How I Completely Messed Up My First Date in Thailand

Here’s what happened..

It was about five years ago when I traveled to Thailand for the very first time. Back then I had zero cultural knowledge about the country and my seduction skills were by far not as advanced as they are today.

I was young and naïve, but extremely motivated to get my first date in Thailand. In fact, I was a bit too motivated, or maybe I should call it overly enthusiastic. I was so enthusiastic that I made every mistake you can possibly make with a woman who was born and raised in the Land of Smiles.

I behaved like a complete idiot.

In case you’ve ever been to Thailand you have probably seen one of those Western guys who try to make out with their girlfriend in public. He jumps on her and she desperately tries to fight him off while turning her head away from him. I was one of those guys.

As you may or may not know, my wonderful girlfriend who I love with all my heart is Thai. I met her four years after my first trip to Thailand. So I know how to meet, attract and date Thai girls. Today I know it. Five years ago I knew nothing.

Please allow me to share this lack of knowledge and the resulting embarrassing first date experience that I had during my first trip to Bangkok with you. I hope it makes you laugh and I hope even more that it makes you think about all the ways that you can do it better during your next trip to Thailand.

Oh, and before I forget it…

Thai women are some of the most beautiful, feminine and friendly women in the world. It is a pleasure to date them.

 

Have you already chatted to some cute girls on Thai Cupid?

Awesome, then it’s time to take a short break from chatting in order to enjoy my embarrassing story…

 

How Not to Approach a Thai Girl

Yes, I messed up my first date in Thailand, but to say that I ONLY messed up my first date in Thailand, would be a sweet little lie. I messed up everything from the first “hi” to her giving me awkward signs that translated into “I want to get the fuck away from you”.

I did everything wrong that you can possibly do wrong. I mean, none of the things I did would have been dramatic if I had done them with a Western girl in a Western country. The only problem was that I was dating a girl who doesn’t regard Miley Cyrus as a serious role model, which is good but tricky at the same time.

My short career as an ambitious seducer was paved with approaches in Western countries. I learned to approach women in every situation and I didn’t even think about the fact that women from other cultures might be a bit shocked to talk to a stranger in some venues.

Do you know where I approached my first Thai girl?

I approached her in the BTS skytrain in Bangkok.

No, I didn’t wait until she got out. I did what anyone who knows at least something about the Asian culture would describe as utterly stupid. I approached her surrounded by people in the quietest environment that you can find in the whole city of Bangkok.

I gave her a compliment while standing next to her in the middle of a crowd of people in the skytrain. Everyone was quiet. The only thing that you could hear in the whole train was me telling this confused girl that she is beautiful.

The moment I said it she blushed. Okay, she didn’t blush. She turned red like a tomato. The sweat on her forehead was dripping down her eyebrows. I truly believe that this was the most uncomfortable moment in her whole life.

Some local guys around us were giggling and I just smiled at her in the most confident way. Hey, at least I was confident. That was the good news. My approach was stupid. That was the bad news.

 

Hugging is Shocking

So we were in the skytrain and all the giggling Thai guys around us couldn’t stop staring at her. She was red as a tomato and I slowly realized what an idiot I was. The situation was tricky, but not hopeless. I knew that I could save it.

What did I do to save it? I did something that made it even worse.

She had to get out at the next stop. Maybe she didn’t have to get out and she just wanted to run away from me. In retrospect I can totally understand it. Anyway, I didn’t give up and ran after her. I stopped her and gave her another compliment. She smiled.

She smiled, the color of her face turned back to normal again and we had a pleasant conversation. After five minutes I took her phone number and…

…and I made the next mistake.

Surrounded by another 4.932 Thai people who were all waiting for their train, I hugged her. It wasn’t one of those short hugs. I must have hugged her for at least five seconds. I don’t really know what took me so long. All I can remember is her facial expression after the hug.

Ms. Tomato Face was back.

This time the healthy red mixed with an upset facial expression. She was pissed, but I was convinced that she liked me. Oh, and she barely spoke English. Nonetheless, she agreed to go on an instant date with me.

You know what that means, right? More chances to fuck up my first date in Thailand!

 

Hungry on My First Date in Thailand

She couldn’t speak English. I couldn’t speak Thai. I would say that our relationship was built on solid ground. At least we could communicate with our hands. And that’s exactly what I did when I was finished with my soup.

We were in one of those traditional Thai restaurants without a roof, but with lots of delicious dishes. The only problem about Thai restaurants is that, in comparison to restaurants in the West, the dishes are extremely small.

She ate her food in slow motion. I was already finished after five minutes. I waited another ten minutes until she finally finished about 60% of her portion. She then signalized me that she was fool. I was flabbergasted.

It was impossible for me to understand that a human being, no matter how tiny and cute, could possibly be full after two noodles and ten milliliters of soup.

I just couldn’t take the responsibility for wasting 40% of that delicious dish.

I did what I always do in Germany. I asked if I could have the rest. Okay, I didn’t particularly ask. My belly was so empty that I just took her soup to eat the rest. As I found out later, this is a no-go in the Thai society.

My girlfriend got used to my ravenous appetite, but this shy girl was completely overwhelmed with the situation. She looked at me with a shocked face. She couldn’t stop staring at me. I couldn’t stop eating her soup. Our date was going down the tubes.

But hey, I made it even worse.

 

A Kiss Outside of Siam Paragon

I don’t know if it was pity or if she never went on a date with a foreigner before and wanted to have the whole experience. For some inexplicable reason my inappropriate behavior was not enough to motivate her to run away from me…at least not yet.

After our trip to the Thai restaurant where I ordered two more portions after I finished her bowl (she kept staring at me), we went to Siam Paragon, the biggest shopping center in Bangkok.

We walked from store to store, I tried to hold her hand and she pulled it away whenever I tried to hold it. Things were going so well. I was the awkward guy in my own romantic Hollywood movie. And I made it even more awkward.

For some reason I always tried to escalate when we were surrounded by hundreds of people. Every idiot who has ever read something about Asian cultures knows how dumb that is. Just me, I didn’t. So I did what everyone should do on a first date.

I kissed her. Or let’s say I tried to kiss her. It ended with a pitiful try, because I did it outside of the Siam Paragon, ten meters away from the skytrain station. In case you’ve been there before you know that this place is crowded with people.

She flinched….and looked at me as if she wanted to kill me.

She probably wanted to kill me. But I could see it in her eyes that she also wanted to kiss me. I know that she liked me and I know that she had kissed me if I would have escalated in a private environment.

Well, you learn from your mistakes, but this mistake was still not enough to make her run away from me. In fact, she giggled while she shrunk back. There was only one thing that I could do that could possibly make her run away from me.

I did it about twenty minutes later.

 

What’s Wrong with The Naked Man?  

Have you ever heard of The Naked Man?

What? You haven’t? Shame on you!

Well, then we can never be friends because you have never watched How I Met Your Mother. Okay, we can still be friends, but I doubt that you have ever watched this funny TV show that wouldn’t be so funny without the legendary Barney Stinson.

Even though the actor is actually gay in real life, Barney Stinson is a womanizer who could possibly beat Neil Strauss, Zan Perrion and me in an approaching contest. He is fun, well-dressed (suit up!) and he is the inventor of The Naked Man.

It’s pretty simple and it can actually work (that’s going to be another story):

You take a girl back to your place and the moment she gets something to drink or goes to the bathroom to “powder her nose”, you get naked. And when I say naked I mean completely naked.

That’s what I did. Why? Well, I was an inexperienced hothead who was pumped with unshakable confidence from my bootcamp with Sasha Daygame.

Okay, I have to be honest with you. I didn’t pull of a complete Naked Man. I did 85%.

She agreed to watch a movie at my place after my failed kissing attempt. We were sitting next to each other and she actually came closer and closer. Things were going really good. I was back in the game.

She went to the bathroom and I thought that it would be fun to get rid of my clothes. I got rid of everything besides my not so sexy boxers. Please don’t ask me why I did it. It’s embarrassing enough to admit THAT I did it.

The moment she closed the bathroom door behind her was the moment in which she lost her faith in humanity. I was lying on the bed, smiling like a stoned retarded and she, a traditional Thai girl who was most likely still a virgin, looked at me like THIS:

What a terrible idea. The worst part was that I couldn’t even tell her that I am not a mentally retarded rapist, because she could barely speak English.

She looked at me as if I was the personification of all evil, stammered some words that sounded like “crazy” and “I go” and signalized that she felt extremely uncomfortable. Well, I was kind of crazy and yes, she wanted to go. I could see it in her eyes…and in her red face that turned from a cute blushing red into a not so cute angry red.

I guess my well-intended Naked Man was a bit too much for this traditional Thai girl.

I got dressed and wanted to calm her down before going downstairs with her. I couldn’t. The second I opened the door, she ran to the elevator. That was the end of my first date in Thailand.

From that moment on I never did the Naked Man again…at least not on any first date in Thailand 😉