How to Get a First Date with a Girl

You are here because you want to know how to get a first date with a girl.

And I’m pretty sure you also want to…

Hell, what do I know? I don’t know if you want to make her your girlfriend or if you only want to spend the night with her. I also don’t know if you are satisfied with a kiss or if you want more. I’m not a fortune teller.

Oh wait. Actually, I am.

I know you want more than this one date and I promise that you’ll get more…so much more. But you have to follow this step-by-step guide. That’s your only way to do it without getting scratched, burned, and eaten alive.

How can I be so sure about that?

There are three reasons why I’m so sure about that:

Oh, and I will also share the totally embarrassing story of how I failed to get a first date with a girl who wanted to go out with me.  

How I Failed to Get a First Date with a Girl 

Yep, she wanted me to ask her out.

I couldn’t lose. But I lost her anyway. It was a sure thing. But I messed up big time. God, I was such a loser. Whenever I think back to this day, I can’t believe that I didn’t get her.

It’s so embarrassing.

She never came because I wasn’t bold enough. Heck, I didn’t even ask her out properly. Yes, I asked, but it was more like “let’s hang out and be friends”. I made every mistake you could possibly make. But I learned from this experience.

Eventually, I figured out how to get a first date with a girl…

1. Make Sure that She Deserves a Date with You  

Do you know what the girl I asked out on a date did in her leisure time?

I know what you’re thinking right now:

“Sebastian, how can you go on a first date with a girl who steals candy?”

Well, I was young and horny and to my defense: She had nice boobs. But hey, she stole candy. Forget about the bicycles…candy!

She didn’t deserve me.

Oh, wait. I was dumb enough to ask her out. So I guess I deserved her. But like I said, you don’t have to make the same mistakes that I made. You can make better decisions.

Look at the girl you want to take on a first date and ask yourself:

The first question is particularly tricky. Imagine her without boobs, vagina, and kissable lips. She’s a dude. Now think about whether or not you want to hang out with her.

Choose a girl you’d want to hang out with if sex wasn’t on the menu.

2. Write Down Your Goal for the First Date

What’s your goal for the first date?

Don’t tell me you don’t have a goal. Sorry, but that doesn’t count. You need to have a goal. Setting up a date with a girl without a goal is like going in a supermarket without having a list.

The same is true for your first date:

Without a goal you talk about anything and everything. Your conversation doesn’t have a purpose. You share stories for the sake of sharing stories and not because you want her to think, feel, and react a certain way.

Imagine the following three scenarios:

The stories you’d share with a girl you want to make your girlfriend are less sexual and more romantic than the stories you’d share with a girl you want for one night.

What if you want a second date?

Write down the goals you want to achieve and you’ll get that second date.

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3. Show Yourself from Your Best Side

You can’t expect to get a first date with a girl if you look like this:

Nope, his slightly voluptuous body (oh that was nicely said) is not the problem. It’s about so much more. You can be overweight and still get girls. Heck, I’ve seen fat guys on dates with girls that were hotter than playboy models. And they weren’t rich.

Here’s what these guys did:

Here’s a good example of a confident walk:

What about looking handsome?

Most men confuse being handsome with being beautiful, flawless, or looking like a model. Yes, this is true the other way around. Men are looking for flawless faces and perfect bodies. Women are looking for something else.

Follow these tips on looking handsome and you’ll know the secret. 

4. Isolate Her from Her Friends and Family  

Don’t kidnap her.

That’s not what isolating a girl is about. Instead, try to engage her in a conversation. Make her so engaged that she can’t resist being alone with you. It doesn’t matter if she’s surrounded by friends or family members.

Heck, she’d leave her dog Snuffy behind.

You can do this by asking her deep questions and by sharing interesting stories. You can also do this by sharing your experiences and thoughts with her. And of course, you can focus on all the topics she wants to talk about.

My advice:

Isolate her before you ask her out.

This is even more important if you’re in high school, college, at the office or in any other environment with high social pressure. Women hate social pressure. It forces them to give socially accepted answers.

Sorry, but rejecting a guy who approaches her is more socially accepted than saying “yes”. She doesn’t want to be seen as easy.

Isolate her and she’ll say what she really thinks.

5. Ask Her Out with Your Mission in Mind 

What’s your mission?

You want to get her on a date.

That’s your mission. You don’t want her to remember you as the nice guy who wants to hang out as friends. And you don’t want her to remember you as the guy who talked for hours without getting to the point. You have a simple mission.

A lot of men have this mission, but end up doing this:

Don’t be that kind of guy. Be different. Be bold. Let her know that you want to meet her. Say “I want to meet you” instead of “uhmm, well, do you have any plans for the weekend?” She deserves to know that you want to see her.

But she doesn’t want to go on a date…

6. But Don’t Call it a Date

Now it gets tricky.

You’re here because you want to know how to get a date with a girl. And I just told you that she doesn’t want to go on a date. Don’t worry. It’s pretty simple…at least when you understand female psychology.

Here’s what women think of when they hear the word “date”:

She doesn’t want to be trapped in a situation where pretending that her mother calls from the hospital is the only way to escape. She has watched too many Hollywood movies. And let’s be honest. She has been on too many boring dates.

But what happens if you call it “hang out” or “meet” or “get a coffee”?

This is what happens:

I know. It’s the same thing. There’s no difference between a first date and getting a coffee. It’s all in her mind, but her mind needs to be ready for you. Play this little word game and you’ll reap the rewards.

7. Don’t Hang Out Someday  

You can ask her if she wants to hang out with you.

That’s okay. What’s not okay is to ask her to hang out someday, or next week, or next month. Don’t be too shy to say what you really want. You don’t want to hang out with her someday. You want to see her tomorrow night.

“I would love to hang out with you someday”

Great, she wants that too. Be specific, goddammit! That’s like walking into a car dealership and telling the staff that you would love to buy a new car someday. Guess what? Nobody gives a shit.

What if you said “I want to buy a new car today” instead?

Now we’re talking. This allows the staff to prepare themselves for the sales pitch. The same is true for dating. She wants to know if you’re serious. A guy who puts “someday” or “somewhere” at the end of the sentence is not serious. He’s not a leader.

A leader would never use these words.

As a leader, you tell her when you want to see her and where you want her to be. And no, this is not too direct. This is exactly what women want. They don’t want to make the decisions. They want you to be a man.

Don’t ever use the words “someday” or “somewhere” again or I follow you to the end of the world, just to kick you in the balls.

8. Choose the Perfect First Date Venue  

What’s the perfect dating venue?

That’s like asking someone about their favorite dish. There are so many good dishes. And there are many amazing first date venues. I mention more than 66 of them in my book Rise of the Phoenix.

Here’s what’s important:

Activity dates fulfill all three criteria. They get the job done. It’s okay to start the date in a café, but you don’t want to get stuck sipping coffee all day. You want to move on because you still haven’t moved your ass.

Do something exciting, something fun.

How about one of these activities:

Yes, all these things are great for first dates. Just because everyone else stays in the café until the sun goes down doesn’t mean that you have to do the same. Be creative. Show her that you’re different she’ll want to go on a date with you.

9. Make Her Imagine Your First Date 

How do you show her that your date will be different?

A picture says more than a thousand words.

Of course, you can tell her what you want to do with her. You can talk about your favorite café. And you can also talk about the romantic walk in the park. Words are powerful. But they are even more powerful when you use them a certain way.

Paint a picture and use her mind as your art gallery.  

Start the sentence with “imagine...”

Then let her know about all the things she can imagine. It sounds so simple. I know. But it’s incredibly powerful. The innocent word “imagine” can make all the different. Let her imagine how amazing her first date with you will be.

Use a language that plays with her senses. Make her feel, smell, see, and taste your first date. This is story telling on steroids. Follow this simple principle and getting a first date with a girl will be easier for you than walking a straight line.

10. Follow Up Like a Champ  

Imagine…

You followed the advice I shared in this article about how to get a first date with a girl. You chose the right girl. You showed yourself from your best side and you suggested an amazing first date venue. You even put vivid images in her head.

What’s next?

Well, you could wait until the big day comes. That’s definitely an option. But it’s not the smartest option. Let’s say you set up a date on Monday for Sunday. It’s a long time from Monday to Sunday. A lot of things can happen.

Beautiful women live busy lives. Things can happen. One minute you’re on her mind and the next minute…puff…you’re gone. That’s why you have to do what all the good sales people do. Don’t let her get away without closing the deal.

You follow up like a champ!

No, you don’t bombard her with texts and calls. That’s needy and not what I mean. But nothing’s wrong with one simple text before you meet her. Let’s say you meet her on Sunday and it’s Saturday night.

Here are some texts that I would send:

Let her know that you are excited for the date and that you want to see her. That’s all. No needy text bombing and no twenty missed calls. Send one simple text to remind her that the fire is still burning. That’s enough.

11. Be on Time to Pick Her Up  

Oh no. Don’t do this to me!

I showed you how to get a first date with a girl and now this. You remember this one article from John the Jerk PUA who gave you the advice to show up late. Apparently, this shows how busy you are and how little you care about her.

Here’s what I have to say:

Don’t even think about doing this. She has been on way too many dates with guys who pretended to be indifferent and too cool to be on time. Yep, she’s been there many times. And she knows that it’s no coincidence that they are exactly 10 minutes late.

Here’s what you should do instead:

She didn’t spend two hours showering, shaving, and pressing her body in the tightest dress in her wardrobe for a guy who doesn’t give a shit about her. Sorry, but showing up late doesn’t work in your favor. Being a gentleman does.

12. Rock Your First Date  

Congratulations my Padawan.

You’ve learned how to get a date with a girl. I am proud of you and the progress you made. You’ll rock, that date. I’m sure. May the force be with you and with all the sperm you waste on the night of your first date.

Oh shit, you don’t know how to turn your first date into THIS, right?

I won’t let you down:

Of course, that’s only the tip of the iceberg. There are tons of things you have to do to turn the first date into a first date firework. Touching, the right wording, the perfect timing, sexual escalation…you name it. That’s a lot of stuff.

But I have good news for you.

I share all these tips and techniques in my book.

Summed Up Wisdom 

I was so bad at getting dates with girls. Heck, I even chose the wrong women. They were either crazy or so boring that I fell asleep in the café. Then I woke up. I woke up to the fact that choosing a girl who deserves me is way better than choosing a random woman.

That’s why I wrote down my goals. Now I had a clear vision. I knew what I had to do and I knew that showing myself from my best side and isolating her from her friends was the next step. I even thought of my mission when I asked her out.

I chose the perfect first date venue, even though I didn’t call it a date. Yep, that’s female logic. But I didn’t care because I followed up like a champ and she arrived on time. I was on time too. Thank God I didn’t try to be indifferent. Instead, I tried to be the perfect gentleman. And it worked…dozens of times.