Are you ready for some life-changing dating tips for introverts?
Great, but before I am going to tell you exactly how you have to organize your dating life when you only leave your house once a year, I have to make a confession…
No, I am not pregnant, I am not gay and I am not a pervert…oh wait I am actually a pervert.
What I have to confess is way more terrible than everything I just said (including the fact that I am a pervert).
I am an introvert!
I am guilty. I love books, I absolutely hate loud clubs and I can’t stand it to be in a conversation with more than three people. Instead of feeling ashamed or hopeless because of my condition, I am actually pretty glad that I am not one of those extroverts who run around like hop balls all day long.
The fact that I am an introvert allows me to spend hours every day writing articles for you. The fact that I am an introvert allowed me to write my first book. Sitting down and writing for a couple of hours is something that I absolutely love and enjoy. For an extrovert that would be the definition of hell.
Besides being able to provide you with a lot of free advice, the fact that I don’t enjoy being surrounded by hordes of people who kill me with their ridiculous small talk helped me to attracted amazing women.
I know that it sound counterintuitive, but I personally regard my introversion as a benefit when it comes to meeting and dating beautiful women. I know so many people who claim that only the extroverts are the ones who get the girls. The guys who say that are usually introverts who use this as an excuse to not take any action.
In the following lines I want to prove this stupid belief wrong and show you how you can use your personality to your advantage. Unfortunately, a lot of introverts cock block themselves by thinking that their personality doesn’t allow them to attract women.
Dating Tips For Introverts: What an Introvert is and What He is Not
Why do some of the more silent and cautious guys think that they can’t get laid?
I personally believe that it has a lot to do with misconceptions about what introversion really is. It is no secret that we live in a society that tends to reward the people who can scream the loudest, while a lot of people who are not particularly extroverted are regarded as weird.
I guarantee you that a musician who screams that he is the king of the world, that his balls are bigger than melons and that he will fuck everyone who comes near him is more successful than an artist who says that he does his best to provide his fans with good music.
We live in a society in which everything must be loud and fast.
While the extroverts enjoy it when they have to network in their company and socialize after work, introverts like me have problems with this way of living.
Being surrounded by people 24/7 is a pretty scary thought for an introvert. When you have the feeling that you don’t fit in, you can easily start to believe that there must be something wrong with you.
You Don’t Hate People (Hopefully)
Just because you are an introvert doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. Even though you might occasionally get asked questions like the following from your extroverted friends:
“Why don’t you want to go to the club with us? Don’t you like hanging out with us?”
“Why do you never socialize? Do you hate people so much?”
I also don’t like clubs and being around hundreds of people, but that doesn’t mean that I hate people…at least not all of them.
I just don’t want so many of them around me.
I really like my best friend when we watch a movie together, but I start to hate him when he screams in my ear like a maniac when we are in a club. Is that really so hard to understand?
Don’t let anyone tell you that you hate people, just because you don’t want the whole world in your living room. Otherwise, you start to believe it, which would be pretty bad for your interactions with women.
You are Not Automatically Shy
“I am so shy, I am so shy….why am I so shy? Wait a minute, I am just an introvert!”
One of the most important dating tips for introverts is that you have to be careful to not confuse shyness with introversion. I know how easy it is to believe that you have an issue with shyness that you have to overcome, when you are just an introvert who simply doesn’t want to do certain things. At the same time I also know that some guys use their introversion as an excuse to not stepping out of their comfort zone. It’s a dangerous territory.
The only thing you can do to find out if you don’t do certain things because of shyness or because of your personality traits, is to be 100% honest with yourself. Whenever you are about to do something you can simply ask yourself if you would also do it if you would have no fear at all.
Let me show you on the basis of an example of my own life what I mean:
When I was a desperate virgin I always told myself that I will never be able to approach women, because of my personality. I talked myself into believing it, until I finally had the balls to ask myself if I would approach a smoking hot girl if I wouldn’t be afraid. The answer was “yes!”
Once I learned how to seduce women I was able to approach every woman, no matter how beautiful she was. Even though I hated clubs, I wasn’t afraid to approach women in this environment. I tried it a few times, but I didn’t enjoy it.
I found out that I had no interest in seducing women in clubs, even though I wasn’t afraid of it.
Always ask yourself if you would do it if you wouldn’t be afraid and don’t use your personality trait as an excuse.
You Recharge Your Batteries Different
You don’t hate people and you are probably not even shy. The only thing that distinguishes you from loud and social extroverts is that you use a different strategy to recharge your batteries.
Whereas an extrovert gets energy from social interactions and a huge amount of people around him, you get energy from silence, from being alone and from reading a book instead of socializing for hours.
And do you know what?
That’s absolutely okay.
Let the extroverts impress groups of women in clubs with their dance moves. That’s their thing and that’s what they are good at.
You have other qualities and before we have a look at all of them, you should think about where you can be a lot more successful than your extroverted competitors.
The Best and Worst Places to Meet Women When You are an Introvert
Besides giving you helpful dating tips for introverts, I also want to provide you with the best places to meet women. I already gave you a little hint. One of the best places to meet women when you are an extroverted dancing machine is a club. There are people everywhere, girls want to be entertained, it is loud and you can invest all your time in stupid gibberish and senseless small talk. It’s an extrovert’s heaven…
…and my personal hell.
As an introvert who only enjoys conversations when they are deep and meaningful and who gets goose bumps whenever he hears the word “socializing”, a club might not be the best venue for you to pick up girls.
As an introvert you feel a lot more comfortable talking to one woman on the street while nobody interrupts your conversation, instead of entertaining four girls in a club, before their friends pull them away.
Even though approaching a single woman on the street is perfect for an introverted guy, there is another way of meeting women that doesn’t even require you to leave the house.
Party or Online Dating?
It’s okay to admit that you feel weird whenever you are at a party and you talk to a group of people, while you think of being on a lonely island with the beautiful blond who is currently surrounded by four of her friends.
I would encourage you to go out and to enjoy the time with your friends, but if you absolutely hate going to parties, you should maybe think about what you can do with your time, when you don’t go to the next party you are invited.
How about online dating?
One of the best dating tips for introverts is to create a profile on one of many online dating sites.
You don’t have to socialize and you don’t have to waste your time with small talk.
You can simply look for a girl you like, write her and chat with her without any external interruption, before you decide to meet her for a coffee.
Even though online dating should only be one part of your game, it is definitely better to have a great conversation with a girl online, than to waste your energy on small talk that you neither want nor need.
Concert or Bookstore?
Besides the online world there is a real world out there with real women who want to have real sex with you. Don’t ignore them for a couple of pictures that you will maybe meet in person one day.
As an introvert you naturally feel comfortable in quiet surroundings without too many people. It is never wrong to work on your weaknesses, but it is even better to work on your strengths, especially when your strengths get you laid.
Your dating life doesn’t have to be hard unless you make it hard.
Why do you have to make your dating life so damn hard by trying to pick up girls at concerts, in crowded bars and at big events? Go there to step out of your comfort zone and to overcome your fears, but don’t go there a second time if you still hate it once you have overcome your fears.
If you are an introvert like me, you are way deadlier in quiet, relaxed and laid-back environments, such as bookstores, libraries and parks. Those are the places where it will be easy for you to slay your prey, especially after you have internalized the following dating tips for introverts…
…or you simply take a book to a party and enjoy yourself without giving a fuck what the other people think of you:
Essential Dating Tips for Introverts
Let’s cut to the chase. You are a guy who prefers deep conversations with one girl instead of entertaining groups of girls while you can’t even understand a word they scream in your ear. You have pretended long enough to be someone you are not and you are finally ready to take off your extroverted mask.
The following dating tips for introverts will help you to reveal your true self to women and to seduce them while being the proud introvert who you truly are.
1. Don’t Try to Entertain Whole Groups
There are guys who absolutely love to entertain groups of people. There are guys for whom it is fun to approach a group of five women, to connect with all of them and to take one of them home after they talked to her friends for hours.
You are not one of those guys. In case I am wrong and you are one of those guys you don’t need to read an article about dating tips for introverts. During my bootcamp with Sasha Daygame and also in the weeks after it, I approached countless of groups.
However, I didn’t do it because I enjoyed it. I did it because I wanted to overcome my fears and limitations.
Do it for this purpose but don’t force yourself to entertain groups till the end of your life, just because some pick up artist told you that you have to do it. When I approach groups I go the path of the introvert.
I pick out the girl who I want to talk to, I ask her friends if they would mind if I would talk to her for a minute and then I lead the chosen one a few meters away from the group to talk with her in private. That’s how I enjoy it and that’s probably also how you enjoy it.
2. Stay Away From Party Girls
I have dated a few party girls in my life and somehow I regret every second I wasted with them. I only seduced them because I believed that I could only call myself a seducer when I had at least one of those hot and crazy girls in my bed.
In retrospect, I can only say that I am lucky as hell that none of those women got pregnant.
There is a reason why women get drunk every weekend while they desperately try to get the attention from hordes of guys. It has nothing to do with a healthy self-esteem and a perfectly fine emotional state. In addition to that, the hot party girl is not that hot anymore once she took off her push up bra and her make up.
Of course I can only speak from my own experience, but for an introverted guy party girls are anything but the perfect companion. They are loud, they are constantly craving for attention and if they haven’t hugged everyone in the room within two minutes they feel worthless and unloved.
For a relationship they are the worst partners you can think of, but even for one night the stress and the way you have to play-act is not worth it.
3. Don’t Pretend to Be an Extrovert
Speaking of play-act…
One thing that I did back in the days when I thought that extraversion is the only path towards pussy, was that I pretended to be an extrovert. I even convinced myself that I was an extrovert by purposefully manipulating personality tests at university, so that I would be classified as an extrovert.
Pretty sick, huh?
Somehow I was even successful with this strategy and I met girls who were into me. I think I don’t have to tell you that those relationships only lasted a couple of days, because I either got sick of pretending to be someone I am not, or because she saw right through me.
One of the best dating tips for introverts is that you should embrace your personality.
Just make sure that you don’t make the following mistake that I made.
4. Introversion is No Need For Self-Hate
At some point I actually started to hate myself, because of my personality. I constantly asked myself why I couldn’t be one of the guys who enjoyed hanging out in clubs all day while entertaining groups of girls. I wanted to have this ability so bad, that I started to hate myself for preferring writing and books over parties and clubs.
At some point I thought about why everyone talks about picking up girls in clubs and at parties, but nobody talks about picking them up by joining a book club or by flirting with them in a library. Don’t get me wrong. If you want you can pick up girls in clubs.
I’ve also done that, but I had a lot more fun and success once I traded the dance floor for the bookstore.
There is absolutely no reason why you should hate yourself, just because you are a bit different.
The next time you are in a club you should spend your time looking in the faces of other guys. You will see that there are a lot of fellow sufferers who don’t really want to be there.
5. Practice Conversation Skills
I hate to say it but even if you let other guys entertain the groups of drunk party girls, you need to know how to talk to girls if you want to become a successful seducer. Being an introvert is totally fine, but if you never leave your apartment and if you never talk to any girls, you will stay alone for the rest of your life.
Practicing your conversation skills is absolutely essential, especially because your extroverted competitors will most likely practice those skills a lot.
However, just because someone is good at talking, entertaining and being loud, doesn’t mean that he is also good at connecting and flirting.
Practicing the right conversation skills for the right situations can transform you into a more effective seduction machine than any extrovert could ever be. Practice how to communicate with women by using your sister or one of your female friends as human guinea pigs and listen to their advice.
6. Develop Your Unique Seduction Style
The ability to communicate with women and to connect with them on an emotional and on a sexual level through the right words allows you to develop your unique seduction style. I remember that I always wanted to be the hilarious, fun and crazy seducer. I believed that this was the key to success, especially because I was coached by one of the funniest and craziest guys in the seduction industry.
However, it was Sasha who told me right from the beginning that I have to find my own style and that I shouldn’t become one of his clones.
This is one of the most important dating tips for introverts and for all the other guys who struggle with unsuccessfully imitating other dating coaches.
Don’t try to be a crazy pick up artist when you are more of a mysterious seducer.
Develop your own seduction style that fits to your personality.
You are unique and as the unique human being you are you have unique characteristics and talents. Use your uniqueness and develop your own seduction style.
When I seduce women it looks like the most boring conversation on this planet. I don’t spin girls around, I don’t crack jokes all the time, BUT I connect with them within minutes. I am quiet but effective.
7. Concentrate on Introverted Girls (Especially for a Relationship)
One of the most important dating tips for introverts, especially when you want a relationship, is to focus on women who are also introverted. To a certain extent it is true that opposite attracts, but in a relationship it is important that you and your girlfriend are on the same level.
In certain things my girlfriend is different than me and I highly appreciate that. But when it comes to our preferences, we are pretty much in alignment. We both don’t like clubs, we both don’t drink and we both prefer a book over a techno concert.
Do you think I would be together with her if she would like to drink, to party and if she would need attention 24/7?
If you want to have a girlfriend who you don’t want to kill after being together with her for two weeks, you should get an introverted girl. I guarantee you that you will enjoy your movie nights a lot more without a girl next to you who constantly asks you when you finally go out.
8. Listen, Think, Respond
What are some other dating tips for introverts that aim at your strengths?
Well, there are basically three tips that I would give you:
Whereas extroverted guys are great at bombarding women with words and telling them their whole life story, you are probably very uncomfortable when you have to talk all day. The good news is that you don’t have to talk a lot to seduce women. Use your speechlessness as your strength.
Women absolutely love to talk about themselves and one of the things that most girls hate on first dates is when the guy who sits next to them doesn’t listen. Be the guy she craves for and listen to what she says.
Whereas most extroverted guys would immediately continue to talk like a waterfall, you can use your calm attitude to think about what you say and to respond in a considered way. Introverts are good listeners and good listeners have it easy to get laid, when they make use of the things they listen to.
Listen, think, respond, and rise like a Phoenix from the ashes.
Summed Up Wisdom
Before you change your whole dating life by internalizing the most important dating tips for introverts, you should think about what being an introvert means and what it means not. Just because you don’ want to be surrounded by people all the time doesn’t mean that you hate them or that you are a shy person. You simply recharge your batteries by being for yourself.
Maybe places like clubs, concerts and parties are not the ideal environments for you to meet amazing women. Of course you should try to pick up girls at those places to overcome your fears and to see what it’s like. However, if you still don’t enjoy being at those places after you overcame your fears, you should focus on online dating, parks and bookstores.
Some of the dating tips for introverts that helped me to become successful with women were to stop pretending to be an extrovert, to let other guys entertain groups of people and to stop chasing party girls. Don’t make the mistake and start to hate yourself for your personality. Work on your communication skills instead and develop your unique seduction style. Once you found your perfect introverted girl, you can make her your girlfriend by listening to her and by responding in a way that makes her fall for you.
Sebastian Harris says
I’m also an introvert and so are many other guys who struggle with women.
i’m very much an introvert. i don’t like clubs, but i go every now and then in hopes of meeting a woman. i realize there are other places to meet women, but a club is one of the first places that comes to mind and its easily accessible.
i don’t approach women nearly as often as i should. in other words, i DON’T EVEN TRY to pick up women as frequently as i should. that’s my own fault. here’s the thing: if i work or have a class with a girl i’m attracted to, i’m WAY more relaxed around her. i’m able to interact with her without being a nervous wreck. however, a “cold approach” is very difficult for me. by cold approach, i mean when you walk up to a random girl that you see in a gym, grocery store, or coffee shop. its very hard for me to approach women in that way, but i have to get over it if i ever expect to get better at this.
for example, in the gym today, i saw a very cute hispanic girl (they’re my favorite) who was running on a treadmill very close to the treadmill i was on. and i REALLY wanted to talk to her. but she had her headphones in and it didn’t really look like she wanted to be bothered. and because i go to the gym so often (5 to 6 times a week) i’ve seen this girl before.