Dating a black woman for the first time can be terrifying.
I mean, you never know when her three big brothers and her uncle Mikey come around the corner in their new SUV and start a drive-by shooting. You also don't know if you have to spend every date in a KFC.
These are uncertainties that turn the strongest man into a pathetic crybaby.
Oh, and just think about her job. I really don’t know a lot of men who can deal with the fact that their girlfriend shows her ass to anyone and everyone while dancing as a stripper on a pole. You can only hope that she leaves her fake eyelashes at home and that she doesn’t twerk all night.
Okay, enough with these stupid stereotypes. Let’s have a look at what you really need to know when you date a black woman for the first time….
11 Things to Know About Dating a Black Woman
Strippers, Grillz, loud Hip Hop music, rude behavior and gang member friends…
That’s what a lot of white and Asian guys who think about dating a black woman for the first time imagine.
The music and movie industry did a really good job in making you believe that all black women are like this:
What you don’t realize is that there are many black women who would love to date a white or an Asian guy and none of them looks like the woman in the image above. No, they are educated woman who are looking for a good guy. They look like this:
I know, you don’t see that in the movies. Lil Wayne and all the other Cash Money Records weirdos don’t show these black women in their music videos. They show the hoes that ain’t loyal. In the end, nobody seems to care that not all black women are strippers with pink hair extensions.
And that’s exactly why you are confused, maybe even a bit scared.
The thought of dating a black woman for the first time makes you nervous. I understand it. But I also want you to understand something.
I want you to understand that dating a black woman for the first time can be an incredibly beautiful experience, at least when you know what to do and what not to do. And no, surprising her with a freestyle rap is not what you should do.
Here’s what to do instead...
1. Dating a Black Woman for the First time Can Be Scary. Accept it
It’s scary. Everyone who says the opposite is either lying or has the privilege to not be affected by these fears.
“What kind of fears?” you ask.
Well, a lot of fears. And not only fears. You insecurities, your past experiences, your self-confidence and your self-image play a role too. In order to date a black girl without acting weird, you need a solid inner game.
Maybe you’re laughing right now. Maybe you think that I am crazy. That’s okay. You can think whatever you want. But please answer the following question as honestly as possible:
“What feelings come up when you think about dating a black girl for the first time?”
Let me tell you what I thought right before my first date with a black girl:
- I was worried that she was one of THESE black girls, the ones that I saw in the movies and music videos.
- I was thinking about how I would react if someone stared at us or made a stupid comment.
- I was conscious about what to say. I know my cheeky mouth and I didn’t want to offend her.
- I was afraid that I couldn’t compete with the black guys she dated in the past (come on my white and Asian friends, you know what I mean).
- I was afraid of revealing my sexual interest because I didn’t want to give her the feeling that I am fetishizing her.
Are you still laughing or did you come to the realization that you have the same thoughts, feelings and fears?
You must learn to accept these thoughts. Let go.
Tell yourself that these thoughts are okay, but that you want to enjoy the experience without any biases. Approach her like a blank paper and allow the experience to fill the paper with life.
2. Gossip and Jokes are Something to Expect When Dating a Black Woman
You can’t run away from it.
It’s an unavoidable aspect of interracial dating. The decision to date a black woman always contains the decision to experience gossiping, racist jokes and stupid comments. Deal with it. It won’t stop.
One day we might reach a level of consciousness that allows humanity to accept and respect interracial relationships without judging and condemning, but it’s still a long way.
For now, accept that the gossip, jokes and all the other verbal diarrhea that makes you angry is something to expect when dating a black woman.
It’s not beautiful, not fair and it’s anything but empowering. But it’s there. You can’t change it. The sooner you learn to deal with it, the happier you will be in your first relationship with a black woman.
How do you deal with it?
You have two choices:
Just don’t listen to it. Don’t allow yourself to get affected by the narrow-minded opinions of other people. Defend your relationship when there is no other way, but don’t get bothered when there is another way. What other way? Tell her that everything is okay, that she shouldn’t worry about these dickheads and give her a kiss that proves that you love her.
Take every joke and negative comment personal. Start an argument with the person who insulted you, her, or your relationship and try to convince this moron to change his opinion. If he doesn’t want to change his opinion, you can start a fight to prove how much you love your girlfriend. She always wanted a boyfriend who sits in the wheelchair.
I think I don’t have to tell you which choice is the better one. You already know. And believe me, I know it too.
If I wasted my energy arguing with my haters, I would have no energy to write this article. If you wasted your energy arguing with enemies of interracial relationships, you would have no energy to start or to maintain your relationship.
3. Realizing that Black Women Like White Men Makes Everything Easier
I just slapped your biggest fear in your face. You are welcome.
In one of my previous articles I answer the question “Do black girls like white men?”. This one article turned my inbox into a battlefield.
On the one hand, I received emails from black girls who stumbled upon my article and who asked me for tips to attract white guys. On the other hand, I received emails from white dudes who told me about their paranoia that no black girl would like them.
You see the irony.
Black girls were asking me how to get a white man and white guys were telling me about their fear that no black girl wants them.
Jesus, wake up!
Most black women love white men and if you send me another email in which you complain that black girls don’t like white guys, I drive by your house and set your cat on fire. Or I send you a smiley fact with a link to this article that will take away your fear.
4. Online Dating is the Biggest Opportunity for Dating Black Women
A lot of black women like white men. Some of them dream about being in a relationship with a marshmallow. They have this dream every night.
But they don’t just have these beautiful dreams. No, they are also haunted by nightmares. Just like you. They have the same fears that you have. The same thoughts that you have, keep them awake at night.
Do white guys like me? What will my friends and family think when I date outside my race? How do I react when people make fun of us?
She has those fears and that’s why there is a high chance that she looks for you in places that don’t allow judgement, gossip and hate to enter the room.
Yes, these places exist. They exist online.
There are communities and sites that allow black women and white men to meet, to chat and to fall in love.
Depending on where you live, some sites are better than others. But don’t worry. I got you covered. The detailed case study that I wrote a couple of weeks ago will show you exactly where you have to look for the black beauty of your dreams.
5. Not Acting Black is the Most Important Rule for Dating a Black Woman
Don’t do it. Just don’t do. Even if you ignore all the other advice I share with you in this article because you thought that skimming is better than reading, please don’t ignore this one piece of advice.
The last thing that a black woman wants is to date a white or an Asian guy who acts black. You are not Eminem and you are not Rich Chigga. You are just a white dude or an Asian dude who has (probably) no swag, no mic smoke and no connection whatsoever to the Urban Hip Hop culture.
Please don't act black just because the woman you are dating is black.
She’ll hate you for it. She’ll lose respect for you.
You are just going to make yourself look ridiculous. Wearing a baseball cap and starting every sentence with “jo” won’t help you to survive the first date. It will make her want to kill you, not jump in bed with you.
Seriously, don’t ever show up to the first date with a black woman like THIS…
It might work in the movies and it definitely works if you are Eminem, but it won’t work for you and me. We are dorky dudes and not the twin brothers of 50 Cent. Get over it.
6. Not Seeing Her as a Hoe is the Second Most Important Rule for Dating a Black Woman
Again, say hello to your good old friend Mr. Stereotype.
You have seen these girls in movies and in music videos. You know what kind of girls I am talking about. I’m referring to the ones with fat asses and butterfly tattoos. I’m talking about the kind of girls that your mother warned you about.
These are the hoes that Chris Brown raps about and believe me, they ain’t loyal.
In case you really believe that all dark-skinned women are like this, you are destined to mess up your first date with a black woman. It might sound funny, but I have received a lot of emails from white and Asian guys who are interested in dating black women and this was their second biggest concern.
Do not underestimate the influence that Hollywood and the pop culture have on you. They influence you and they don’t do it in a nice way.
And if you look at the girl who invests the time to get to know you as nothing but a money-hungry hoe, she will feel it. The female intuition can’t be fooled and when it comes to white guys who believe that all black girls are strippers, the female intuition wakes up very early.
7. Don’t Show Your Nervousness on You First Date With a Black Woman
There’s something about dating black women that you have to understand.
On the one hand, they appreciate when a white or Asian man is himself instead of acting black. On the other hand, they are used to the confident and unapologetically direct behavior of black men.
It’s a bit ambiguous.
This can lead to a serious dilemma.
You hear that you don’t need to act like an overly confident gangster to attract black women. Awesome, you can allow yourself to be you. The risk, however, is that you go to the other extreme.
“Acting like a confident black man is wrong, so acting like the opposite is the answer.”
Well, not quite.
I wish it was, but black women expect their men to be emotionally strong. They expect you to not care about what other people think. This is one of the biggest strengths of black men, at least of the ones I know. They know who they are and show their confidence.
What if you get nervous on your first date because you’ve never dated a black girl before?
She will sense it. Game over.
What if you are afraid that your friends will see you with a black woman?
She will sense it. Game over.
A black woman expects her man to have the balls to not give a flying fuck about what anyone thinks.
No balls, no chance!
8. Don’t Be Loud or Rude When You are On a Date with a Black woman
Asian men who are dating a black woman won’t have that problem. They know how to behave. It’s the white guys that tend to go a bit overboard. And no, this is not some racism against white guys (I am one), it’s just something that a lot of black women told me in their emails.
There is the stereotype that black women can’t behave. They are loud, rude and sometimes a bit obnoxious. Just look at what this fella has to say:
But is it true? Are black women really loud and rude?
In my experience they are not.
I have dated black women and while they talk a bit louder (I love their hearty laugh), I’ve never been on a date with a dark-skinned woman who was rude. However, I have been on a date with a black woman who has been on dates with white guys who were rude.
Again, I believe that movies and the Hip Hop culture play a role in this ridiculous behavior.
You see a movie in which a black couple acts like your stereotypical black couple. They are loud, they complain and they scream “baby, baby” every five seconds. Deep down you know that it’s just a movie, but now you are on your first date with a black woman.
How do you behave? What do you do?
I tell you what you do. You subconsciously think that you have to be the loud and aggressive guy to impress her. Don’t laugh. I received emails from black girls who told me their horror stories. Reading this stuff was anything but funny.
Do yourself and the black girl you are dating a favor and don’t be loud or rude, just because you saw it in a movie.
9. Appreciate Her Sexuality as One of the Benefits of Dating a Black Woman
“How is it to have sex with a black woman?”
“Is sleeping with a black woman different than sleeping with a white woman?”
If you type one of these questions in Google, you are going to discover dozens of forums in which men all over the world ask themselves pretty much the same question.
Is it true that black women are good in bed?
Yes, it is true.
They have passion, love to express themselves and are not ashamed to show their rhythmic talent in the sheets. Making love to a black woman is a sensual experience that you’ll never forget.
And no, this is not sexist, or racist, or any other bullshit word with “ist” at the end. It’s simply an appreciation for black women and for their lovemaking skills. It’s a compliment, nothing more and nothing less.
Enjoying the company of a sensual and passionate lover is definitely one of the benefits of dating a black woman. I hope you also appreciate the sensual power of your future black girlfriend and tell her how much you enjoy her body.
10. The Talking a Pro and a Con of Dating a Black Woman
Do you remember what I said at the beginning of this article?
The gossip, the negative comments…it will be a part of your interracial relationship that you can’t run away from. No matter where you hide, the haters will get you.
This can lead to arguments. It can lead to tears and eventually destroy your relationship and bury your love under a layer of resentment. Yes, that can happen. But there’s always an alternative path. And this path is beautiful.
What if I told you that all the hate and the anger from racists can improve your relationship?
Take the hate, transform it into electricity and use this energy to light up your relationship.
Just think about it for a moment. Imagine you could take the hate, transform it into electricity and use this energy to light up your relationship.
It’s possible. I do it every time someone attacks my relationship.
You can do it too. It’s easy. It just requires a small mindset shift. It requires you to love your girlfriend even more whenever someone says something negative. Show her that you love her.
When you show her that you are her safe castle that she can escape to whenever the hate overwhelms her, the hate will make her glow. When she is honest, she can’t wait to escape in her castle.
11. The Novelty is an Advantage of Dating a Black Woman
When you are dating a black girl for the first time, everything is new.
She smells different than the white girls you dated before. The way she smells like vanilla makes you lose your senses.
Touching her feels different than the girls you have touched before. Every time her hair touches your body you get goosebumps. You can’t stop kissing her voluptuous lips and you want to caress her beautiful dark skin until she falls asleep.
Dating a black woman for the first time is new and exciting. It’s an adventure.
I’m sure that some people would say that this is bad. That it turns a healthy relationship into an unhealthy fetish. I see it in a different light. I see this novelty as a chance.
It’s a chance to connect on an even deeper level.
If you take this excitement and adventurous spirit of dating a black girl for the first time to the bedroom, it might last a couple of days or weeks.
If you, however, use this excitement to find out everything about each other’s personality, past and experiences, this feeling of novelty can be the starting signals for a wonderful relationship.
Summed Up Wisdom
Dating a black woman for the first time can be a bit scary. You don’t know what to say and how to behave. Calm down. That’s completely normal. As long as you don’t try to act black, you haven’t lost the battle.
One thing you need to know about dating a black woman is that you need self-confidence. There is no way around it. She expects you to not care about what other people think of you and to be her safe castle that she can return to whenever she feels overwhelmed.
But don’t worry. The gossip and hate doesn’t destroy your relationship, unless you allow it. Use the hate as a fuel for the fire of your love and allow the feeling of novelty to get to know each other on a deep level. This turns dating a black woman for the first time into a wonderful experience.