Do you want to know how to start a conversation with a girl without getting a friendly but determined “fuck off” as an answer?
To be honest, it is not that hard to communicate with a girl in a way that motivates her to take off her panties for you. Even though you have been conditioned to believe that women are innocent little angles, the truth is that women want to have sex and they want to have conversations with guys that lead to sex.
If a woman is attracted to you and if she is single, chances are high that you can say whatever the f*** you want to her and you still get lucky. Okay, that might be a little bit exaggerated, but there isn’t really a lot that you can do wrong.
As long as you follow the 10 steps of the perfect approach, you will succeed.
Learning how to start a conversation with a girl is comparable with studying simple mathematic equations. Once you have understood the basic principles and once you have learned what not to put in the equation, you will be able to solve the problem. Of course the equation gets a bit more complicated once other variables, such as her mood, her initial attraction for you and her attitude towards men and sex come into play. However, when you have understood the basic principle, you will also solve this equation with ease.
Unfortunately, it seems as if a lot of men haven’t understood the principle of starting a conversation with a woman. Some men are still on the state of knowledge that all the successful seducers have already replaced with more effective ways of communicating. Before we have a look at those effective ways of communicating with women, I want to give you an overview about conversation tactics that you should better leave to the unsuccessful pick up artists who write down their frustration on hate forums.
How NOT to Start a Conversation With a Girl
I still believe that the best way to learn something is by having a look at all the things that you shouldn’t do. This allows you to analyze those aspects and to make the decision to let other people make the mistakes that you can consciously avoid.
Sometimes I take a few minutes to browse through popular pick up forums to have a look at what some people write there. Whenever I see some advice that gets a lot of approval, even though it is terribly wrong, I could slam my fist in my laptop.
I recently read in one post that you should start your conversation by telling a girl how ugly she looks. Apparently, this would lower her value and make her vulnerable enough to jump in bed with you.
What shall I say to such a written diarrhea?
The last thing I want is that you become one of those pathetic and insecure pick up artists who try to lower a girl’s value in order to make her obedient.
I think I don’t have to tell you that this only works with chicks with an incredibly low self-esteem. Doing stuff like that also shows that you are anything but a self-confident man. Do yourself a favor and delete the word negging from your vocabulary.
Let’s have a look at what else you shouldn’t do, besides telling a supermodel that she looks like Angela Merkel, when you want to have a conversation with an emotionally healthy woman that leads to kissing, licking and moaning.
Who Lies More, Men or Women?
Have you read THE GAME? I did and do you know what I learned from it?
The only inspiring part of this book that I can remember was when Mystery had a mental breakdown and cried his eyes out. I hope I don’t say anything wrong but as far as I remember Neil Strauss wrote about that in his book.
This was a determining moment in my life.
In this moment I decided that I will NEVER use fake tactics, such as peacocking and stupid pick up lines that don’t represent my feelings and my desires in an authentic way. Instead of acting like an inauthentic pick up artist who hides behind routines, I wanted to become a self-confident guy who ends up dating and banging amazing women who want me and not a fake persona. Reading THE GAME taught me that.
Somehow it is terrifying that so many guys read this book and regarded it as their pick up bible. I still don’t understand how a book that obviously describes the negative aspects of pretending to be someone you are not, could have the power to motivate so many men to pretend to be someone they are not.
Sorry if I motivate you to take down your ten Mystery posters, but if you are using famous indirect pick-up lines like “who lies more, men or women?” you can stop asking yourself why you don’t have the success with women that you truly want.
Women want to have conversations with guys who are honest and authentic and not with guys who use stupid lines to get in their pants. Every woman knows that you don’t really care whether women or men lie more.
Instead of saying things that don’t represent your honest opinion, you should learn to start a conversation with a girl by saying what you really want to say.
Using Cheesy Pick Up Lines as a Newbie
It can actually work if you ask a girl if you can have her virginity because you lost yours, but you have to be extremely calibrated to say stuff like that without looking in a pissed face. You might think that no guy would be so stupid to use a cheesy pick up line in real life. Well, this is not entirely true. Some experienced guys use them to expand their comfort zone and some newbies use them…to fail.
I also used cheesy pick-up lines to approach women. At first I did it to conquer my fears. Then I did it to see if they can work and only a few months later I used them in a way they actually work. If you are interested in using cheesy pick-up lines in a way they can get you laid, you should check out this article.
If you are already experienced and you want to play with them, you can of course do that but if you are a newbie and you just started out on your journey towards becoming a global seducer, you should be careful. Those lines can work but you have to be experienced and calibrated. If you don#t have a lot of experience with women and you want to know how to start a conversation with a girl, you should better forget about those lines.
Waiting Till She Doesn’t Talk to You
You could assume that every guy who wants to know how to start a conversation with a girl is also willing to start the damn conversation. If you don’t make the first move and actually go to talk to her you will never have the pleasure to get to know her. Sounds logical, right?
Nevertheless, I still meet some guys who ask me how they can start a conversation with a woman without making the first move. You are actually able to do that by staring at her like a pervert, until she is fed up to the back teeth and asks you why the hell you are staring at her. Congratulations, you just started a conversation without saying a word. However, I doubt that she will end up in bed with you.
Even if you look into her eyes and she clearly signalizes you that she is attracted to you, she will still wait until you make the first move. If you have ever had an experience where you looked a girl in the eyes and she walked up to you and said that you look really handsome, please write it in the comment section below. I want to meet her.
You are the man and you are the one who starts the conversation.
Stop looking for the easy way out and use your mouth for something more productive than burping.
Desperately Trying to Impress Her
What else shouldn’t you do if you want to learn how to start a conversation with a girl? You shouldn’t feel the need to impress her. Maybe you want to do exactly that because your logical mind tells you that this is the best way to get her attention, but in reality this is only the best way to lead her into the arms of another guy.
So many guys try to impress women with their careers, their promotions, their expensive toys, or even worse, with expensive gifts they bought for a girl they have never slept with and will most likely never sleep with.
The need to impress women only reveals your insecurity and your neediness.
A man who is impressive doesn’t feel the need to impress women.
Such a man knows that when it comes to communicating with women, other things are way more important than the date of his last promotion.
How to Start a Conversation With a Girl
Alright, now that you know what you have to avoid if you want to communicate with a woman in a way that makes her heart thump, we are going to have a look at all the stuff that you can say at the beginning of a conversation.
Knowing what you should avoid at all cost is great, but you won’t win her heart if you do nothing because you only learned what not to do, and not what you actually should do. The art of talking to a woman is nothing that you can memorize like one of the cheesy pick-up lines I just talked about.
You have to adapt the way you talk to a girl according to the situation you are in.
However, there are some universal principles that you can apply in every situation. Let’s have a look at those principles before we take a closer look at how to start a conversation with a girl in different situations.
Start the Freaking Conversation
I already said that the biggest mistake you can possibly make is to wait until she decides to approach you. Even if you put a red blinking light on your heat and write “Single and Horny” on your shirt, she will wait until you make the first move.
Don’t wait for a miracle that never comes and start the freaking conversation for god’s sake!
The Honest and Thoughtful Approach
If you want to learn how to start a conversation with a girl you should trade your memorized pick-up lines and your DHV’s for authenticity and relentless honesty. The best way to start a conversation with a woman is by being brutally honest with her.
Of course you can also mix your honesty with a bit of humor, irony and a lot of boldness, just like Cupid Shmupid does it:
Women are a lot more sensitive than men and if you decide to use words that don’t represent your true thoughts and desires, she will see right through you. You can ask her as many times as you want if she knows where you can get a present for your little sister. She knows that you don’t have a sister and that you look for some pussy juice instead of a present.
Make the decision to leave out all the crap and start being honest!
This is way more attractive than any pick up line you could possibly remember. By being honest you show her that you are one of the few guys who have the courage and the confidence to tell her what you really think. That’s what makes women wet.
Another benefit of the honest approach is that she will immediately know why you came up to her. In case she is not interested in you, you don’t waste hours, days or even months with indirect games that lead you directly into the friend zone. If she, however, wants to feel you inside of her, you will have sex within the next couple of hours.
Even though being relentlessly honest and authentic is generally the way to go, there are situations in which you should shift down a gear and observe your environment before you tell her that she is the sexiest little thing on earth. Later we are going to have a look at situations that require a little bit more thoughtfulness, but even then you should always be honest.
Don’t Always Use the Same Line
The best way to start a conversation is by being direct and not by using indirect pick-up lines that don’t work. So far, so good, but there is just one problem that I see a lot of guys do, who misunderstood the concept of being honest and direct.
Being honest and direct doesn’t mean that you should memorize a direct pick-up line instead of an indirect one, only because it sounds honest. The concept of being honest means that you are actually honest, and not that you say something that just sounds honest.
Learning how to start a conversation with a girl in an honest and authentic way requires the ability to say whatever comes into your mind.
It is absolutely fine to use a few words as support wheels during the first two conversations, but after a few successful situations you should be able to drive without support wheels.
Who is She?
Starting the communication with an honest compliment builds the foundation for your conversation. Now she knows that you are not full of shit like all the other guys and that you are actually interested in getting to know her. Instead of using this early stage of your interaction as a platform to share your whole life story with her, you should focus on getting to know the person you just approached.
The question you should ask yourself is:
“Who is she?”
Of course you should reveal a few things about yourself, so that she can trust you, but your main focus should lie on finding out as much about her as you possibly can. This shows that you are really interested in her.
By listening carefully she will provide you with everything you need to seduce her and she might even provide you with a few hints that have the sole purpose to speed up the seduction process.
Are You Made For Each Other?
Finding out as much as you can about her is great, but you also want to find out if she could possibly be your next girlfriend, fuck buddy or wife. The only way to find that out is by using the information she gave you and by analyzing, whether or not you are made for each other.
Okay, that whole concept of being made for each other sounds a bit too much like Hollywood.
Find out if you think alike and if you have the same hobbies. And find out if banging the shit out of her is worth risking an unwanted pregnancy because of a broken condom. Once you came to the conclusion that spending time with her is actually not that bad, you should let her know why you think that way.
This process of the conversation is called connecting.
You simply use the information she gives you and add your own thoughts, beliefs and experiences in order to show her that jumping on your dick is the best thing she could possibly do.
Do you want an example? If she tells you that she loves to travel you simply tell her that you also love to travel, even though you don’t have to say that you only travel for sex and love. Then you tell her exactly why you think that it is so amazing that you are both adventurous travelers. That’s how you connect with another human being.
How to Start a Conversation in Environments with Low Social Pressure
Okay, you know that you should be honest but I already gave you the hint that it is not always the best idea to tell a woman directly that you want to slap her sexy ass and make love to her all night.
In certain environments you will have the most success when you are saying the most outrageous and offensive things you can possibly imagine. However, there are also environments in which you will go home alone if you would say anything that is too offensive…at least when you say it too loud.
The only thing that distinguishes the environments that allow you to start a conversation with a girl in a relentlessly direct way and the ones where you have to be careful is the level of social pressure that is involved.
Let’s first have a look at environments with very low social pressure and how you should begin an interaction with a woman in those environments. Good examples of environments with low social pressure are sex parties (obviously), clubs, bars and especially the street.
Show Your Balls and Be Direct
How should you behave in those environments when you want to show that you know how to start a conversation with a girl?
Show that you have two balls by being honest and direct. If you are in a club and you hit on a tipsy girl who wants to have fun, you can open her with any stupid shit you can think of. It doesn’t really matter, as long as she knows that you are talking to her and not to her friend.
In a bar you should be a little bit more decent. However, one of the main purposes of bars, besides getting drunk, is that people socialize and one aspectof socializing is getting to know women. A woman who you approach in a bar knows why you are approaching her.
There is no chance that she will assume that you search for a friend you can play World of Warcraft with. Tell her that she looks amazing (or that her breasts look amazing) and that you would love to find out more about her.
Don’t worry that you could offend her.
She won’t pretend to be offended, because she is in a social environment that doesn’t judge women for showing sexual interest in a man.
The main reason why the street is a place with low social pressure, even though thousands of people walk past you, is because none of those people who walk past you will listen to your conversation. Women know that.
That’s also the reason why they usually react friendly when you approach them on the street, whereas they would have to react offended in other environments, where they see themselves forced to maintain their good girl image.
Take Your Time to Get to Know Her
Even though it is more advisable to take a girl home as fast as you can when you are in a club environment, you can actually take your time to get to know her.
Environments with low social pressure allow you to talk to her as long as you want about everything you want.
She won’t be afraid of being judged by the people around you. I remember one conversation I had with a girl who I approached on the street. I whispered naughty things into her ear and she absolutely loved the conversation. She wasn’t scared that anyone around us could hear what we were talking about.
For the people who passed by we looked like old friends who just talked about some exciting stuff, even though I whispered in her ear that she has the most beautiful ass I have ever seen.
How to Start a Conversation in Environments with High Social Pressure
Starting a conversation with women at places with high social pressure requires you to be a bit more sensitive and to become aware of the situation before you tell her that she has the most delicious booty you have ever seen. It is not that a woman doesn’t want to hear you saying things like that.
The only thing she doesn’t want is that other people hear it when you say things to her that can be labeled as offensive by our politically correct society.
In some situations the social pressure is so high, that she would see herself forced to react in a negative way, even though you just made her juices flow.
Examples of such environments are libraries, trains, busses, when she is at work and when she is together with friends and family. In those situations you have to be careful what you say and who could hear it.
No matter if you are in a library, in a train, or if you approach a girl who works in a shopping center while her boss stands a couple of meters away from her, be careful what you say and how loud you say it.
In some situations it might even be better to wait with your direct opener and to start the conversation in an indirect way.
Imagine you are sitting next to a cute girl on the train and two other passengers are sitting opposite to you. I guarantee you that the girl next to you will either giggle and turn red, or pretend that she doesn’t know what you are talking about, when you tell her in front of those two passengers that you are attracted to her.
In this particular situation it is better to approach her with something random, such as the book she is reading, or the music she is listening to. From there on you can continue to give her non-verbal signs through your eyes and your touch.
I once started to massage a girls hand when she gave me the book she read. Due to the fact that we already talked for about ten minutes, the other passengers simply assumed that we knew each other for ages. By talking to her about innocent stuff before I took the interaction on a sexual level, I made sure that an otherwise awkward situation wasn’t that awkward anymore.
Let ONLY Her Know What You Want
There are other environments with high social pressure in which you don’t have to be as careful as in a train or at her working place. For example, if you ask yourself how to start a conversation with a girl in a library, you can say whatever you want to her.
You can decide to go for the direct and relentlessly honest approach. The only thing you should be careful about is that no one around you knows what you are going to say to her. If she is doing a group work you would shoot yourself in the foot if you approach her next to her colleagues, especially because every girl has a certain reputation that she doesn’t want to lose in front of her friends.
Why don’t you wait until she is on the way to the toilet, or when she is looking for a book, or when she wants to get a coffee? In those situations you can tell her what you want and she will allow herself to answer without the restrictions of social pressure.
How to start a conversation with a girl in situations with a high social pressure?
Be careful when necessary, be direct whenever you can and make sure that she is the only one who knows that you want to rip her clothes off…
P.S. This book will help you with the whole “rip her clothes off” thing.
Summed Up Wisdom
How to start a conversation with a girl? Don’t make the same mistakes other men make and rely on cheesy pick-up lines and quotes of books that have been written a long time ago. It is your job to make the first move but it is definitely not your job to desperately try to impress her.
Your approach should be honest and direct, but at the same time you should prepare yourself to shift one gear back in certain situations. Find out as much as you possibly can about her, but don’t memorize lines to achieve this goal. Make sure that you find out if this interaction has a future or not.
If you want to learn how to start a conversation with a girl, you have to understand that you should adjust to the environment you are in. In environments with low social pressure you can be relentlessly direct and take your time to find out who she is. In environments with high social pressure you should be considerate and you should make sure that she is the only person who hears the naughty things you say to her.
this changed my view in a good way, wish somebody smacked me upside the head earlier in life, it would have helped me have better discipline to accept and deal with the gender role that guys have to make the first move and initiate with a woman, that many things in life we just have to do, have discipline more, whether we like it or not, and even if it feels unfair, because life was never meant to be fair, here is the quote:
“Nature doesn’t play by the rules set by outside sources and it exploits any advantage it has ruthlessly. Wolves don’t stop attacking a deer because it’s young or female or wounded. As a matter of fact they go after them more because they are easier prey.” Same thing with Lions when they go after a wounded buffalo or the infant, the predator is not gonna show it’s cornered, surrounded prey any mercy”
Sebastian Harris says
Humans are animals but more sophisticated.
when you say you shouldn’t try to impress the woman, so the woman is supposed to impress the man? it seems it goes against biology, because in many birds and other animals, the male is attempting to “woo” the female, so thats like he is trying to impress her so he can mate with her, and humans are animals to
Sebastian Harris says
I wrote an article with the best topics for conversations. Use them.
The girl who was talking with me.. now talks with my best friend. So, I asked her what is the problem… She said, “Maybe we dont have topics to talk”. What should I do now ?
Sebastian Harris says
Stalking is definitely not good.
It is ok to do a stalk with a girl? Even though the girl knows.?
Sebastian Harris says
take a look at this article: https://www.globalseducer.com/16-topics-to-talk-about-with-a-girl-and-5-to-avoid/
I think this is what you need.
I met a girl a party, she started to’dance with me an d in the end wanted to kiss me. I was very drunk so’i didnt kiss her. We danced a bit and she added me on fb. Two days forward and i started the conversation. Was going ok but one week later my friends stole my phone and texted her if she wanted to go out and drink something. She said yes but now im afraid to start talking to her. Dont know what to talk about and scared of saying something embarrassing ..
Sebastian Harris says
thanks for your feedback.
Im grateful for the post.Much thanks again. Great.
Sebastian Harris says
I can understand your hate. I hated it too back when I was too shy to start the conversation. But it is how it is. You can either continue to feel resent, hate and despise and continue to stay in the victim role, or you can accept that women expect you to start the conversation and improve your life. The choice is yours.
and how come a man should not hate, detest, resent, despise, loathe the gender role, status-quo that he has to be the one to make the first move, approach and start conversation? just because it’s the way it is doesn’t mean i have to like it or enjoy it, never understood the logic behind why it’s part of being a Man