You want to know how to build sexual tension with a woman, right?
You dirty bastard!
Okay, I’m one too. And I’m not ashamed to admit that I tried EVERYTHING to create this tickling, rumbling, and buzzing in a girls belly…and I’m not talking about giving her diarrhea. I tried everything in my power…and I failed miserably.
Have you ever done one of these things?
Then you have to read this article until the end because I’m about to share everything with you. Yup, you’ll get the full picture.
You’re going to discover…
Are you ready to gain the power to create sexual tension AND desire in women whenever and wherever you want?
Then let’s get started…
How to Build Sexual Tension with a Girl Wherever You Are
I couldn’t create sexual tension if my life depended on it.
Do you know why?
Probably for the same reason you struggle with it. I confused “she likes me” with “she wants to sleep with me.” I saw her smile and assumed that her private parts were smiling too. I heard her laughter and assumed it’s an outcry of horniness.
I was wrong.
So much more…that’s what I was missing. And that’s why the ladies didn’t flirt with me, kiss me, and ride me. I felt like a lonely rodeo horse without energy, purpose, and lust for life. This changed once I changed my approach.
Here’s the one mental shift I made…
How to Subtly and Quickly Build Sexual Tension in a Woman’s Brain
Here’s what I realized:
I have to become a man, a real man…and here’s what this means:
In other words:
If you want to learn how to build sexual tension with a woman, you have to embrace your dirtiest thoughts. Too many guys are ashamed of their darkest fantasies. They hide them in the closet and under the bed.
That’s NOT what girls want!
They want you to express your desires in a subtle way. They want you to quickly turn them on. Watch 50 Shades Darker, Freed or whatever the hell the latest movie is called. Women love to see this side of you.
Don’t hide it ever again…
1. Whisper an “if You Knew” Secret in Her Ear
I love to do this.
It’s fun and effective. Women love to hear your “if you knew” secret, especially when you don’t reveal your secret. In fact, that’s the whole point of this technique. You let her imagine what you want to do with her.
Let me give you a few examples:
What is it? What do you think? What do you imagine?
Her brain will fill in the blanks…some really naughty blanks.
2. Use Vague Compliments
“You look beautiful.”
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much sexual tension those this create?
Depends on how you say it. If you say it with a low and soft voice, it can lead to a solid 5. And if you whisper it in her ear, just like the secrets above, you can reach a 7. But you’re here because you want to know how to build sexual tension with girls.
You’re aiming for 9 and 10.
Here’s what you can say instead:
This will drive her crazy.
You might think she’s sexy and desirable. You might think she’s innocent and lovable. She doesn’t know. But she wants to know. That’s why she does everything in her power to find out the truth…even if it means to suck the truth out of you.
3. Let Her Know Which Part of Her Body You’re Thinking of
Don’t be so shy.
Let her know that you can’t stop thinking of her ass.
Focus on one part of her body and appreciate it. She’ll imagine all the naughty things you’ll do with her…or let’s say with this part of her. But be careful. Don’t be too straightforward. Just let her know that you’re think of it and why.
Don’t reveal what you want to do with her body.
Leave the rest to imagination.
How to Build Sexual Tension over the Phone
Let’s have a look at different situation where knowing how to build sexual tension with a woman is absolutely crucial…at least if you want to get laid.
Imagine the following situation…
You see a girl in a shopping mall. You approach her and she seems to be into you. You get her number and you promise to call her later. Unfortunately, you are not sure if she’s really into you or if she’s just nice.
Do you have a phone?
Then you’re about to find out…
4. Speak Slowly and Deliberately
Okay, maybe not that slowly. But still, if you want to build sexual tension with a girl, you have to slow down. In fact, this is one of the most common mistakes men make. Most of my one-on-one coaching clients spoke too fast before the coaching with me.
The same is true on the phone.
I get it. You are nervous. You don’t know how she’ll react. Heck, you don’t even know if she’ll pick up the phone. Your nervous system wants you to end this call as soon as possible. But I want you to slow down because there's power in your voice.
But what about speaking deliberately? What the hell does that mean?
It means that every word has a purpose. You use pronunciation and deliberate pauses to emphasize your words. Do it like Liam Neeson…
But be a bit nicer.
5. Say You Have a Surprise for Her
Have you ever wondered how to make sure that she shows up on the first date?
It doesn’t have to be a big surprise. A kiss on the cheek is enough. A hug is also fine. As long as you don’t tell her what surprise you have for he, she’ll show up…with a pleasant feeling in her stomach.
Here are some ideas:
A surprise increases sexual tension (it could be anything, even something sexual) and it gives her a reason to show up. Winning!
6. Call Her Good Girl and Bad Girl
Combine this with the slow and deliberate voice.
Whenever she says something you don’t like, you call her bad girls. Whenever she agrees with you or says something pleasant, you call her good girl. This is a simple way to turn an innocent phone conversation into a naughty call.
Women absolutely love it.
She wants to be your bad girl. But she also wants to be seen as the good and innocent girl. And she loves the fact that you make it sexual.
How to Build Sexual Tension over Text
What if you don’t want to call her?
In case you’ve read my book Rise of the Phoenix (which you hopefully have) you know that I’m a big fan of calling to set up a date. It works because nobody does it anymore. Nevertheless, I admit that there are situations when texting is more effective.
What if you want to build sexual tension with a girl before or after a date?
Send these texts…
7. Use Evil and Innocent Smileys
This is the equivalent of the good girl and bad girl talk over the phone.
I love to use the devil smiley and the angel smiley.
Combine these two and she’ll be all over you. The idea is simple. Whenever she says something you like, you send her an angel smiley. Whenever she says something you don’t like, you send her a devil smiley.
You can also use them in the following texts:
Have fun with it.
8. Send Open Loops
Building sexual tension with women is all about creating curiosity.
The unknown is exciting. Her mind wants to fill in the blanks and most of these blanks are not safe for work. You should try to give her as many blanks to fill as you possibly can.
That’s where open loops come in handy:
She doesn’t have to know everything.
But she wants to know it. Your open loops make her think about all the things you could do in that bar on your first date.
9. Send Her Sexy But No Naked Pictures
Please don’t send her dick pics.
Most women don’t like it. Of course, there are exceptions. But why should you risk a harsh rejection (and seeing your dick on reddit) when you can increase sexual tension so easily and effortlessly? First, you have to realize something.
Women and men are turned on by different things.
Men want to see boobs and asses. Women want to imagine scenarios.
Here’s the type of pics you can send her:
That’s the stuff that turns her on.
How to Build Sexual Tension on a First Date
Enough calling and texting…
It’s time for your first date.
Don’t be nervous. If you use the following techniques, she’ll be all over you before she ordered her coffee. But still, it’s your first date. You don’t want to be too sexual on your first date. Leave that for the second.
For now, it’s all about letting her know that you don’t want to be her friend…
10. Tell Her What Kind of Girl You Like
This is extremely effective…if you do it the right way.
I mean, you can tell her that you like sincere, honest, and down-to-earth girls. And that’s okay. I like these kinds of girls too. But you have to admit that sincere, honest, and down-to-earth don’t trigger any sexual feelings.
How about the following descriptions?
Now she knows what you want.
While you tell her what you like, she thinks about all the adventurous, playful, and spontaneous things you want to do with her. She’s already wet.
11. Touch Her under the Table
Don’t grab her leg.
You’re not in a wrestling match. You’re on a first date. Touch her but do it subtly. It happens naturally and accidentally. I know you want to touch her leg and wander up until you reach her panties. But you’re in a café, for God’s sake.
Have some manners and start like a gentleman:
That’s innocent enough for the café and naughty enough for her mind.
12. Question Your Future
After I stumbled upon this secret technique by accident, I use it every single time.
Here’s what happened:
I was on a date with this girl. She was beautiful, a dream girl. But she was stuck-up. She was so arrogant that I wanted to leave. I didn’t know why she even showed up. She had zero interest in me…until I said what I thought.
“Listen, I don’t think this works. You’re obviously more interested in your smartphone than in me. We’ll never be more than friends. Let’s not waste our time.”
This changed everything.
From this moment on she turned into a submissive kitten.
She touched me under the table and I remembered how much I wanted to have something as a child whenever I couldn’t get it.
How to Build Sexual Tension on a Second and Third Date
You survived the first date.
Now you’re ready for the next one. And while the first date was innocent (despite the touching under the table) the second and third date requires a shift in gears.
Let’s take the sexual tension to the next level…
13. Let Your Eyes Speak Louder than Thunder
Eye contact…I’ll never get tired lecturing you about eye contact.
I don’t do it because I’m an asshole. Okay, maybe that’s one of the reasons. But I mainly do it because it is so important. Your eyes have the power to communicate emotions in a way that your words can’t.
Use your two lightbulbs wisely.
Look at her and think to yourself “I would love to undress you right now.” Or look her in the eyes and say to yourself “I want you to be mine.” Women are very good at interpreting the look in your eyes.
She wants the raw and unfiltered truth.
14. Take Her Hand and Don’t Let Go
Imagine you’re at a zebra crossing.
Okay, that’s not really dangerous. Then imagine you’re at a zebra crossing in Bangkok. Now THAT’S dangerous. You don’t want her to die, do you? No, you want her to reach the other side of the road in one piece.
Take her hand and lead her to the other side.
Now she’s safe.
But that doesn’t mean that you should let go of her hand. Hold it and don’t let go. Caress it with your fingers. Give her the feeling that you want to caress other parts of her body as well.
15. Talk about Sexual Topics in an Innocent Way
You don’t have to blare out “I like rough sex!”
I mean, it can work. But some girls are or pretend to be put off by straightforward sexual talk. Remember that she wants to maintain her good girl image. She’s not a slut…even if she wants to be one for you.
Here are some more innocent ways to get sexual:
What is X?
Whatever you want it to be. As soon as you mention it, she’ll imagine how it would feel to try X (or Y and Z) with you.
How to Build Sexual Tension in Bed
It turns out that she wants to do X, Y, and Z with you.
But you’re not on top of her…at least not yet.
You are in your bedroom, on your bed. You’re still fully clothed and talking. And even though the stories you share are entertaining, you both want only one thing.
You want it to happen and it’s your job to increase sexual tension until it happens…
16. Let Her Know that She’s Distracting You
You’re still talking.
But for some reason you can’t concentrate. You see her lips moving, but you can’t hear a word she says. You’re too distracted. All you can think of is taking her clothes off. All you can hear is the sound of her body moving on your bedsheets.
Why don’t you tell her what’s going on?
Tell her that she’s distracting you.
She deserves to know. Let her know that you can’t focus because her body is shutting your brain off. Be honest and she’ll reward you for your honesty.
17. Undress Her Very Slowly
Speaking of reward…
Don’t you want to unwrap your present?
Learning how to build sexual tension with a woman is not all about saying the right things. Sometimes it’s about doing what you have to do to reach the next level. Undressing her is one of these things.
Take is slow. Don’t rush.
Undress her nice and slow. Appreciate every part of her body while you uncover it. Take her shirt off and kiss her shoulders. Take her bra off and…you know what to do.
Every second you spend with one of her body parts builds up tension.
18. Be Dominant and Tell Her What to Do
Now she’s naked.
You’re making out. You’re touching her body. And she can see your tree. She’s ready for some action…more than ready. Now she wants you to be her leader.
Be her dominant leader.
The fastest way to kill a woman’s sexual desire is to let her lead in bed. Don’t do it unless you want her to get dressed and leave. Instead, be dominant and tell her what you want her to do. Let her know that you’re in charge.
“Turn around and relax…”
That’s exactly what she wants to hear.
How to Build Sexual Tension in a Long-Distance Relationship
You had a fun night.
The biting, the licking, and the thrusting…you’re so exhausted. The next day you ask her if she wants to do it again. She says yes, but she has a flight to catch.
Surprise, surprise…she has to be at the airport in five hours for her au pair year in New York. But don’t worry. You’ve done a great job in bed. All the oxytocin made her want to marry you straight away.
You end up in a long distance relationship…
19. Drive Her Crazy on Skype
How can you build sexual tension with a woman in a long-distance relationship?
Skype is your best friend.
Okay, nowadays you can also use the Facebook video chat, but after their data scandal, I don’t trust Mark anymore. Let’s stick to Skype, the loyal servant of every long-distance couple.
Here are some ideas:
The possibilities are endless and if you’re lucky your naughty Skype session won’t end like this:
It depends on the connection.
20. Send Her Your Wildest Thoughts
Texting is essential for every long-distance relationship.
Here’s what you need to do:
Send her a naughty text whenever the thought pops up in your mind. Don’t wait. Let her know that you’re thinking of her right now. This will drive her wild.
There’s no need to hold back.
Share as many raunchy thoughts as you want. Text her often and send intense messages. Let her heart and her panties beat.
21. Tell Her What You’d do if She Was Here
Remember the “If you knew” technique?
You can adjust this technique for your long-distance relationship. Turn “if you knew” into “if you were here right now”.
Here are some ideas:
She’ll count the days until she can touch you and feel you again.
How to Build Sexual Tension in a Relationship
Her plan was to stay in New York for at least one year. But her host family was a bit weird. She didn’t know they were swingers. After the third attempt to blackmail her into a threesome, she had enough and booked a return ticket.
Now you’re in a real relationship.
You see each other every day and you can already feel boredom creeping in. That’s why you want to know how to build sexual tension in a relationship.
Let’s start with her nickname…
22. You Can Do Better than “Honey”
Quick question: How many guys call their girlfriends “honey”?
The answer: Almost everyone.
The name Hildegard triggers more sexual desire than honey. Come on. Be a bit more creative. Don’t use the same old name everyone else is using. Give her a nickname that puts naughty thoughts in her mind.
Kitten, naughty girl, cute rebel, freaky baby…all these nicknames are better than honey.
23. Reward Her with Kisses and Slaps
What do you do when you just fell in love?
Let me guess…
And what happens after a couple of months?
You stop doing it and that’s the problem.
You stop doing the things that build sexual tension because it doesn’t come that easy anymore. You know what I always say. Nothing worth having comes easy.
Do what you’ve done in the beginning and you’ll experience the same sexual tension.
24. Take Her on Mini Adventures
It’s so easy to get bored in a relationship.
Every day is the same. You wake up, you go to the bathroom, and you eat breakfast. You say “have a good day at work” before you pack your lunch and leave. In the evening you come home. You’re exhausted and you hope she doesn’t want to have sex.
Stop this vicious cycle and take her on an adventure:
Every good road trip ends on the side of a long empty road with your girlfriend on top of you.
What if you don’t have a hot girlfriend who wants to sit on top of you?
Read my book Rise of the Phoenix and you’ll have a girlfriend by the end of this week.
Summed Up Wisdom
You’re here because you want to know how to build sexual tension with a woman. Then stop talking and start whispering. Let her know that she’d blush if she knew what you’re thinking of. And yes, it’s okay to talk about sexual topics.
Let your eyes speak louder than thunder and don’t forget to replace honey with a more exciting nickname. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a relationship or a long-distance relationship, creativity and Skype can solve all your problems.
You can even send her sexy pictures (but no dick pics). Of course, it’s okay to tell her what kind of girl you like, as long as she’s spontaneous and adventurous.
Sebastian Harris says
thank you so much for your feedback and for buying my book Rise of the Phoenix!
Musisi Samuel says
Hey, sab, thanks a lot bro, I’m Sam from Uganda, I found this really damn helpful, just like most of yo articles, I’m a beginner hoping to buy yo book and perhaps get lucky to book a training session with you and chase amante, u r my mentors and will love to learn all I can from you Sab one day, right now I’m still husstling for tuition but after I’m done with that, my dream is to be a really calibrated seducer for one special girl or two with yo help, will also buy yo book, thanks man I really love you bro, game God bless you
Sebastian Harris says
that’s a very explicit comment…thanks.
Sebastian Harris says
thanks for your comment. My book will definitely change your life more than a night of bowling.
Sebastian Harris says
that’s true. Being a gentleman is better than cocky and funny. Read my Thai Girls article for more information.
Hi again, – what I would really would like to know from you, having coached in Europe and SE Asia, and now having a Thai woman: What about all the dating games that are commonly suggested is different in Thailand to western countries? I once read an article that Thai girls are not soo much into guys that play the cocky and funny part too much, and are more into gentleman type behaviour. Also that you can praise a Thai girl much more from the beginning without coming across as too needy. Stuff like that. What are your thoughts?
good article, Sebastian. most of the time, i don’t even reach the point in which something sexual could happen with a woman. they either flake on me…….or i don’t get a second date. sometimes, i think i messed up because i didn’t express any sexual interest in the girl on the first date…..because i thought it might be too soon.
you know that girl from tinder i was suppose to go bowling with on friday night? she never responded when i texted her and asked which bowling alley we’re meeting at. i texted her ONCE the day before (thursday) we were suppose to meet and ONCE the day of—and she still hasn’t responded and its Saturday after noon right now.
and what puzzles me so much about this is that i haven’t blown up this girls phone. i haven’t said anything weird or creepy to her, and we’ve been briefly texting leading up to the day we were suppose to go bowling.
i still haven’t heard from her about what happened. i was looking forward to meeting her, but i’m not upset—just confused. this is one of the many reasons women are a complete mystery to me. the one thing i’ve learned is that you’ve gotta approach MULTIPLE girls at once just in case one of them flakes on you.
i would love to read an article from you about flaking/women being so unreliable. anyway, i think i’ll take the money i was gonna spend on bowling and purchase your book instead. 🙂
John Marshall says
I think I have learnt to use the tone of my deep masculine voice. I am told I am making her breasts & nipples hard & her pussy soaking wet. Let’s 69 make me come with your lips & tongue on my pussy. I want to suck & lick your long hard penis & balls, Please come inside my mouth. I want to taste & swallow you sperm.Then fuck me in any position. Fill me with your semen I love you so much. To feel your seven inches deep inside I want you so much. Provide a story of adventures together with your beautiful lady wearing a red bikini on a beach. Then turn into reality for your lady. When alone together in a bedroom undress your lady slowly. Then let her undress you. She then sits on your lap facing you naked. French kissing & caressing each others bodies. Then she inserts your hard penis inside & begins to ride you.Share a bottle of wine & listen to music while making hot passionate love together. Women love being with a man in a shower, Make sure you have something to stop both of you slipping on the floor. Men that can turn on a woman with words. Seduce them easily.