Are you ready to learn how to start a relationship with a girl you like?
I am sure you are, otherwise you wouldn’t have clicked on this goddamn article.
I am also sure that you are currently seeing, dating, or at least stalking (stop doing that shit) a girl who is absolutely amazing.
You are into her. She is so beautiful that you can’t stop smiling whenever you see her. When she talks to you it sounds as if a choir of angels was singing. When she walks up to you, you can’t stop looking at her perfect body. The way she walks makes you nervous and the way she smells makes you lose your senses.
She is the Kim Kardashian of your wet Kanye West dreams. She is the most amazing woman you have ever met. You are so into her that you can’t even describe it. Thank God you’ve already read my article on making a girl fall in love with you. Otherwise, you would have no idea whether or not she feels the same about you.
She is into you. Maybe not the way you are into her, but she is definitely attracted to you. Maybe you have already had sex with her. Maybe you haven’t even been to first base.
No matter how intimate you were with her, you are 100% sure that you want to start a relationship with this girl.
She’s not the kind of girl you want to forget after a meaningless one-night stand. She’s not the kind of girl for a drunk night of fumbling and licking that ends with the infamous walk of shame and the “God, please tell me that she took the pill” prayer.
She is special. She is worth more than that. She is worth having a relationship with.
And hey, maybe she is even the girl you want to marry. That’s cool. The only problem is that you are terrified of messing it up, which I can totally understand.
When I met my current girlfriend I also thought about all the millions of things I could say or do that could influence her to change her mind about me. I wasn’t sure how to start a relationship with the girl of my dreams. I am sure you know this feeling.
What did I do back then?
Well, I did what I had to do. I worked on my mindset, developed a plan and executed like a determined motherfucker. I did everything in my power to start a happy and fulfilling relationship with this woman.
We are still together. We are still happy. The relationship is still fulfilling.
I must have done something right. Here’s what I did…
How to Start a Relationship With a Girl with the Right Mindset
You can achieve a lot, but without the right mindset you won’t ever have the success that you truly want. Top athletes know about the power of your mindset and everyone who wants to begin an amazing relationship with the woman of his dreams should also know about this power.
The way you think about yourself, relationships and the woman you want to make your girlfriend, determines the way your relationship evolves. A weak mindset leads to a frustrating, soul-sucking relationship, whereas a strong mindset leads to the fulfilling relationship that you truly want.
I think we both know that you want to have a fulfilling relationship.
I mean, you probably don’t just want to start this relationship and watch it fall apart within the next 30 days. You want a stable and supportive relationship.
Let’s have a look at the small but powerful mindset shifts that you need to undergo, in order to start a relationship that turns you into the happiest man alive.
Should You Start a Relationship With Her?
I know you want this relationship. I know that you see everything through rose-colored glasses and that you are convinced that she is “the one”. Heck, maybe she is that one special girl for you. I don’t deny that.
However, the rose-colored glasses that EVERY man wears when he starts dating a girl, who he wants to start a relationship with, can be deceptive. Don’t even try to deny that you see everything rose-colored. I’ve been there too.
Within the first weeks of dating a girl who you want to start a relationship with, you tend to see all her positive aspects while you ignore all her negative aspects. This is completely normal. It’s a tricky tactic that Mother Nature uses to make sure that we reproduce.
I hope you haven’t put a baby in her belly yet, because before you enter this relationship you should ask yourself one important question:
“Should I start a relationship with her?”
“Of course, you idiot!” you might think to yourself.
Well, it is your right to call me an idiot for asking you this “stupid” and “redundant” question. You can do that, but what if the answer is “no”?
Sometimes a girl we meet seems to be an ideal partner (mostly because of her C-Cups), but when we look closer, she might not be that perfect for us.
I know too well that a nice ass and perfectly shaped tits can make us blind for drama, depression and drinking problems.
The truth is that her personality is way more important than the size of her breasts, at least when you think about starting a relationship with her. Make sure that she is girlfriend material before you regret that you made her your girlfriend.
Understand that it is Okay to Have this Desire
Maybe you think about starting a relationship with this amazing girl, but your social circle tells you to not do it. This is a problem that many guys struggle with. And please don’t get me wrong. If all your friends, your sibling and even your grandmother tell you that the drug-addicted punk chick with the heroin needle might not be the perfect choice, you should at least listen to them.
But what if your social circle and the community you are in inherently rejects the idea of having a girlfriend?
In this case, it is your decision to choose your own path or to miss out on the chance to have a happy and fulfilling relationship.
Just because some idiot tells you that relationships are for pussies, doesn’t mean that it is true.
But who could possibly say that relationships are for pussies?
Well, definitely not me, but I know some other dating coaches who actually say that…and about thousands of self-proclaimed master PUAs on countless forums.
For me, as a child of the seduction community, it was extremely difficult to leave this whole “relationships are for pussies and one-night stands for players” mantra behind me.
It took me years to realize that relationships can help you immensely to improve emotionally, sexually and as a seducer and that they can make you happy.
Break free from this old PUA stigma that only quantity matters and realize that wanting a relationship with an amazing woman is a noble goal.
Why the Rush?
I know that you want to know the specific step-by-step plan to a happy relationship start, but my conscience instructs me to talk about another issue.
Please correct me if I am wrong, but I am quite sure that you don’t have that much relationship experience.
How do I know that?
Well, you want to know how to start a relationship and if you would have already had a few, you’d know the answer.
That’s why I also know that the pressure to succeed at this attempt is immense. I mean, some of your friends already have relationships and you are sick and tired of hearing the same old story.
“Why don’t you have a girlfriend?”
“Why do we never see you with a girl?”
You feel the pressure. That’s why you want this relationship and you want it now. Am I right? Let me know in the comments below.
The problem is that we humans don’t make the best decisions when we are under pressure. Just like there are some women who marry some boring idiot as soon as they are thirty, because their biological clock put them under pressure, some men start relationships that are doomed to fail, just because their “now or never” alarm goes off.
Why the rush?
It doesn’t really matter if you start your relationship today or in two months. The only thing that matters is that you start it with the right girl. I know how it feels to be in a relationship with the wrong girl. It’s not worth emulating.
Short-Term vs. Long-Term Thinking
In the end it comes all down to short-term thinking vs. long-term thinking. The patience to find the right girl and the decision to turn her into your girlfriend comes all down to this one battle:
The battle between short-term and long-term thinking…
…that can only result in winning or losing.
Guess who the loser is and who the winner is when it comes to the relationship battlefield?
The short-term thinker is the loser and the long-term thinker is the winner.
The short-term thinker bows to the rush. He starts a relationship for the sake of having a girlfriend. He decides to call some crazy chick with a sexy ass his beloved girlfriend, because he confuses raw sexual attraction with deep emotional connection.
As a short-term thinker your relationship will be the equivalent of this thought. It will be rash, volatile and short.
As a long-term thinker your relationship will also be the equivalent to this thought. It will be well-planned, thorough and lasting.
Forget about “It Will Work Out Somehow”
Now that you understand that it is okay to want a relationship and that you should make sure that you start it with the right girl, it’s time to burn down another popular cliché. This cliché is interconnected with what I said above.
She has a nice ass. You want to be together with her. You are in a hurry and you finally want to see the envious eyes of your friends when you walk into the bar with a hot bombshell. If that’s what you want, you might think to yourself…
“It will work out somehow.”
You can ignore my advice and start a relationship with that insanely hot bartender who spends all her money on cocaine and antidepressants and think that “it will work out somehow.”
You can ignore my advice and start a relationship with this girl who is hot as hell, but who doesn’t give a shit about respect, support and loyalty and think that “it will work out somehow.”
Come on. Do it!
You won’t be the first guy who writes me an email about how his relationship nearly killed him, even though he was so sure that “it will work out somehow”.
Forget about “it will work out somehow” and make the decision to do whatever it takes to make it work with the right girl and the right plan.
Once you have made this decision, you are ready for the step-by-step plan to starting a relationship from scratch.
How to Start a Relationship With a Girl With Planning and Execution
Your mindset has been shifted. Awesome. But hey, that was just the beginning. Successfully starting a relationship requires the right mindset, but without the right action steps, your endeavor will stay nothing but mental masturbation.
Now that you know what it really means to start a relationship that is based on happiness and fulfillment and not on regret and alimony payments, it’s time to have a look at the specific steps that will lead you to your romantic goal.
And no, I won’t tell you that you need to know her favorite toothpaste or the name of her goldfish. Nobody cares about that. The transition from just dating to happily ever after has nothing to do with your knowledge about her, but with your willingness to get to know her.
“What’s the difference?” I hear you asking.
Let me explain…
Get to Know Each Other on a Deep Level
Being able to start a relationship that leads to happiness, fulfillment and a strong companionship has nothing to do with logical knowledge.
Remember the toothpaste example that I mentioned a couple of lines above?
Forget about it. It’s irrelevant.
In the same way as logical topics don’t help you when you approach a woman, they don’t help you in the process of making her your girlfriend. The requirement for every healthy relationship is an emotional connection.
It’s not about logic. It’s about emotions.
That’s why I said earlier that knowing something about her is not the same as getting to know her. You might know her name, but that doesn’t mean that you know the person. Find out who she really is. That should be your priority.
Get to know her on a deep level and allow her to get to know you on the same level.
How does that look in practice?
Forget about the small talk about her college grades and her hometown. Instead, focus on the topics that trigger emotions. Her dreams, her passion and yes, even her fears.
These are all topics that allow her to connect with you on an emotional level and to build rapport.
And don’t forget to share your dreams, passion and yes, even your fears.
I said it in hundreds of articles and I say it again in this one:
Showing your vulnerable side is not a weakness. It’s an invitation to a strong and real connection.
EVERY Relationship is Monogamous, Right?
In case you are a firm believer in monogamous relationships and a non-monogamous relationship is unthinkable to you, you can skip this section. I don’t judge you.
Monogamy can be fulfilling and here’s some since that says the same:
It’s just not for everyone.
In case you belong to the “it’s not for everyone” group, you should have an honest conversation with her BEFORE you call her your girlfriend. Yes, BEFORE you start the relationship. If you want a relationship outside of the monogamy norm, which is totally fine, you must communicate it honestly.
Don’t be one of those guys who promise monogamy, just because it’s the easier path, and then cheat on her.
Believe it or not, but a cheeky “by the way, I never said that our relationship is monogamous” won’t save your ass when you cheated on her with her sister, her mother and her best friend.
Monogamy is the standard that society dictates. As a result, (nearly) every woman assumes monogamy when they enter a relationship with you. That’s why it is utterly important that you address this topic before the start of the relationship.
I know that “forgetting it” is so much easier than having the balls to actually discuss this topic with her. But come on, you are a real seducer. Unless you want to hurt her, in which case I won’t call you a seducer, you must have this conversation upfront.
Your Future Girlfriend is Still a Woman
It might come to a surprise, but your future girlfriend is still a woman. She is still a sexual being who, if she is attracted to you, wants to feel your hands, your lips and eventually your dick. She is still a sexual woman.
So please treat her like the sexual woman she is!
This is a very common issue that is closely related to the Madonna Whore Complex. Maybe you are familiar with this issue.
Here’s how it usually goes:
You meet a woman at a club. She is dressed in a sexy miniskirt and the way she moves makes you crazy. You approach her. She is receptive. You talk for an hour and you see the sexual desire in her eyes. You take her home and you have wild sex.
You knew that she would be naughty from the second you looked into her eyes.
You meet a woman at a bookstore. She is dressed in a conservative dress. The way she moves makes her appear shy and innocent. You approach her. She is receptive. You talk for an hour and you see how innocent she is. You take her home and you do NOTHING.
You knew that she is not one of those naughty girls from the second you looked into her eyes.
For some reason, men tend to act completely different around a girl who they consider to be relationship material than around girls who are considered to be one-night stand material. While it’s fine to escalate fast when you want a one night stand, it’s weird to do the same when you want a relationship.
That’s a big, big mistake.
Just because you want to start a relationship with her, doesn’t mean that she doesn’t want to sleep with you. Just because she will be your future girlfriend doesn’t mean that she doesn’t enjoy sex.
Women are sexual, no matter if they want to spend one night with you or a lifetime. If you don’t seduce her, she will neither spend one night nor a lifetime with you. Got it?
Have Sex With Her Before You Call it a Relationship
This insight brings me right to the next issue that many inexperienced relationship warriors have.
They call it a relationship before they have sex with their future girlfriend.
Don’t freaking do that! Just don’t.
This might sound a bit strange, but it’s so damn important. I have met so many guys in my life who told me about their beautiful girlfriends and who answered “not yet”, when I asked them about their sexual life.
Please don’t fall into this trap. And yes, it’s a trap and a very brutal one.
Dating a virgin who needs more time is the only exception. In this case it is appropriate to give her the space and time she needs.
If she, however, has some sexual experience and she calls this thing that you have a relationship, even though you never had sex with her, you are on the substitutes’ bench. I can’t put it any other way.
Listen to me very carefully:
A woman who is attracted to you, who wants to be seduced by you and who wants to be in a relationship…drumroll…wants to sleep with you. She craves you. She desires you.
“No honey, we have to wait at least for three months” = no sexual attraction.
I know that many women would disagree with me in public and agree with me in a private conversation. God, I’ve met so many girls who had “boyfriends” who they didn’t sleep with. Guess what? They had other guys they slept with.
It sounds brutal and if you’ve been in this trap is also feels brutal. But that’s how it is. Women are sexual beings and if they don’t sleep with you, they just don’t feel it.
Allow Her to Qualify Herself for the Relationship
Are you sure that she has all the qualities that make her the perfect girlfriend?
Are you sure that she said the truth while she told you how supportive and caring she is?
Test her. Find out if she qualifies herself for the relationship.
Some people might say that this is mean. I say that it is one of the best ways to make sure that the relationship you are starting is worth starting. I mean, women test us men all the time. You probably know this from all the so-called shit tests you survived.
Women do this in order to find out if you are an emotionally strong man who they can imagine a relationship with.
So why the heck can’t you do the same?
The principle is the same. The tests are a bit different. While she looks for your emotional resilience, you look for feminine features, such as her support, her loyalty and her caring attitude.
Here are some exemplary tests that allow her to qualify herself for the relationship:
- Tell her that you absolutely love when a woman can cook. See how she reacts.
- Tell her that you are on the verge of a mental breakdown. See how she reacts.
- Tell her that you want to work on a big project that requires a lot of time. See how she reacts.
Does she enjoy the thought of taking care of you and supporting you?
Then it’s time to accept her.
Accept Imperfections But Not the Inacceptable
Learning how to start a relationship with a girl you love is also about accepting the person she really is. Once the rose-colored glasses are in the cupboard, it’s time to look into the eyes of a real human being, not a sexual fantasy.
Unless you are dating a realdoll, in which case you are wrong on this site, you want to begin a relationship with a real human being who has real flaws and imperfections. And that’s okay. You are not perfect. She is not perfect. Accept it.
Both partners in a relationship need to accept each other’s flaws. This process leads to realness, togetherness and cohesiveness.
However, that doesn’t mean that you should accept everything.
Leaving the toothpaste tube open is one thing. Drinking yourself to death every weekend is a bit more problematic.
The key to a good relationship start is to accept imperfections but not the inacceptable.
While I wouldn’t accept a drinking problem, you might not accept a girl who doesn’t have a drinking problem. Cheers!
We have different tastes. Just make sure that she doesn’t leave a bitter taste on your tongue.
Have the Vision, Goals and Future Talk
What’s the worst thing that can happen when you start a relationship?
Finding out that she was once a man could be pretty shocking, but it can get worse. The worst case scenario is to have a different vision, different goals and a completely different idea of the future.
This is what destroys relationships before they even start. This is what leads to disappointment and regret that so many ex-couples have. What’s funny is that it could all be avoided. The drama is completely unnecessary.
Why do so many relationships end when one partner wants to go right when the other wants to go left?
Because they didn’t have the vision, goals, and future talk at the beginning of their relationship.
- Imagine you want to live in the USA and she wants to live in Europe. It won’t work.
- Imagine you have the vision to become a writer and she thinks that you must get a real job. It won’t work.
- Imagine you want to have five children and she doesn’t want to have children. It won’t work.
Talk about your visions, goals and your future before it’s too late.
That’s how to start a relationship with a girl that lasts.
Don’t Turn Into the Relationship Dog
How was your talk about you vision, goals and your future?
What did you say?
She wants to move to Alaska to hunt polar bears and you want to move to Africa to save the world.
Well, then you need this article way more. If she, however, supports your vision, has similar goals and is excited to spend the rest of her life with you, you should continue to go all in.
But wait. With “go all in” I don’t mean “text her every minute, cry when she doesn’t have time and beg her to spend every second of her life with you”.
There’s a fine line between being a romantic and attentive boyfriend who cares about the relationship and being a needy wimp who thinks that she is pure oxygen.
Okay, the line isn’t really that fine.
There’s a difference between texting her once in the morning and texting her ten times before she even replies. There’s a difference between inviting her to your place and following her everywhere like a submissive dog.
Yep, that’s what some guys become. They become relationship dogs and women don’t like to date dogs, unless they hang out on Beast Tube, in which case I wouldn’t want to start a relationship with her.
Anyway, don’t be a needy relationship dog. Give her the space she needs and don’t crush her with your love.
Saying “I Love You” Is NOT a Weakness
Okay, now that I just warned you about ending up as a relationship dog, I am going to say something that will sound completely counterintuitive. But it’s not. It’s not counterintuitive at all. Unfortunately, a lot of guys think it is.
Let me explain.
Let’s say you want to avoid being needy, which is great. You stop calling her ten times a day, which is even better. You don’t give her the feeling that you can’t live without her, which is fantastic.
You come to the conclusion that being honest about your feelings is the biggest sign of neediness and should be avoided at all cost. Well, not so awesome.
“I love you” = I am needy
“I Love you” = “I love you too!”
Just because acting like a complete psychopath who calls her every ten minutes is needy, doesn’t mean that being honest about your feelings is also needy. This is not the same.
Saying the famous three words has the power to take your relationship to the next level.
Once you learn how to start a relationship with a girl and you really love her, you should let her know. She might be scared to say it first. She might be afraid that you reject her. Be a man and tell her what you feel.
The Seduction Never Ends…
Now you know how to start a relationship with a girl. You have the mindset that you need in order to make this work and I gave you the step-by-step blueprint that allows you to get to know her, to test her and to rock her world from the first “hi” to the first “I love you”.
I truly hope that this first “I love you” won’t be the last “I love you” that you will ever say to her.
When you just started your relationship, you are standing at the beginning of something beautiful. You just took the first step into an ocean that promises unforgettable adventures, incredible fulfillment and the occasional challenge.
I know from my own experience how wonderful it can be to start a relationship with the right girl and to make it grow. I am sure that you don’t just want to start a relationship to end it one week later. You want to make it grow. You want to have a fulfilling relationship.
And that’s exactly why I want to leave you with the following words:
“In a truly fulfilling relationship the seduction never ends…”
Summed Up Wisdom
Before you are ready for the step-by-step guide on how to start a relationship with a girl, you have to make sure that she is the right girl for you. Then, continue with your mindset. A man with the right mindset to start and grow a relationship is a long-term thinker who chooses his own path.
He is also a man who has the courage to connect with her on an emotional level and to be unapologetically honest about what he wants. He accepts her imperfections, but he doesn’t transform into a submissive puppy who accepts the inacceptable.
A man who has the power to start a relationship with any girl he wants is a man who knows how to communicate his vision, his goals and his idea of the future. He also knows that the famous three words are not a weakness.