Are you living the single life that sucks?
A couple of days ago I received an interesting email from one of my readers that inspired me to write this article. Yes, shooting me emails can easily lead to a 3000-word answer that you didn’t expect. Don’t be shy.
The young guy who wrote the email was obviously thankful for my advice, which I very much appreciate, but there was one thing about my philosophy that he simply couldn’t understand.
He thanked me for writing my “amazing and entertaining articles” (thanks, buddy!) and for being the only dating coach he knows who says that it is okay to want a girlfriend and a relationship.
While he thanked me for not being one of those morons who say that banging one hoe after another is the one and only road to fulfillment, he simply couldn’t understand that I don’t discriminate in the other direction.
This young fella believed that just because he read my article about finding happiness in a relationship means that I must be against living the single life.
He was conditioned by writers who were anti-relationship and proponents of one-night stands. Therefore, it was impossible for him to understand that I don’t discriminate between these different, yet both pursuable lifestyle choices.
He thought I have to be on one side or the other.
He didn’t understand that some men are happy being single, while others are happy in relationships and that both choices are absolutely okay. In fact, he believed that being in a relationship is the ONLY way to be happy, because, and I cite:
“My single life sucks and all I can think off is to finally get a girlfriend”
Does that sound familiar?
Then continue reading…
Why Your Single Life Sucks
I am in a relationship and my girlfriend is amazing. Listing all her positive features would take too long and probably bore the shit out of you. You can look them up here.
However, just because I am NOW at a stage where I enjoy being in a relationship, doesn’t mean that there haven’t been times when being in a relationship was the last thing I wanted.
Life is not a linear process. It’s a concatenation of phases. If I hadn’t gone through my single phase in which I learned how to seduce the over 30 girls I slept with, I wouldn’t be able to teach you anything.
I wouldn’t even be able to teach you something about getting and maintaining relationships because it was my single phase that allowed me to gain the skills and experience I later needed to attract my girlfriend.
It all plays together.
The uncomfortable truth is that a happy single life is a requirement for a happy relationship.
An unhappy single with an unfulfilling lifestyle can only attract an unhappy woman, which eventually leads to an unhappy relationship. This is simple logic. You can’t attract an amazing girlfriend without learning the skills to attract women.
Making the best out of your single time is essential for your development as a man and for every one of your future relationships.
But what if your single life sucks?
Well, this can have many reasons.
You Live a Lonely Single Life
When was the last time you left your apartment?
And no, I am not talking about your commute to work and I am also not talking about the last time you went out buying that fatty burger that makes you feel even more miserable.
Think about the last time you went to a club. The last time you went to a party. The last time you went out with a group of friends and had such a blast that your cheeks hurt from laughing.
I hope you don’t cry now. That’s the last thing I want. All I want you to think of is whether or not you live a lonely single life or a single life that other people are a part of.
What did you say? Besides your hamster Scarlet, you haven’t seen another human being in two months?
There’s good news and bad news. The good news is that you just uncovered one of the main reasons why you are miserable. The bad news is that we humans are social creatures and that we need the physical and emotional contact with other human beings. Not getting it, can have severe consequences.
Yes, you have to change and I know how scary that can be.
I remember how I lived on my own for the very first time. That was back in the days when I didn’t know what “seduction” was. I locked myself in my apartment, watched porn and didn’t talk to anyone for a month. No wonder I got depressed.
Loneliness is killing us, but being lonely has absolutely nothing to do with your relationship status.
You Believe the Social Media Relationship Lie
Let’s take a minute and thank social media for what it has done to us.
“Dear social media,
I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are a master.
You are a master in making men and women all over the world feel insufficient. You are responsible for millions of depressed singles and thanks to you there is even a Wikipedia page that’s called “social media and suicide”.
I hope you don’t mind a glimmer of sarcasm.
The advice I have for you is simple, yet powerful, at least when you want to feel happier about your single life.
Stop looking at couple pictures on Facebook and Instagram!
It’s one big lie. Hell, I even know girls who cheated on their boyfriends and on Facebook they look like the happiest fucking couple in the world. It’s a show, nothing but an illusion.
Social media has the power to only show the glamor and to hide the drama, the jealousy and all the other negative emotions that people have to deal with.
Stop torturing yourself, goddammit!
You Get Jealous When You See a Happy Couple
What do you think when you sit on a park bench, read a book and suddenly a happy couple walks by?
They are smiling, they are laughing and when you are honest with yourself, you probably wish that they die a horrible death. At least that’s what I thought when I was a depressed single without the skills to attract what the men I envied had.
What I didn’t realize was that my jealousy was the reason that I was sitting on that moldy bench while the guy I was looking at had his right hand in the ass pocket of his gorgeous girlfriend. I was so embittered that it was impossible for me to attract such a woman.
I didn’t need a girlfriend. I needed a mindset change.
Jealousy is one of the most negative emotions that you can possibly feel. The negative energy that you send out makes it impossible to attract anything good. You can try as hard as you want, but unless you change your mindset from being jealous of others to allowing yourself to get inspired by others, the law of attraction will fuck you in the ass.
You Whine About Not Being in a Relationship
Jealously seldom comes alone. This nasty feeling usually comes with a good friend who goes by the name of whining.
Whining is the kind of friend that constantly tries to put you down. That dude’s an asshole.
It is okay to want a relationship. It is okay to be single and to dream about having a beautiful girlfriend who gives you massages in the evening and blowjobs in the morning. What’s not okay is to whine about not having a girlfriend.
You can wish, dream and imagine as long as you want, nothing will happen unless you take action. And that’s exactly what your friend Whining does to you. This motherfucker stops you from taking action.
It’s a vicious cycle. You whine about not having a girlfriend. The whining makes you feel even more miserable. Now that you are even more miserable, you whine a bit more and the cycle continues.
Whining is for people who want to be victims. It’s for people who are okay with giving up. You don’t want to be a victim. You are not okay with giving up. You won’t give up.
You Misunderstand What It Means to Live the Single Life
You understand that this equation is not necessarily true:
Being single = being miserable
This is not true unless you make it your reality. It’s a choice.
You can stay in your apartment, continue to click on one Facebook profile after another and you can even continue to give every couple the “I am going to rip your heart out” eyes. You can do that. It’s your choice.
However, there is an alternative path. You can accept that you are miserable today, but refuse to stay miserable. You can see being single as a huge chance to finally work on yourself.
You can look at yourself in the mirror and say:
“I am single and I will do everything in my power to make use of this opportunity. I will take this chance and I will improve myself and my lifestyle in a way that allows me to become a happy and fulfilled person.”
Now you are ready to remove the word “suck” out of your single life…
How to Turn Your Single Life into an Amazing Life
It’s time for a change. It’s time to gain the knowledge and skills to decide whether or not you want to stay single or end up in a relationship with the right girl. And yes, this is entirely possible.
It all starts with a simple decision. It starts with the decision to no longer accept your miserable single life and to understand that there is an alternative.
It is sad but true that the majority of singles don’t enjoy their lives and wish that they had a girlfriend. But it is also true that there are some men who are freaking happy with their single life. They don’t want it any other way because they made a decision.
They made the decision to turn their single life into an amazing life.
I know from my own experience that being single can be an amazing adventure. I also know that a few simple action steps are all you need to live this adventure. It is not hard. It is not impossible. You just have to do it.
Imagine the Alternative
What if you think you can’t do it?
What if you believe that you are condemned to live a miserable life as a lonely single?
What if you doubt that you can ever break free from this stupid “the single life sucks” belief that you have been conditioned to believe?
Use your imagination.
Imagine your life ten months from. Imagine it ten years from now.
What do you see?
A couple of years ago I did the exact same test. I just broke up with my girlfriend. I was single, miserable and couldn’t decide whether or not I should ask a coach for help.
The image of me being the same lonely, embittered and miserable notorious masturbator made me sick to my stomach. This image was all I needed to finally book the bootcamp with Sasha Daygame and to finally change my life for the better.
Maybe you start to cry while you imagine the painful alternative. Don’t hold it back. This can be a good sign. If the tears you cry over your future self won’t motivate you to do whatever it takes to become a happy single, nothing will.
Holistic Improvement in Your “Me Time”
It’s a cliché and you are probably sick of hearing it, but it needs to be said anyway.
You have to love yourself before you can attract love.
It sounds stupid, but it’s true.
If you are unhappy with yourself, you will only be able to attract people with the same energy level. And believe me when I say that you don’t want that.
No matter if you are single and you want a relationship, or if you are single and you want to meet new friends and have a one-night stand here and there:
The people you attract are the reflection of your energy.
- Negative single = negative friends, negative lovers and eventually negative relationships
- Positive single = positive friends, positive lovers and eventually positive relationships
The question is:
How do you become the positive single who is able to attract positive people?
You have to learn to make use of your “me time”.
Me time is the time of the day that you spend with the most important person in your life.
I know what you are thinking right now.
“You idiot, I am single…I already have way too much me time!”
Of course you have, but do you also make use of it?
I remember exactly what I did when I was a frustrated single. I watched TV. I watched Porn. I watched my life pass me by.
Man, I had a blast.
Making use of your time doesn’t mean doing things in order to avoid reality. It’s about doing things that contribute to your goals. Instead of wasting your time in front of the TV, you might want to read a book about personal development…or seduction.
And I am not just talking about doing one thing. Self-improvement is a holistic concept. Your mind, your body and your soul are a team. Training them together is the key to improvement. After you read your seduction book, you might want to look at a few cute asses in tight yoga pants…and lift some weights.
Use your time to become a better person. This will eventually help you to change your energy and to achieve your goals. Now all you need are the right goals.
Don’t Set Yourself THIS Goal
What’s the worst goal a soon-to-be happy single can have besides buying the first virtual reality sex suit?
“I will get a girlfriend!”
I know how contradictory that sounds. Let me explain.
What usually happens when a frustrated single without profound seduction skills sets the goal to get a girlfriend is this:
He pushes himself until he is finally able to approach women (good!). He approaches a few women (good!). One of the women he approaches shows interest (good!). Due to the fact that he had the goal to get a girlfriend, he makes her his girlfriend (epic fail!).
This can work out, but most of the time the tactic of settling with the first girl who spreads her legs for you results in a toxic relationship. The chance that you are incompatible is very high. I am talking from experience.
Getting a girlfriend is a noble goal, but only if you have reached a level of seduction competence that allows you to choose the right girl. And no, the right one is usually not the first one who texts you back.
As a frustrated single who just decided to change his life, you are not quite there yet. This is not an insult. This is the cold hard truth.
How about this goal:
“I will do everything I need to do in order to live an interesting and adventurous lifestyle and I will learn everything it takes to become a man who has the ability to attract the woman of his dreams.”
Now we’re talking and now you don’t run the risk to end up with the first available girl.
Find the Right Woman…In Your Mind
It can be dangerous to fall for the wrong girl, especially when you haven’t talked to a female for two summers and three winters.
That’s why I suggest that you first think about the woman you really want to be with before you decide to be with any woman. The relationship of your dreams, in case you want one, starts in your mind.
Who is she? How is she? How are you together?
Use your imagination…
You have to find the right woman in your mind BEFORE you find her in real life. If you don’t do that, you will search for anyone and finding the right one turns into a game of darts.
This article will help you to find her in your mind.
Now you just have to learn the skills you need in order to find and attract her in real life…
Get Out of Your Cocoon
You read to improve your mind. You hit the gym to improve your body. Maybe, yeah maybe you are even open-minded enough to improve your soul through mediation.
You are on a path of self-improvement and you have a clear image of the woman who will either enrich your single life or put an end to it.
It’s time to get out of your cocoon.
You have done the inner work that allows you to become the happiest single that this earth has ever seen. There’s only one thing missing.
You still don’t have a woman.
In case you have suffered from a long period of singlemania and you can’t even remember the last time you approached a woman, leaving your cocoon won’t happen overnight.
You need time and you should give yourself this time. Instead of settling with the wrong girl (I can’t stress that enough), you should try to get back into the dating game one step at the time.
Learn how to make women notice you before you approach them.
Learn how to approach women before you think about going on dates.
Learn how to turn a date into a night of fun, before you think about giving women multiple orgasms.
Learn how to be a great boyfriend, before you think about making any woman your girlfriend.
I think you get the point.
Learn step by step and you will soon be back in the dating game…and it will be better than ever before.
And for God’s sake…get my book Rise of the Phoenix.
Say Hello to a Single Life of Choice
Now you know how to stop living the single life that suck. Now you have what it takes to live a single life that rocks.
But you also have something else, something invaluable.
You have freedom of choice.
You are in a position in which you can decide. You can decide if you want to stay single, or if you want a relationship.
Depending on where you are at in life, this choice can be one or another, or something in between.
All I want for you is that you enjoy the single life that you currently live and to make the choice that’s right for you.
Summed Up Wisdom
Are you living the single life that sucks? Well, there must be a few reasons why your single life sucks. I bet it has something to do with the fact that you don’t have a lot of contact with other people, besides the friends you stalk on Facebook and that you whine about your situation instead of doing something about it.
Yes, doing something about it is the answer. In case you still don’t understand that being single doesn’t equal being miserable, imagining the alternative to taking action might motivate you to get off your ass.
Improve every aspect of your life and please don’t set the goal to get a girlfriend. Instead, set the goal to become a man who has the skills and the power to choose the right girlfriend. Once you have a clear picture of the right girl, it’s time to learn how to get her, step by step. This gives you the freedom of choice that most singles will never have.
Sebastian Harris says
don’t give up and you’ll find your special girl. I am sure.
Being Single will always Suck since many of us would rather be all settled down by now, especially since God did say that Man Should Never be alone which i certainly will Agree.
Sebastian Harris says
I think it is important that men are looking for alternatives to the typical “marry a nagging woman and be miserable” route that so many guys settle for, but I also believe that giving up is not a good alternative. International dating is one ,-)
What are your thoughts on MGTOW?
Sebastian Harris says
I am glad that you made the decision to imrpove yourself. Enjoy your single life 😉