43 Reasons Why Dating a Filipina is an Adventure

“Dating a Filipina…what is it like?”

That’s the same question I asked Joy, a stunningly beautiful girl who I met in the Philippines. It has been a long time since we spent unforgettable days and nights in Cebu City. A lot has happened since then.

She visited Bangkok last week and met me for dinner.

We had a great time. We talked about life, love, and about the weird sexual fetishes of her husband. Oh, and we talked about the Global Seducer Community. She blushed when I told her that she inspired me to write this guide about Filipinas.

Well, what can I say?

She also inspired me to write this article.

Our 30-minute coffee date turned into a three-hour conversation with fun insights, warnings, and some really weird shit about what it’s like to date a Filipina.

I didn’t plan to write this article, but I promised her to share everything with you…

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7 Things to Know about Dating a Filipina Woman (and Her Beliefs)

The ways of the Lord are infinite. The same could be said about the way Filipinas think.

In other words:

There are some things you should know before dating a Filipina. Otherwise you’ll end up in a nuthouse.

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1. She’s a Christian and You Better Go to Church with Her

Filipinas are cute little female versions of the Pope.

They breathe religion and you better respect that.

What did you say? You know some really funny Jesus jokes? Keep your mouth shut. What? You want to watch Life of Brian with her? Not the best idea. Oh, and don’t curse so much. A simple “Jesus fucking Christ” can make her really, really angry.

Did I mention that Sunday is church day?

Hallelujah!

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2. She Doesn’t Care that You Are 20 Years Older

What if you are 40 and you want to date a beautiful 20-year-old Filipina?

No problem. She doesn’t give a damn about your age.

You can be 66 and you’re still in demand. As long as you can get it up (with or without the blue pills) and as long as you can take care of her, she wants you.

Age is just a number, especially when you’re dating a Filipina.

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3. She’s Happy without Any Reason

Honestly, I can’t hear it anymore.

“I feel so depressed/ lonely/ helpless because INSERT FIRST WORLD PROBLEM”

Whenever I talk to one of my female friends in Germany, I get the feeling that the world is a terrible place. They seem to be always miserable. I don’t know how they do that. But it’s a common phenomenon in the West.

Filipinas don’t have that problem.

Some of them live in conditions that would make a Western girl commit suicide, but they are always happy. They love living and you will love them for their attitude.

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4. She Can’t Go to Bed Right after Taking a Bath

Don’t ask me why. This is something that Joy told me and I believe her.

She told me that many Filipinas believe that you should not take a bath and go to bed afterwards because you risk getting insane. When I told her that THIS is insane, she just laughed.

And she said this:

“We don’t even have bathtubs, so nobody really cares.”

That makes sense.

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5. And She Won’t Leave the Table Until You are Finished

But they have tables and some of them have husbands. And the ones who don’t have husbands want one. That’s why this belief scares cute young Pinays to death:

Don’t leave the table until your boyfriend is finished. If you leave before him, he won’t marry you.

Now you know why she keeps on staring at you and your plate until the last rice corn is in your mouth.

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6. She Wants You to Be Happy 24/7

The worst thing for a Filipina is an unhappy boyfriend.

She wants you to be happy and she knows that she has only 24 hours a day to make sure that you are pampered, fed, and satisfied.

I’m serious:

She cares more about you than about herself.

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7. She’s Submissive and Proud of it

What do I mean by submissive?

Well, I don’t mean that she walks around in a schoolgirl uniform whenever you snap your fingers.

You can delete your hate comment before you hit publish.

Dating a Filipina is not about that. What I’m talking about is a healthy submissiveness as the expression of her femininity.

Doesn’t sound that bad, right?

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9 Things to Know about Dating a Filipina Woman (and Her Family)

Ohhh…her family.

Are you sure you want to date a Filipina?

You don’t just date her.

You also date her family and that’s a big huge monstrous family.

She has more relatives than you have pubic hair.

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8. She Respects Her Family more than You Respect Yours

I’m sure you love your mom. I love my mom, but I would never say that I love her more than a Filipina loves her mother.

It’s different.

You and I see our moms as, well, our moms. Filipinas, however, see their mothers as their savior, their Goddesses, and their bosses. The Philippines have a collectivistic culture. Family means the world to them.

Let me give you an example:

I live in Thailand and my mother lives in Germany. We see each other on Skype every two weeks…sometimes every three. For a Filipina mom this would be a death sentence.

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9. She Respects Your Family more than You Respect Yours

Are you worried that your parents won’t like your Filipina girlfriend?

You don’t have to. They will love her.

She believes that her family is your family and that your family is her family. It’s the same freaking family. She’ll treat your mom the same way as she treats her own mother.

Don’t be surprised if your mom gets more demanding after she met your girlfriend.

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10. You Will Meet Her Family, Her Neighbors, Her…

Are you a loner?

Then don’t marry a Filipina because you won’t just meet her mom, her dad and her 300 cousins and uncles. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. You will also meet her neighbors and her friends. And her neighbors and friends have families too.

Good luck remembering 1.459 names.

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11. She Reminds You of the Pasalubong Before Every Trip (and Yours)

Nope, I’m not talking about Pneumonia.

A Pasalubong is a gift that travelers bring back home.

That’s nothing unusual. I do this all the time when I visit my family in Germany. The only difference is that I don’t have more than 300 family members. So don’t be confused if she mentions this word BEFORE your trip.

She knows that you need to bring an extra suitcase for the Pasalubong.

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12. Her Female Family Members Ask You about Your Male Friends

Don’t be afraid if this happens:

These things happen when you’re dating a Filipina. Every girl in the Philippines dreams about dating a Western man…even her 87-year-old grandmother.

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13. Her Family Doesn’t Care that You Don’t Speak Tagalog

No matter if her family speaks Bikol, Cebuano, or Tagalog, her older family members will talk to you. They don’t care that you don’t understand a freaking word. They smile and go blah blah blah.

Just smile back.

You can say “I’m sorry, but I don’t understand”. It won’t work. Believe me, I tried.

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14. She and Her Family Will Feed You Until You Burst

Have you ever been invited to a Filipino dinner?

I have and I rolled out of the house. I couldn’t walk anymore. Heck, I couldn’t even breathe. I felt as if I ate two buffaloes and three pigs…which I probably did.

Warning:

Her family will feed you and unless you scream “STOP”, they will continue, and continue, and continue…

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15. Good Luck Trying to Explain that You Don’t Drink

Her dad wants to drink with you because that’s what men do.

Well, I don’t drink and in case you are like me, you’ll have the pleasure to stare at flabbergasted Filipinos who stare back at you. They’ll think that you’re an alien from planet Pussy.

It doesn’t surprise me that Filipinos are the third heaviest drinkers in the world. Everyone who has ever been invited to a Filipino family dinner knows that they deserve the third spot.

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16. She Will Shit Her Pants When She Meets Your Parents

Okay, I hope that she doesn’t shit her pants. But she will be nervous. Oh, wait. Nervous is the wrong word.

Frightened to death sounds more accurate.

Listen:

In the West it’s no big deal to meet the parents of your boyfriend. She says “hi”, they say “hello”, and that’s it. That’s how it works in the West but that’s not how it works in the Philippines.

For her it’s like meeting Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift on the same day.

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10 Things to Know about Dating a Filipina Woman (and Your First Date)

“I can’t wait to meet you!”

That was the last thing she said when you chatted with her on Filipino Cupid.

She wants to meet you so bad. And you don’t want to mess it up. You are nervous. I understand. But you can believe me when I say that she’s ten times more nervous.

Here’s what you should know about your first date with a Filipina…

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17. Just Because She Can’t Afford it Doesn’t Mean that She’s a Gold Digger

You’re scared. I get it.

You are scared that she’s a gold digger, just like your feminist friends back home told you. “All Filipinas are gold diggers!” You’ve heard it a million times.

But wait:

Just because she can’t afford the chicken steak with mashed potatoes in the restaurant you choose, doesn’t mean that she is a gold digger. Not every Filipina is poor, but most of them don’t earn enough money to afford a fancy meal in a fancy restaurant.

Think about that before you choose the dating venue.

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18. Her Smartphone is a Part of Her Body

She’s already waiting for you in the restaurant. She’s all alone and she looks insecure. Thank God she has her third hand. This gives her peace.

Yes, I’m talking about her smartphone.

Don’t get angry when she pulls it out every five minutes. It’s an addiction. You can help her to fight it but she will always stay a smartphoneholic.

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19. She Speaks Better English than You

Not if you’re from England, Canada, the United States or Australia. Okay, maybe if you’re from Australia (How ya’ goin’?)

But most Filipinas have better English skills than French people, Spanish people, and Germans. Yep, it hurts to admit it, but it’s true. And it’s fascinating that even the poorest people in the Philippines can speak English.

She’ll understand every single word.

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20. She Takes Her Friend or Cousin on the First Date

Don’t be surprised if your first date looks like this:

She doesn’t do it because she hates you. She does it because she’s a bit scared. You are the first foreigner she meets and she has no idea if you are a nice guy or a serial killer. Let her bring her cousin.

Just don’t fall in the “can you pay for her meal as well” trap.

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21. She Eats Things that You Can’t Even Look at

Here are a few delicious disgusting things Filipinas eat:

That’s what dating a Filipina is about. You eat penises, nails, and embryos. But hey, at least the embryo is already cooked.

Are you ready to taste…uhhmm date your future girlfriend?

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22. She Eats Like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Looks like Nicole Scherzinger

I don’t know how this is even possible. All I know is this:

Tiny Filipino women can eat like professional bodybuilders.

I told you about Joy. Whenever we went to a restaurant she ate twice as much as me. I’m 20 centimeters taller and at least 20 kilos heavier than her. I don’t know where she puts it.

Maybe she poops three times a day. That’s the only logical explanation.

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23. Jollibee is the Best Place on Earth for Her

Let’s say you’re dating a girl in Manila and you can think of a place to take her. You think about taking her to…

All these places are famous and quite expensive…and you would be stupid to go there because your first date can be so cheap. No need to take her to a fancy place.

Just take her to Jollibee.

She has been there before (1.421.242 times), she knows what to order, and it’s cheap. Let’s go!

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24. She Sings the Sweetest Songs to You

Here’s what I would do if I were you:

I would pray to God that the Filipina you’re dating can sing.

Oh, and did I mention that all Filipina families have a Karaoke machine at home?

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25. Haggling is Her Second Name

You took her to Jollibee. She ate her burger. You still didn’t mess it up.

Congratulations!

Now you’re walking around Manila while trying to not get hit by all the taxi drivers who think that ramming a foreigner is the best way to get him as a customer. Then you see it. You see the most beautiful bag you’ve ever seen.

You want to buy it.

STOP!

Let her do the talking. She’ll get it for 90% less than you would have to pay.

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26. She Wants to Marry You Right After the First Date

What about the second date?

Well, you could buy a ring, take her to the church, and make her your wife. Of course, your mom will be shocked and your best friend will declare you insane. But your Filipina wife will love you.

Okay, let’s be serious. Don’t do that. That’s way too soon.

Just remember:

For her it’s not too soon. She wants to marry you as fast as possible because she knows that thousands of Filipinas want you too.

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5 Things to Know about Dating a Filipina Woman (and Her Sexuality)

Let’s talk about sex with Filipinas.

Sorry, but I won’t reveal anything about Joy and me. That’s private and I’m sure her Japanese husband wouldn’t be happy to read about it here (God, I hope he doesn’t know).

But I have to talk about sex and the Philippines because there are a few things you must know before you pay for 18 years…

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27. She Dreams about Having Half-White Babies

Please:

I haven’t met a Filipina who would say “no” to a half-white baby. When you have a look at their TV hosts, news reporters, musicians, and actors, you’ll understand why.

Every Filipino celebrity has a Caucasian dad.

She wants a daughter who looks like Vanessa Hudgens and a son who can sing like Bruno Mars. That’s her dream and she does everything to make this dream come true. Everything.

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28. She Is Not on the Pill

Don’t even think about the magic word. She has never taken the pill and unless you buy it for her and tell her exactly how to take it, her dream will come true very, very fast.

Be careful where you shoot your little friends. One shot is enough for a life of trouble and alimony payments.

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29. She Sleeps With You on the First Date

But why do I tell you so much about half-white children and the birth control pill?

Well, because it can get really hot really fast. It’s controversial to say that Filipinas are easy, but the truth is that, well, they want a white boyfriend, white husband, and white children.

Let me say it like this:

Why should she not sleep with you on the first date?

She will probably do it and I hope you are prepared.

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30. She Doesn’t Bring Religion into the Bedroom

“Sebastian, you said that it’s a Catholic country and that the girls don’t know much about sex? Are Filipinas boring in bed?”

She doesn’t know how to not get pregnant but she knows what she has to do to get pregnant.

In other words, Filipinas are Catholic, but they don’t have the infamous Catholic guilt. They enjoy sex. You would be shocked if I told you about all the things Joy wanted to do after church.

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31. Or She is a Virgin and Wants to Wait for Months

What if she doesn’t sleep with you on the first date?

Then she gets naked on the second date and if that doesn’t work she’s either…

Yes, your average Filipina loves sex, but not every girl you meet is average.

Some of them are as Catholic as their mothers want them to be. They protect their virginity as long as you don’t promise to marry them.

Please don’t make any promises you don’t want to keep.

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12 Things to Know about Dating a Filipina Woman (and Your Relationship)

Finally!

It’s time to discover what it’s really like to be in a relationship with a Filipina (HINT: it’s an adventure with tears, Tampo, and red carpets).

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32. She’s Your Girlfriend, Mom, Maid, and Chef in One Person

There’s one thing that you have to know about your Filipina girlfriend:

She has multiple personalities.

No, she is not insane. But she takes care of you like your mom (even better), she cooks like Gordon Ramsay and she cleans your house faster than Marry Poppins.

A relationship with a Filipina in one word: Bliss

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33. She Holds Your Hand (Even if You Go to the Bathroom)

Filipinas are like koalas.

You need private time? Forget about it! You won’t get any private time. She follows you to the mall, to the supermarket, and to the bathroom.

Yes, to the bathroom!

If you tell her that you need a moment for yourself, she thinks that you want to break up with her. She’ll cry. You will apologize and she will jump on your back again.

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34. Putting Herself in Your Shoes Her Biggest Passion

Jordan Peterson would say that Filipinas are high on agreeableness.

She doesn’t just cook for you. She lives for you.

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35. She Doesn’t Understand that You Don’t Want to Have Children

Do you want to break her heart?

Tell her that you don’t want to have children.

She won’t understand it. No chance. It is impossible for a Filipina to understand that some people don’t want to have children. She has five sisters and three brothers. And she wants a half-white child.

She will cry the whole night.

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36. And Suddenly You are a Celebrity

You don’t have to be famous to be famous. You just have to date a Filipina and visit her village.

Yes, the girls in Manila and the beautiful women in Cebu see foreigners every day. The girls in Palayan, El Salvador, Batac and other small towns and villages have never seen a man with white skin and such a long nose.

Enjoy the show!

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37. She Can’t Believe How Filipino People Treat Her

A Filipina who is dating a foreigner gets treated differently. She just has to walk hand in hand with you for two hours and she will be shocked that…

Now that she gets treated like a queen she never wants to go back to being treated like another random girl.

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38. She Doesn’t Expect a Lot

“Filipinas are gold diggers!”

No, most of them are not. They just want a boyfriend who can take care of them. That’s all they want. And taking care of a girl in the Philippines is five times cheaper than taking care of a girl in the USA.

Take her to a cheap restaurant and she will be happy.

Just don’t complain if you take her to a fancy place in Makati and she refuses to pay half of her monthly salary for the fried lobster.

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39. She Cries When You Mention the Word Divorce

This is important:

If you mention the word divorce, she will cry. Even if you just try to explain that a lot of women in the West use a divorce to get half of hubby’s money and hubby’s house. The word divorce triggers deep-rooted fears.

Don’t mention it. Ever.

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40. Her Lips Say More than Her Words

Dating a Filipina is not just about eating embryos. It’s also about reading body language because her lips tell you more than her words.

Again, don’t ask me why. But Pinay women have the incredible talent to express all kinds of emotions with their lips. They even use their lips when they point at things they want have.

Don’t worry. You’ll learn it.

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41. She Controls Your Mind with Tampo

What the hell is Tampo?

Wikipedia calls it “emotionally immature behavior in which a person withdraws his or her affection…”

I call it the ugly reality of dating a Filipina.

Listen:

Filipinas are amazing girlfriends, but if they want something, they use the force of Tampo and as a Western man, you are defenseless. Her cute face, her pout, and her childish behavior will drive you insane.

There’s only one advice I can give you:

Learn to deal with it or die trying.

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42. Mention the Word Angeles and You are in Big Trouble

The word divorce makes her cry. The word Angeles makes her scream.

Tell your Filipina girlfriend that you plan to visit Angeles city and she will be your Filipina ex-girlfriend. Don’t even think about it unless you want to risk losing her.

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43. Her Biggest Dream in Life is to Get Married to You

She doesn’t want you to go to Angeles City and she also doesn’t want to be your ex-girlfriend. Heck, she doesn’t even want to be your girlfriend.

She wants to be your wife.

Her biggest dream in life is to marry you. Her biggest fear is to lose you.

She has this fear since the moment she met you on the largest Filipino online dating site and she struggles with it until the day you propose to her.

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Summed Up Wisdom

Dating a Filipina…what is it really like?

Well, you have to survive hundreds of relatives, deal with Tampo, and eat embryos. But not everything about dating a Filipina is bad. They are amazing girlfriends. Your goals and your happiness are more important than anything else.

Okay, maybe not as important as her family. Speaking of her family…her dad wants to drink with you and her sisters want to date your best friends. And the whole village wants to take pictures of you.

But that’s okay because you love your Filipina girlfriend and your mom loves her more than you. And don’t worry. She’s not Catholic in the bedroom. But she wants you babies. Yes, that’s a warning. Oh, and she wants to marry you.