I wasn’t always this way.
Unshakable confidence…a couple of years ago I didn’t even know what that meant.
I’ve always been an introvert. I’ve always had social anxiety. It started in kindergarten. I cried every day. It didn’t stop in high school. I continued to cry. Not every day, but at least once a week.
I was convinced that I was ugly, worthless, and that nobody would ever love me.
I already told you about my huge scar. What can I say? It stopped me from being social, pursuing my dreams, and from talking to women. Women…I was scared of them. No, terrified!
I still remember the day I wanted to end it all.
I was about to go to a beach part at a lake near my house. So I hopped on my old, rusty bicycle. To be honest, I don’t even remember why I went. One part of me wanted to be accepted and belong. The bigger part of me was scared to death.
When I arrived, my palms were already sweaty and my hands already shaking.
These were my thoughts before I broke down crying. I took my bicycle and rode as fast as I could because I didn’t want anyone to see me. On the way home I screamed “please God, I want to die, let me die…”
I’m still alive.
And I’m so thankful for it because it allows me to share my journey with you…
1. Every Journey Starts with a Single Step
It took me less than a year to reach a level of confidence that I couldn’t have imagined in my wildest dreams.
Change is definitely possible. Fast change is also possible. But it’s only possible if you make it happen. You have the power to change at any minute.
Your journey to more self-confidence starts with a single step, but at least 90% of those who read this article will never take the first step. I don’t say this because I want to insult you. I say this because it’s true…and I hope that you belong to the remaining 10%.
Most people never take action.
They are too scared of what might happen after the first step. That’s why they will never reach the second step.
I was scared too. But I took the first step. And it didn’t break my leg.
2. Unshakable Confidence is Always One Step Away
Think about it this way:
Unshakable confidence is always one step away. No matter where you’re at right now. The next step could lead to your first breakthrough. In fact, every day, minute, and second has the potential to lead to a breakthrough.
That’s why it’s so important to keep on going.
If I had given up along my journey, I would have never attracted the woman of my dreams and the life of my dreams. I would have never started this site and you wouldn’t be reading this article right now.
Have you seen the movie The Butterfly Effect?
Small causes can have large effects. This is especially true when it comes to your self-confidence.
Just think about it…
One day you feel worthless and the next day you step out of your comfort zone and do something you’ve been scared of for a very long time. Your life will never be the same again.
3. They Journey Never Ends (Unless You Give Up)
“When will I reach mastery?”
You might not ask yourself this question today. But you will ask it at one point.
Well, you won’t like the answer:
The journey never ends.
Yes, you will reach a point where you’re more confident than you could have possibly imagined. But that doesn’t mean that you reached mastery. There is no finish line. The game continues until you leave this planet.
And if you dedicate your life to becoming more confident, the game will be a hell of a ride.
4. Imagine Your Life in 5, 10, 50 Years and You Won’t Give Up
What if you’re tempted to give up?
Believe me. You’ll have to resist this temptation many times. There will be days when your attempts to step out of your comfort zone will fail. There will be days when you don’t want to get out of bed. There will be days when you want to cry.
It’s okay to cry. Tears have a healing power.
Whenever you reach a point where you want to give up, I want you to close your eyes and imagine your life in 5, 10, 50 years from now.
Ask yourself this question:
How would my life look like if I gave up?
How would my life look like if I was the most confident version of myself?
That’s how you keep on going.
5. More Confidence Leads to More Self-Love
It all starts with self-love.
I don’t know how many personal-development articles and books I read in which the author talks about self-love. And I totally agree with it. Self-love is absolutely vital.
There’s just one problem.
You won’t love yourself if you have low (or non-existent) self-esteem. You can use “I love myself” as a mantra until you have grey hair. It won’t change anything. Without self-confidence, you will always feel unworthy, intimidated, and anxious.
Let’s turn the equation:
It all starts with self-confidence and self-love is the natural result.
Welcome to reality.
6. Confidence Gives You the Freedom to Be Where You Want to Be
Today I live in Bangkok.
When I was 19 I was too afraid to travel to another country. I couldn’t even travel to a bigger city in my home country without worrying about what would happen.
My journey to unshakable confidence allowed me to be where I want to be.
This freedom is worth more than gold. It allowed to me work, live, and love where I feel at home. You can achieve the same freedom.
Remember that it all starts with the first step.
7. Confidence Gives You the Freedom to Be With Who You Want to Be
Did I just say that my journey to unshakable confidence allowed me to love?
Yes, my journey made it possible. I would have never met my girlfriend if I wasn’t confident enough to make the first move. Attracting the right person requires the right tools. Confidence is a tool. Use it.
Why do you think so many people end up in unhealthy relationships?
They don’t have the confidence to choose the life they truly deserve because the think that THIS is what they deserve. Low self-esteem is like a chain that breaks your wings and stops you from flying.
It’s time to remove this chain and to fly.
8. Unshakable Confidence is the Foundation for an Unforgettable Life
Let me ask you a question:
Do you want to live a boring life?
Of course not!
Nobody wants to wake up every day feeling uninspired, tired, and dead inside. Everyone wants to live a life that can be best described with the words adventure, excitement, and abundance.
But how do we get there?
I guess you already know the answer. Yep, I’m talking about unshakable confidence. It’s the missing ingredient that allows you to step out of your comfort zone and to go after the life you want.
9. Unshakable Confidence is the Cornerstone of your Legacy
What’s your legacy?
You don’t know. I don’t know. Nobody knows. Heck, I’m only 28. How the hell should I know what my legacy will be? I still have some time…at least I hope.
But there’s one thing I know for sure:
You won’ have a legacy unless you take the first step today.
A legacy requires the confidence to chase your dreams, to survive your failures, and to keep on going until you reach your goals.
10. Some of Your “Friends” will Sabotage You on Your Journey
Human beings have social hierarchies…everywhere.
You just have to look at a group of friends. One guy is the leader. The rest of the group follows the leader. Of course, nobody talks about it but that’s how it is. And believe me. The leader hates it when somebody else threatens his status.
You’ll be a big threat.
I remember when I became more and more confident. One of my so-called “friends” didn’t like it at all. He was used to being the most confident guy and the best with women. Suddenly, he wasn’t anymore.
He tried to sabotage me.
But I didn’t let him. I continued on my journey…without him.
11. Others will Be Accomplices on Your Journey
Will all your friends stab you in the back?
No, some of them will ask you questions. They’ll want to hear your story and embark on their own journey. Don’t be so selfish. Help them.
Being a mentor can help you to detect your own flaws and to improve even more. Why do you think I love coaching men so much? It helps them to improve and it helps me to improve. It’s a win-win situation.
The more accomplices you have on your journey to unshakable confidence, the more you will learn, develop, and improve.
12. You are Your Most Dangerous Saboteur on Your Journey
Don’t be afraid of the one or two friends you have to say goodbye to.
You are way more dangerous.
You are your worst critic, your worst enemy, and your most powerful saboteur. Always remember that. Your ego is your biggest enemy. And you will challenge your ego more than one time on your journey to unshakable confidence.
Every time you step out of your comfort zone, your ego screams “don’t hurt me!”
Hurt your ego and heal yourself in the process.
13. Unshakable Confidence Impacts Every Area of Your Life
Maybe you want to be more confident because you want to overcome your fears. Maybe you want to be more confident because you want to attract beautiful women.
No matter what your goal is, you will achieve far more than that.
When I started my journey to unshakable confidence, I wanted to talk to women. That was all. I never thought that this journey would impact all other aspects of my life. Eventually, I realized the impact on my love life, my professional life, and my social life.
This is pure magic.
14. The Journey to Unshakable Confidence is Paved with Self-Discovery
You will learn so much about yourself in the process.
Once your self-confidence is larger than your fear, you’ll know the answers to these questions.
Then you are ready to go down the rabbit hole.
15. It’s Going to Be a Bumpy Ride to Unshakable Confidence
Will it be easy?
Nothing that’s worth having comes easy.
You’ll experience ups and downs. There will be days when you want to kiss every stranger on the street and there will be days when you don’t want to talk to anyone.
That’s normal. It’s part of the process.
Don’t think about the downs as failures. Think about them as learning experiences. This mindset allows you to enjoy the bumpy part of the ride even more than the smooth one.
16. The Ups and Downs along the Way Can Make You Crash
What if you start to think about the downs as failures?
What if you let your ego take over and listen to its “don’t hurt me” screams?
Well, then you are doomed to crash.
Don’t expect overnight results.
That’s completely unrealistic. Why do you think I mentioned the word journey in the article headline? I could have also called it 21 lessons I learned on my overnight success to unshakable confidence.
But that would be a lie and I hate lying.
It’s a journey and if you don’t have a WHY, you might crash.
17. Your Purpose Prevents You from Crashing
What is your WHY?
Your WHY is the reason why you want to be more self-confident. And no, you don’t have to come up with some exaggerated WHY to please your grandmother. You don’t have to save the world today. Sometimes it’s okay to be selfish.
No matter what it is…you need it. You need a purpose because your purpose prevents you from crashing.
18. You are Doomed to Fail without a Clear Vision
But a purpose is nothing without a clear vision.
Let’s say you want to have the confidence to talk to women and to eventually meet the woman of your dreams. Well, that’s great. But it doesn’t mean shit if you don’t have a clear vision that contains who, how, and when.
Answer these questions in as much detail as possible. Don’t stop until you have a clear vision. This vision (along with your purpose) will guide you, ground you, and help you to stay focused.
19. It’s Up to You How Long it Takes to Reach Unshakable Confidence
It doesn’t have to take years to become confident.
For some people it takes months. Others can achieve the same results in weeks. I’ve seen guys who’ve transformed from shy and anxious into confident and life-affirming within a couple of days, especially when I coached them.
Everything is possible.
It’s up to you how long it takes. It’s up to you if you take the first step today, tomorrow, next year, or never. The choice is yours.
20. Read, Watch, and Listen to Everything You Can Get Your Hands On
I’m not a guru.
I’m just a normal guy like you. I try to learn, I make mistakes along the way, and I try to improve wherever and whenever I can. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t work. That’s life.
The only difference between me and others is that I’m passionate about sharing my experiences, failures, and successes. I do it because I want to motivate you, inspire you, and guide you.
But I’m not the only one.
There are gazillions of books, articles, and videos in which other people who walked the walk want to help you to take the first step. I’m honored that you read this article, but I encourage you to seek out more advice.
The more you learn, the more you can put into practice.
21. Take the First Step to Unshakable Confidence Today
Read another article tomorrow.
Why not today?
Well, because it’s time to take the first step.
You want unshakable confidence. Then go and get it.
And don’t tell me you don’t have time today. We both know that this is just an excuse. Come on. Do one thing that scares you. Then do it again tomorrow.
Take the first step towards a life of confidence, love, and abundance.
yup, this is why I read these comments elsewhere: “The social skills you developed to improve your game will shine in your professional situations and you will get promoted at a much faster pace.
The confidence that you have with women will translate into confidence in the gym and at the workplace.
The thick skin that you develop from getting rejected by countless women will help you when you start your own business and make it easy for you to handle rejection from leads and clients.”
Another comment I read, I feel there is a lot of truth to it:
“You’ll find that your efforts will provide tremendous improvement in all areas of your life, not just in dating – but in everyday interaction, in forging friendships, making connections, getting ahead in the business world or just advancing in career, and far more. This is another advantage that men have; since in order to go on dates, get into relationships or get laid, men are forced to learn how to be either dominant, or just to take control, to be confident, and how to deal with rejection and failure. In doing so, they also learn the skills they need in order to succeed in many other aspects of life. Women, who are usually expected to be passive and submissive, are not given the same drive and motivation to learn these skills. This is perhaps one of the major reasons why men are more successful than women on average.”
Even though rejection happens to every human being, of course women deal with rejection in the sense when applying for jobs just like men do, just not in the dating sense like men do, and since men deal with more rejection, it sounds like men typically on average, experience more social growth than women do.
Sebastian Harris says
of course, we benefit more. Just think about what women are attracted to: Confidence, charisma, leadership qualities, communication skills. We can learn these skills, no matter how old we are. What are guys attracted to: youth and physical beauty. That fades fast.
it sounds like as if guys, men, benefit more than women do when it comes to improving their dating life
Sebastian Harris says
Confident people apply for jobs that others don’t apply for. Confident people ask for raises that others don’t ask for…
for number 13, specifically, how does it help and benefit in business, career, etc.? and other areas in life? how so specifically?