The following true sex story happened last year in Bangkok and when I am really honest I didn’t even remember this experience until I booked my flight a couple of minutes ago.
By Saturday next week I am sitting in an airplane that takes me to the most amazing city in the world. Man, I can’t wait to feel the hot sun of Thailand and the naked bodies of its girls again.
While I chatted with a few friends who I plan to meet in the home of my heart, I thought about all the crazy things I experienced in this fast, relentless and incredible beautiful city.
You can’t even imagine how many crazy and unforgettable memories pop into my head when I think about the capital of Thailand.
I have already shared some of them with you, such as my pathetic attempt to have a threesome with two totally drunk English teachers and I am convinced that the story I am going to share with you now, is not the last experience in the land of smiles that I pull out of my brain and onto my blog.
Bangkok offers everything that you need in order to experience adventures that you won’t ever forget, even if you would want to.
The incredible landscape, the intriguing culture, the beautiful exotic women and an atmosphere that is so stimulating and breath-taking that you want to burn your return ticket.
Even though the city consists of far more than homeless Farangs who got kicked out by their Thai wives and cheap girls who sleep with every guy who pays them a meal at McDonalds, today’s story takes you directly into the heart of Bangkok’s red light district.
In case you want to find out what sexual fetishes I absolutely don’t like, whether or not I abandoned my principle of not sleeping with a girl for money and what your father did the last time he traveled to Asia, you should continue to read.
Not a Big Fan of the Red Light District
For three months I have lived in Bangkok’s commercial district and I haven’t visited one of the infamous Gogo bars once. It shouldn’t be a surprise that the rich business district is full of prostitutes, semi-professional girls and desperate college girls who simply have to pay their rent.
If there is money, there are hookers.
Even though I had to face a lot of tempting moments where I could have paid twenty bucks for one of the many sexy Patpong girls, I had no real interest in shagging a girl for such a low price that includes some nasty animals that you can’t get rid of.
I love the excitement, the seduction and the feeling of accomplishment that Global Hunting gives me far too much to waste my time with mongering.
I was convinced that I would leave the city that makes a hard man humble without ever seeing one of the young girls who spend their nights dancing on poles and riding fat dudes, while they regret that they left the Isan for the illusion of a luxurious life.
I honestly had that plan, until I met this middle-aged Norwegian guy who had more experience with marrying Thai hookers than any other guy in the world.
This guy was insane. And he met his Thai wife on this dating site.
You Want to Party?
Now that I think back to this experience I even remember that this whole story took place on a Saturday night. I had just accompanied an incredibly beautiful lady to the BTS skytrain station and was about to go back to my apartment in order to rack out, while all the hookers, sexually frustrated husbands and drug addicted victims of the Bangkok lifestyle were about to start their day in the shadows of Patpong.
I guess it was about two hundred meters away from my apartment when a tall guy with think blond hair crossed my way and mumbled “party, party, party…” while he smiled like a kid in a candy store.
I could have walked past him but whenever I see someone who looks as if it would be fun to talk to him or her, I can’t stop myself from saying something stupid.
“Don’t party too hard my friend. Take a girl, but don’t take a tripper!”
He stopped, looked at me with a confused face and laughed out loud.
“You are a funny guy. Want party?”
For a Norwegian guy his English was really poor, but his smile was inviting.
I was tired, I knew that he was on the way to Patpong, I wasn’t interested in the red light scene, but I am always open for crazy experiences that result in a sleepless night and a story to write about. Without knowing who the hell this guy was and what his definition of “party” was, I joined him.
In case you have never been to the Patpong District and you have no idea how crazy this place is, the following video will educate you and probably blow your mind:
While we were walking towards the kind of bars where enjoying a drink is subsidiary, he revealed a bit about himself. He was 45 years old, had a beautiful Thai wife and two kids. The way he said this he seemed to be like the average middle-aged husband who needs some hookers to cope with his dull life.
The only thing he said that didn’t make sense was that his past three Thai wives had left him, because of his urge to make party.
I assumed that his ex-wives weren’t happy that he banged young girls for money, but as I should soon find out he had a special way of making party that might be a bit too much for some women to cope with.
Hopelessness and Horniness is a Dangerous Mix
I was in the middle of the red light district and I was surrounded by half-naked Patpong girls. The night was dark, the lights were bright and the girls were sexy as hell. Jesus Christ, some of those women made it really tempting to pull a couple of dollars out of the wallet in order to pay for some fun.
I can’t deny that I was turned on by the half-naked girls who were throwing kisses at me and told me that I am handsome. However, I also can’t deny that I was repelled by the hopelessness and the desperation that I could clearly see in their eyes.
Most of the boobs were real, but all of the smiles were fake.
Even though it was somehow sad to see all those girls desperately trying to get the attention of potential customers, I can’t deny the fact that I was excited to enter a room with dozens of naked women.
I was ready to immerse in the shady world of the red light district in Bangkok.
However, I wasn’t ready for what happened next.
What I didn’t know was that my Norwegian friend wasn’t interested in having a few beers and enjoying a lap dance from a cute Patpong girl. His definition of a good party was way more extreme.
To be honest, it was quite loathsome.
Who Is Your Daddy?
The bar that he dragged me to was not just a normal bar with a few naked girls who sit on your lap as soon as you pay them a ladies drink. The bar we went to was so dark that I couldn’t even see my own feet. There were candles everywhere and the atmosphere reminded me of the funeral of my grandfather.
As soon as we were in the main room I realized where he dragged me to.
One girl with crazy green pupils was dancing in the cage. She suddenly removed her underwear and slipped a jade egg into her vagina like it’s her baby kangaroo. Another one was crawling on the floor eating out of a dog bowl and another one was dressed in black leather and seemingly enjoyed that some guy who looked like a nice family man from an insurance commercial licked her feet as if her toes tasted like chocolate.
Everybody who has ever been to Patpong knows exactly which club I landed in. I guess nobody has the balls to admit that he was inside this crazy dungeon, but you can prove me wrong by sharing your experiences in the comments below.
I am not a fan of all this BDSM stuff and as a guy who fell asleep reading 50 Shades of Grey I wasn’t turned on by girls who eat out of dog bowls. I also would never pay a girl to lick her feet. I wouldn’t even want to get my feet licked when I would get the money for it.
While I looked around like a dazed beautiful woman in a dark alley, my Norwegian companion was completely in his element. When he saw the girl who ate out of the dog bowl (man I can’t forget this image) he started to bark and every girl he walked up to had to look him into the eyes while he tickled her chin and said “who is your daddy?”
A couple of minutes before I walked into this ghost train I was excited to have a great time with a guy who seemed like a completely normal family man who needs a young lady from time to time, but by now I was a bit scared of this psychopath.
The look in his eyes while he asked every girl “who is your daddy?” before they answered “you are my daddy!” was the same facial expression that you can see in the chainsaw scene in American Psycho.
Now I knew why all women that this father par excellence married left him. I still hope that he never asks his daughters “who is your daddy?”
You Can’t Say No to a Present
I didn’t want to get my feet licked, I didn’t want to try out any weird shit with candles and hot wax and the last thing I wanted was to get lashed by some Thai lady whose only way to cope with her abusive childhood is to torture men who are dumb enough to pay her for it.
All I wanted was to chug the drink that the Norwegian weirdo paid for and leave this place without the intention to come back. As you can already imagine, the crazy blond guy who was at least one head taller than me had other plans.
“You will have the time of your life. Now we make party my son!”
It was weird enough that he called me his son, especially because he wanted to hear from every single girl in the room that he was her daddy, but the whole situation got even weirder. The drink he paid for was not the only present he wanted to give me. He wanted that I have the time of my life and due to the fact that he was a 1.90 meters tall guy who loved to watch a woman lick his feet, he wanted to make sure that I had the same pleasurable experience as he had.
He went to one of the girls, whispered something in her ear and gave her a few thousand bath notes.
Right after he gave her the money she giggled and walked in my direction.
The Patpong Girl Who Licks Like Lassie
I usually enjoy it when a girl says “put it in my mouth” but I don’t enjoy it when she is talking about my left foot. Unfortunately, she wasn’t interested in sucking my dick, but as soon as I took off my shoes she got wild.
Right before she took my left big toe in her mouth I closed my eyes, gave myself a slap on the cheek and hoped that this would all just be one of my weird dreams. The moment I opened my eyes this cute little Thai girl started to lick my toe while she made weird sounds that were so funny that I couldn’t control myself anymore. I started to laugh and whenever her tongue touched my foot, I had to laugh louder.
Come on, I can’t be the only guy whose feet are tickling.
The weirdness of this situation, the tickling on my feet and the fact that she tried to catch my toe like a chameleon whenever I pulled it away was so funny, that I couldn’t stop laughing.
The only problem was that my little BDSM Lassie was not so amused about the lack of seriousness that I had for her incredible service. After I pulled my foot away for the fifth time I accidently poked my toe in her left eye. She obviously wasn’t prepared for this kind of domination and submission experience.
Now the small Patpong girl with the speedy tongue got really angry.
Is THIS Part of the Game?
Right after I poked her eye she started to scream and to curse like a little child with ADHD syndrome and acute diarrhea. She jumped up and down, called me a pussy, an asshole and I think that she said “you cannot” about three times, before she ran out of the room like a crazy psychopath.
I just sat on my chair wondering whether this was part of a weird sexual game or if she was really that pissed because I couldn’t take her and her “service” seriously. After I sat there for a couple of minutes with a confused face and a wet toe, I was pretty sure that it wasn’t a part of the game.
In this moment I realized that BDSM is a serious business.
I took my socks and the chance to get away without getting into a fight with the crazy feet-licker and especially without seeing the Norwegian freak show again.
Thank god he was busy whispering “who is your daddy?” into the ears of two half-naked leather chicks while he squeezed their nipples like a maniac.
Neither he nor Lassie with the swollen eye saw me when I ran out of the club.
No bad words about guys who love to get their feet licked, but that shit is definitely not for me.