Do you belong to the group of men who are living alone after divorce?
It sucks. I know.
Last week I had a Skype session with a coaching client. He was devastated…and totally overwhelmed with the situation. This guy had been married for 12 years. Then it happened. His wife wanted a divorce. It hit him like a sledgehammer.
“My heart was bleeding and it just didn’t stop.”
These are his words.
I’ve never been married and I’ve never been divorced (thank God). But I coached a lot of divorced men. And he wasn’t an exception. It’s hard to get used to living alone when you’ve spent over a decade living with someone.
Suddenly, he had to do things he hadn’t done in years.
But that wasn’t all. It was only the beginning. Now he had time and even though time is a valuable asset…it can be hell on earth when you’re recently divorced. Yes, you want to have free time. But you’re also scared whenever you’re not busy.
Time is like a big wave that’s coming closer.
You don’t want to think about your ex-wife. But you do. You don’t want to do the things you don’t like to do (remember the garbage). But you know that you have to do them. And honestly, you don’t know what to do with all the time you have…now that you’re living alone.
Let me show you how to survive and thrive after your divorce….
How to Survive as a Man Living Alone After Divorce
Survival is the first stage.
Yes, you have to overcome your grief. And hell yeah, you have to deal with your emotions, especially when they are torturing you like thousands of small needless in your eye. You HAVE TO do these things. The pain won’t last forever. Believe me.
What if you’re already past this stage?
Then you have to tackle the next challenge. You are ready. I know you are. You’re not crying anymore. The pain is slowly fading away. And you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, there is light. But there’s also loneliness.
And that’s what scares you the most.
Nine out of ten of my divorced coaching clients had the same problem. They didn’t want to be alone, eat alone, live alone…die alone. The thought of being alone scared the living hell out of them. And I can’t blame them.
They haven’t been alone for way too long…
1. Accept the Fact That You’re Alone Now
You’ve made it past the survival stage.
No you have to accept your situation. There’s no way around it. Unless you want to continue to live in the past (which is not healthy) you have to accept the fact that you are on your own. You’re no longer married and even if you don’t believe me right now…this is a huge opportunity.
Stop whining about something that’s in the past.
Instead, look at yourself in the mirror and say “I can do that. I can live alone.” I wish I could tell you to say “I can do that. I’ve done it before” to the reflection in the mirror. Unfortunately, a lot of my divorced coaching clients have never taken this step.
Here’s the typical story:
I’ve coached 40-year-old men who’ve NEVER lived alone.
Are you one of them?
Then you have to accept the fact that you’re on your own and crawl your way back to life…
2. Start With the Tasks You Hate the Most
Yes, I want you to crawl.
Of course, I don’t want you to crawl on the floor. I mean this metaphorically. I want you to take baby steps. I don’t expect you to be the king of your cave on day one. However, I expect you to do what Jordan Peterson wants you to do.
Get your act together.
Oh, and how could I forget that? Clean your room! Yep, our buddy Jordan knows what he’s talking about. You just have to want it. Have you ever heard the saying you can do anything you set your mind to? If that’s true, you can also wash your clothes.
Start with the things you hate the most. If you hate to wash the dishes, wash those babies. They won’t do it on their own. You have to take responsibility for your dishes, your apartment and especially for your life.
Let’s continue to get your goddamn act together…
3. Get Out Whenever You’re Suicidal
Okay, maybe you’re not suicidal (hopefully).
But you might be depressed…or at least a bit sad. That’s completely normal. Nobody can be happy seven days a week, especially after a divorce. There will be days when you feel like dating and there will be days when you feel like shit.
Sorry, but that’s the brutal truth.
Oh God, the children. I can tell you one thing. My divorced coaching clients who didn’t have children were way better at coping with being alone. They ones who had children were suffering like hell. But don’t worry. I was able to help them, too.
Do you have children?
If you want you can share your story in the comments below. I’d appreciate it.
You have to get out whenever your serotonin level hits an all time (or all day) low. Leave the house. Don’t stare at the ceiling and please don’t torture yourself with family photos. Get your ass out of your house.
There are many things you can do when the ceiling is crashing down on you.
4. Meet Friends or Socialize Regularly
Friendship is important.
It’s especially important when you’re in a bad place. It sounds so cheesy, but we all need a friend. We need someone to talk to, someone to encourage us, and someone we can share our deepest emotions with.
This is especially important for men.
Men are conditioned to believe that talking about feelings is unmanly. This is complete bullshit. If you feel alone, call one of your friends and ask him to hang out with you. Human beings are social beings. Heck, I’m an introvert and even I need to socialize every now and then.
What if you don’t have a friend?
Shoot me an email. Maybe I can help. I’ll do my best.
5. Realize that Being Alone is Freaking Awesome
It’s time to rise.
You can rise from the ashes of your marriage. You can take the dust of your divorce, throw it in the air, and shout “yippee”. Believe it or not, but you have every reason to celebrate. That’s the message I want to convey in this article.
Men living alone after divorce are not doomed.
Your life is about to start. You just have to grab it by the horns. Imagine you are a torero and you have to fight this fat bull. That’s your life. You have to be fast, active, and fully present. You can do whatever you want and time is on your side.
Do you even realize how great this is?
You have three options:
Just think about it...
There’s no wife who wants you to spend time with her. There’s nobody who wants you to do a certain job, come home at a certain time, have certain hobbies. You are free and I know how scary that sounds…at least when you haven’t been free for years.
It’s time to unleash your full potential.
6. Use the Time and Space to Improve Yourself
Who’s in your apartment?
Who has power over your schedule?
These are the two things all men living alone after divorce have in common. They are on their own and they have complete control over your schedule. I just told you that you have the choice to do nothing, a little bit, or to go all out.
Now it’s time to make this choice.
Let me ask you one very important question:
Are you willing to do whatever it takes to become the best version of yourself?
You’re only allowed to continue reading if you answer this question with “yes”. I’m serious. If you’re not willing to go all in, you’re all out. You must be committed. You were committed when you got married (that didn’t work out) and now you have to commit to your new life (that will work out).
Rise, my friend. Rise.
You have the space. You have the time. Now you just have to take action.
7. Make Sure that You Won’t Be Alone Forever
It’s on you.
Do you want to live an amazing life and date incredibly beautiful women?
You have to take the necessary action steps.
Unless you go out and approach women, you’ll stay alone. Unless you put my advice (and my crazy seduction techniques) into practice, you won’t be able to meet and attract beautiful women.
The choice is yours.
I can’t make this choice for you. I can only show you the path. You have to take it. Do you know what I want? I want you to write me an email in three months with the subject line “Sebastian, I made it” or “Sebastian, I met an amazing girls.”
I want you to succeed.
Summed Up Wisdom
Let’s talk about men living alone after divorce. Are you one of them? Then you have to accept your current situation. Don’t fight it. Accept that you’re on your own. Believe me. This is a huge opportunity. But first, you have to clean your room.
Start with the tasks you hate the most. Do these things in the morning. That’s how you get things done. Then you have time to socialize and to meet your friends. Go out whenever you feel depressed. The ceiling is your worst enemy.
Self-improvement is your ally. It sucks to live alone after divorce. But this is your chance. You have the time and the space to do whatever you want and to become whoever you want. You have unlimited potential. Use your potential and rise like a Phoenix from the ashes.