When do you start dating after divorce?
I hope you know one thing.
It’s never too late to start over. No matter if you’ve been out of the game for 5, 10, or 20 years. You can do it. You can date again and guess what? Your future girlfriend will be ten times hotter than your ex-wife because I will help you every step along the way.
But of course, you’re asking yourself:
Yes, it can be too soon.
And I don’t say this because I’ve been through a rough divorce. I have to be honest. I’ve never been married…and I have my reasons. However, I’ve coached dozens of divorced men over the years. They all asked themselves the same question…
When is the right time to start dating again?
When to Start Dating After Divorce: The Make Sure List
I wish I could give you the exact date.
That’s what you want to hear, right? You want me to say “you can start dating after 5 weeks, 3 days, and 7 hours.” Sorry, but that’s not how it works. Everyone who tells you that a certain number of days or weeks are the perfect time is full of shit.
Here’s the truth:
It all depends on the progress you make.
Some men are ready after a couple of days or weeks. Others needs months. It takes as long as it takes. You’re your time. It’s okay. Of course, I want you to read my book Rise of the Phoenix, go out there and meet sexy young girls.
You want that too…but what does your soul want?
Your soul is either ready or not ready. It all depends on your personal “make sure” list. That’s the exercise I give my divorced one-on-one coaching clients and that’s the exercise I want you to make right now with me.
Create a list with all the things you have to make sure BEFORE you start dating after divorce…
1. Make Sure That You Don’t Even Think About Marriage Anymore
This is extremely important.
God, this is probably the most important rule of all. One of the biggest mistakes some of my divorced coaching clients made is that they thought about getting married again. Heck, they thought about this BEFORE they even started dating again.
Here’s my response to this thought:
No, no, and hell fucking no!
You have fucked up your life once. Do you really want to do it a second time? That’s insanity! But I know. Feeling lost and lonely can lead to insane ideas. Suddenly, an insane idea like this can seem logical and good. Well, it’s not.
Don’t make the same mistake twice.
I won’t let you start dating after divorce unless you promise me to not marry your next girlfriend.
2. Make Sure That You Don’t Want to Date for the Wrong Reasons
What are the wrong reasons?
Well, how about…
I totally understand you.
But here’s the truth:
If you want to start dating again because you want to avoid negative emotions, you will fail. Going out with this negative energy will lead to negative experiences with very negative women.
What’s the right reason?
You feel good about yourself and you want to make a beautiful woman feel even better. You are okay with being alone but you want to experience being with someone. And you want to experience amazing moments with someone who loves you as much as you love yourself.
Now you’re ready.
3. Make Sure That You Are Through the Stages of Grief
Life is suffering.
That’s what Jordan Peterson tends to say. And I don’t have to tell you that your life is even more suffering when you’re in the middle of a rough divorce. All the pain, the frustration, the hopelessness… it sucks big time.
That’s why going through the stages of grief is normal.
I don’t want to discuss these stages in detail because I’ve already written an article about this topic. I just want you to understand that you have to deal with this shit before you start dating again. And yes, I say shit because that’s what it is.
It’s important to go through this process.
Healing is only possibly if you go through hell first. And don’t even think about dating before you’ve been through hell. I mean, you don’t want to carry your personal hell in your new relationship.
You want to be free from pain before you put yourself out there.
4. Make Sure That You Feel Comfortable Alone
Remember what I said about negative energy?
You have to get rid of your negative energy before you date again.
If you want to start dating after divorce because you are lonely, desperate, and suicidal (hopefully not) you will have a rough time. The women who have a positive energy will avoid you. You’ll attract girls with a negative energy like cheese attracts mice…and Germans.
Don’t do it because you want to fill a void.
You might be able to fill it. But I can’t guarantee that the woman you fill it with is better than the void. No, you have to learn to be comfortable on your own. And yes, I know how hard this is. You’ve been married for such a long time. You are scared of being alone because you’re not used to it.
Well, you have to learn it.
Once you feel comfortable alone, you’ll have the right energy to attract a positive woman.
5. Make Sure That You Have Let Go of Your Ex-Wife
Are you still thinking about her?
Be honest. Sometimes you close your eyes at night and you see her. There she is. Of course, your brain is a sleazy motherfucker. It tricks you into believing that she was perfect and that your marriage was perfect. Don’t fall for this trick.
It’s not a coincidence that you only want her back when you’re vulnerable.
That’s when you want your ex-wife back. Your brain ignores all the negative memories. All the things she has done to you suddenly disappear. That’s when you have to intervene. Let your brain know the truth. Heck, speak it out loud.
Remind yourself of the negative memories.
Do this over and over again until you can let go of your ex-wife.
When you have reached this state…that’s when you’re ready to start dating after divorce.
6. Make Sure That You’re Better and Wiser Than Before
Are you working on yourself?
I hope you are. Most guys see a divorce as a terrible experience. They are blinded by the pain and don’t see the incredible opportunity that lies ahead. Come on, dude. This is your chance to become the man you couldn’t become when you were married.
You can finally reach your full potential because…
You are free!
Do you even realize how amazing this is?
You have the freedom to do whatever the fuck you want. You can travel the world, you can read life-changing books (how about mine?), you can develop yourself, you can learn a new language, you can start a new hobby.
You can become the man you’ve always wanted to be.
Once you have reached this level, you’ll know that the perfect moment to start dating after divorce has come. You won’t just be ready. You will be more than ready because you’ve developed useful skills and you’ve become unstoppable.
Summed Up Wisdom
When to start dating after divorce? I wish I could give you the exact date and time. But I can’t. For some men it takes a couple of days. Others need weeks or months. As long as you promise yourself to not get married again, you can take the first steps.
But you don’t want to date for the wrong reasons. The need to avoid negative emotions is strong. But it’s not a wise idea to follow this need. Instead, you have to learn to be comfortable being alone. You are on your own now. Wait until you feel good about this. Then you’ll attract good women.
What about the grief and the thoughts about your ex-wife? You have to deal with your demons first. Go through the stages of grief. It will be painful but you’ll come out stronger. And let go of your ex-wife. You need to let go before you can reach your full potential as a man.