So you want to be a player, huh?
You fantasize about banging a different woman every night. In your dreams you have threesomes and crazy orgies. You imagine how you wake up next to a smoking hot girl and how you throw her out of your apartment because the next girl is already waiting for you in the lobby.
“Should I become a player and live the Dan Bilzerian lifestyle?”
That’s what you ask yourself.
I know it because there was a time when I wanted the same thing.
I wanted to be the guy who gets the chicks. In my imagination I had hundreds of numbers of stunning girls in my phone and I could call them whenever I wanted. My desire to become a player became so strong that I spent my time in college reading Double Your Dating and The Game instead of studying.
Then I met Sasha Daygame and other famous dating coaches. I learned from them, I studied them and eventually, I coached with them.
That’s when I became a player and that’s when my journey of breaking hearts and staring into tear-stained faces began…
I Know Why You Want to Become a Player
According to the urban dictionary, a player is a man who is skilled at manipulating women aka playing with them. He pretends to care about the feelings of the women he plays with in order to get them into bed.
That’s the definition of the player and I know why you want to belong to this group of men…
You are sick of not getting the attention of women that you think you deserve. You are tired of listening to your female “friends” who cry on your shoulder and complain about their asshole boyfriends. You want to become a player because you are sick and tired of being used as a pillow to cry on by women.
I know how you feel when you tell them that they deserve someone better.
That’s the real reason why you want to become a player.
The Culture that Creates Players
And I can understand it. Seriously, I can.
Not so long ago I have been the pillow for women. I was the one who was invisible to women. I know how it feels. The pain, the anger, the frustration. It sucks.
I fell into the same trap that you are about to fall into. I became a player.
I remember one time I promised a girls that we were in a relationship because I wanted to sleep with her. I “broke up” with her two days later.
Another time I told a girl how much she meant to me before I left her apartment. Three hours later I lay in bed with another woman who I told the exact same story.
Am I proud of these “accomplishments”?
Back then I was. Today I’m ashamed of what I did.
I only realized what a tremendous asshole I was when one of the girls I broke up with was screaming that I was the worst thing that ever happened to her…
…and when I left the Western hemisphere.
Once I turned my back on the Western dating culture I realized that there are countries that don’t offer such a strong incentive to become a player. I immersed in cultures that made becoming a player completely unnecessary…and downright stupid.
Since I have traveled the world and seduced women with all kinds of different cultural backgrounds I honestly believe that the Western culture offers the perfect breeding ground for manipulators and liars. The desire to become a player is nothing but an inconsiderate reaction towards the culture.
Believe it or not, but…
- There are countries where being a crazy, narcissistic and disrespectful Kardashian clone is not celebrated
- There are countries where dating illiterate rappers and Jersey Shore douchebags is not every girl’s dream.
- There are countries where girls are not conditioned to believe that the hookup culture deserves to be called a culture.
I’m by far not the first man who realized that being a player is completely unnecessary once you are surrounded with women who are attracted to the exact opposite…
Why Having Sexual Experiences is Not Evil
But that doesn’t mean that having sexual experiences is a bad thing. Not at all.
Just because I am at a stage in my life where I enjoy being with one woman who I truly love, doesn’t mean that you can’t have one-night stands, threesomes and all kinds of other kinky adventures.
In fact, the only reason why I can enjoy my current relationship so much is because I’ve done all those things. I’m free from the infamous FOMO (fear of missing out) that haunts male virgins and guys who settled with the first woman they slept with.
It doesn’t affect me anymore. There’s NOTHING that I could possibly miss out on that I haven’t done yet.
- One-night stands? Check!
- Threesomes? Check!
- Dating a model? Check!
And no, I don’t say this to brag. I say this because I want to make one thing clear:
Being a player today guarantees a happy relationship tomorrow.
I know, it sounds counterintuitive. It’s not what popular woman’s magazines write about, but it’s the truth.
I’ve seen it over and over again. I’m not the first man who was able to attract and keep an amazing woman BECAUSE he decided to become a player.
Paul Janka. David DeAngelo. Neil Strauss.
Eventually, they all settled down with an amazing woman who they could only attract BECAUSE of the knowledge, believes, skills and transformation that the player lifestyle gave them. These men are able to keep the woman of their dreams BECAUSE they know that the seduction never ends.
Why it is Good to Be a Responsible Player
Even though the media loves to portrait seducers and pick up artists as evil misogynists they are actually the better lovers, boyfriends and husbands.
I believe this with all my heart. In case you disagree with me, I want you to imagine the following two guys.
Guy #1 meets the woman of his dreams:
One year ago this man stumbled upon a website called globalseducer.com. He read every article and he even booked a coaching. Thanks to the time he invested, he became more confident, learned how to communicate with women, and how to seduce them.
He spent the past year seducing beautiful women and growing as a man. His experiences shape him. His love for women grew the more women he seduced.
One day he meets a girl he falls in love with. He is ready for the relationship and he knows exactly what he has to do to get her and to keep her.
Guy #2 meets the woman of his dreams:
One year ago this man saw a news report about how evil pick up artists really are. He believed it. Instead of investing time in learning how to seduce women, he continued to watch porn every night. He calls himself a male feminist, because he has many female friends. The truth is that he’s only friends with them because he hopes that they will sleep with him one day.
He spent the past year doing absolutely NOTHING that could improve his dating life. He didn’t read blogs, he didn’t work on his communication skills, and coaching? That’s for losers! He is still the shy, insecure and anxious boy that he’s been one years ago. The only difference is that he hates women more than ever because they still treat him as if he didn’t exist.
One day he meets a girl he falls in love with. He is shy, insecure and anxious and even if he would know how to get her (which he doesn’t), he would lose her in a heartbeat because no amazing woman wants to date a shy, insecure and anxious man who hates women.
What if she would still date him?
Eventually, he would cheat on her with a hooker (the only girl he can “get”) because the fear of missing out knocks on his door.
Now ask yourself again:
“Should I become a player?”
The answer is yes, but only if you are willing to learn…
How to Become a Responsible Player
Are you a bit confused right now?
“Sebastian, you said that you realized that being a player is completely unnecessary once you are surrounded with women who are attracted to the exact opposite.”
Yes, that’s what I said.
“But why are you saying now that I should be willing to learn how to become a responsible player?”
Because being a PLAYER and being a RESPONSIBLE PLAYER is not the same.
Let me say it again:
It’s is okay to sleep with multiple women. It’s good to have a few sexual experiences before you settle down with the girl you love.
However, it’s not good to do it the way players do it.
Remember the urban disctionary definition?
“A player is a man who is skilled at manipulating women aka playing with them. He pretends to care about the feelings of the women he plays with in order to get them into bed.”
THAT’S what you should NOT do.
And you don’t have to. There is a way to gain sexual experiences WITHOUT hurting women, lying to them or manipulating them.
I call this the way of the responsible player…or the path of the Global Seducer.
Here’s what a responsible player would do when he meets a girl he wants to “play” with:
He is honest about his intention. He’s not afraid of letting her know that he’s not interested in a relationship. She will appreciate his honesty.
He doesn’t manipulate women into believing that he is their boyfriend when he’s their lover.
He loves women and shows every woman he spends a week, a month or just a night with that he respects her and her decision to sleep with him. The next day she doesn’t feel used. She feels seduced. And it feels good.
“Should I become a player?”
Being a player leads to tears and broken hearts. I’ve been there. Believe me, it’s not the path you want to take.
Being a responsible player can turn you into a man who has the power to decide IF he wants to settle down, WHEN he wants to settle down and with WHOM he wants to settle down without using his power to hurt women.
And once you are ready to settle down, it’s time to break free from the culture that encouraged you to be an irresponsible player and to become a seducer who is powerful beyond measure.
Summed Up Wisdom
“Should I Become a Player?”
Yes and no.
Being a player is not the same as being a man who seduces many women. A player uses manipulation and lies in order to get what he wants. He can’t be blamed. The culture he grew up in turned him into this kind of man.
But it’s never too late to change. You don’t have to be a liar and manipulator to have multiple lovers and unforgettable sexual experiences. You can be a responsible player who loves women, respects them and is honest about his intentions.
And when you’re eventually ready to settle down, you have the power to meet, attract and keep an amazing woman who never wanted you to be a player.
Ryan N. says
Ha, well I suppose that’s a fair point. I just thought that the question I asked was quite pointed and personal, so I hesitated to ask it in this publicly-viewable format. But I thought there must be other people who had the same question, so I concluded that this would be a more productive place to ask.
Sebastian Harris says
You always get a reply 😉
Ryan N. says
Thanks for the reply Sebastian, I was just curious. I appreciate your reply.
Sebastian Harris says
the answer is different for everyone and can change at different stages in your life. A couple of years ago I never thought that I could be with one woman for more than three months. Now I can’t even imagine to be together with another girl than my girlfriend.
The problem that most guy face (I faced it too) is your ego that tells you things, such as “you need more”, “you are not a real man when you are with one woman”. It’ simportant to find out if it’s your ego that’s leading you in a direction or your heart aka what you really want.
Ryan N. says
This is an interesting concept. I have to say, I think you struck philosophical gold with this. It makes perfect sense, but I have one question about it:
Can you stay with only that one woman you love, or is seducing new women just too much a part of you to be able to let it go?
I guess the answer would be different for everyone, especially for people at different stages on the Global Seducer path, but I can’t help but suspect that it would be very hard to not want anyone else but her. I could easily see being completely happy with her as the one woman you genuinely love and want to be with, but I’m struggling to understand how you could be monogamous.
Sebastian Harris says
or a blue lightsaber 😉
I feel a strong pull from the dark side…may need a cool titanium mask soon! lol
Sebastian Harris says
thanks for your kind words. Remember, there’s always a dark side of the force and a light side of the force 😉
Another damn good article Sebastian. Growing up I always associated “players” as lairs, game players and manipulators but never saw it from a responsibility perspective. With that lack of perspective, I see why someone would feel resistance with the idea of become a player.