15 Lessons I Learned From Having a Girlfriend

I still remember the day I met my girlfriend for the very first time.

Her innocent smile, her cute shyness, and her shining eyes…

I also remember how I texted my best friend the night after our first date. I told him that I met a girl who’s really special and that I will cancel all the dates I had set up. He asked me if I took drugs. I said “no” but he didn’t believe me.  

Why do I share this with you?

I do it because I get a lot of emails. And most of those emails are from guys who want a girlfriend. No, they don’t want casual sex, they don’t want orgies, and they don’t want spectacular threesomes with models.

They want a loyal girlfriend.

In case you are one of these guys, I’m here to share my experience with you. I hope it inspires you to pursue YOUR goal and to ignore the naysayers.

Here are the lessons I learned from my relationship…

1. Wanting a Girlfriend is a Perfectly Acceptable Desire 

I worked with many world-renowned dating coaches.

Some of them are legit. Others are not. Unfortunately, a lot them have a pretty narrow set of beliefs, especially when it comes to relationships and girlfriends.

Let’s face it:

A lot of dating coaches and self-proclaimed pickup artists are more afraid of catching a girlfriend than of catching an STD.

They are terrified of commitment.

Not so long ago I was one of them. The idea of being “trapped” in a relationship and having no “freedom” made me sick to my stomach. It took me a while to realize that a healthy relationship gives you all the freedom you want and need.

I always chased the next girl and the next girl because I didn’t want to belong to the group of losers who were in relationships. I could do better. I wanted more.

Eventually, I realized that better and more are not the same.

Let me tell you one thing:

Wanting a girlfriend is a perfectly acceptable desire. You are not a loser for wanting a girlfriend, no matter if some pick up artist tells you the opposite. In fact, you are probably more mature than most dating coaches…me included.

Embrace your desire. Having a girlfriend can be amazing.

2. You Won’t Find the Perfect Girlfriend Overnight (But You Will)  

Good things take time.

You can’t expect to find the perfect girl overnight. That’s not how it works. I mean, you can find a girlfriend in one day but I doubt that she’ll be the RIGHT girl for you.

Here’s one of the worst mistakes you can possibly make:

1. You want a girlfriend.
2. You approach a girl who agrees to go on a date with you.
3. You make her your girlfriend.

That’s the bullet-proof three-step formula to an unhealthy relationship. This simple three-step formula is the reason why thousands of MGTOW’s spread “never get a girlfriend and never enter a serious relationship” all over the internet.

If you make an unstable girl your girlfriend, you’ll get an unstable relationship.

An average girl leads to an average relationship that ends with an average breakup. That’s not what you want. You want a great relationship with a great girl.

That’s why you need to focus your energy on finding women who are girlfriend material. 

Always remember:

The perfect girl leads to a perfect relationship and vice versa. Finding her takes time.

3. The Perfect Girlfriend is Anything But Perfect 

I hate the word perfection.

I hate it because perfection (by definition) doesn’t exist, but perfection (in your reality), does.

Sounds confusing?

I’ll explain.

You will never find a girl who is perfect. The one unicorn who always does what you want, who never complains, who doesn’t have her period, and who always wants to take off her clothes as soon as you snap your finger.

She only exists in movies (You know what kind of movies).

However…

A woman who is perfect for YOU exists.

She’s somewhere out there. You might have to travel the world to find her, but she is real. She has her flaws, but whenever you look into her eyes, you think to yourself:

“I couldn’t ask for more.”

I found this woman and I’m immensely grateful for it.

4. You Want a Girlfriend Who Wants You to Cry

No, I don’t want you to end up with a girl who beats the crap out of you.

You shouldn’t cry because she introduced the pan to your head. These are the kinds of girls you have to avoid…but I think you already know that. I’m talking about a girl who encourages you to cry when you need to cry.

“Sebastian, men don’t cry!”

 Listen:

The worst mistake a man can make is to deny that he has emotions. You are not a robot. You have feelings and the advice to suck it up sucks. Sometimes you need to cry and that’s okay. Understanding this is important for your development as a man.

But it’s equally important to find a girl who encourages you to face your emotions.

Yes, I admit it. I cried in front of my girlfriend. And it felt good. Heck, I felt better after I did it and it strengthened our connection. Being vulnerable with someone you love is real strength.

I wouldn’t be together with her if she didn’t see it this way.  

5. Not All Beautiful Girls are Gold Diggers 

There was a time when I believed what most men in the seduction community (and almost all MGTOW’s) believe to be true.

All women are gold diggers!

Why do you think those gold digger pranks on YouTube get so many clicks?

It’s because we want to be right. We want to click on the video, watch it, and say “I knew it”. That’s why they are so popular…and because of the half-naked hired models that play the evil gold diggers.

Anyway, here’s my point:

This belief is as false as the gold digger pranks.

Not all beautiful women are gold diggers. Some of them don’t care about what car you drive. Heck, some women are turned off by men with Gucci shirts because they consider them superficial and stupid for spending so much money for a goddamn logo.

My girlfriend is one of these women.

I once told her that it’s my dream to buy a Ferrari. She just looked at me and said that I can drive alone in that thing.

That’s why I love her.  

6. You Will Mess Up and Survive It  

Do you have to be perfect to enjoy a fulfilling relationship?

Well, you can try. But I already told you that perfection doesn’t exist. She won’t be perfect and you won’t be perfect either. You’ll make mistakes. You say things that your male brain considers logical and she’ll be offended by it.

That happens to everyone.

Here’s what’s important:

Don’t be paranoid. Don’t try to say the right things, hide the wrong topics, and for god’s sake, don’t put on a mask. Sooner or later, you have to take off your mask. It’s better to not wear it in the first place.

But even if you mess up…don’t be afraid to say “sorry”. Sorry seems to be the hardest word, but only the first time.

7. Her Relationships with Her Father is Your Future 

Look carefully.

This is probably the most important lesson I learned from dating women all over the world.

You are her father. Always. There is no exception.

A woman will treat you the same way she treats her father. That’s why it’s so important to choose a girl who has a good relationship with her father.

My girlfriend loves her father and she loves me.

8. Falling in Love with Her is Not the Same as Loving Her

Falling in love is fast, intense, and unpredictable.

Loving a woman is slow, quiet, and time-intensive.

“Time-intensive…that sounds bad.”

To be honest, it doesn’t. Loving someone takes time. Yes, it’s an investment, but it can be an investment with a high return rate.

When I met my girlfriend, I still believed that falling in love is the same as loving someone. God, I was so naïve. I thought that these intense feelings of passion, lust, and happiness are love.

They are not.

Real love is when you come home after a terrible day and she asks you if you need a hug.

9. A Relationship is an Opportunity for Growth 

Will I marry my girlfriend? 

I don’t know. Maybe I’ll get married. Maybe I’ll never get married.

Will I be with her in one, two, or twenty years?

I don’t know. Maybe we’ll grow old together. Maybe I’ll travel the world and seduce women until I’m 50.

Here’s what I believe:

The more you focus on the future of a relationship, the higher the chance that you neglect the present moment. And if you neglect the present moment, the relationship is already doomed to fail. It’s way better to enjoy the moment because you never know if this is the last moment.

All I know is this:

Every relationship is an opportunity for growth.

No matter if you find the perfect woman or if your next relationship will be a complete train wreck. You will grow. Embrace it.

10. A Supportive Girlfriend is Better than Caffeine Pills 

I’m tired.

There are days when I don’t want to work, don’t want to write, and don’t want to worry about the future. Sometimes I want to give up.

That’s when my girlfriend tells me “keep on going! You can do it!”

Sometimes I can do it and sometimes I can’t. But that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that she gives me a kick in the ass and a kiss on my lips (not the other way around).

I need that from time to time. I know you need it too.

11. Being in a Relationship is Not that Boring

I used to look at my parents and think to myself “God, if I ever end up like this I will kill myself”.

My parents are married for a long, long time. They are still happy, but everything is a routine. They visit the same places every year. They go to the same restaurant every week.

Boooring!

Well, it depends. Eating at the same restaurants and traveling to the same places is not that boring when you enjoy these moments with someone you love. It sounds corny and I know that some hardcore pickup artists would slap me for saying this.

But it’s the truth. You’ll see.  

12. You Need Someone Who Believes in You More than You Believe in Yourself

Yes, I doubt myself.

Every time I hit that publish button, I doubt that I’ve written a good article. Doubt is the number one reason why it will probably take another year until I finish my new book (I’ve already written 20.000 words).

I’m so blessed that my girlfriend doesn’t doubt me.

She believes in me, even when I don’t believe in myself. She tells me that I can do it, even if I’m convinced that I can’t. I’m truly thankful for that.

13. Memories are More Beautiful When You Can Share Them 

There are days when I think to myself “what if…”

I used to love being alone. Heck, I couldn’t even sleep next to a woman without yearning for freedom.

Things have changed.

Nowadays, I miss her after two days apart and I miss her even more when I think about what we’ve been through.

14. The Right Girlfriend Can Help You to Get Your Act Together  

I love Dr. Jordan Peterson.

He’s honest, raw, and every time he says “get your act together” I feel like he’s talking to me. I admit it. I’m not good at getting my act together. I prefer freedom and independence over commitment and responsibility.

I don’t know if this will one day be the death sentence for my relationship, or if I’ll allow my girlfriend to turn me into a man who gets his act together. All I know is that she has the potential to help me.

Your future girlfriend might have the same potential.

15. What Would Happen If I Had a Stroke? 

Imagine you wake up in the hospital.

You don’t know what happened, but you can’t move your right arm. Then you try to speak. You mumble, but the words don’t become sentences. You are helpless, hopeless, and you want to cry.

Then you see her. She’s by your side.

Suddenly, you have hope because you know that she will be there for you…but the girl from the bar wouldn’t.