Are you sure that you’re ready for dating after divorce?
I don’t want to destroy all your hopes. I’m sure the lawyer of your ex-wife has already done that. Oh God, I’m terrible at this. Sorry for messing up the introduction. But hey, you are divorced. That’s a reason to celebrate and yes, this time I’m serious.
The question is:
Will you take the necessary steps?
I know. You’re nervous. The wounds are in the process of healing, some of them are still open. But you are ready. One part of you wants to continue to cry whenever you look at your wedding photos. The other part of you wants to break free and start a brand new life.
I want you to say “heal yeah” the second part of you.
You are ready for a new life, new experiences….and mind-blowing sex. You’re more than ready. You just don’t know it yet because you’re too afraid. Getting divorced is a shocking experience. But you have to see the positive side.
A new life, a life with beautiful young women, is waiting for you…
My Dating After Divorce Guide
I have to be honest with you.
I’ve never been married and…duh…I’ve never been divorced. Now you might think to yourself “what can this guy tell me about dating after divorce?” Well, I probably have more experience in this field than any other dating coach.
Don’t ask me why.
Seriously, I don’t know how all these guys find my website, my podcast, and my book. Until recently, I haven’t published one single article or podcast episode about this topic. I only started this “divorced men series” because more and more guys kept asking me.
Well, your prayers have been answered…
1. Did You Already Get Over Your Divorce?
If the answers is “no”, you have to read this article first.
I’m dead serious.
Yes, I’m a dating coach. And yes, I want you to buy my book (I have to eat), to put the advice into practice, and to date incredibly beautiful women. But I’m not a liar. I won’t tell you that banging ten chicks is the best way to get over a divorce.
This is the number one mistake my coaching clients made. Heck, I had this one client who was crying in the first Skype coaching session. I didn’t want his money. First, I wanted him to sit down, be for himself, and face his emotions.
That’s why I have to ask you:
Did you already get over your divorce?
A sobbing “no” will inevitably lead to desperate attempts to attract women that are pure poison for you.
A loud “yes” is what’s needed to start dating after divorce without drowning…
2. Stay Away from Tempting Women
What on earth is a tempting woman?
You could call her femme fatale or simply a crazy bitch who wants to ruin your life. I don’t know anything about your ex-wife. But a lot of my divorced coaching clients described their ex-wives as “a crazy bitch who ruined my life.”
Do you want to make the same mistake again?
Unfortunately, this is what happens to a lot of men. Imagine you meet a girl. She’s adventurous, crazy, and unpredictable. She’s everything you couldn’t be while you were married.
Warning: You’re entering the danger zone.
She’s addictive, she’s crazy, she’s unpredictable and you want her. But she wants the fun, the adventure, and the thrill. Be careful. You are still in a vulnerable state and a tempting woman is the last thing you need in this situation.
You need stability, not more chaos.
3. Make a List and Treat it Like the Bible
How can you resist the temptation?
There’s only one way:
Prepare yourself, or in other words…
If you don’t know where you go, you’ll end up on a path. But it won’t be the right path. You have to know what you want. By knowing what you want and especially what you do not want, you resist the temptation.
Think about the girls you want to date:
I’m a big fan of goal setting. But you can only set goals if you know what you want to achieve. Making a list that defines the girls you want to date solves this problem (God, I’m too German for this world). Now that you know what you want, you can go for what you want.
Stick to this list and dating after divorce will be pure bliss for you.
4. Don’t Expect an Overnight Success
You’ve been married for…well, I don’t know.
Maybe 5 years, maybe 10 years. Or maybe you’ve been trapped in a marriage for over 20 years. The most brutal realization my divorced coaching clients made is that they wasted the best years of their life. This thoughts hurts more than thousand needles.
This painful thought leads to the following (catastrophic) mindset:
Of course, you should take action. But putting yourself under immense pressure won’t help. You can’t expect to become a master seducer overnight when you’ve been out of the game for ten years. That’s absolutely insane.
Unfortunately, countless shady dating companies sell you the overnight success.
As a result, a lot of divorced men believe in a miracle transformation. Or let’s say they want to believe it. Deep down they know that it takes effort and hard work to reach their goals. But the easy way out is so tempting.
Avoid this temptation in the same way as you avoid tempting women.
5. Commit to the Process or Let it Be
I want you to commit.
Yeah, I get it. That’s a lot to ask for. I mean, you committed to your wife. And we both know how that worked out. But this time, I don’t want you to commit to another person. I want you to commit to yourself and your new life.
Commit to the process or forget about it.
Becoming a great seducer is a process. You read articles, listen to podcasts, read my book, go out and approach women, get rejected, analyze your approaches, go out again, get rejected again, go out again and eventually you’ll succeed.
Are you ready for the ride?
I hope you are because the roller coaster is packed with beautiful women.
6. Be Ruthless on the First Date
Dating after divorce is about being ruthless.
You might be a nice guy. Guess what? I don’t give a flying fuck. You have to be ruthless in the dating process. You’ve wasted enough years in an unfulfilling marriage. You spent enough nights emotionally and sexually frustrated.
That’s why you have to avoid the following girls:
It’s so easy to fall into the “it’s okay” trap. But think about it. That’s (probably) why you got married. The relationship was okay. It wasn’t great. It wasn’t awesome. It was only okay and okay motivated you to sign a government contract.
Do you remember the MTV show next?
Say “next” to all the women who are okay and wait for the one who blow your mind.
7. Share Your Story and Your Feelings
Yes, I know how scary that sounds. You’re a man. Being vulnerable scares the shit out of you, right? Most of my divorced coaching clients had the same problem. Some of them refused to follow my advice…until they realized a couple of things about women and dating.
Here’s what some of them had to learn the hard way:
Seriously, opening up and sharing your story and feelings is like mosquito repellent for bad chicks. This is a lesson every man should learn. But it’s especially important for divorced men. You re loaded with emotions, stories, and past experiences.
Don’t hide your experience. Share it.
Her reaction will show you whether or not she’s the right girl for you.
8. Look Out for Red Flags Early On
Let me ask you something:
Did you look out for red flags when you were dating your ex-wife?
You probably hate me for asking this question. But it’s an important question. Most guys say “yes” but what they really mean is “no”. Let’s face it. If you had looked out for red flags, you wouldn’t be divorced now. Thankfully, everyone gets a second chance.
This is your chance and this time, look carefully.
Imagine you meet a woman and she’s perfect. You don’t notice it but the rose-colored glasses have already taken over. You are into her. Heck, you love this girl. She’s amazing. She’s everything your ex-wife wasn’t.
But is that really true?
Look out for the red flags.
The last thing you want is to make the same mistake twice.
9. Take Control of the Relationship
You have to be in control.
Jesus, I seem to do everything in my power to make you hate me. My next question will be even worse than the red flag question. Now I want to ask you about your ability to take control…something you haven’t done in a while.
Every single one of my divorced coaching clients fell into this trap.
They gave up control.
It started before they got married. Most of them didn’t really want to get married. But she wanted it. So they said “yes”. They wanted to make a prenup. But she said that’s unromantic. So they didn’t do it. They allowed her to make the decisions.
These men didn’t live. They have been lived.
You can do better than that. This time I want you to promise me one thing. Promise me that you won’t give up control…ever again. You are the pilot of your airplane. Unless you take responsibility for your life and your needs, you will end up in hell.
Taking the road to hell is easy but getting out is damn hard.
10. Date Her But Please Don’t Marry Her
One last warning…
You’re reading this article because you were looking for advice on dating after divorce. You hopefully didn’t come here for advice on marriage after divorce. Now you might think to yourself: “Hell no! I won’t do THAT again!”
Two of my coaching clients said the same until…
Taking responsibility for your life is not easy. It’s way harder than people want to admit. But it’s necessary. Think twice when your heart screams “do it again, do it again”. You might want to consult your mind before you sign the next government contract.
Otherwise I’ll see you again on Skype in the next 5-10 years…
Summed Up Wisdom
What should I tell you about dating after divorce? You have to get over it. Deal with your emotions. Only then should you go out and meet women. And please stay away from the femme fatales of this world. You don’t need more drama in your life.
You need a woman who’s good for you. That’s why you should make a list. Come on. Be a bit German and write a well-organized list with the qualities you are looking for. Don’t forget to write down your boundaries. Now you can commit to the process.
Yes, the process and not the overnight success. It will take time but success will come fast, but only if you are ruthless. Don’t waste your time with the wrong women. Be open, look out for red flags and share your story. But please don’t make the same mistake a couple of months later. I don’t want to get an email from you with the subject line I’ll Do It Again. You won’t like my reply.