Do you have any clue how to deal with narcissistic women?
In case you have no idea what I am talking about I want to ask you a second question:
Am I really the only one who has the feeling that narcissism in women is a trend that we can’t stop anymore?
I guess not, otherwise I wouldn’t have found countless forums on the internet, in which men all over the world complain about how smug (some) women are nowadays.
You can read a lot of bullshit on the internet that is backed with “scientific” research that is anything but true.
This issue is real.
I heard from dozens of guys in long and sometimes quite painful conversations how fed up they are with the snooty girls of our generation. I also know from my own dating experiences that it can be very challenging to be on a date with a girl who thinks that she is a princess who shits gold every morning.
Usually, that’s already the point where I decide to NOT see this girl again. Nevertheless, I sometimes manage to turn a narcissistic dragon into a lovable and pleasant-natured woman.
How do I do that?
Don’t worry, you will learn that soon enough, but before you can learn how to deal with narcissistic women, you have to understand the disease they have.
How to Deal with Narcissistic Women: Tragedy of Modern Times
Bigheaded women are a not a new phenomenon. I am pretty sure that your father also had to deal with one or two of those girls before he found your mother.
The only difference nowadays is that those one or two girls turned into one or two hundred girls
You will most likely meet quite a few of those girls on your journey towards becoming a happy and successful Global Seducer.
The question is:
How the hell did it come this far?
Our Society and Men
Well, you, or at least your fellow countrymen are not completely innocent when it comes to this development. Young women in the Western world learned pretty fast that they can basically get away with everything and that they can treat men as shitty as they want, without ever expecting any negative consequences.
They learn from a young age that they are special, that they are protected by society and that every man gets verbally murdered as soon as he says one word against them. They also learn that they can make fun of men as much as they want, because nowadays it is socially acceptable to do so.
Our society trains women to think that they are goddesses.
As a result, a lot of them believe their bodies are of pure gold and that every single one of their thoughts has the potential to change the world, or at least to bring them to the UN for a stupid speech.
Selfies and Snapchat
Another determining factor is the technological development in the past recent years. It is totally normal that a woman has just a slightest predisposition to become narcissistic, but as soon as she buys her first smartphone (nowadays at the age of 3) this harmless predisposition develops into an uncontrollable disease.
Suddenly, she realizes that people LIKE the pictures that she uploads on Facebook. There are also a lot of guys who want to Snapchat with her, just to see her beautiful face with a few senseless words written on it. The moment she uploads her first picture on Instagram, hundreds of followers want to see her ass in tight jeans.
She feels like a superstar.
She knows that all her male followers would do literally ANYTHING to have sex with her.
How the hell can a woman not develop a narcissistic disorder when she is showered with all that attention?
It is Fucking Annoying
Before you decide to learn how to handle narcissistic girls I have to warn you. Dealing with this shit is anything but pleasant and easy. I dated women who gave me such a high blood pressure that I thought I would die of a heart attack after our first date.
It is also pretty sad if you approach a really hot woman who seems to be the friendliest person on earth, just to find out on your first date that she has the potential to put you in the madhouse.
To be honest, dealing with those girls can be a pain in the ass.
However, by deciding to handle this problem in one or another way, you lay the foundation for your future dating life.
I guarantee you that a man who learned how to deal with narcissistic women lives a happy life, whereas a man who never learned how to handle those chicks will continue dating dysfunctional women until he finally reaches a level of insanity.
How to Deal with Narcissistic Women: The Soft Method
The important question is:
How do you deal with those women?
Well, there are basically two different methods that you can use, depending on your personality and on the patience that you have with women who are more narcissistic than any Playboy model that got dumped by Hugh Hefner.
You can either decide to apply the soft method by treating this annoying disease as just a tiny negative characteristic that you have to ignore. You should do that if you are 100% sure that you want to end up in an (un)happy relationship with her.
On the other hand, you can take the hard and uncomfortable way.
According to the way I just described the soft method you can already imagine that I have not the highest opinion of it. But hey, when it comes to narcissistic women I am extremely biased, because I absolutely hate wasting my time with them.
Maybe you see it different and the soft method is the right thing for you to do. Let’s have a look at what you have to do if you are interested in the gentle answer to the question “how to deal with narcissistic women?”
Make Her Aware of Her Behavior
The first thing you have to do when a woman clearly shows that she is convinced that the whole world has to kiss her ass, is that you have to make her aware of how she behaves.
When you choose to address the problem with the soft method, you force her to develop a level of awareness for her own behavior.
You don’t have to verbally attack her and you also don’t have to tell her that you are jumping off a bridge if she won’t stop behaving like that. Simply tell her that you have noticed that she takes about 300 selfies every minute and that it is not healthy to have a crying fit if just 9 instead of 10 people like her new profile photo on Facebook.
Make clear that you are not very amused by the fact that she spends more time on Instagram than with you.
Let Her Know Why She Sucks
Are you a man?
Then let her know why you are pissed.
Remember that you choose the soft and not the extreme method. Don’t scream at her and no matter how annoying her behavior is, don’t ever get physically violent. Those are all things that a real gentleman doesn’t do.
However, even if you are the most charming gentleman in the world, you are still allowed to let a woman know when you have enough. Tell her in a very calm and relaxed way that you think that it could be beneficial for your future relationship if she would be a little less narcissistic.
Jesus, I didn’t even know that I can write about this topic in such an objective way…
Accept Her Weakness
If you want to know how to deal with narcissistic girls and you choose the soft method, her narcissistic behavior probably annoys you, but it isn’t a reason for you to stop dating her. Just make her aware of the fact that she behaves a little bit weird and let her know that you can imagine personality traits that are more attractive than the ones that she shows.
A woman who experiences the soft method of dealing with narcissistic behavior doesn’t expect you to break up with her because of the things that she did. After you have talked with her about this problem she might expect that you are not too happy if she doesn’t change anything.
However, she won’t be afraid that you leave her, just because of this little irrelevant issue that you have with her behavior.
If you decide to learn how to deal with narcissistic women the soft way and you really want to stay in the relationship with your narcissistic girlfriend, there is just one thing you can do.
Accept her behavior!
It is on you whether or not you treat her with kid gloves, but please don’t complain afterwards, if you were too soft with her.
Okay, let’s be honest.
How to Deal with Narcissistic Women: The Extreme Method
If a woman shows some characteristics that indicate that she has a narcissistic personality disorder, I am the last person on earth who starts to complain after I have confronted her with this problem.
Do you know why?
The narcissistic women that I am dating know that I am gone if they don’t change their behavior.
They know that I am serious when I say that I will never call them again if they don’t show me that they are human beings who understand the simple truth that every human being has the same value.
If you want to learn how to handle narcissistic women, because you think that there is really no worse characteristic in a woman than a highly developed narcissism, I want to congratulate you. A man who regards this psychological disorder as one of the most annoying things on this planet is a guy who I would be happy to call a friend.
In case you are like me and you have a zero-tolerance rule in regard to narcissistic chicks, you should learn how to deal with narcissistic women by choosing the extreme method.
Tell Her That You Won’t Accept Her Behavior
Don’t beat around the bush and don’t make it sound as if her psychological problems are not a big deal for you. If you want to learn how to deal with narcissistic women and you see this problem the same way as I do, it is definitely a big deal for you.
Instead of telling her that you still want to be together with her, even if she doesn’t change at all, you should make clear that you won’t accept her behavior. Communicate in an honest way that her behavior is a problem for you and ask her if she is willing to work on herself.
If she pretends as if she doesn’t know what you mean (she does) and that she doesn’t know what she can do differently (she does), you just have to make clear that you will take necessary steps, in case she doesn’t work on herself.
Wait for a Change
Taking necessary steps doesn’t mean that you have to leave her and to never call her again after giving her one day to change. I know that you are annoyed by her behavior and that you want her to change, but change doesn’t happen overnight.
You have to give her enough time to change.
I would say that anything under a week is not enough time for her to change a behavior that she has carried around for years. She has learned to behave like this since the invention of Facebook, Instagram and all the other crap that nobody really needs.
Do you really think your words can change her in a day?
You have to be a little patient if you want to learn how to deal with narcissistic women. Giver her at least one week if you care a little bit about her and one month if you care a lot about her.
All you can do now is to wait.
If she doesn’t show any changes after a while you should follow up your words with actions.
Do What You Have to Do
Now it is on you if you are man enough to follow through with the extreme method to the bitter end. If you really play the game until the end you should be more than ready to leave her, if she doesn’t change her behavior.
I know that it sounds brutal to end the contact just because of this tiny issue but remember that this tiny issue has the power to transform your life into a never-ending hell, as soon as you start a relationship with such a girl.
If you really want to know how to deal with narcissistic women you shouldn’t forget that her disorder will sooner or later drive you out of your mind. It is on you if you are willing to risk several mental-breakdowns in order to keep a woman in your life who is anything but healthy for you.
Just don’t complain to me afterwards if you land in the bughouse.
I know what I would do when I would have to deal with a narcissistic woman. Deep down you also know it.
Have you ever wondered how it would feel to ONLY attract emotionally healthy girls?
Summed Up Wisdom
How do you deal with narcissistic women? First of all, you have to understand that meeting women with this psychological disorder is not rare anymore. If you want to learn how to handle narcissistic women you are searching for an answer to the tragedy of modern times. Our society, the men in it and all the technological developments of the recent years forced women to become more and more self-centered, which can be annoying as hell.
You can either deal with this issue by choosing the soft or the extreme method. A man who chooses the soft method makes her aware of her disorder and he lets her know why her behavior sucks. If you choose this path you are most likely willing to stay together with her, even if she doesn’t change at all.
The extreme method, on the other hand, is for men like me who are extremely annoyed by this tragedy of modern times. If you want to know how to deal with narcissistic women the hard way, you should be willing to tell her that you won’t accept her behavior in the long-run. In case she doesn’t change after a certain time, you should do what you have to do.
When the question was raised about diagnosed NPD, you stated men outnumber women. I believe that a woman’s capacity to disguise her intent and societies “women are a discriminated against minority” coupled with stereotypical roles of men in bad relationships being the abuser and not a victim of the NPD who was weak minded enough to snap and get physical. NPD women are on the offensive in your destruction behind closed doors but in public are sweet little reputation destroying angels who don’t know why you are upset about getting the life sucked out of you. I think less women would admit this as a personality flaw and seek help for diagnosis. Further more, those doing the diagnosis are more prone to overlook the NPD woman due to a more honed and believable rationale as to how others are responsible for their misdeeds and they are completely innocent. My experience has been than when confronted with the truth of a lie told, a woman will cling to the lie and never admit to it. A man will eventually if not immediately fess up.
Sounds like East of Eden
Sebastian Harris says
Thanks for sharing your experience!
Yul Kim says
Hi Sebastian Harris,
I thank god for having read your blog. Seriously I laughed so hard when you said that you could call a friend someone who would take the extreme method. I was not the crazy one after all what a relief seeing other people telling my story.
In my personal case yes she was loving and sweet at first but after the first month things turned sour, bitter, and hellish. It was a constant battle over power and control after that.
I never subdued and she always constantly begged to get back with me only to get revenge.
Since I worked with her she would always try to get on my nerves with every single possible tactic a narcissist could possibly imagine. Nothing really worked and that made her go nuts. Outsmarted all the time since my mother was a narcissist herself. Learned early on in life how to deal with people like this.
Stood ground for 8 months and once I had enough money and got ready to start my own business I just didn’t show up the next day and completely fucked her. The boss knew that I was the one doing all the shit and she was just sitting looking pretty for the entire time. Two birds with a single stone.
I did fall in love with her yes and got heart broken but well It was a nice hell like fun ride.
My biggest advice to all the people out there is that yes they can be lovable people. I still talk to my mom and know she is kinda crazy but I forgiven her for a hell like childhood. I forgave my ex as well. But yes I like to get revenge. My mom disappeared for two years just to fuck with me when I stopped taking her shit. She knows I have 0 tolerance for shit now. My ex is posting her rebound (poor guy) all over social media just to make me jealous. Forgave her as well. She still thinks she is playing the cards and that I am terribly regretting loosing her. I had to act as if I missed her and wanted her back in my life, lol. Play smart my friends and learn to forgive.
Sebastian Harris says
then you have to get out there.
I dated a Narcissistic woman and let me tell you, as funny as this post was to read, none of it would have worked on her. I both threatened to leave and then eventually left her because of her behaviour, and after an initial tantrum she replaced me instantly without a thought. She doesn’t miss me, she’s got a new source of supply.
So yeah, amusing read, but in my experience (she was actually the third NPD I dated), none of this will work. You actually only really have 2 choices: accept having your head screwed up on a regular basis until you slit your wrists, or realise what you’re dating and get the hell out of dodge. Those are your two choices. Like the terminator, she can’t be bargained with, she can’t be reasoned with, and she absolutely will not stop.
Sebastian Harris says
Thanks for sharing!
I think I have experienced the pain/doubt that comes with having a narcissistic friend end a relationship, but before condemning her and totally putting a lost friendship out of mind (trying to do so…….I am sure you are aware it is not easy), I have been looking for a second opinion, as she exhibits lots of the symptoms, but not necessarily all of them.
We met 4 years ago. She told me on one of our first outings that she did not need a man in her life, did not want a man in her life, had no use for a man in her life…….but she has been married twice and has five children…….so I thought I could change her mind (guess I still had some self-confidence, back then).
Needless to say, sex was never a part of our friendship……which confuses me because most of what I read says the narcissist uses sex to “suck you in.” She also sometimes asked if I was ok, when we were doing yard work, or cutting fire wood, and did sometimes thank me for helping with things, which I read is not something narcissists do.
Regardless, we had many fun times together…….hiking, dinners, bicycling…..and I enjoyed the company. I guess I was the perfect target…….kind, accepting, empathetic, accommodating, thoughtful, alone.
In hindsight, I recall the following:
She frequently put me down……..the Gortex wind pants I wore aren’t “real ski pants” (“You said you had ski pants).” My hair wasn’t cut right. I walked like I was handicapped (I have a nerve problem which manifests itself when I am very tired). I didn’t have a good car (I drive a rust-free, clean, reliable 2005 Jetta TDI). I don’t dance right (disco moves are embarrassing).
I was never “invited” to her house unless she needed something (can you get your dad’s truck? I need some mulch; can you go to the house and wait for the delivery men to bring my appliances; can you go over to the house and wake my son up for school; I’m going to get a fine from the township if I don’t clean up the yard at my other house (110 miles away). Can you come out and help me (but you have to drive by yourself, because you talk about stupid stuff).
She always talked about “going out to do something with friends,” but never invited me to go along.
I witnessed a screaming fit one day, directed at her sons, because she could not find her “outdoor drill” (one of the boys had taken/misplaced it). They found another drill for her, but that wouldn’t work, because that was her “indoor drill.” She yelled that, “My stuff is mine. I work hard for all my stuff and it’s mine! No one else should be taking it!”
She has had three different jobs in the 4 years I have known her. In each job, the other women there have been “out to get her” because she is so good and makes everyone else look incompetent.
I put a great deal of time and effort into securing a landscape picture for her for this past Christmas…..even had a local calligrapher print one of her favorite quotes on it. I left it on her porch on Christmas Eve, since I had not been invited over (I was never invited over for dinner, or a holiday). She did not even acknowledge this gift until a week later, when I mentioned the calligrapher had asked what she thought of the calligraphy.
As our friendship went on, I noted an inability to commit to anything (in case something “better” came up?). Two months ago I asked her to accompany me to a concert on my birthday. She said she wasn’t sure what her plans would be. The night of the concert I texted her from the arena. She was alone at home. She asked who went with me. I said no one, I’m here alone…..I’m always alone. Her reply, “So am I!”
The following night, I asked if I could come over to her house to watch a movie with her. She said okay. We had a nice time.
The next night she ate a meal I had prepared and left at her house for her the night before (we didn’t eat then, because she wasn’t hungry) and became violently ill, apparently from an allergic reaction to something in the food which neither she, nor I was aware she was allergic to. She hasn’t responded to any of my contacts since, not even when I asked if she was okay.
I have been going to counseling (you probably know……..why wasn’t I good enough, what did I do, what didn’t I do, what could I have done….no closure……basically, I’m a wreck……but starting to see it wasn’t me).
My question…….since the professionals are hesitant to offer an opinion…….do you think she is NPD?
Thanks for your time.
Sebastian Harris says
clint walker says
im an idiot im 53 girlfriend 32 shes on federal probation which she violated with 14 violations and a new possesion charge. because of her beauty and promises of great sex i funded a stay in a rehab for 6 months only to be cruelly discarded 4 days before release from rehab and the sex was pitiful if she new i was going to gain pleasure from anything she would find a way to prevent it.thank god above she left me even though i did nothing but support her Im being drug thru the mud by her codependent mother the one who is to blame for her daughters behaviour. theres no way this girl can complete the remaining probation i guess im not a very nice dude because i gain some pleasure knowing shes headed back to prison.
Sebastian Harris says
I wish you get over your divorce and find happiness again!
Thomas White says
So I’ve been divorced for about a year now and I done alot or research and educated myself as to why it all happened and why my (ex)wife had became the person she now is and man was it a good thing I did.. because after being married to one of these horrible thing or people for 7yrs. I escaped with little but some of my sanity.. they will literally cause 1 to have mental break.down myself got a thing formally known by doctors a depression/anxiety.. but With educating myself when I did I was able to spot the behaviors..now i recently been dating a girl noticed in or ways than 1 what was happening and made her aware that I was aware and wouldn’t stand by and alow myself to be suject to said behavior..and she said that I was implying she was a full blown Narcissistic sociopathic..anb basically broke up with me because of it… But I can bet she will be calling me back in 3to 4 days as if it never happened… This like the last 4 times we broke up or it’s this the real mcoy.either way I choose extreme method over all..
Ive been with one now for 14 years and just found out what exactly she is by researching if women can be narcissists well behold my wife and ive left twice and came back and the only one to change was myself by accepting her bs more n.more every year that goes by and since the beginning i told her that she would cause me mental breakdown or enurism due to her behavior and as still nothing she even accuses men of rape instead of admitting she cheated so much so she cheated on me with one guy then christmas eve eve 2011 i find out due to the one that supposedly raped her the week before but yet a few days before i was told she was raped she was calling the so called rapist hun and told him love you on the phone this is 5 years into our relationship then on the eve eve my dad asks me to go for coffee then drops the bomb in me about how my wife has been sleeping with my uncle a man i held in high regard i was devastated but oxy had a major part in it but no excuse but i live her so much but nothing really got better its actually been getting progressively worse even to the point where she wanted to be an escort yes a prostitute all because we got one to have a threeway she then decided that if we could pay to have sex she could get paid to have sex its now two years later and she still does this and i love her and cant let her go but know that i need to to achieve my own happiness and self worth again i need help plz tell me how to drop a woman whom u love after 14 years together especially when we’ve never been apart since i first dipped my wick and for work reasons i need help riding myself of this woman but it hurts so much when i do try i know what i need to do but cant i always come back due to her self destructive drug habit i feel responsible to get her off i succeeded but she just went back and i couldnt bare read her obituary so plz help
Sebastian Harris says
I’m really sorry to hear that. I wish you all the best.
Sebastian Harris says
thanks for the comment. I watched the video, but I hope you understand that I can’t share it on my site. I wish you all the best!
Too much to go into but learn this, an honest guy may be as a flower whose former petals die off as a new central flower emerges, and become someone who is truely free from a narcissist, or be as a catipliiar goes into a cacoon to emerge as a butterfly, but a narcissist only sheds it’s skin as a snake, and will never be a new creature; there will never be a change though the praying mantis turns over a new leaf to catch and devout the head of her trapped and deceived lover, too many years and tears.
Sounds like youve been with my ex narc…she head hunted me through fb.. 3 year in and she had me blocked on fb for the next 3 yr of the relationship…caught her 7 times in 6 year sexting other blokes…booted her out each time…next morning braying my door down each time before the sun came up confessing i was her one true love and she hasnt done anything…each time took her back…after 6 year she kicked me to the gutter once her new supply was hooked.. pure pure monsters seriously…evil vile oxygen theives!
Scary??? Aint the word…as SOON as you realise your with a narc…and i mean a full blown soul sucking non emathetic destroyer of your emotions, your self esteem, rips your heart to smitherines, sleep with anything with a pulse behind your back…lies, manipulates, the whole SHEBANG!… RUN..RUN FASTER…RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIVES, WHEN YOUR DOWN TO YOUR KNEES…CRAWL…DRAG YOURSELF as far the fuck away as possible, block every single access…phone texts emails..turn social media off forever and do not…i repeat do not ever ever look back… ive just been discarded 3 months ago in the most coldest heart renching discusting vile ways i couldnt ever imagine… she was lovebombing her new widow victim 2 month before my discard.. unlucky for her i found out… ripped her mask clean off and messaged her next victim with details he cannot argue with so he knows exactly what hes in for…wether he listened or not i dont give a shit! Ive had 6 whole years of complete destruction and am now walking around like a zombie feeling like ive been hit by a freight train..im in intense therapy for ptsd and stockholm syndrome… i cant function even 3 month down the line… these creatures need rounding up and burning… they are the devils desciples.. I KID YOU NOT! Be warned!
Run Bro Run!!! Go on You Tube and learn about this sick mental evil illness. I was in a relationship with a narcissistic chick. When I learned about the illness I ran like hell..,
Sebastian Harris says
see it as a learning experience and now get the hell out of there.
after 17 years of hell i am finally now understanding my woman is a narcissist. she believes sex with me is boring and would rather cheat than work things out. she has been like this for so long it crazy. no communication or affection. she don’t care about what i want or need but she tells me she loves me. she is always on her phone talking to men. sex groups on facebook. she allows her daughter to disrespect me even though I’ve been thier her whole life. her real dad is a deadbeat and has never been in her life. she cheated on me with him also. i now understand where my high blood pressure, anxiety and panic attacks come from. i finally understand that she can never be faithful. i will never be or do enough to satisfy her. she is so disrespectful, controling and is full of secrets. i feel so stupid for putting up with this for so long but at least im not dead from a heart attack. I don’t think she believes me when i tell her I’m leaving but she is going to find out real soon how serious i am. what a wolf in sheeps clothing. if you met her you would think she is the kindest person ever. she is nothing like that though. it’s all one big game to her. i can’t wait to see what a real woman is like.
I’m a woman and I have noticed this shit so much now.
A while ago i was involved with a malignant narcissist (male). Wow, i couldn’t believe people like this exist.
Well, fast forward here i am, dating, i see what’s out there; men and women, everyone is so self absorbed, practicing the so called “self love” neglecting to make real connections. Everyone has been burned, carrying baggage, jaded to the T….SMH!
But yes, I agree, women are so annoying, i noticed my friends, they all talk about how good they look, basking in the attention they get through social media, etc. As for me, I try not to come off as superficial, I could say it’s because of the fact that I’ve always had attention, it always came natural to me, i don’t have to try. Now you see these women experiencing a vast amount of attention via social media and they don’t know how to act, it’s gotten to their heads and it’s pretty annoying and disgusting.
All i can say is that, i’m glad we are all seeing this as a disease now and little by little learning to deal and asses such individuals. Maybe we can all start calling each other out one by one until we can all be aware of this epidemic that has taken over due to social media and it’s filters…..
Hi Sebastian, it’s hard to get out since we have a child together. But to be honest I crave the beauty too. Both those things keep me around her. If I was able to just leave her and never see her again I could have probably done it. But with a shared child I see her weekly. So I went back to her. But she has made me into an animal a dog. I have other women who fulfill my sex need when she puts the breaks on me. It surprisingly keeps me sane with her. It makes me more confident and I stand up to her when I don’t need her sex all the time. I get to see my child whenever and I get sex from her sometimes and if not I get it elsewhere. I found this is the only way you can handle her and be able to see my child as much as possible. As women use the system to remove men from their children’s lives. That’s another post all together.
Oh so true Marie! I had a relationship with such a girl at work. So much early praise and attention. The subtle abuse began within three months. Eighteen months later she raised a false harassment claim against me which led me to,lose my job… .
For all you dudes who think you can out play the Narc and its no problem cuz youre a tough guy….good luck. I am as tough as they come and very savvy as to the Narc way because I am one myself. I have mind f*cked many girls over the past 25 years and taken what I needed to feel safe. Hurt people. Was able to justify it all. Learned and accepted my weakness and was forced to look myself in the mirror and had professional help. Still fight it. Like a drug. A Narc will go as far as taking you down with them if you fight. Is this worth the years of life it will pay out to be…
Sebastian Harris says
Thanks Dayle! It is a difficult subject.
Wow. Your comments are spot on. A true narcissist is a really damaged person and maybe some of the complaints on this board dont take into account things such as personality disorders and bad upbringing, childhood trauma etc.
Sebastian Harris says
I hope you learned from your mistakes.
Sebastian Harris says
I feel sorry for you. Don’t you think it’s better to get out?
This is my life exactly!!! I was 40 she was 25. I got in too far and had a child with her. So I am attached for 15 more years. God help me!!!!
You brought up an amazing point. They will tell you that you never do enough for them. My x was a never ending black hole of money, time and emotions. The funny thing is as men most of us we are literally happy as long as get sex. With these women it is a harder system and typically the sex sucks. But for some reason you want something you can’t have so you chase like a stupid loser. I say this as I was that stupid loser chasing after something and looking like a complete fool.
It is all physical. Because these type of women are terrible to be around. But being a man and yes “weak” we tend to put up with it to go to bed with a pretty woman. It sucks we are wired this way. We chase shiny things like a damn fish then get snagged and screwed for the rest of our lives.
I agree, I have been with a girl for 4 years. It started like all relationships a fun sex fest but after 4-5 months the red flags came out. I saw many of them in the beginning but chose to turn a blind eye. Then being stupid and trusting she told me she was pregnant and was on birth control. Not saying it fails but she did this to a previous x and hooked him for support. I was the next link in that chain. She had maybe 2-3 girlfriends but they barely could stand her. No one could. But she sure as hell had tons of guy friends who I had to beat off with sticks. It was exhausting and makes you go bat shit crazy. I caught her multiple times sexing, found condoms in her dresser. As you said a narcissist will put her hooks in you and you will tolerate the worst behavior known to man. You will spend money, do everything for her, be verbally put down. You will become her bitch. It literally makes you sick physically with a woman like this. I could say run but you can’t. Yes as you said she will always be in your mind. She is like a virus you will never forget and has infected your soul. God I wouldn’t wish the nightmare on my worst enemy! So you guys out there trying to steal someone’s woman and she’s giving you play. Just remember, she could be playing you. Social media has made these women even worse. The attention she gets fills her and they love it but once she has you she uses you up and tortures you until you have nothing left.
Sebastian Harris says
glad you could find it. If she’s a 100% narcissist, I would run.
Like you, I waited too long to evict my malignant narc. one-time fiancee and I have the scars to prove it. It began like a dream and ended a nightmare. Hindsight, they say, is 20-20. Having never experienced such a person before, combined with being out of the dating scene for 20 years prior did not help me recognize that such a girl existed outside of a Jerry Springer show. Her actions were often a complete surprise to me and the relationship – a roller-coaster ride would have been more relaxing in comparison. She was 29 when we began dating and I was 47. The relationship ended this past March. She is 32 and I was 49 when I decided to throw her out since I could bare the crap she was doing no more.
Sebastian Harris says
Wow. Thanks for sharing.
Drew, thank you for your advice. Is it true that people having NPD are incurable? You see, i have a gf that i 100% think that she is a Npd. To be honest, i love her and doesnt want to leave her, but if she wont ever change i see no future with her. It feels like my efforts arent enough to earn her love. If you can give me any further advice, id appreciate it.
louis Vanderbek says
Just got done by one. Crazy jealous at the beginning-turned into crazy flirt..Lots of attention and love letters scattered round my house, put in my clothes, hidden everywhere..She even met my parents and was sweet as pie, my mom loved her.
She once boasted how she usually has at least 5 guys at anytime pursuing her affections, I stupidly took this as her way of signalling that she wanted me to appreciate her, something I always reciprocated and expressed freely.
Then after about 6mnths got bored with familiarity and made a hell of a fight ‘out of nowhere when drunk’ saying I was boring and she hated me and she was moving out. I always took her places and to dinner etc, travelling…She didn’t like movies or shows, our thing was hiking, snorkeling, surfing and adventure stuff which was great.
I told her to calm down and to come home and if she wants to move out maybe the day time would be better but I really thought she was just drunk as we were for the most part really happy creatures together. Things escalated and she was more offensive, I got home and stuff was thrown in a suitcase. I was so infuriated I just took it outside and called her bluff, I adored her so much but this was insulting and heart breaking, I knew at this stage I had reached and my threshold and I would never get her back but nor could I withstand this madness. We had paradise for gods sake and she continually told me how happy she was.
Turned out to be utterly evil. Used me in ever way possible even pretending to be committed and carrying on love making with me whilst attempting to get back with her Ex whom she also cheated on multiple times, I later discovered she had had these thoughts for along time but the Ex wasn’t having her back…
In the end she kept up daily texts and phone calls during the long distance phase in our relationship, amorous and reaffirming our love, we were planning for her to move permanently to live with me again after our 9mnths together. She broke it to me one day about three weeks in after I expressed my concerns that we hadn’t sorted a visa or work for her to save to return, she tells me she found a guy on the last night we were together and with an erilly self aware wounding voice she says, ‘I usually destroy relationships when they get serious, I haven’t loved you since you threw me out ‘…
. I was so infuriated I had some drinks and sent a volley of hurtful texts, my control of my emotions were completely shot.
A day later I asked if she would rethink it as we had a rough patch and I apologised and that she should contact me only if she was certain she missed me and had made a mistake, I also wished that she find whoever it was that could make her genuinely happy and left it at that…8hrs later the love messages come again and its business as usual….After some exchanges I ask, ‘so this means you still love me?’ She says, ‘I don’t know’.
After that I knew I had to end contact permanently some of these people I guess male and female just like to watch things burn and get a sick pleasure out of toying with a persons inner most emotions.
Only after reading up on this is it becoming clear that so many women Ive been with carry these traits (Im certain men do to!)
in fact, I endured it so many times I gave up and far a short spell had a string of short winded casual affairs to try to maybe be like the ones who were doing it to me. I generally was upfront at the beginning so I guess its a totally different thing Im talking about, ANYWAY. I thank the makers of this site and everyone who shares their stories….This recent experience has been one of the top three lowest times and hardest times in my life and Ive been cheated on more than twice! Having insights into Narcissism helps us to better equip ourselves and stop it from occurring again. Im not sure I buy into your proposition of changing their behaviour tho as I would consider that a type of hell on earth bound for failure-I am not disputing however that your method does not bare results, I just think Im done with these types of people for good. For anyone out there suffering at the hands of one of these creatures I empathise with you and trust youll make a healthy and wise move in the direction of self respect, sanity and with any luck happiness! Jah Bless x
Sebastian Harris says
sounds pretty scary…
Well i don’t think you have met a real narcissist woman.She will play you so bad that won’t be an obvious instagram shot like woman.She will be in your subconscious.You might at times not even think shes that important yet disappointing her will send shivers down your spine .Narcissist women are never obvious.They seem the sweetest but are the most vindictive.They know how to make others react ..they are mind readers and excellent at picking up peoples weak spots.The women you speak of…where you are warning them etc are just the type that feel they have to be bitchy or follow certain rules to get the man they want.Narcissist women make you a forever slave..years down you will still recall only her.
Sebastian Harris says
run as fast as you can and date an Asian woman the next time 😉
Thank you so much for your comments. I just broke ut off with a gorgeous 53 year old woman who has never had a rekationshio in her life that lasted more than 3 ir 4 months.and she had dozens. I got sucked in because I was in crisis mode as a caregiver. She seemed sweet, caring, claimed she was an empath and told me how her father was a narcissist and her mother was a gas lighter. Either she spunthe truth to hide the fact she was describing herself or she was because she grew up with a good life. We parted several months,ago and now she comes back wanting yo be friends. I’m afraid it eill start all over again. I was told by a psychologist friend who also knows her through FB. To run as far away as possible.
Sebastian Harris says
I want to be honest with you. That’s a pretty messed up situation. The best advice I can give you is to try to ignore her. Be very careful. Don’t overreact. I guess you are living in a Western country (maybe USA?) and therefore you need to play with the company rules. I assume that 99% of HR are women and many of them have feminist beliefs. One wrong word or action and you will lose your job (I’m not joking). Try to ignore her and the next time live by the rule: don’t fuck the company.
I normally don’t post questions or comments online but I believe this hits a little closer to home. Currently, I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown from a woman who I’ve been seeing at work. I know I messed up by dating someone I’m working with but I really couldn’t resist. (She is very attractive..) We went from being with each other every other day, sharing close and personal moments, now she acts like she has no knowledge I ever exist. She baits me with talking to other guys in front of my face and takes different men home every night after we leave work. I’ve told her about her behavior and she completely denies that she’s seeing other men. (Which I know is a lie.) I recently have tried the “no contact rule” about a week but she is trying to get the best of me. She is talking to a guy that favors me, as far as looks, to trigger a response from me. I’ve been fighting my hardest not to say anything and she knows how it affects me. I have too much vested in my job not to leave but this looks like it won’t end any time soon. I guess my questions are would this be considered narcissistic behavior and are there any suggestions on how do I stop this from affecting me to the point where I do something detrimental to my reputation?
Thank for your consideration,
Sebastian Harris says
thanks for sharing your opinion. I really appreciate it.
Sebastian Harris says
Interesting…especially what you said about acting narcissistic because it’s “the thing”. There’s some truth in it.
Sebastian Harris says
any thoughts on this?
You are certainly entitled to your opinion of women. Women are human beings and we all, all humans, both male and female, share more traits than not. In other words, it is dangerous to think that females are somehow very different (either good or bad) from other human beings (such as males) because this creates various types of damaging thoughts ( us against them or “I’m good and you’re not” or “I’m the holder of higher ideals and you are my enemy which I must conquer and control”).
Narcissism is listed in the DSM and affects all humans, both men and women. You can find a list of the traits at just about any reputable website that deals with psychology. True narcissists are highly dangerous, especially malignant narcissists. For example, my grandson ( in his late teens) plays a ton of video games, and he is often egocentric ( as most teens are ), AND yes this is annoying at times because I don’t always feel he is “present” and I cannot always have his full attention; however, he is not a narcissist. And that’s important to remember. A true narcissist will not have any capacity for empathy for any human, animal, cause, etc. their main agenda is getting their own narcissistic needs met any way they can. It’s so damaging to be around a narcissist for even a short period of time, that you can begin to feel you need a hospital stay to recover. So stay far away from them. Learn to recognize the traits of true narcissists up front so you can walk away ASAP. It’s not a matter of “training them” to behave the way you want because experts now agree that they cannot change. They can modify their reactions if they are taught that doing so will get them what they want, which is what psychologists are now trying as a new approach. (I still would not recommend spending any time with them), AND they can bend their behavior to follow necessary rules where they receive immediate, tangible rewards, such as in prison. However, the behavioral changes do not “transfer” or persist after they are released from prison. So, are you writing about true narcissists? Or are you encountering young, egocentric, just out of high school or college, slightly self absorbed females? Or anything in between? Remember, there are just as many young males who are egocentric and self absorbed at that age. True care and commitment to another human being works both ways and involves empathy and sacrifice. You have to be mature enough to do this, first of all. And I must remind you that women make the majority of the sacrifices in male / female relationships. ( I won’t go into detail here. I don’t have time, but if you do not think so, take another look at history. And look at what your own mother has given up for her family.) Women, as a whole, do give a great deal for their children and their grandchildren. Always have throughout all of time. So the fact that “some” young women are beginning to think of themselves, their time, their years alive here on earth as their own and no one else’s… That’s probably a good thing for them and for humanity in general. Even if a few have perhaps taken it a bit too far in the other direction. I also think you ( and all of us) need to examine our own inner “split off selves” and expose those parts of ourselves to the light of day/personal scrutiny. Are we projecting our own split off narcissistic needs onto these young girls? Or are they all really dangerous monsters who must be tamed for the sake of the future of male happiness and satisfaction? Good luck to you. I hope you, and my grandson, find a “good, old fashioned woman” who will love you no matter what. I really do wish you well. : ) (School teacher for 35 years.)
True NPD is incurable. The best you can hope for is to create strong boundaries and she MIGHT decide to modify her “game” enough to suit you, but she will still have narcissistic personality disorder and her games will merely go from very overt and noticeable to mind-twistingly covert.
Having said that, I think a lot of women just “act” narcissistic, because it seems to be “the thing” these days….and an attempt to prove they’re “confident” and “won’t take shit” themselves.
I don’t know why any of you guys are attracted to such women….It must be “physical”
Just run and do not look back. They cannot be fixed. They have to fix themselves then prove the behavior has changed. Could take a lifetime. Do you want a partner you have to look after your whole life? Wonder if they will cheat or just plain continue to take advantage of you and their surroundings? They think they have it figured out but they are lost creatures. They can put on a good act for a while but they begin to crack and go back to their old ways. Most if their problems stem from lack of self worth and being very insecure. They are 5yr olds in their heads. If they are lucky they will evolve over their life time and if things work out they will eventually grow up and actually do what they say their going to do. They lie, cheat, steal. They are social predators because they can use their vagina as a weapon. They are entitled, have no integrity and are lacking the basic core fundamentals of being a human being. Its sad we are breeding BOTH male and female narcs. Its a product of early generations. If you are a good person. Dont lie and cheat and take advantage of people and know it and happen to run into one of these carbon monsters walk away. Do you self the favor before you are emotionally murdered. Learn to recognize the red flags and take action like the article sais. You need to be able to walk away at moments notice. Take it from me. I waited too long and it bit me in the ass. Don’t let it happen to you. If you wanna chat or have questions feel free to contact me personally. We need to spread the good word. Expose this silent disease, educate and work with everyone to learn to help themselves. True salvation comes from within.
Sebastian Harris says
this is not terrible at all. There are millions of beautiful women in this world who are not narcissistic. I just want to warn about the ones who are. And by the way, I just read the book “Ego is the Enemy”. It’s awesome 😉
Interesting…how to deal with narcissistic woman.Wow ..when this is the major problem of people?Or how we are not sure that any narcissistic man couldn’t write such terrible things for women? I think for sure he can and he will do it! Just a man with damaged ego…
Sebastian Harris says
Please stick with the metaphorically 😉
Sunny Rose says
I love this article man. its like finding a kryptonite. Now I think I can beat( metaphorically) her ass
Sebastian Harris says
thanks a lot for your feedback!
Great article!! I am 100 percent agree with everything you stated in your article!! I thought that this was a normal behavior in women today, but I have realized that We man are responsible of putting such women on a pedestal, when a woman upload a photo in bikini or of her face , 800 men likes it and shower her withs ” I want to meet you” ” you are hot” and bla bla bla. Most of men are guilty of that crap!! Keep on the great work man!!