The Sex-Hungry Milf and Her Nerdy Husband

Happy Easter everyone!

I know that I am about four months too late for that, but who cares.

In case you really thought that I am drugged enough to think that it’s April, I can calm you down. I didn’t take drugs and I didn’t lose my sense for time. However, I can’t deny that I had to fight with a couple of sleepless nights that were fueled with incredible sex and a couple of thoughts about the future and the inevitable fact that I won’t stay that young forever.

Instead of doing what the average person who is suffering from insomnia does, which is basically staring at the ceiling and eating one sleeping pill after another, I decided to go deep in thought. I took a trip down memory lane and what I found on the way was quite amusing.

I thought about how I messed up a threesome, how I got screamed at by a feminist dragon and I even remembered how I nearly had sex with a girl who was even too young for Steven Collins.

Enjoy the following true and kind of disturbing story that ended with a woman on my lap who has probably pleased 90% of the American soldiers in the Vietnam War.

Happy Easter You Dirty Bastards

When I remember it correctly the Easter party to which my great aunt and I were invited was before I was tempted to sleep with the girl who was young enough to get me in jail. Well, the woman I should meet on this day was old enough to be my grandmother.

That might sound disgusting, but at least you don’t have to worry about birth control when you are seducing a sex-hungry milf 😉

Oh god, I can’t believe that I just said that…

Before I dive into the dirty and wizened vagina…um details that I experienced during this day, I want to tell you a bit about the crazy people I got to know.

We were invited to an Easter party that was organized by a guy who definitely had more money than the whole African continent. His house was insanely big, the steaks that he grilled were even bigger than his house and his guests were completely insane.

Even though I was convinced that my aunt was completely crazy in her own quirky way, the other guests were at least ten times crazier.

There was the guy who looked like a Siberian woodcutter who constantly looked at me as if he wanted to process me to a human closet. Then there was the old lady, the wife of the host, who smiled like one of those fake Hollywood starlets while she drank one whisky after another. Then there was this old couple who were both over 90 (no joke) and they constantly made out in such a gross way that I nearly had to puke my steak back on the plate.

The other four guests were quite normal, which is probably why I can’t remember them. Oh, before I forget it. There was one couple that was even weirder than the rest of this chamber of horrors.

Say “Hi” to the Sex-Hungry Milf (and Her Husband)

At first I didn’t even noticed them, because they were sitting at the end of the table, but once they stood up to say “hi” I was sure that they were the weirdest couple I had ever seen.

He looked like the biggest nerd that the Comic Con could possibly spit out. He had big black glasses, his hair looked as if he just pulled it out of a deep fat fryer and when he smiled you could see that there was at least a two millimeter whole between every single one of his tooth.

He looked really weird and I was convinced that the only woman he ever had sex with was Princess Leia in his wet dreams.

I was wrong.

When he introduced his beloved wife to me I lost my faith in humanity once and for all.

I was 19 at that time and the nerd with the big glasses was maybe ten years older than me. When he told me that he was married I expected an overweight girl with an XXL Star Wars shirt.

It was even worse, or better, I am not quite sure what it was.

His wife was about 100 years old. Her face looked as if she had visited every plastic surgeon in town, which she probably had, and she walked around in a way that would make any 18 year old party girl jealous.

His wife was actually 58 years old, which was approximately 30 years older than he was and she walked around in nothing but a pink mini skirt and a top that was way too small to cover her huge silicone breasts.

As it turned out he loved her because she was an animal in the bedroom, well, literally speaking since she has a thing for animal tail butt plugs and he enjoyed having sex without a condom without worrying about becoming a daddy. These were his exact words.

She loved him because he was one of the nerds who were intelligent enough to use his high IQ to develop hundreds of Apps that made him millions of dollars. It seemed as if it was a win-win for both of them.

The only disturbing thing was that his sex-hungry milf wife had an extreme fetish for young and inexperienced guys, which I definitely was at that time. As a result of her desire for guys without facial hair she couldn’t stop staring at my crotch.

 

I am the Perfect Prey 

I felt uncomfortable. I felt really uncomfortable.

The two relics from the First World War were making out like teenagers, my aunt had to control her gagging reflex, because she was dumb enough to sit right next to these two weirdos and I started to sweat.

It was about 35 Degrees Celsius, but the heat was not the reason why I started to sweat. The reason for my uncontrollable attacks of sweating was this sex-hungry milf, or maybe I should better say gilf, who stared at me like a wolf right before the attack.

Remember, this was before the Miami Lolita incident. I was a sexual greenhorn who had only seen two pairs of tits in my life, the ones of my mother as a child and the ones of my girlfriend when she had the kindness to take my virginity.

Unfortunately, I was the kind of inexperienced greenhorn that this incredibly weird and in a very strange way sexy old lady was looking for.

A Lap Dance in Front of Her Husband

I somehow survived eating two of those huge dinosaur steaks without getting a hard on and without appearing too uncomfortable. Whenever one of the guests smiled at me I smiled back and whenever the crazy sex-hungry milf gave me this “I want to swallow every single one of your sperm cells” look, I looked away like a shy kid.

I would love to say that I felt like a professional milf hunter in paradise, but the truth was that this lady was overwhelming me.

The way she constantly tried to show me her huge fake boobs gave me the rest.

After everybody had eaten, most of the guests followed the host to admire his beautiful garden that, as I should see later, was the home of a huge alligator who he kindly called “Stewart”. Anyways, while the mummies proceeded from kissing to petting, which was too disgusting to look at, the nerd and I decided to sit down to talk a bit about his job.

I was really interested in how he managed to become a millionaire in this young age, but right after we had started the conversation his crazy wife showed up.

“Robert, isn’t he the cutest little boy on the planet?”

“Robert, he is so freaking cute I want to sit on him all day long!”

Robert was her husband who just smiled in a very uncomfortable way and I was the “cutest little boy” who had no idea how to deal with the fact that a woman who could be my grandmother wanted to sit on me all day long.

Without any prior warning she lifted her skirt, showed me her surprisingly juicy ass that was only covered by a tiny string and sat on top of me. Her ass was the proof that some plastic surgeons are geniuses. It looked (and felt) as if it belonged to a 30 year old woman and I don’t only say this as an excuse for the half-mast that the friction of her butt cheeks gave me.

To be honest, I am absolutely not into older women, but I can’t deny that my inexperienced 19 year old self was quite excited to get the first lap dance of his life, even though it was from a woman who was 30 years beyond her prime.

The only thing that got me worried was that my aunt would see me and that her husband, who was sitting right next to me like a confused puppy, would kill me.

 

Let Him Jerk Off

Jesus, that woman must have been a stripper before the pole was invented. While she was rubbing her ass against my dick, she couldn’t stop telling her husband how horny she was. He just smiled, took a sip from his cup and looked at me with a mixture of despair and hatred.

The only thing I could think of was how I could possibly get out of this freak show without ending up balls deep in a vagina that had accommodated more men than the Wembley Stadium and without getting shot by a jealous nerd who has enough money to buy a tank.

“Excuse me. I really have to go to the toilet.”

As I said this I gave her a soft push so that my dick could escape the clutches of her ass implants. The moment I stormed in the hallway to escape her booty and to get rid of all the chemicals and water that was in the steak I ate, she just laughed and said “now the little boy has to jerk off!”

 

Welcome to the Tunnel of Horror

The whole situation was just too weird for me. While I was desperately searching the bathroom and hoping that nobody would see me and my half-boner, I was wondering why American women were so crazy. As I should find out later not only the old American women, but also the very young ones have a screw loose.

Must be the combination of the porn industry, antidepressants and prudery…I don’t know.

While I was still trying to find that goddamn toilet, the sex-hungry milf must have followed me.

How do I know? Because she suddenly appeared behind me, grabbed my ass and asked me “where are you going sweetie?”

It was really scary. I felt like a child in a tunnel of horror in an amusement park. I can’t deny that the fact that she was suddenly standing behind me was extremely exciting. I mean, I was basically the main character in my own milf porn movie.

However, I was also extremely scared of doing something that I, my health and her husband would regret.

When I turned around I could only say one thing: “Why?”

In this moment the others came back from pretending to admire the host’s completely uninteresting garden. She just smiled like a psychopath, took my hand and placed it under her skirt, before she went back to her husband.

She wasn’t lying. Her attraction for me was real. Her pussy was wet like a lake, which is pretty astonishing for her age. I don’t know if this makes me a perverted milf hunter, but this experience gave my 19 year old self-esteem a big boost.

Thanks weird sex-hungry milf!

How would you feel if you could sleep with a sexy MILF today?

Click here to see how it’s done…

The Sex-Hungry Milf Taught Me a Few Lessons

When my aunt later asked me if I had a good time I just looked at her and said that I learned a few valuable lessons. Of course I wasn’t comfortable telling her what I have learned, but I have no shame sharing my thoughts with you.

Here are a few lessons that the experience with the sex-hungry milf taught me:

1. Sooner or later you will meet a woman who will completely overwhelm you. Deal with it.
2. Try to go to every event you are invited. Crazy and unforgettable things can happen everywhere.
3. Older women can be sexy, especially when they have a good plastic surgeon.
4. Don’t be so stupid like me and share with the whole world that you got a half-mast while a sex-hungry milf was giving you a lap dance.