To all my beloved geeks, nerds and science experts:
I have to disappoint you.
Creating chemistry in relationships is not the same as pulverizing some toxic liquids in your laboratory. It’s much more sophisticated than that.
All you had to do in high school was to remember the periodic table of elements, learn that alkali metals are not the best friends of water and survive the exam. When it comes to chemistry in your relationships, things get a bit more difficult.
Memorizing some letters and numbers won’t be enough to master your relationships. Not mixing some explosive emotions together won’t be enough to transform your relationship into a fulfilling ecstasy trip with rainbows and unicorns.
In order to have the relationships you truly want, it’s not enough to know what this obscure concept of emotional chemistry is. You also have to be able to work with emotions and to create them (scary, right?).
Are you ready to do that without blowing shit up?
Then let’s visit the laboratory before we get ready for your first field test…
What Chemistry in Relationships Really Is
You look her into the eyes and you think you are dreaming. There is something about her. Something about her is fascinating you. Something about her is captivating you.
You can’t really describe what it is and when you are really honest you are a bit overwhelmed with your emotions. You just met her ten minutes ago and you can already imagine her on your wedding day.
But that doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter that you only know each other for ten minutes. Her eyes are shining, your conversation is flowing and your connection is growing.
The last ten minutes were the most beautiful ten minutes of your life. You have the feeling that you two just click. There’s this intuitive feeling that you are meant for each other… that things could work out.
THIS is chemistry!
The Information You Should Listen to (With Caution)
It’s the emotion that makes your heart thump. It’s the feeling you get when you meet a woman who MIGHT be right for you. Yes, I wrote MIGHT and not IS and there is a reason for that.
Being overwhelmed by this feeling is beautiful, invigorating and exciting. Your feeling tells you that this woman is perfect for you. From now on your heart dictates you to focus all your energy on getting together with this one particular woman.
While this can lead to a wonderful relationship, happy marriage and five healthy children, it can also lead to a wrong decision, a lot of drama and unexpected alimony payments for your five healthy children.
It’s a fine line between a healthy chemical connection and an unhealthy delusional obsession.
Simply feeling this emotion is already a sign that she is a woman worth pursuing. You don’t have this kind of chemistry with everyone. From my personal experience I can say that you experience this firework with 1/100 women you approach and 1/10 women you sleep with.
Feeling this inexplicable chemical connection with a woman is a sign that she MIGHT be perfect for you. She might be, but she might be not.
Please don’t automatically assume that…
- She is the perfect girlfriend
- You are compatible for a relationship
…just because your heart turned into a highly explosive laboratory.
The chance that she actually is the perfect girl for you and that you are compatible for a relationship is a lot higher than with a girl you don’t have chemistry with, but it’s not 100%.
Always remember to check if she is girlfriend material and to think about whether or not a happy relationship is possible with her.
The Emotion You Should Act Upon (With Caution)
When you are confident that the chemical reaction in your body was an accurate reflection of the potential of your relationship, there is just one thing you want.
You want a relationship with her. You want to have a happy, fulfilling and supportive relationship with the woman who is the oxygen to your flame.
You want a healthy synergy.
That’s what you want, but what if she sees you as the water to her alkali metal?
She is afraid that your relationship will lead to toxic explosions and she just doesn’t feel the same chemical reaction that you feel.
Maybe she is about to start a relationship with you, but something in the back of her head forbids her to call you her boyfriend.
Maybe she is already in a relationship with you and now that this voice in the back of her head gets louder and louder she thinks about breaking up with you.
No matter if you are in a situation where you want to get a girl or keep a certain girl, you have to use chemistry to win her over. The only way to get and to keep her is to create the chemistry that she needs to feel in order to want nothing more than to be with you.
How to Create Chemistry in Relationships
Creating chemistry in relationships is basically creating a chemical reaction in the person you want to be with. You job, as predictable as it sounds, is to make her feel the same positive emotions that you feel when you look at her.
“That’s impossible! You either have chemistry or you don’t. It’s destiny, faith, or whatever and you can’t create it just because you want to!”
Well, that’s a lie.
There have been many situations where I felt that a girl and I had chemistry, but for some inexplicable reason (probably my stinky socks) she didn’t feel the way I wanted her to feel.
Instead of crying and screaming “the world is so unfair!” I behaved in a certain way that encouraged her to feel the chemical reaction that I already felt.
Sometimes it didn’t work, but most of the time it did. It works because despite popular beliefs, you can create a chemical reaction in a woman. This is actually proven by science.
Are you ready for your first scientific field test?
Then put the concept of compatibility into practice.
In plain and boring scientific language you and the woman you want to date are compatible when your beliefs, your values and your lifestyle are in alignment.
In Sebastian’s language this means that a sexy backpacker is much more likely to feel the chemistry you want her to feel when you are an adventurous travel addict and NOT someone who has never been more than ten miles away from home.
I don’t say that you should become someone you are not. I just want you to understand that joining a gym might be a better way to create some intense feelings in a beautiful female fitness model than renewing your World of Warcraft subscription.
Even though becoming compatible is important to convince a woman to want a relationship with you, it is even more important when it comes to keeping a woman.
You might have the motivation to join her for a run when you are still in the process of getting her, but what if you already have her?
That’s usually the time when the illusion of “she is mine forever” shakes hands with your friend Mr. Sluggishness.
That’s when you become incompatible. That’s when a woman ends the relationship.
When it comes to compatibility you have to ask yourself two important questions:
- Are we already compatible and if not, what do I have to do in order to reach compatibility?
- Is it worth it?
Don’t Judge Her for Being Her
Let’s be honest. We men love to judge women and most of us do it in the most hypocritical way we possibly can.
You want her and you want her now, but what if she does exactly what you want by allowing you to seduce her? That means she is easy!
You want her to be a lady on the street and a freak between the sheets, but what if she is actually able to ride you like there is no tomorrow? She must be a slut!
I’ve been guilty of judging women and you are probably too.
Stop doing it!
If you don’t like the person she is you should scroll up to the point where I talk about why you should listen to this powerful emotion with caution. She might not be the right girl for you.
I mean, I hope you wouldn’t date a girl who takes heroin and who urges you to try it. But even in this situation you don’t have to judge her. You just have to stay away from her.
What if she does something that you secretly want?
Don’t judge her. Don’t be such a hypocrite.
In order to feel chemistry in relationships, women need to feel understood, appreciated and loved.
They won’t feel any of that when you judge them for being themselves.
Become Attractive and Learn to Attract
Let me ask you the million dollar question:
What does the woman you are looking at has to be, so that you feel a chemical explosion in your heart, mind and balls?
She has to be attractive!
Yes, there is a reason why you don’t feel this powerful emotion when you look at your terribly overweight friend. The likelihood that you feel this powerful emotion is much higher when the woman you are looking at is attractive.
The same is true for her.
No matter if you want to win a girl’s heart or if you want to win back a girl’s heart who thinks about throwing yours in the dumpster…
…becoming more attractive and learning how to attract her is a surefire way to trigger a chemical reaction in her.
You don’t have to indulge in plastic surgery and you also don’t have to spend all your money on ridiculously expensive haircuts until you look like this guy:
Just do what I suggest in this article and you will be more attractive than the creepy guy at work who also wants to get into her panties.
Oh, and once you are attractive it’s time to learn how to attract her.
Everything you need to know to attract the woman of your chemical dreams can be found in this article.
Create the Right Timing
The intensity to which chemistry in relationships can be felt depends on the timing. In case you don’t know what I am talking about you just have to watch a romantic Hollywood movie. It doesn’t matter which one. They are all the same.
Woman has a shitty day. Woman runs out of bookstore. Handsome man tries to get in. They bump into each other. He looks in her eyes. She looks in his eyes. Baaam! You can swim in chemistry.
Just like the emotion itself, you can also create the perfect timing.
Imagine you want to make your current girlfriend, who already reactivated her profile on Tinder, feel chemistry in your relationship.
A: Wait till she comes home from a hard day of work and pull her towards you while she reached the peak of her stress and frustration level.
B: Wait till she comes out of the bath and pull her towards you while she is relaxed, calm and naked.
The right chemistry in relationships comes with the right timing.
Reveal Certain Parts and Hide Others
I am a big fan of honesty. In fact, my whole seduction philosophy is built around honesty and authenticity.
However, being honest doesn’t mean that you have to reveal everything about yourself. Especially at the beginning of a seduction it can be a good move to keep a few secrets. This can create the chemistry that your relationship needs in order to prosper.
Women love honest men, but they also love mysterious men.
Be honest whenever you answer one of her questions. Be mysterious when it is wiser to not give an answer.
Of course you can tell her what you do for a living (secret spy is not really believable), but when she asks you about the one place you always go to when you need to calm yourself down, you can say “I’ll show you”.
While she thinks about whether you take her to a secret rooftop where you will watch the sunset or to a romantic side street where you are going to kiss her, you can be sure that her heart is mixing some powerful chemicals.
Communicate Your Trustworthiness
Now that I’ve told you to hide 10% and to be honest about the remaining 90%, it’s time to think about how to verbalize those 90%.
Honest, of course…
…but there are ways to tell the truth that increase the chemistry in relationships and there are ways to tell the truth that decrease it. Every word that increases your trustworthiness also increases the chemistry between you and her.
Okay, even I am confused about what I just said. Let me explain it with an example:
Let’s assume that one of my articles motivates you to overcome your fears of women, to travel the world and to experience unforgettable sexual adventures on five different continents. After you have slept with all kinds of different women, you meet a girl who is really special. She becomes your girlfriend.
One night you are lying next to each other and she asks you the following question:
“Honey, how many women have you been with?”
You could answer this question in two different ways. Both of the following answers are honest, but only one increases your trustworthiness.
Honest answer #1:
“I want to be honest with you. I have been with a lot of women, which is actually quite good for our relationship. You don’t have to worry that I will leave you because of the fear of missing out on something.”
Honest answer #2:
“I want to be honest with you. I have been with a lot of women and hell yeah, my sex life was awesome. You won’t believe all the things I did.”
Both answers are true. One increases your trustworthiness and the chemistry in your relationship.
The other provides you with the pleasure to look in these eyes:
Don’t you agree that having a girlfriend is amazing?
Summed Up Wisdom
Learning how to create chemistry in a laboratory is by far easier than learning how to create chemistry in relationships. The latter can be exhausting, especially because you have to work with emotions and, well, you are a man and everyone knows how much we love to work with emotions.
Oh, and be cautious. Just because her boobs cause a chemical reaction in you doesn’t mean that you should elect her to become the mother of your children. Listen to your emotions and act upon them while your brain remains switched on.
Now you are ready to work on your compatibility and on your non-judgmental attitude. Once you’ve learned how to become more attractive, you can manipulate the clock and use the power of the right timing to your advantage.
Communicate honestly, but don’t reveal every single detail about yourself. Women love mysterious men. The only thing they love more is a mysterious man they can trust. Be that guy and the chemical reaction will lead to a firework of joy, orgasms and fulfillment.
Sebastian Harris says
thanks a lot. I am going to write more about relationships.
Maurice Gagliardo says
It’s perfect time to make a few plans for the future and it is time to be happy. I’ve learn this post and if I could I wish to suggest you few attention-grabbing issues or advice. Perhaps you could write subsequent articles relating to this article. I desire to learn more things about it!
Sebastian Harris says
As always, I thank you for your advice 😉
Sebastian Harris says
if you use the search bar on my site and type in “how to start a conversation” you will find what you need. If you have any additional questions I recommend you sign up for my free email coaching and send me an email whenever you want.
You’ve gotta help me man. How do I talk to a girl? I know it sounds insane but I have no idea how to talk to them. What do I even say? I’m a philosophy student. I can’t just talk to them about Plato the whole time, right? I mean, I’m good looking and well-built. I hear this all the time from my friends. They don’t understand it. I’m already 25 and never even had a conversation with a hot girl, let alone doing anything physical. I just don’t know how to have a conversation with them. They’re like some sort of alien species to me. What kind of subjects do they like? God, this is so embarrassing. I can’t believe it had to come to this. I often see girls looking at me but I don’t know what to do. It’s like I have this deep unnatural fear of women. How do I fix this?
To be honnest with you, i think that your articles maybe too long for 80% of readers (i’m in the 20%), who don’t necessary like to read a lot and aren’t intelectully very sophisticated, or who are just very busy.
I think you could cut your articles in two parts.
Now you should check it by making a Survey on a reader sample, maybe i’m wrong.
But great article as always : ) what i’m saying really has nothing to do with the intrasec value of your writings which really are at the same level than the most famouse teachers in that field.