Have you ever wondered how to ask a girl to hang out with you?
I’m sure you’ve tried it before:
She didn’t show up. Am I right? You don’t have to be ashamed of it. It happened to me dozens of times…the exact same scenario. I asked a girl to come over and the result was, well, nothing.
Do you want to know why I failed?
I failed because I didn’t understand the difference between hanging out as friends and as lovers. I ALWAYS ended up in the friend zone. It took me a long time to figure out how to do it in a way that made her want to see me…and do more than that.
Let’s face it.
You want more…and I’ll show you how to get it:
Are you ready for some action once she’s at your house?
Then let’s get started…
How to Ask a Girl to Hang Out with You Alone (Without Sounding Desperate)
Do you want to know what I did wrong?
Well, I made a couple of mistakes:
Yep, I admit it. Sometimes I didn’t even pop the question. I was convinced I would fail. That’s why I didn’t even bother to ask girls to hang out with me. Other times I tried…even though I had no hope.
This would soon change.
Every new try was a learning experience and all these learning experiences made me discover the following four rules…
1. Find Out if She’s in a Good Mood
Here’s what I did:
I asked girls who just broke up with their boyfriends.
Have you ever made this mistake?
I mean, she just broke up with her boyfriend. She must be interested in hanging out. She must be ready to sleep with you after casually watching a movie, right?
Here’s the most important rule of all:
It’s ten times easier to ask a girl to hang out when she’s in a good mood.
Don’t do it unless she’s in a good mood.
2. Keep it Casual
Asking a girl to hang out is the most casual thing on earth.
That’s why you do it. You want to close the deal without making it too obvious. It’s a proven strategy that works…but only if you don’t trade casual for serious.
Avoid everything that screams “date”.
There’s one thing you need to know about women. They love sex. But they hate being labeled a bad girl. It has to happen naturally and “accidentally”. Hanging out is the perfect excuse…just like Netflix & Chill.
Be casual and she’ll be comfortable.
3. Invite Her to Join You
I know why I failed so miserably in the past.
I asked the same questions I’d ask today…but I did it the wrong way. I made it all about her instead of me. I know. That sounds selfish and arrogant. But that’s the only way to make it work. You have to make it about you.
Here’s what I mean by that:
Don’t plan anything for HER. Make plans for YOURSELF.
All you have to do now is to invite her. You’d go anyway. It’s up to her if she wants to join you. There’s no pressure. And that’s exactly what she wants.
Here are some examples:
- “I’m about to watch this new movie with The Rock. I just bought it. Do you want to watch it too?”
- “It’s cold as hell and I want to make a hot chocolate. Do you also want one?”
- “I want to go to the lake today. If you want you can join me.”
That’s how you ask a girl to hang out with you.
4. Hang Out Alone with Her
I had a look at what other guys write about this topic.
It didn’t surprise me that the advice was counterproductive. I mean, that’s why I decided to write this article in the first place. Every other article on this topic says something along the lines of “it’s always good to hang out in groups.”
No, no and hell no!
This is a terrible idea and here’s why:
Tamara in a group is not the same person as Tamara at your house. Women wear masks in public. Some wear masks of sanity, but most wear masks of innocence. And you can’t kiss a girl who’s still wearing her mask.
I hate all-caps, but I have to do this (please forgive me):
MEET HER ALONE!
No groups, no friends, no nothing…only you and her.
How to Ask a Girl to Hang Out Over Text
When it comes to asking a girl to hang out with you, your phone is your best friend. And yes, I say this even though I’m not a big fan of texting. I like to call girls (no, I didn’t say I like call girls. Read it again).
But texting works.
1. Send Her the You Won’t Believe What Happened Text
I tested different texts and this one works best.
I call it the “You won’t believe what happened” text. The reason why it works so well is because it allows you to give her a reason to come. When you ask a woman to hang out with you without a reason, her female conscience screams “you’re a bad girl if you say yes”.
Give her a reason and her conscience says “that makes sense”.
Here are some examples:
- “Hey Laura, you won’t believe what happened. I finally got this new movie with Tom Cruise. I’m so excited. Have you seen it? No? Why don’t we watch it together?”
- “Hey Amber, you won’t believe what happened. My dad bought this crazy pool table. Do you want to test it with me?”
- “Hey Barbara, you won’t believe what happened. I finally have Netflix. Want to watch The Rain?”
Give her a reason and make sure that she has time…
2. Assume That She Has Time Today
You want to know how to ask a girl to hang out without sounding desperate, right?
Then don’t ask if she has time.
Assume that she has time and she will have time.
It sounds weird but that’s how it works. You are also more likely to buy my (incredible and amazing) book Rise of the Phoenix when I say “check it out” instead of “do you want to check it out?”
Do the same with her.
3. Use Smileys to Motivate Her to Hang Out
What if she’s still reluctant?
Smileys and Gifs are food for your smartphone…and for the female brain. Use them and use as many as you need to convince her. I’m serious. Smileys and Gifs are better than logic and reasoning. Don’t forget that she’s a woman.
Here’s what worked for me in the past:
Give it a shot. I know it works.
How to Ask a Girl to Hang Out Over the Phone
What if you’re like me and you hate texting?
You have her undivided attention and you can ask her anything you want. And asking a girl to hang out with you over the phone can be so much faster than over text.
You call, she picks up, and you close a deal.
This can be a matter of minutes and here’s how it’s done…
1. Start the Conversation with Exciting News
Your opening line is very similar to the texts.
The principle is the same. There’s something exciting you want to share with her. And you can’t wait to enjoy it with her. You want to give her a reason to show up, but this time you don’t reveal everything in one go.
However, you can use (almost) the same examples:
- “Hey Laura, you won’t believe what happened. I finally got this new movie with Tom Cruise. I’m so excited.”
- “Hey Amber, you won’t believe what happened. My dad bought this crazy pool table.”
- “Hey Barbara, you won’t believe what happened. I finally have Netflix.”
Do you see what I did?
I used the same examples as in the text approach, but I delted the last part. I did it because talking on the phone allows you to observe her reaction. Texting doesn’t give you this luxury.
If she does, you can simply ask the last part of the opener. For example “do you want to watch The Rain?”
If she doesn’t want to, you continue with the next step…
2. Find Out if She Has the Same Taste
It’s easier to ask a girl to hang out with you once you know her taste.
The good news:
Her voice and her words will reveal it. You can’t fake it over the phone. So…let’s assume you want to watch the new Tom Cruise movie with her. But she doesn’t like Tom Cruise because she’s not a big fan of Scientology.
What do you do now?
You change your offer until she accepts.
Here’s an example:
“I knew it. I knew you don’t like Tom Cruise. But you once told me that you like Matt Damon. I have the new Bourne movie. When do you want to come over?”
She’ll probably say “yes” but if she doesn’t…
3. Give Her Incentives to Come Over
Don’t give up.
You have one last shot and you better not miss it.
Here’s how to make sure that you hit it like one of Dwight Howard’s slam dunks:
- “I just made caramel popcorn and it tastes delicious.”
- “I have wine and fruit juice. You can choose.”
- “I can order a pizza later.”
A small incentive can work wonders.
A movie with an actor she loves, a fun evening, and pizza…nobody can say “no” to such an irresistible offer.
How to Ask a Girl to Hang Out on Facebook
What if you don’t have her number or her WhatsApp?
Let’s hope you’re friends on Facebook with her because it’s time for a video call. If you don’t want to see her you can also use a normal Facebook call. I don’t care.
But I guess you want to see her.
Here’s how it’s done…
1. Get Her on a Call with Your Little Secret
You have a secret.
What kind of secret? Is it a dark secret?
Make one up. You need to make her curious enough to hop on a call with you. Of course, you can also use the exact same blueprint I shared with you when I showed you how to ask a girl to hang out with you over text.
Let’s make it a bit more interesting and get her on a call.
Here’s how you do it:
She might be busy, but that doesn’t matter. She has to know your secret. Women are incredibly curious creatures.
Can you hear that?
She’s calling you. Pick up!
2. Reveal Your Secret Hang Out Spot
The idea is not to reveal a terrible secret.
Don’t tell her about the day you set your cat on fire and used her as a Molotov cocktail. That’s not what this is all about. You just want to make her laugh and give her a reason to come over.
Here’s what you can say:
- “I have a secret hang out spot. It’s my couch and it’s really comfortable.”
- “Have you ever seen a blue couch in front of white walls? Come over!”
- “There’s this secret spot I have to show you. It’s at YOUR ADDRESS.”
These are just a few examples. You can come up with your own secrets.
What if she’s laughing but busy?
She’s needs one last push…
3. Use the Mission Impossible Close
What’s the mission impossible close?
I’m glad you ask…
Now you learned two things:
- There was a Mission Impossible before Tom Cruise jumped out of airplanes.
- You can use the Mission Impossible approach to hang out with girls.
Here’s what I like to say:
“I know you’re busy, but if you don’t say “yes” in the next five seconds, your phone will explode and I know how much you love your phone. I’m waiting. Five, four, three…”
She’ll love and say “okay, okay, what time?”
How to Ask a Girl to Hang Out at Your House in Person
Forget about technology for a moment.
You don’t need a phone, texts, and Facebook to ask a girl to hang out. You can do it in person. Speak and you shall be heard.
But it’s not that easy.
You can’t just walk up to a woman and say “hey, want to hang out tonight?”
I mean, it can work, but why leave it to chance…
1. Let Her Know That You Love Adventurous Women
Tell her what kind of girl you like and she’ll turn into this girl.
If a girl like you, she wants you to like her.
All you need to do is to tell her what you like and she’ll try to fulfill your criteria. Now think about what qualities a girl who wants to hang out has.
Tell her that you like girls with these qualities. Don’t forget to emphasize how much you hate boring women who haven’t done anything spontaneous since they learned to walk. This sets the context for your interaction.
Now you beat her with her own plans…
2. Tease Her about Her Plans
Ask her about her plans for today.
She could have the plan to steal one of Elon Musk’s rockets and to travel to Mars. It doesn’t matter. You say that it’s boring. Remember that she wants to be the adventurous and open-minded girl for you.
“You think that’s boring? Really?”
I love this reply because it’s the perfect assist for the last step…
3. Show Her that Hanging Out with You is More Fun
She doesn’t want you to think that she’s boring.
Good, give her the chance to be spontaneous!
Now you could ask her if she wants to hang out instead. But I use a different approach. First, I explain why hanging out with me is more fun.
Convince her that hanging out with you is the opposite of boring and she’ll say “yes” in a heartbeat.
And I hope you’ll say “yes” to my life-changing book.
Summed Up Wisdom
You want to know how to ask a girl to hang out with you. Then you have to understand a few rules. You have to keep it casual and you should make sure that she’s in a good mood. Grumpy cats don’t want to hang out.
You can call her, text her, communicate on Facebook or ask her in person. The sky is the limit and the core principle is always the same. You want to give her a reason to show up. This reason makes everything possible.