You are Jack Bauer and your mission is to figure out how to get laid tonight.
Have you ever watched the TV series 24?
This article is the last season, the one they never shot.
What if you’ve never heard of it?
Here’s what you need to know (it’s important for today’s challenge):
You might not be a ruthless killer like Jack Bauer. But if you read this article till the end, you’ll lay in bed with a beautiful naked girl at the end of this day. You just have to follow the tick, tock, tick, tock.
Are you ready to get laid tonight?
It’s time to get started because the clock is ticking…
How to Get Laid Tonight: You Have 12 Hours
Houston, we have a problem.
You want to get laid tonight. You don’t want to have sex tomorrow, and you don’t want it at the end of this week. No, you want it TONIGHT. That’s why we need to manipulate the clock. It has to run faster. You have to operate faster.
You only have 12 hours instead of 24.
Why 12?
Well, let’s assume you clicked on this article at 10AM in the morning. You have 12 hours until the clock shows 10PM in the evening. That’s two hours before midnight and at this time she should be in your bedroom.
She might still wear her panties and her bra.
That’s okay. She doesn’t have to be naked…even though it would be an advantage. You still have time. But you need to get started. And you should get started because I promise you one thing.
You will get laid tonight because I’ll show you:
I’m still pissed at my old self for NOT having the ability to get laid whenever I wanted. I still remember how powerless I felt back then. Every day I fantasized about having sex with hot girls. And every night I ended up jerking off to another porn movie.
You don’t have to suffer as much as I suffered.
Follow this How to Get Laid Tonight Step-by-Step Guide and you’ll have a stunning naked girl in your bed within the next 12 hours…
10:00: Get in the Hunting Mood
It’s 10:00AM. It’s time to get started.
What if it’s earlier or later when you read this article?
That doesn’t matter. Then you have either more time (good for you), or less time (hurry up). The process is the same. No matter if you have 12, 16, or only 5 hours…you have to take action. Nothing will happen unless you do.
First, you have to get in the mood.
Imagine your goal. Imagine the outcome you desire. Yeah, you want to have a naked girl in your bed before midnight. Her body is flawless. Her breasts are firm. You can’t wait to touch her and to feel her.
Are you excited to get her?
Good, then it’s time for the next stage…
10:30: Get Ready to Rumble
God, you want to know how to get laid tonight and you didn’t even brush your teeth. Sorry, but she doesn’t want to kiss a guy who smells like a dead rat.
Brush your teeth and take a shower.
Oh, and don’t forget your cologne. There’s a reason why colognes for men smell different than women’s perfumes. You don’t get horny when you smell your own cologne, but she will.
What about your clothes?
Today is the day. Tonight is the big night. You want to look as sharp and handsome as possible. Wear your best shirt, your best shoes, and your best jacket…yes, that leather jacket that makes you look like a badass.
Did you put it on?
Then let’s get ready to leave the house…
11:00: Leave the House with a Smile on Your Face
This is usually the moment when your self-doubts creep in.
You’re about to leave the house. You’re pumped and you want to get laid. Suddenly, your brain starts telling you that your goal is unrealistic and that you can’t do it.
Ignore your brain. Listen to your gut.
You know that you can do it. You know that you have what it takes to get laid tonight. Taking action is the missing ingredient.
That's how you should feel
Leave the house with a smile on your face, a smile that shows the world that you are ready to grab this challenge by its horns.
11:30: Go Where the Women Are
What if you live in a small town?
Travel to the next bigger city. You can figure out how to get laid tonight, but you can only do it if you are surrounded by beautiful women. The last thing you want is to walk around for five hours, just to find one pretty girl.
We don’t have time for that.
Go to the busiest street in the busiest city. This makes this challenge so easy. All you have to do is stand still and look at the girls who walk past you. It won’t take more than a minute until you find a girl who’s attractive.
Come on. Approach her!
12:00: Approach at least 10 Girls
It’s time to get the ball rolling.
You want to get laid tonight, right?
Then do something about it!
I know, just sitting at home and hoping that a sexy model in lingerie will show up at your door is so much easier.
Sorry, but that’s not going to happen.
“You can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets” – Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Listen to Mr. Olympia and approach at least 10 girls. Yes, you can do it in 30 minutes. You look at her, check her out, and bam…you’re walking up to her. Don’t hesitate because the man who hesitates masturbates.
Approach 10 girls and ask them for a quick coffee.
One of them will say yes.
What if not?
Approach another 10 girls. Rinse and repeat.
12:30: Turn Your Lunch into an Instant Date
Don’t forget that you’re on a mission.
Every second counts. Don’t waste half an hour chewing alone. Invite her to join you for lunch. Or eat three bagels while she enjoys her coffee. The idea is simple. You invite her to join you and if she doesn’t want to, you’ll find another girl.
Instant dates are perfect to connect in a short amount of time.
And as a guy who wants to figure out how to get laid tonight, you need to be able to connect with women within minutes.
13:00: Connect with Her and Do it Fast
Where do you study?
What do you do for a living?
What is your…stop!
Don’t waste your time asking her boring questions. You want to connect with her. Heck, you want to make her think “he’s the most interesting guy I ever met”.
Talk about passions and share exciting stories. The more exciting you make it, the higher the chance that she wants to do something exciting with you.
But don’t get too sexual…at least not yet.
There’s a time and a place for that. For now, keep it fun, exciting and connect with her.
13:30: Arrange Your Second Date in the Afternoon
You don’t want to stay in the café forever, do you?
You’ve eaten enough bagels. I don’t want you to get diabetes. Get out of the café and arrange your second date at THE SAME DAY in the evening. And get her phone number on the way out. It’s always good to have the digits.
Why do you have to give her a couple of hours?
Well, unless you want to touch a hairy 80s bush between her legs, you should give her time to shave and to prepare herself for your second date. Two or three hours can be enough. Give her the time she needs.
But she’s not the only one who needs time.
You also need time. I mean, your apartment looks like Dresden 1945. You have to get back to your place ASAP.
14:00: Get More Numbers to Have a Backup Plan
Wait a second!
Yes, you should go home and prepare your apartment.
But what if the girl you went on an instant date with flakes?
It’s always good to have a backup plan when Plan A doesn’t work out. Don’t walk past the beautiful girl in the blue shirt, just because you want to get home.
It's always good to have options.
Approach her on the way home.
Get at least one more number before you arrive at your place. This makes it easier to schedule another date, in case the instant date girl changes her mind.
14:30: Go Home and Clear Your Thoughts
What a day!
Come on. Be honest. I bet you’ve never taken so much action in such a short amount of time. That’s great. We’re making progress. YOU are making progress. But don’t complain that I’m too pushy and too impatient.
You are the one who wants to figure out how to get laid tonight.
Now it’s time to relax, even if it’s only for a couple of minutes. Breathe in. Breathe out. Relax and drink something. You are completely dehydrated.
Okay, you’ve procrastinated enough!
Remember that you have a mission. Your mission is to get laid tonight.
So let’s make it happen.
15:00: Clean and Prepare Your Apartment
Your place stinks.
Jesus, open the windows. And get that vacuum cleaner that your mom bought for you. Yep, the one she gave you in 2012. I know that you haven’t used it once. But today is your big day. Use it and don’t stop until you can breathe without a gas mask.
And clean your bathroom.
You don’t want her to get a heart attack while she’s peeing. Everything should be clean and fresh. Lavender doesn’t hurt.
Oh, and don’t forget the condoms.
15:30: Text Her to Build a Connection with Her
You want to make sure that she shows up.
That’s why you need to use your smartphone as a seduction weapon. It’s your sword and knowing texts that are so bulletproof that not even a bazooka could destroy them are your armor.
Send her a funny text that makes her excited for the date in the evening.
How about this:
“Hey, I just wanted to make sure that you didn’t get abducted by aliens. Hope you’ll be on time ;-)”
16:00: Get Ready for Your Date
What are you waiting for?
Get dressed. And no, you don’t want to show up in the exact same shirt. Wear a different one. I know, washing clothes sucks. But this is important. And no, I don’t say this because you stink. I’m sure you smell like a fresh flower (after a cow took a dump on it…just kidding).
There’s a psychological reason why you should wear a new shirt.
Women have very sensitive noses and when she sees you wearing the same shirt again, she ASSUMES that you didn’t shower in between. It doesn’t matter if you actually stink.
She instinctively assumes it.
If you, however, wear a new shirt, she assumes that your body and your balls smell fresh and clean. These are the kind of balls she wants to play with.
Now double check that you have the condoms and get your ass out of your apartment.
16:30: Pump Yourself up and Get on Your Way
What? You don’t feel like going on that date?
Come on. You don’t want me to come over and kick you in the ass. I mean, I might accidentally hit your nut sack. And believe me. That’s the last thing you want. You can choose between an excruciating pain in your lower abdomen or a date with a beautiful girl.
I knew you would take option #2.
Listen to some music. What kind of music? You can listen to anything that pumps you up. But please don’t listen to some overly romantic song before your date. You don’t want to end up crying while she tells you how much she loves Sushi.
Now you’re ready. Get her.
17:00: Meet Her at the Café Near Your Place
You’re a smart guy.
You don’t make the mistake and choose a second date location that’s more than 20 miles away from your place. Instead, you choose the café that’s right around the corner. Yeah, the coffee sucks and the tables are dirty. But that doesn’t matter.
The only thing that matters is that you can bounce her back to your place.
Remember, you’re here because you want to figure out how to get laid tonight. You don’t want this date to end at a bus stop. Your goal is to get her to your place. And in order to reach this goal, you have to get intimate
17:30: Ask her Intimate Questions
I know what kind of “getting intimate” you want.
You’ll get there. But first, you have to ask her intimate questions. Ask her the kind of questions that make her open up. I mean, you want her legs wide open, right? Then ask the right questions.
What are the right questions?
Ask any question that goes deep. Here are a couple of examples.
Of course, you can also ask sexual questions. As long as she likes it, the sky is the limit. Ask her what she likes and if she answers “how do you mean that?” you just smile and say nothing. She’ll know what you’re thinking.
She’ll think of the same.
18:00: Kiss Her Outside
You have to go for the kiss.
There’s no way around it. Unless you kiss her, she won’t sleep with you. That’s the rule. If you want to get laid with a girl who doesn’t want to kiss you, you have to pay for a hooker. But that’s not why you are here.
What if you don’t know when to make the move?
Here are some of the signs she wants you to kiss her. Observe her body language and the way she acts around you. Maybe she touches you. Maybe she comes closer while you’re talking. There is no perfect moment. Just go for it.
Kiss her and reaching your goal to get laid tonight becomes so much easier.
18:30: Invite Her to Your Place
You’re standing outside.
It’s cold and you don’t want her to get a bladder infection. God, you’re such a gentleman. That’s why you invite her to your place. You tell her that you make the best coffee in town and that she has to try it.
She knows what you want. She wants it too.
She doesn’t want you to think that she’s easy, but hey…you make the best coffee in town. She can’t say no. You take her hand and you lead her to your place. That’s the moment when you thank the Lord that you chose a date venue that’s right around the corner.
19:00: Dim the Lights and Come Closer
Now she’s at your place.
It’s time to thank me for telling you to clean your apartment. She loves it. It smells good, the floor is clean, and the couch is so comfortable. She doesn’t want to get up, especially because you come closer and closer.
Don’t be shy. She’s here for a reason.
And no, she doesn’t want to play Scrabble or fix your refrigerator. She wants it to happen. But she wants you to make it happen. Remember that she’s a good girl. She can’t just jump on you…even though she wants to.
You have to make the first move.
Continue the conversation and kiss her every now and then…
19:30: Share Wine and Stories
“Continue the conversation? What shall I talk about?” I hear you asking.
No deep topics, please. Now it’s time to create an adventurous and fun vibe. Share your travel stories with her. Tell her about your experiences abroad. Let her know that you love to try out new things.
She wants to try out new things too.
Give her a glass of wine. This makes it easier for her to relax. But don’t get her drunk. You don’t want to end up in trouble. Sooner or later, she’ll end up on your lap.
20:00: Give Her a Massage
Let her feel that you’re good with your hands…and your fingers.
Give her a massage. You want her to relax and one of the best ways to relax is a slow and gentle back massage. Of course, you can increase the intensity over time. It all depends on how she reacts. But I’m sure she’ll love it.
Massage your way under her shirt and see what happens.
Does she moan and breathe heavily?
Continue…
20:30: Make Out with Her on the Couch
Don’t forget to use your tongue.
Okay, wait. She still wears her panties. I’m talking about kissing. Do it and do it with passion. This isn’t the time for soft kisses. It’s getting hotter and hotter and you’re getting closer and closer to your goal.
Ram that tongue in!
But be gentle. And play with her hair while you’re making out with her. If kissing you is already that good, she can’t wait to take the next step.
21:00: Take Her Clothes off…Slowly
Don’t freak out now. You are so close.
It’s time to unwrap your present. And it’s important to make her feel comfortable while taking her clothes off. Don’t be like a hungry wolf that hasn’t eaten in days. Make her enjoy this moment. Take one piece off. Kiss her lips. Take another piece off. Kiss her breasts.
Take your time.
Women love a man who’s passionate. Be this guy and it’s impossible to not get laid tonight. Heck, she’s already half-naked.
Pull her panties down. Now you can be the hungry wolf.
21:30: Get Laid Tonight
Now we come full circle.
You don’t need any advice on what to do next. Mother Nature programmed you in a way to find the entry. You can do that alone.
Enjoy the ride.
And share your experience in the comments below.
22:00: Mission Accomplished
Click here for more tips, tricks, and techniques on getting laid (fast!)
Summed Up Wisdom
You’re Jack Bauer and your mission is to figure out how to get laid tonight. But don’t worry. You don’t have to figure it out on your own. I’m here.
I show you, step-by-step, what you have to do. Just scroll up and read the article. It doesn’t take long to read it and the reward is so high. Yes, believe it or not, but YOU CAN get laid tonight. You just have to take action.
The clock is ticking.
Thanks Tim
wow, such an awesome article Sebastian. you provided each and every step.
i don’t doubt this is possible. obviously, one night stands happen. but some girls aren’t comfortable meeting a guy in person right away because of safety reasons.
lately, i’ve been having some good luck on tinder. i just got a girls number this morning. 🙂 and i have another girl (from tinder) who asked me to add her on facebook and we’ve been talking—but she doesn’t even feel comfortable giving me her phone number yet. its not a big deal—i’m just saying it takes time with certain girls because they have safety concerns