If you want to know how to be happy in a relationship you came to the wrong site.
I mean, everyone knows that a site about dating and seducing women all over the world must be about banging as many stupid hoes as possible, right?
As you can read on my welcome page, I actually embrace the idea of being in a fulfilling relationship. The tenth commandment of my incredibly catholic ten commandments of the Global Seducers says:
“Don’t settle until you find the woman of your dreams”
I don’t say “don’t ever settle” and you also don’t hear me talking about how settling down is a sickness that the doctors call oneitis and that should be treated with antibiotics, porn and lashes.
Yes, I give you the advice to NOT settle down UNTIL you have found the woman who is worth settling down for. I say this because it breaks my heart to know that millions of men, including some of my friends, are together with women who they wouldn’t even touch if they would have a choice and that they marry women who give them hell until they rest in peace.
However, that doesn’t mean that I am against the concept of being in a relationship (even a monogamous one). I honestly think that it is stupid to not be in a relationship with a girl who you are in love with and who has the potential to be an amazing girlfriend.
The 27 Secrets That Lead to Happiness in Your Relationship
In the same way as I want to prevent you from staying trapped in toxic relationships, I want to show you how to be happy in a relationship, once you have found the right girl.
That’s why I decided to share the 27 secrets to a fulfilling and loving relationship with you, without charging a penny. All you have to do is to name the byproduct of your incredibly happy relationship Sebastian 😉
1. Understand that Being in a Relationship is NOT Bad For You
I already told you that I am not a big fan of labeling the idea that a particular girl is special in comparison to others as a sickness. I have a wonderful girlfriend who is definitely the most amazing human being I have ever met and I honestly think that she is special. I think that, because she is more supportive, has stronger values and is emotionally stronger than any girl I have ever met and NOT because I have an illusionary sickness.
There is a trend going on in the seduction community that is anything but healthy.
A man who decides to end up in a relationship is banned from the community and called a loser, while a guy who leaves a perfect girl to bang some emotionally unstable party chicks is worshiped.
This is absolutely ridiculous!
If you read my articles because you want to acquire the knowledge and the skills to attract a gorgeous woman into your life and to make her your girlfriend, there is only one thing I can say to you:
More power to you!
No matter if your goal is to sleep with hundreds of girls or to marry the one special girl, I am here to help you to achieve this goal. And in case you are in fact here to meet the one special girl you should stop listening to self-proclaimed pick up artist who tell you that having this goal makes you a loser.
You have to understand that being in a relationship is not bad for you, assuming that you are together with the right girl. If you continue to believe that relationships are for losers, you will never be happy in the role of the boyfriend.
2. Be In a Relationship Because YOU Want
I just talked about the guys who don’t ever allow themselves to be happy in a relationship, because they have been fed the lie that only losers end up in “the chains” of a relationship. This is the one extreme, but there is also another extreme that is a fast track to misery.
All I wanted when I was 18 was to be in a relationship. Okay, I also wanted to lose my virginity, but ending up in a relationship was on the top of my wish list.
Why did I want to end up in a relationship?
I wanted it because I was nearly the only guy in my social circle without a girlfriend. I wanted it because I was sick and tired of the “why don’t you have a girlfriend?” question from family, friends and strangers I met at parties.
I wanted it because I was seeking external validation and NOT because I really wanted it.
Back then I thought that this was a legitimate reason to end up in a relationship. Today I know that a relationship that is the result of a desperate need for external validation won’t be a happy one. To be happy in a relationship, you have to want to be in it.
3. Be Happy Without a Relationship
Are you ready for a few clichés?
“You can’t have a healthy relationship when you are not happy with yourself”
“You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with another person”
“You have to be happy without a relationship before you can be happy in a relationship”
While I can’t promise that I won’t throw another cliché at you in the course of this article, it’s enough for now. I won’t torture you with another cliché, but I am torturing you with a personal insight that is related to them:
If you are miserable and you think that a relationship will make you happy, you will end up even more miserable.
Read the above sentence out loud and try to not hate me for it.
There is a good chance that you clicked on this article because you hoped to find the solution to your misery. I have been there myself and I know what you hope to achieve. It won’t work.
Yes, being in a relationship with an amazing woman has the potential to increase your happiness level, but you need to lay the foundation BEFORE you get a girlfriend.
Of course you can ignore this advice and not work on yourself, your lifestyle and your happiness during your single time, but then please don’t write me an email in which you complain how miserable you are once she left you after less than two months.
4. Don’t Tolerate Drama
As you might know I have already written an article in which I show you how to get out of a toxic relationship. Of course I am happy for every man who reads this article and changes his life to the better, but deep down I hope that you will never need it.
If you want to have a happy relationship, you should do everything in your power to avoid ending up with a girl who causes nothing but drama.
Unfortunately, there are indeed some types of girls that you should better avoid. Ending up in a relationship with an emotionally unstable girl and asking yourself how to be happy in a relationship is a contradiction in terms.
Stay away from girls who cause more stress than peace and take appropriate measures if you are currently together with such a girl. You probably talk yourself into believing that it will soon get better, but deep down you know that this is not the path to happiness.
5. Free Yourself from Mental Slavery
In order to be happy in a relationship you have to free yourself from mental slavery and find out what you really want. The goal of being in a relationship is to be happy and to make the person you are together with happy. The goal is not to do what everyone tells you to do and expects you to do.
Let me show you how to free yourself from mental slavery on the basis of a few practical examples:
When you believe the lies of the advertising industry that tells you to buy your girlfriend expensive Christmas presents and Valentine’s Day gifts, even though you don’t want that, you’ll end up unhappy.
When you believe the upholders of moral standards in our society who tell you that a monogamous relationship is the only way to happiness, even though you and your girlfriend love to go to swingers clubs and read more books on polyamory than on any other topic, you’ll end up unhappy.
When you believe your parents or grandparents when they tell you that marrying in your thirties and starting a family is the best thing to do, even though you haven’t found the right girl yet and you don’t really want to have kids, you’ll end up unhappy.
Free yourself from mental slavery and allow yourself to become happy by living in the relationship that you want, not the relationship that others want you to live in.
6. She Understands the Polarity between Male and Female Energy
A happy relationship needs a healthy balance between male and female energy. And no, with a healthy balance I don’t mean the famous 50/50 relationship that is advertised nowadays. I am talking about a healthy and happy relationship in which the man embraces his dominant masculine energy and the woman embraces her submissive female energy.
I don’t remember who it was, but one successful dating coach once said that a 50/50 relationship is the direct translation for “she has you by the balls”. He was right.
Call me a politically incorrect asshole and an anti-feminist, but I have NEVER seen a happy relationship that wasn’t at least 51/49. I have NEVER seen a happy relationship in which the man wasn’t the one who was leading. When you have a look at the so-called “happy” relationships of male feminists, you will realize how crucial this 1% really is.
But there is a glimmer of hope. At least some women understand the importance of the male female polarity and realize that dating a male feminist doesn’t lead to happiness. I hope you realize it too.
7. Accept that The Hollywood Relationship is Just an Illusion
If you really want to be happy in your relationship you have to forget everything you have ever learned from movies. Forget about the white picket fence, the happy dog that brings you the newspaper and the passionate kiss in the rain that led to this whole scenery.
While I hope that your current or your next relationship will be the happiest you have ever had, I don’t want to lie to you. The illusion that Hollywood planted in your mind is nothing but a lie.
Even the sex scenes are nothing but sweet little lies that last less than three seconds:
There will be days when you question your life behind the picket fence. There will be days when you could shoot your dog for shitting on the carpet. There will be days when she is pissed because she had to stand ten minutes in the rain before you picked her up.
No matter how awesome a relationship is, there will be days that are not exactly as Hollywood showed you. All I want you to understand is that one small argument and ten minutes of silence are not a reason to question your relationship.
Remember that there is a story after the director says “cut” and this story can be even more beautiful.
8. Love Her and Yourself Unconditionally
I already told you that you can’t expect to be happy in a relationship when you are not happy with the one person you are forced to spend 24 hours with every single day. This already implies that you have to love to spend time with yourself and that you have to love yourself, if you want to fully enjoy the time with the woman of your dreams.
If you don’t love yourself, nobody else will. It might sound esoteric as fuck, but the truth is that love has to run through your veins before others have the desire to be close to you. It is absolutely crucial that you love yourself unconditionally, but at the same time you shouldn’t restrict this unconditional love to yourself. She also deserves your unconditional love.
If you want to be truly happy, you have to love her without conditions.
You love her when she wakes up without makeup. You love her when she is tried, when she struggles with herself and the world and when she needs you to tell her that everything is going to be alright. And you love her when her cute butt stinks after she had such a terrible diarrhea that you have to renovate the bathroom.
What if you can’t love her unconditionally?
Then you should read this article.
9. Opposites Attract But the Like-Minded Last
We have already discussed that you shouldn’t tolerate toxic and negative women, but there is another crucial mistake that a lot of men make when they choose their partners. When it comes to this mistake, our society and its beliefs are partly to blame.
I am pretty sure you have heard the saying “opposites attract”. While it might be true that spending time with a woman who is the opposite of you is interesting and exciting (at least up to the third date), you have to be careful to not make the wrong conclusion.
Just because opposites attract doesn’t mean that they stay together.
In fact, relationships in which the partners are very similar are usually happier than the ones in which both partners are quite different.
I am a minimalist, a travel-enthusiast and I love to express my emotions and opinions through my writing. I would jump off a bridge if I would be together with a materialistic girl who hates to travel and who has never read a book.
Be careful who you attract, at least when you want her to stay.
10. Allow Yourself to Be Vulnerable
You are a strong man. You are a beast. You are an alpha male. You have better things to do than to talk about your emotions. You despise men who are vulnerable.
Welcome to a life without a happy relationship!
Every man has emotions. Every man has weaknesses. Every man has a vulnerable side. Hiding those characteristics does NOT lead to happiness and it is NOT a sign of masculinity.
Embracing them, however, is a sign of true strength.
You can only attract who you are and if you hide your weaknesses and vulnerabilities, the girl you attract will probably have the same emotional issues. Have fun in your inauthentic, fake and unhappy relationship.
11. Change Yourself Before You Try to Change Her
To be honest, I always thought that girls are the ones who try to change the guys they are with. Then I typed “he tries to change me” into Google to see if women have the same problem. It turned out that they do.
There are dozens of forums in which women complain that their boyfriends try to change them. They want to know the answer to a question that they shouldn’t be asking themselves.
In case you are one of the disillusioned guys who think that changing your girlfriend is a good idea I want you to read the following sentence out loud. Seriously, read it out loud and think about it:
A woman is the reflection of her man.
It is your job to live by the values that you want to see her living by. It is your job to behave the way you want her to behave. It is your job to respect her the way you want her to respect you.
It is your job to change yourself in order to allow her to change herself.
12. Take Action Every Day
I might not publish an article every day, but I am working on this site every single day. I answer emails, I write articles for other sites, I reply to comments and I come up with new ideas. I put in the work every day, because you are important to me. I do it because I value our relationship.
You should think about your relationship with your girl in the same way as I think about my relationship with you. Work on your relationship every day. Talk to her, connect with her and think about ideas that can help you to make your relationship even better.
You should put in the work every day and every day you go to bed you should be proud to be the good boyfriend you are.
13. Stay Away from Drugs and Alcohol
I want to share a personal story with you.
One of my family members is an alcoholic. He is not my father and not my brother. He is only a distant relative, but the way he destroyed himself, his life and his relationship hopefully motivates you to stop drinking.
He was together with an amazing girl. She was beautiful, intelligent and she loved him. Then he started to drink.
He became aggressive and unpredictable. He lost his ability to receive love, he lost his control and he eventually lost her respect. All because of a drug that is more socially acceptable than drinking water in a club.
I don’t say anything against drinking a beer here and there, but please don’t make the same mistake as he did. Don’t allow drugs, and alcohol is a drug, to ruin your relationship. Bottles and needles shouldn’t lie on the path towards happiness.
14. Stop Trying to Fix Her Problems
One of the biggest mistakes that probably 99% of guys make is that they want to fix problems. While your willingness to fix problems is great for your boss, it is absolutely deadly for your relationship.
Your attempt to fix her problems will drive her insane and I don’t mean this in a good way. It is not your job to fix her problems, even if you think it is. It is your job to listen to her and to (pretend to) understand her problems.
I could talk about this for hours, but the following video says it better than thousand words:
15. Be Relentlessly Honest
No, I am not going to cite Zan Perrion’s “honesty is the greatest aphrodisiac” line again. I already mentioned it way too often. But I have an excuse for mentioning it again and again. The excuse is…
…it is true.
Yes, it is true. Honesty is the greatest aphrodisiac.
It is an essential part of every seduction and therefore also an essential part of every relationship. Relentless honesty leads to relationships that are exceptionally happy.
There is no subtle feeling that something is just not right. You have no reason to be afraid of lies. You don’t have to worry about dishonesty and its results. Being honest to each other allows you to enjoy your relationship without worries, fears and unexpected shocks. You can simply ride the wave of your relationship without worrying that a shark you didn’t expect pulls you under water.
16. Be Together When You Want and Alone When You Need
Everybody needs some private time. Unfortunately, a lot of guys ignore this fact and become clingy as soon as they get a girlfriend.
The foundation of every healthy relationship is time that is spent together and activities that are enjoyed together. Unfortunately, a lot of guys are paranoid that they lose their freedom when they spend more time with their girlfriend that with their freaking PlayStation.
The key principle of a happy relationship is to be together when you want to be together with her and to be alone when you need to be alone.
You won’t lose her when you don’t see each other for more than 24 hours and you also don’t lose your freedom when she stays for a couple of hours after you had sex. A happy couple is a couple that has found the right balance between we time and me time.
17. Don’t Ever Try to Get Respect through Fear
I have seen a lot of relationships in which the woman treated her man in such a disrespectful way that it was hard for me to not feel embarrassed for the poor fella. None of those relationships were healthy and happy.
A relationship in which the woman doesn’t respect her man is doomed to fail. If she has no respect for you, she won’t allow you to lead her and if her boyfriend isn’t the man who is supposed to lead her, she will eventually look for a man who has this potential.
The question is: How do you get respect from women?
The answer: Through fear or admiration.
Fear and admiration are the only two ways to get respect from anyone.
Respect through admiration is closely related to affection, loyalty and love. Respect through fear is closely related to manipulation, emotional abuse and violence.
I recently read an article from a famous manosphere blogger in which he showed his readers how they can beat their wives or girlfriends and get away with it. I don’t link to this article, because I don’t want to give him credit for this disgrace.
He obviously regards fear as the only way to get respect. I feel sorry for him, but I feel even more sorry for the guys who follow his advice. I truly hope you take a different path.
18. Look Beneath the Surface
Do you know who your girlfriend really is?
Most men don’t and that’s exactly why their relationships suck.
I recently ended up in a conversation with a complete moron who I met through a mutual friend. We were talking about our girlfriends and when I told him that my girlfriend is into astronomy and reads books he just laughed and said that the only thing his girlfriend thinks of is shopping.
When I later sat down and talked to his girlfriend she told me about her passion for classical music and her fascination for Salvador Dali.
“Congratulations you dumb fuck. It took me less than ten minutes to find out things that you haven’t found out in years.”
The sad truth is that a lot of men either don’t care about their girlfriend’s interests or don’t know how to connect with them on a level that allows them to reveal their true selves. If you really want to have a happy relationship in which your girlfriend feels respected and understood, you have to look beneath the surface.
19. Make Her a Part of Your Life
She is your girlfriend, your wife and maybe even the mother of your children. She has the right to be a part of your life.
I don’t say that you have to do EVERYTHING with her.
I already told you that some private time is absolutely necessary for the survival of your nerve cells. Nevertheless, you should regard her as a vital part of your life. You should look at her and have the feeling that she belongs to you (not in a possessive sense).
Introduce her to your friends. Take her to those boring family celebrations. Don’t hide your pride when you tell other people about your girlfriend.
It’s important to not separate your relationship life from the rest of your life. When you give her the feeling that she is a part of your life, she’ll treat you like her lover, her partner and her leader…not just like a guy she fucks.
20. Have Sex, A LOT of Sex
Speaking about the guy she fucks…
I hope that this guy is you. Otherwise, the hope for a happy relationship will burst like a bubble.
Respect, appreciation, support and unconditional love are all important aspects of a happy relationship. But please, please, please don’t forget the sex.
Sex is one of the most, if not the most important aspects of every relationship between a man and a woman that is not a friendship. Without sex there is no relationship. Without sex there is no happiness.
I know that our society and its media outlets are very good at separating sex and relationships from each other. On the one hand, you have the TV shows in which the main characters have a secret affair that is so passionate that you want to masturbate while watching. On the other hand, you are bombarded with family movies in which the only sexual contact is a kiss on the cheek.
No wonder that there are so many men who are scared of ending up in a relationship when they are conditioned to believe that being in a relationship means no passion, no excitement and especially no sex.
Don’t fall for this shit!
A happy couple is a couple that fucks like rabbits.
A happy relationship is a relationship in which blowjobs, doggy style, cunilingus and rough sex are not something that you type into Google when your girlfriend is at work.
21. Demand Inner and Outer Beauty
I already told you that you should be careful to not end up in a relationship with a toxic girl who sucks your energy, even if she is great at sucking other things. The stress is not worth it.
You could describe this principle as demanding inner beauty. You basically demand from a girl who wants to be your girlfriend that she is emotionally healthy and that she doesn’t have too many daddy issues. Every man who loves himself should live by this rule.
But as important as inner values are, they don’t help your dick to get hard when it’s supposed to get hard. If you want to know how to be happy in a relationship you have to accept the fact that her looks, her weight and her boob size are all aspects that matter.
Some people might call that rude and superficial. I call it being realistic.
It is great to be together with a girl who has a great personality, but unless you feel sexually attracted to her, there is no point in pursuing a relationship. Unless you demand outer beauty in the same way as you demand inner beauty, you and your friend between your legs will never be truly happy.
22. Don’t Fall for the Sameness Lie
As a German I have been tortured with the concept of gender mainstreaming since I discovered that I can use my penis for more than just peeing. Everything and everyone has to be equal. Unfortunately, the endeavor that everything has to be equal led to a generation of women and men who believe that men and women are the same. I guess that’s why most men in my home country refuse to marry.
Don’t fall for this lie!
I support equal pay for men and women. I support equal opportunities when it comes to education. I support free speech for women. However, I don’t support a system that tries to convince men and women that they are the same.
Men and women are NOT the same and no, that doesn’t mean that one gender is worth more than the other.
All that this means is that the difference between men and women should be recognized, accepted and embraced.
Of course you can call me outdated and treat her like one of your buddies. You can do that, but then don’t cry once she has cheated on you with a guy who understood that men and women are not the same.
23. Listen, Listen and Listen
Shutting the fuck up can lead you on the path towards happiness.
Pretty fascinating, right?
Shutting your mouth and listening to what she says provides you with enough information to say the things that make her love you even more and to prevent arguments that could have the potential to destroy your relationship.
Listening is one of the most underrated ways of improving and rescuing your relationship. For some reason it is seen as normal among men to not listen to their girlfriends and to claim that women never say what they mean.
Well, that’s not entirely true. They often say what they mean. The problem is that nobody listens.
24. Don’t Ever Give Up Your Leadership
One of the fastest ways to pay child support for children that are not from you is to give up your leadership. Forgetting your anniversary is something that she will forgive you, giving up your leadership is something that she can’t forgive you.
By now you have already learned that women and men are not the same, even if your minister for family affairs claims the opposite. Now it is time to put this knowledge into practice by taking over the leadership.
Yes, we all know that women can only be fulfilled when they work in a leadership position, live with a cat and drink two bottles of wine every evening. We know it. What a lot of men don’t know is that this idea is pure poison for every relationship.
You can only be happy in a relationship if YOU are the one who leads. Remember, the 50/50 relationship means nothing but “she has you by the balls”.
Don’t ever give up your leadership.
25. Respect Her and Fuck Her
I already told you that you should have sex, a lot of sex.
Besides not having enough sex, there is another problem that many men have when it comes to humping and pumping their girlfriend:
They have bad sex, very bad sex.
They have bad sex, because they don’t allow their girlfriend to live out her inner slut. They don’t allow their girlfriends to be the naughty cum-swallowing whores that they want to be. This is not only sad, but also one of the main reasons why women cheat.
Too many men falsely believe that their cute little angel would never do the stuff that all the other girls do. They think that the girl they are with is “a good girl” and that “she is not like that”.
Isn’t it funny how naive they are?
It is, but it’s not that funny if you are one of them. It is not that funny if you ask yourself why the breath of your girlfriend smells like cum, even though she just came home from work.
Learning how to be happy in a relationship requires overcoming the misconception that your shy and innocent girlfriend is a good girl, while the so-called sluts in a club are bad girls. The good girl and the bad girl are the same girl.
26. Keep Private things Private
As a man who wants to learn how to be happy in a relationship you have to be willing to keep private things private. I know that I tend to talk about my relationship more than I should, but there are some things that I would never reveal.
Some private things should stay private. The problem is that my social media addicted generation is extremely bad when it comes to keeping things private. Heck, I know girls who update their Facebook timeline with “having a fight with my boyfriendL” WHILE they are having the argument.
I don’t know how you see this, but I think that this is sick.
I haven’t found any scientific studies that show that this behavior is sick, but I have found evidence that couples who post a lot about their relationship on social media are more insecure and unhappier than couples who don’t.
Quod erat demonstrandum!
It doesn’t matter if your 384 Facebook friends believe you that you love your girlfriend. The only thing that matters is that she believes you and that she loves you too.
Don’t you also want to have an amazing relationship with a loyal girl?
27. Seduce Her Until the Bitter End
The seduction never ends.
No matter if you are together with her for six weeks or six years, it is your job to seduce her. Let the other guys be the ones who stop seducing their girlfriends and who therefore end up in miserable relationships without passion and love.
You know it better. You know that a happy relationship is nothing but the extension of a date, a one night stand and a weekend of sexual debauchery. You understand that the biggest secret of a happy relationship is the determination to continue to be her seducer.
She is your lover and you are her seducer. She is happy and you are happy.
Summed Up Wisdom
Learning how to be happy in a relationship is not rocket science. All you have to do is to understand the 27 secrets that transform every miserable relationship into a fulfilling one.
As a man who is in an amazing relationship you know that having a girlfriend is good for you. You want it, but you don’t need it. You have no time for drama, mental slavery and illusions. You love unconditionally, you show your vulnerable side, you take action every day and you change yourself before you change her.
You stay away from drugs, you are always honest and you don’t try to fix her problems. You respect her, you find out who she really is and you make her a part of your life. Once you have done that you have a lot of sex, you treat her like a woman and you listen to her. You understand that you are the leader and that she wants to be your slut in bed. That’s why you keep private things private and seduce her every single day.