How to Talk to Girls if You Are Shy (15 Quick Tips)

Have you ever been in a similar situation?

I tried everything.

Saturday I tried to numb myself with liquid courage aka beer and wine. Sunday I used porn to escape into a fantasy world where I didn’t have to talk to girls to make them want me and please me. I saw this as my only way to escape.

This self-destructive behavior increased the pain.

It wasn’t until I stopped numbing and burying my shyness that I realized how easy it is to talk to girls when you follow a few simple steps.

How to Talk to Girls if You are Shy with These 15 Tips 

Let me ask you something:

Why are you here?

Of course, you want to achieve success with women despite your little issue. That’s the main reason. But there’s a deeper meaning. Please correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m sure you define yourself as the shy guy.

This is who you are…at least in your mind.

Otherwise, you’d have searched for an article that teaches you how to talk to women. But no, you specifically searched for an article that teaches you how to talk to girls if YOU ARE SHY.

The three words in capital letters are the root of all evil.

I know this because I made the exact same mistake. I defined myself as the shy guy, the loser, the guy who doesn’t get laid.

The result:

My mind believed it and my actions proved it.

It’s time to rethink the way you think about yourself and to talk to women without sabotaging yourself and your success…

1. See Your Shyness in a Different Light  

Stop committing mental suicide!

That’s okay. You are here because you want to learn, grow and improve. Nobody expects you to be perfect. But I expect you to believe in yourself as much as I believe in you.

Stop putting yourself down!

You are no longer Mr. Shy Guy. No, you are Mr. Amazing Guy. The more you define yourself as shy, the more you’ll act according to this belief. Your thoughts affect your emotions and your emotions affect your motions.

Think about this quote before you walk up to girls.  

Changing your mind will change your outcomes, especially when you have a calm mind…

2. Relax Your Mind with Deep Breathing 

Shyness never comes alone.

This bastard has brothers and sisters that follow him every step along the way. That’s what makes him so deadly and so unpredictable.

You have to be prepared for their arrival. Thank God, there is a way to prepare yourself. And it’s so easy. According to a study conducted in the year 2009, changing patterns of breathing can change emotional states and mental states.

Here’s what this means:

Taking a deep breath can be enough to reduce shyness and his brothers and sisters.

I know it sounds too good to be true, but it works. Try it. Take a deep breath and fill your belly with air. Now exhale. Observe how your body relaxes and how your emotional and mental state changes.  

Do this whenever you’re about to talk to girls.

3. Follow the Three Second Rule 

Imagine the following situation...

You are standing in the middle of a busy street. You are here because you want to approach women. Fuck, just thinking about your plan makes you nervous. Your hands start to sweat. Your heart beat increases. Oh oh…that’s not good.

You take a deep breath and it helps.

You start walking. You see a beautiful woman, then another one and another one. They are everywhere. You can’t stop staring. It’s overwhelming. You decide to take action. You are ready to get going.

You hesitate.

Of course she’s too fast, too far away, and already gone when you stand like a rooted tree. You have to move. But you can’t because you’re too shy, am I right?

Here’s a simple solution:

Count from one to three and when you reach three, you run. Three is your signal to move. Three is the imaginary kick in the balls I give you when you don’t follow this rule. The three second rule changed my life and it can change yours.

What if you’re still shy?

It doesn’t matter.

One, two, three and you move your ass.

4. Use the I’m Shy Approach 

Your shyness doesn’t have to be a disadvantage.

One of my lecturers at college used to say this to me:

I’ll never forget this because it’s the truth.

And guess what? You can use your shyness to your advantage when you approach women. Don’t hide it and don’t feel ashamed of it. Embrace it. Reveal it. Heck, start the conversation by mentioning it.

Here’s what I used to do:

I mentioned the words “I’m shy” in the first couple of seconds of the approach. Sometimes I started the approach with these exact words. This took the pressure away from me.

Here are two examples:

Use the” I’m shy” approach and you’ll see how fast your weakness can become your strength.  

5. Try to Speak Slowly  

Do you know what happens when you talk too fast?

You talk faster than you can think. And that’s a problem. Heck, that’s even a problem for men with unshakable confidence. But if you’re shy, it’s even worse because your shyness empties your mind…and not in a positive “I’m so mindful and zen” kind of way.  

Talking fast increases your nervousness and anxiety. Talking slow does the opposite. It helps you to articulate your thoughts. Slow down or your thoughts articulate themselves

This can lead to a medium-scale disaster.

You probably talk too fast anyway. I coached hundreds of guys and they were all talking too fast. None of them was talking too slow.

The moral of the story:

Slow down and talking to girls will be much easier, even if you’re shy.

6. Talk about the Topics You Prepared  

What? You didn’t prepare any topics?

Then get back to work!

You want to know how to talk to girls if you are shy. That means you have to be prepared because the right preparation gives you the certainty you need. You can’t be overwhelmed if you are prepared.

Shyness is often the result of feeling overwhelmed.

Here’s a simple way to prevent this from happening:

The more topics you have in mind, the easier it will be to forget about your shyness and to focus on the conversation. That’s one of the main reasons why experienced seducers make it seem so effortless.

They know their stories and topics.

I’ve told the same stories hundreds of times. For me, it’s no problem to do it another time. How about you? Have you prepared enough topics and stories?

You won’t regret it.

7. Ask Her Open-Ended Questions  

Most men love close-ended question.

They love them so much that they allow these questions to sabotage their success with women. If you want to know how to talk to girls if you are shy, you have to stop using close-ended questions.

Look at the following examples:

Of course, it’s easier to answer with “no” than with “yes”. But that’s not the biggest problem. The problem is that you need time and close-ended questions don’t give you time. It takes one second to say “yes” or “no”.

Why do you need time?

Shyness can make you speechless. Remember that.

What can you do about that?

Use open-ended questions like these:  

Changing the way you ask her can make all the difference.

8. Cover up Your Shyness with Humor 

What if you’re so shy that your toes start to shiver?

Of course, you can go to the pharmacy and get some pills that mess with your brain cells. That can help for a couple of minutes. But you’ll turn into a grumpy addict. There’s a better solution and it’s called…

Okay, forget about the last point. But seriously, humor can be the best weapon for a shy seducer.

9. Fake it Till She Feels it 

You can choose between one of two approaches.

One of them is the fake it till you make it technique.   

As much as I hate to say it, the fake it till you make it technique can work, at least in the short-term. It’s not a long-term solution, but it’s enough for the first couple of minutes of an interaction. You just have to do it right…

Your body affects your emotions. 

The more confident you pretend to be, the less shyness you feel inside. It works…but there’s a way easier and way more effective technique.  

10. Open Up About Your Shyness 

Remember the “I’m shy” approach?

Let’s take it to the next level.

Pretending to be a confident bad ass is fine and dandy, but sooner or later she’ll find out who you really are. I mean, you can fool her for the first couple of minutes and maybe for the first couple of dates. But you can’t fool her forever.

What if you want to make her your girlfriend?

Then you need to be honest.

Don’t be too shy to talk about your shyness. Tell her what’s going on. Let her know how you feel. And again, you can turn your weakness into your strength. You just have to make an irresistible sales pitch.

Let me give you some examples:

Women love men with missions, visions, and goals.  

11. Do This if You’re too Shy to Ask for Her Number

It’s time.

You have to ask for her number. Okay, you don’t have to do it. But then you’ll never see her again. Come on. I know you can do it.

But what if you can’t? What if you’re too shy?

I know. It can be hard to ask for her number and it can be even harder to tell her to put her number in your phone. Let me share a little trick with you. This trick helped me to get phone numbers without mentioning the word “phone” or “number”.

Here’s what you need to do:

She knows what to do.

I tried it so many times and it worked every single time. In fact, it works better than asking for her number. She has no chance to say “no” and typing her number into your phone seems like the natural thing to do.

12. Don’t Try to Game Her 

Here’s the problem:

The moment you try to game a girl, you put yourself under pressure. It’s totally unnecessary. Stop thinking about gaming, manipulating or convincing women. You don’t have to do any of that. Focus on one thing and one thing only.

Get to know her.

That’s all. The more you think about using the perfect technique or the perfect line, the more you feed your shyness. That bastard eats all the pressure you put on yourself and grows bigger and stronger.

Get to know her by…

Learning how to talk to girls if you are shy is not about gaming them. It’s about getting to know them.

13. Stop Thinking of What Could Go Wrong 

Here’s a typical thought of a shy guy who wants to talk to girls:

God, don’t be so pessimistic. You brain won’t explode when she rejects you. You won’t die when she doesn’t smile within two seconds. And no, she won’t stab you with a lightsaber. That shit only happens in Star Wars.

Stop thinking of what could go wrong when you talk to her.

Instead, think about every conversation as an opportunity. Yes, that’s what it comes down to. Every time you talk to a girl, you have the chance to do, experience, and achieve so many things.

The possibilities are endless. Embrace them.

14. Trade Small Talk for Real Talk  

Hate and shyness are a terrible combination.

And I hate small talk.

I hate it with all my heart. And I used to be shy. This was the perfect combination for massive failure. Every time I wanted, or let’s say saw myself forced to make small talk, I felt so uncomfortable.

What about you? Do you feel the same?

Ditch the small talk!

Instead, talk about things you really want to talk about:

Nobody needs small talk. It’s a waste of time and if you want to know how to talk to girls if you are shy, you should stop falling into the small talk trap.

Talk about things you care about and she will care about you.   

15. Take Action Whenever You Hesitate

Remember the three second rule?

One, two, three…go!

This rule is helpful for approaching women and for starting a conversation with girls. But you don’t have to stop there. I mean, yeah. You clicked on this article because you wanted to learn how to talk to girls if you are shy.

I showed you how…but what about the next step?

Your shyness wants you to hesitate. 

You have to fight this urge. Continue to use the three second rule. Whenever you feel like not doing something, you count from one to three and do it. That’s how a shy guy can talk to more girls than all than any other man.

Want more information on getting dates, kisses, and more?

Check out my book Rise of the Phoenix.

Come on. Check it out. Don’t be so shy…

Summed Up Wisdom 

You have to stop doing this. Come on. You know exactly what I mean. Stop calling yourself the shy guy. Don’t let your limitation define you. Why did I even call it your limitation? You call it a handicap but I call it your benefit.

Yes, you can use your shyness to your advantage. You can talk about it, use it in compliments, and you can even sell it as your mission, vision, and your goal. Your results depend on the way you sell it. Turn your weakness into your strength and talking to girls will be a lot easier.

What else do you have to know? Oh, yeah. Don’t even think about making small talk. It’s a waste of time and a waste of energy. You’ll feel so much better talking about topics you care about. And ask the right questions. Give her time to answer and give yourself time to think. That’s how you talk to girls if you are shy.