you look beautiful” is already enough. You don’t even have to start a conversation. Practice openers for a while and your first conversation will inevitably follow.
It’s hard to get back in the game. But it’s necessary.
10. Embrace Every Rejection on Your Path
Will you get rejected?
Yes, you will. But let’s face it. A divorce is also a rejection and it’s hundred times worse than “sorry, but I have a boyfriend.” You’ve survived worse. But yeah, you will get rejected.
However, you will learn from your mistakes and…
I’ll never forget the email one of my recently divorced coaching clients sent me after he had a one-night stand with a girl who “plays in a different league than his ex” (these were his words). He was so happy, so thankful.
That’s what I want for you.
I want you to smile again. And the best way to smile after this horrific experience is to have access to beautiful women. You can deny it as much as you want. You are a man and you crave female companionship and affection.
It’s time to take what you deserve.
11. Celebrate Every Little Victory
Never give up!
Yeah, I know. It sounds like a stupid cliché. But it’s so important. The moment you give up is the moment you stop moving forward. And you’re here because you want to move on after a divorce. So keep moving.
Do whatever it takes to get you going:
What if it’s just a phone number from a girl?
Don’t ever say that again. It’s not just a phone number. It’s an opportunity to meet a girl who might end up sleeping with you. That’s a reason to celebrate.
It sounds stupid but that’s how to cope with divorce as a man and win big time.
12. Be Patient With Yourself and Your Emotions
You’re moving but not in a straight line.
It’s easy to believe that success is a straight path. You start something, it works, and you succeed. Now you can finally say “f you, divorce” and smile like a happy child.
Let’s look at reality:
Moving on after a divorce is about talking to girls, getting rejected, talking to more girls, and getting rejected again. Eventually, you’ll figure out what works and what doesn’t. That’s when you reach the point where you have choice with women.
Choice is the reward of the painful path and I hope I can inspire you to take this path.
13. Follow Your Vision or Find One
A lot of married men have given up on their dreams.
I have news for you:
You no longer have to spend your weekends shopping furniture. You are a free man. You can do whatever the hell you want. You have the chance to reconnect with your raw male energy and to do what your heart wants to do.
You need a vision!
That’s how you move on after separating from your wife. Follow your vision and if you don’t have one, find one. A man needs a vision like he needs air to breathe. You are a hunter. You need to strive towards something.
You’ve been caged for way too long.
The first step to finding your vision is to feed your brain with the information it needs to move on.
The next step is to go out and to live again...
Summed Up Wisdom
You want to know how to move on after a divorce as a man. That’s good. You’ve already reached the point where you not only want to survive, but thrive. The first step is to forgive yourself and to stop dwelling on the past. It’s time to look into the future.
Visualize the life you want to live and no, I’m not talking about a second marriage that will end up in another devastating divorce. Write down your short-term and your long-term goals and really see the naked girls in your bed. See the guy you want to become. If you see it, you can be it.
What’s next? You have to get out and meet women. I don’t expect you to turn into a master seducer within one week. Start small. Live in day tight compartments and celebrate every little victory. Now you just have to be patient and follow your vision.
Sebastian Harris says
you are absolutely right.
Ronald A Costen says
Keep it moving! You only live once