Are you ready to learn how to emotionally connect with a woman?
Today it’s all about the dubious concept that we men are so terribly afraid of. It’s about emotions and yes, it’s also about YOUR emotions.
It might come as a surprise to you, but triggering deep emotional connections in women is not possible when you are an emotionless rock who thinks that tears are the lubrication of your weak soul.
In order to make this work, you need a good relationship with your own emotions. See those little guys as your friends and connecting with women will be possible.
See them as your enemies and her heart will stay closed…and so will her legs.
Is there something about my last sentence that irritates you? Anything?
“…and so will her legs.”
You might think that knowing how to touch and how to make her ready is enough to get laid. Well, you are wrong, at least when the woman of your wet dreams is not…
A: too drunk to care about whose dick she is sucking
B: so chronically sad that she would be with Peter Griffin from Family Guy
All the other millions of women on this planet need at least a glimmer of emotional connection before they open the gate for you. A seduction is an emotional process and 99% of women need to feel an emotional connection with you, no matter how long your…well…is.
Oh, and if you are interested in anything that goes beyond a one night stand, learning how to emotionally connect with a woman is a skill you must have. Otherwise, having a beautiful girlfriend will always stay an unachievable goal.
Disclaimer: Can You Connect too Soon?
I have to warn you. I am different than most dating coaches.
In case you are one of my loyal readers you already know that. I don’t sugarcoat the truth, I speak my mind and I don’t give a rat’s arse if someone thinks that my potty mouth is inappropriate.
I say what I believe is right and I won’t stop doing it now.
And I truly believe that you can’t start too soon with establishing an emotional connection, even though the internet says the opposite.
A lot of self-proclaimed pick up artist say that connecting too soon is wrong. They say it makes you look needy. They say it makes you look weak. They say that you first have to create attraction before you can connect with her.
I truly believe that they miss the point.
12 Ways to Emotionally Connect With a Woman
Attraction and connection are no separate constructs. They are interlinked. Connection is a partial aspect of the attraction formula.
A strong emotional connection (in combination with sexual attraction) is what attracts a woman to you. Please don’t beep your pants about connecting too early.
Do you know when I start to emotionally connect with a woman?
In the second I meet her for the very first time.
Usually, right after the “hi, your dress looks incredible.” And this brings me directly to the first way of connecting with a woman’s emotions.
1. Skip the Superficial Small Talk
Forget about the fluff. Forget about the “so…how long do you study this subject for?” No more “do you live far from here?”
You can do better than that. You can trigger positive emotions in a woman within seconds, not hours. How? You can do it by being different and by not doing what everyone else does.
Everyone else tortures women with meaningless small talk.
I say: no more small talk!
You: “Hey, I know that this is a bit weird, but I had to come over and talk to you. You have such an adventurous energy that I just can’t resist.”
She: “Thank you. Yes, I am a very adventurous person.”
You: “Oh, that’s cool. What’s the most adventurous thing you have done so far?”
Boom, you are in!
That’s how easy it is to find out more about her and to connect with her in the process.
Just imagine if she would say “Thank you. Yes, I am a very adventurous person” and you would reply “so, what do you study?”
You see the difference.
2. Connect with Yourself and the World
Now that I bashed small talk it’s time to get philosophical.
Avoiding small talk is fine and dandy, but what if you are discussing deep and intimate topics with a voice that sounds like a whiny dog who is begging for attention?
Neediness doesn’t only kill attraction, it also kills connection.
You might be able to masquerade your neediness with fake self-esteem for the first couple of minutes, but you won’t be able to play this game forever. Remember, you might want to make her your girlfriend and she will eventually unmask you.
That’s why it is so important to connect with yourself and the world before you connect with women and I couldn’t say it any better than Steve Pavlina:
Have you eliminated your neediness by connecting with yourself and the world?
Then you are ready to give value…
3. Be Real and Give Value
Connecting with a woman on an emotional level is about giving value, not about taking value. That’s something that the vast majority of pick up artists still have to learn.
It’s not about “gaming her” and it’s also not about “being the prize”.
In the same way as I want to give you as much value as I possibly can with my freely accessible articles and podcasts, your goal should be to give women as much value as you possibly can.
And no, I am not talking about material value. That only works with gold diggers and has absolutely zero to do with real connection. I am talking about giving value through your personality, your life experience, your behavior and your words.
I know that this is a terribly abstract concept that might need a couple of examples for further understanding. Here they are:
- You can give value by making a woman feel good through an honest compliment.
- You can give value by telling her an entertaining story.
- You can give value by being a genuine guy who treats her like a gentleman.
- You can give value by sharing your dreams and vision with her.
- You can give value by inviting her to take part in your life.
There are many ways you can give value to a woman that have absolutely nothing to do with moolah, but everything with a real connection.
4. Look Into Her Eyes
I know how hard it is. You are staring at two perfectly shaped balloons that couldn’t be more enticing. You are wondering what it would feel like to hold them, caress them and kiss them.
I know how hard it is to stare at her and yes, doing so can cause a lot of sexual tension that she enjoys. However, staring at her juicy body doesn’t help you at all with the emotional side of the connection formula.
It’s time to shift your focus.
You can look at her and lick your lips when it’s time for your first bunga bunga party with her. For now the goal is to create an emotional connection and her eyes are way better to reach this goal than her body.
The eyes are the mirror to the soul.
Look into the mirror and allow her to feel a connection. Look into her eyes while you think “you are mine”. She will feel your energy and she’ll want to be yours.
5. Connect With Your True Opinion
It’s so enticing. It’s so enticing to tell her exactly what she wants to hear. It is so easy to just say “yes and amen” to every statement she makes and to every question she asks. Just remember that the easiest path is not always the best.
“I really love Miley Cyrus. She is a role model for all women and the lyrics of her songs are so deep!”
You are so right! She is my favorite singer!
“I believe that a man should always pay for a woman. He should pay for everything she wants to buy and of course he should carry her bags while she is shopping with his credit card. What do you think?”
I totally agree with you. Every man should do that!
Really? Are you serious?!
Unfortunately, I wouldn’t even be lying when I say that most men are doing this. They bury their opinion and their dignity in the hope to get a girl. They pretend and lie because they think that THIS is the secret to success with women.
This is ludicrous…and extremely dangerous.
Hiding your opinion and lying in order to be liked is the fastest way to force her to lose respect for you. It’s the fastest way to an awkward smile, closed legs and unanswered calls.
Learning how to emotionally connect with a woman requires learning how to share your true opinion. A real connection is only possibly if you are 100% honest and NOT if you hide behind a mask of brownnosing.
6. Mirror Her
Mirroring is a very powerful psychological technique that has the power to create an emotional connection fast and easy. When you mirror people, you imitate them. You talk like them, you stand like them, you walk like them and you behave like them.
This can be pretty awkward when you exaggerate it, but it’s highly effective when you allow mirroring to flow naturally into your interaction. In fact, we all do it on a subconscious level whenever we interact with people. Mirroring can lead to deep rapport and it makes connecting with another human being fairly easy.
It gives the other person the feeling that you get them and that you are just like them.
When it comes to learning how to emotionally connect with a woman you take this skill that already exists in your subconsciousness and use it as a conscious seduction skill. Sounds pretty tricky, but it’s actually very easy.
Here are a few examples of what you can do on a date:
- Does she use very positive words, such as amazing, incredible or awesome? Mirror her by using the same positive words and expressions.
- Does she sit there with an open body language? Mirror her by displaying an open body language.
- Does she gesticulate a lot while she is talking? Do the same.
Mirroring is a powerful technique to emotionally connect with any girl you want. Use it.
7. Share Your Stories with Her
I already told you that storytelling can be a way of giving value, at least when the stories are entertaining, inspiring or otherwise educating. Oh, and they should be true. Remember, you can only fake it for so long.
You are a Global Seducer. Adventure is in your DNA.
There must be something you can tell the women you are meeting and dating. You must have experienced some crazy adventures in some foreign country.
Of course, you shouldn’t share every detail about the hot Thai girl who squirted all over your bed during your last trip to Phuket. I am sure you can think of some crazy stories that are appropriate for the first date. If not, the Global Seducer lifestyle is waiting for you.
Every man who wants to learn how to emotionally connect with a woman should have an interesting lifestyle that leads to some crazy stories.
Women love stories. The Harvard business review concludes that stories have the power to release oxytocin, the female lust hormone. Oxytocin is also called the bonding hormone. This is how powerful good stories really are.
8. Confidently Joke about Yourself
Don’t take yourself so serious!
Most people take themselves and life way to serious. I am German. I know what I am talking about. Germans are known for their inability to laugh. Maybe the humor center of our brain is genetically disabled. Who knows?
It’s even more painful for us to laugh when we have to laugh about ourselves. Uhhh…that’s nasty. But even though my country men are on top of this disabled list, men from other countries have the same problem.
We take ourselves way too serious and it poisons our sex life.
Women love confident men and one obvious sign of confidence is the ability to joke about yourself. It shows that you are stronger than your own ego. It shows that you are confident with your flaws. This is authentic and very attractive.
When you joke about yourself she automatically assumes that you are confident in your own skin. This makes her like you even more. It is so much easier for her to open up to a man who is okay with his flaws than to one who is so insecure that he tries to hide them. This openness compared with humor allows her to feel a strong emotional connection.
9. Connect Through Her Values
There’s one thing you should always ask yourself when you sit next to a woman who you want to seduce.
“Has she ever banged a donkey?”
Okay, I am just kidding. You shouldn’t ask yourself this question. It might lead to performance problems later on.
The question you should always ask yourself is:
“What are her values?”
Values are the principles of behavior and judgement that we all live by. Everyone has different values. While girl #1 might value having fun and entertainment more than anything else, girl #2 might value family the most. It should be obvious which one of those girls is relationship material.
Finding out her values allows you to figure out how fast you can escalate and in which direction she wants your relationship to go.
As a little bonus it also allows you to connect with her on a very deep level. Humans like to be around other humans who have the same beliefs.
Find out her core values and see if your values are compatible.
Are they compatible? Talk about your values and show her that you are perfect for each other.
Are they not compatible? Decide if you want to pursue her anyway or move on to a girl with compatible values.
10. Use What She Gives You
Sometimes you don’t even have to ask for her values. If you have the patience to shut your mouth and to listen to her, she’ll tell you everything from her values to her last relationship. Women love to talk. They love it so much that they say about 13.000 words more than men per day.
Let her do the talking and filter out the important cues that can help you to seduce her. A woman who is interested in you will always give you hints and tips on how to seduce her…and on how to connect with her.
She is your greatest ally. Treat her accordingly.
Listen closely and pay full attention. Behind every word is a potential hint. Something she likes. Something she doesn’t like. Gather it all and use it to connect with her.
What if she constantly mentions how much she loves traveling?
Well, you can do two things:
A: You can do what most men do and continue to talk about yourself while you ignore every single one of her hints.
B: You can use what she gives you and ask her more about her travels and share one of your own travel stories.
You don’t need to be a genius to see which choice helps you to emotionally connect with her.
11. Show Your Vulnerable Side
I warned you at the beginning of this article. I told you that we are going to talk about your emotions. Now you are due.
It’s time to dig for your vulnerabilities.
I know you have them. Every man has them. Most men are just too afraid to show them.
But you are smarter than most men. You know that women don’t really want the indestructible alpha guy without feelings. Yes, they want a leader, but they want a leader who is emotionally strong enough to NOT burry his emotions under a protective coat of fake strength.
You are really strong. You are emotionally strong. You are man enough to allow emotions and to show them. Of course, you don’t do it in a whiny or needy way. You do it in a sincere and authentic way.
You don’t say: “I feel so alone at night. Please, please, oh please be my girlfriend. I need someone!”
You say: “I think that a lot of single men would love to share their bed and life with an amazing woman. I am not different. I believe that this is natural.”
Any questions about the feels?
Ask them in the comments below.
12. Share Your Fears and Your Vision
Your fears are one aspect of your vulnerable side and there is nothing wrong with sharing them. However, I don’t want to sugarcoat this. Not every woman will understand your fears, but the ones who do will feel even more connected to you.
And the ones who don’t? There’s no connection to be lost.
But there is one thing that’s even more important than sharing your fears and that’s sharing your vision. Women are sick of men without dreams, aspirations and vision. There is a reason why it’s easier for a poor entrepreneur like me to attract amazing women than for a well-off accountant who hates his job and his life.
I have a vision. He doesn’t. My energy is filled with passion and determination. His energy is filled with frustration and doubt. Sorry, but when it comes to emotionally connecting with women, a green bank account can’t compensate for a red energy.
Seduction is a holistic concept and your vision is one part of this concept. When a woman feels this energy, it is impossible for her to not feel a strong connection to you.
Don’t you agree that connecting with her is only the beginning?
Attracting & seducing her is the next step…
Summed Up Wisdom
Warning: Learning how to emotionally connect with a woman requires you to accept and show your emotions. And no, it’s never too soon for an emotional connection, but it won’t happen unless you change your focus from her to her eyes.
Just be as real as you possibly can and don’t hide your true self and your true opinion. And don’t take yourself so serious. Instead of being so serious, you could share your stories with her and connect with her through them.
Finding out more about what she believes is important and what she doesn’t give a flying about is another great way to connect with her on an emotional level. Now you just have to give her the finishing blow by sharing your vision. For some reason that she can’t explain she won’t be able to stop thinking of you.
Sebastian Harris says
That’s what I always say. Men have to observe how women react. Good point.
A woman in her emotional integrity is free to ask for what she wants, and that includes spending time with her partner. It can sometimes be very difficult to discern whether we are acting on behalf of what we desire, or on behalf of fear avoiding. One way to measure is to observe the emotional reaction when we don t get what we want.
Sebastian Harris says
Ask her questions and listen to her answers. Asking the woman you want to connect with emotionally questions about herself is a good way to become more intimate. Women generally want to be known by their partners, and if you ask her questions she will feel more understood and appreciated by you. You may ask her superficial things at first, but deeper questions are more significant and appropriate, such as her deepest fears, desires and dreams.