Imagine you met this girl.
She is beautiful, she smiled as soon as you looked her in the eyes for the first time and she even pretended to laugh while you made a really sexist joke.
She is perfect.
Her smile, the shape of her body, her sensual voice and the way it felt to hug her for the first time. You just know that she is the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with, or at least the time until she is over 30 and begins to age rapidly.
You are so smitten by this beautiful woman that you forget how to get a girls number without stuttering and mumbling. Even though you are more nervous than a virgin in a girl’s locker room, you manage to ask her for her phone number without getting a heart attack.
She smiles at you while she types her number into your phone and she continues to smile while she is on a date with you. The date is awesome, she agrees to go back to your place and you have the most amazing sex you ever had.
Your dream comes true. She becomes your girlfriend.
What you don’t know is that your dream will soon turn into your worst nightmare.
32 Signs She Is Girlfriend Material
Yes, she was beautiful and she nearly cried when you told her that you want to be her boyfriend. The only problem is that you focused all your energy on making her your girlfriend, without even thinking about whether or not she is girlfriend material.
A beautiful face and a nice smile is great, but it doesn’t mask psychological disorders, unresolved daddy issues and a self-esteem that is so low that a broken nail becomes a legit reason to jump off a bridge.
The desire to get a girlfriend is a noble goal, but you will only be proud of your accomplishment when you are together with a woman who is actually an amazing girlfriend.
1. She Loves Herself
A girl who loves herself is worth more than gold. Unfortunately a lot of people, both men and women have severe problems to accept who they are, to improve themselves to who they want to be and to love themselves during the process.
No, I am not talking about arrogance that is based on the assumption that one person is better than another. Let’s face it; women who think that they are better than the rest of the world because they are particularly beautiful do exist. However, these are not the girls you want to date.
The girls you want to date are the ones who know that they are valuable human beings. They love themselves for who they are, without downgrading other people. A girl who I would describe as girlfriend material is a girl who walks with her head held high without sticking her nose up in the air.
2. She Smiles 80% of the Time
I am a very positive person. The only reason why I could possibly be in a bad mood is when I have a car accident or when I am awake all night waiting for a girl who will never come. I can confidently say that I am a happy person – at least 80% of the time.
You are probably sick and tired of all those made-up 80/20 rules, so it is a real pleasure for me to torture you with another far-fetched 80/20 rule.
The girl you are dating should be happy 80% of the time and if she isn’t, you should think twice before you call her your girlfriend.
You have to allow her those 20%, but not one percentage point more!
As the positive person you hopefully are, you shouldn’t waste your time with people who spend the majority of their life being miserable.
Let the other guys date crazy chicks who constantly complain about all their first world problems that nobody really cares about.
Surround yourself with positive people and make sure that the one person who lays next and on top of you belongs to this group of people.
3. She Has a Good Relationship With Her Father
Who wants a girl with some fun daddy issues?
I don’t and if you love yourself and your sanity you shouldn’t want that either.
Girls with daddy issues might be easy to bang (mean but true), but they are definitely not what you want to find when you are looking for girlfriend material. Undressing them is fun, but ending up in a relationship with them can be hell on earth.
No matter if a girl hates her father because he was never there for her, or because he was always there for her when it was time to beat the crap out of her with his black leather belt, she’ll always project the memories of her dad onto the men she is dating.
A woman who had a hard time with her father will eventually give you a hard time.
You can be the most respectful and polite guy, at some point you will remind her of her daddy and this will be the point when she blocks you.
This will be the moment when she doesn’t allow you to get in her body and in her heart. This will be the moment when you wish that you would have listened to my words, while you imagine the beautiful time you could have with a girl who has a good relationship with her father and therefore a good attitude towards men.
4. She Loves Children
One of my most loyal readers recently asked me if I want children. To be honest, I can’t imagine being a daddy and I definitely don’t want to have children at the moment. However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t want a woman in my life who loves children.
Despite the widespread belief of hardcore feminists that women have the “killer instinct” to succeed in the professional world, they actually have (or should have) a mother instinct, which is quite the opposite.
Call me old-fashioned but I believe that a strong mother instinct is a sign of femininity.
A woman who smiles when she sees children communicates that she is in alignment with her female biological programming. A woman who cringes whenever she sees a child communicates that she has lost the connection to her feminine side.
I was together with a girl who smiled whenever she saw a high grade in college and who got upset whenever a child crossed her way. I pray to the gods that I don’t believe in that you never end up in a relationship with a woman who has forgotten how it feels to be a woman.
5. She Supports You in Everything You Do
Just because your girlfriend supports you when you go to college, get a safe job, qualify for the highest mortgage and build a house in the suburbs doesn’t mean that she is a great girlfriend. Every woman can (pretend) to support you when you play it safe.
The truly amazing girlfriends are the ones who support you in everything you do, even when it means that you skip college, run away from every safe and secure job that your parents beg you to accept and start your own business without ever knowing if you will become successful.
A woman who is there for you when everyone around you thinks that you are absolutely insane is a woman you should keep in your life.
6. She is Able to Love and to Receive Love
Having a girlfriend who loves you is an amazing feeling and having feelings for another human being that are so strong that it is impossible to logically explain them can be the most beautiful thing on earth. I am extremely thankful that I experience this cocktail of positive emotions with my girlfriend, but I am also realistic enough to know that this is not possible with every girl.
As sad as it sounds, but there are many women who are neither able to love, nor are they able to receive love.
Some women have such deep-rooted emotional issues that they will never allow themselves to fall in love with a man and if they do it anyway, they will do anything to sabotage their relationship.
This doesn’t even have to be a conscious decision. A woman, who is unable to love and to receive love, will do everything to hide this inability. The fastest way to do this is by pushing every potential lover out of her life.
If you are unlucky enough to fall in love with such a girl the misery is preprogrammed. She won’t allow you to love her the way you want and she won’t allow her to fall for you, even if her heart tells her to do so.
7. She Forgives You When You Mess Things Up
Nobody is perfect.
Sometimes you do stuff that makes your girlfriend think that you are the most wonderful person on earth and sometimes you do things that make her wonder whether or not you are mentally retarded.
No matter what you do, sooner or later she will have a reason to be mad at you.
Maybe you stared at her best friend like a hungry wolf. Maybe you forgot her birthday twice in a row. Maybe you gave her hamster too much laxative and that poor thing exploded.
Whatever you do, an amazing girlfriend who loves you for the imperfect human being that you are will forgive you. A girl who is resentful and not able to forgive your mistakes is definitely not girlfriend material.
Unless you want to be in a relationship with a constantly pissed girlfriend who still blames you for things that you did five years ago (those things will add up), you should look out for a girl who is able to forgive.
Just don’t bang her mother. I have never met a girl who would forgive that 😉
8. She Doesn’t Need Antidepressants
In case you have read more than one article on my site you already know that I have this one friend that I love to mention whenever I want to prevent you from dating girls who are psychologically damaged.
He is a great guy and he’ll probably kick me in the balls when he finds out that I use his relationship as a cautionary tale, but that doesn’t change anything about the fact that he messed up his life by marrying a girl who is on antidepressants. Seriously, you don’t want to be in the same room with her when she has one of her infamous freak-outs.
He is the perfect example of why you should check a girl’s medicine cabinet before you put a ring on her finger.
Yes, you might lover her and I am pretty sure that you are very good at talking yourself into believing that everything will be fine while she is crying in the bathroom. However, deep down you know that the day where everything is fine will never come.
In case you meet a girl who takes antidepressants for years and not because of a temporary stroke of fate, there is only one thing you should do:
Run as fast as you can and look out for a woman who is not psychologically damaged. Yes, those girls still exist.
9. Books are More Important to her than Clubs
Do you want to be together with a party girl?
In case you are pretty new to the seduction scene, I am pretty sure that you fantasize about dating some sexy party girl who jumps on you in the bathroom toilet of some shady club. I had this fantasy when I started to approach women and as soon as I had such a girl in my life, this fantasy turned into a nightmare.
It is no secret that I am not a big fan of clubs and music that is so loud that your ears get irreparably damaged, but even if you love clubbing, you should think twice before you end up in a relationship with a party girl.
I can’t deny the fact that having a sexual encounter with this type of women can be extremely arousing and passionate, but those girls are not made for a long-term relationship.
There is a reason why they drink and party all night and it has nothing to do with the popular excuse that they “love to dance”.
Their low self-esteem needs the attention, the spotlight, the guys who stare at them and the drinks to get loose. In case you ignore my advice I wish you a good time fulfilling her desire for attention that simply can’t be fulfilled by one single guy.
Instead of wasting your time with girls who are married to alcohol and house music, you should look out for girls who know that a book is not the name of a new cocktail.
10. She Loves You When You are at Your Lowest
Everybody has a bad day and sometimes you even have a bad month. The only way to avoid the ups and downs in your life is by hiding in your apartment without ever living. A woman who is girlfriend material knows that and will love you when you are at your lowest.
Now that I mention this point I think back to the relationship I had with my ex-girlfriend. There was a time in my life when my studies stressed me out so much that I got sick for a few weeks. I remember one phone call where my girlfriend called me a wreck.
This was a red warning sign that I ignored. Today I want to motivate you to look out for signs like that and to not make the same mistake as I did by ignoring them.
This ignorance can cost you many years of your life that you don’t get back.
An amazing girlfriend will love you when you are at your lowest and she will take care of you in a way that allows you to climb back to the top.
11. Silence is Not Awkward
Do you know those moments of silence that everybody is afraid of? Have you ever experienced those awkward five seconds in which you just stare at the ceiling without knowing what to say?
I am pretty sure you had those moments and you might even be scared that you can’t avoid them on your next date. Let me reassure you that you don’t have to be afraid of them, because they won’t matter once you have found the right girl.
When I think back to the first date with my girlfriend, I remember how we looked at each other for seconds without speaking a word. I was too fascinated by her beauty and she was too nervous to speak.
The crazy thing was that it didn’t feel awkward at all.
The silence felt completely natural and simply looking at her without exchanging words was enjoyable enough. Once you have found a girl with whom you enjoy every second of silence without feeling the need to entertain her or the fear that she wants to be entertained, you have to keep her.
12. She Defends You in Public
I am pretty sure that making fun of boyfriends will soon become an Olympic discipline and there is no doubt that the Western countries will win this discipline. I get goosebumps all over my body whenever I witness how some aggressive girl bashes her weak boyfriend in public.
Of course those women wouldn’t behave this way with a guy they respect and admire, but there are actually a lot of women who would never even think about making fun of their partner in public. You usually find them in countries like Poland, Russia and Thailand, but I have heard from hidden sources that there are still some women in the West who know that respect and bashing someone in public are not the same thing.
My girlfriend would NEVER make fun of me in public and when I told her that a lot of girls in the West have a good time doing this, especially because a man can’t defend himself without being seen as the aggressor, she just shook her head and gave me a kiss.
13. You Have the Same Humor
I know I have already mentioned my ex-girlfriend, but now that we are talking about humor I just have to mention her again. One obvious sign that we weren’t made for each other was that she told me more than once that I am not funny and that my humor is very offensive.
Well, my humor can be offensive and I absolutely love dark humor, jokes that are a bit sexist and stereotypical (especially about German stereotypes) and I also enjoy some really good jokes that could be labeled as morally wrong.
On the other hand I laugh whenever I see Minions. I guess that’s the proof that I am not a bad person…or that I am a childish retard.
Anyways, if your girlfriend doesn’t have the same or at least a similar humor as you, you won’t have a fun time with her.
I can tell you from my own experience how annoying it can be to get a melodramatic speech whenever you make a joke that basically offends every majority and minority on this goddamn planet.
Make sure that you only end up in a relationship with a girl who laughs about the same things as you. This makes every movie, evening with your friends and every single conversation much more enjoyable.
14. She is Too Intelligent for Gossiping
Even though my weird humor says yes to girls who make fun of totally ridiculous people, such as the Kardashians, I can’t stand girls who actually give a about those people. I once listened to an inspiring speech of Orlando Owen, one of the best manliness coaches out there, who said that you have a serious problem, if you know the names of the Kardashian girls.
This is true and if a girl really cares about how much junk in the trunk Kim has or when Kanye is finally impregnating her for the fifth time, you can assume that she is not the most intellectually sophisticated human being on earth.
I don’t want to be mean but girls who love gossiping have…
A: No interesting life. Otherwise they wouldn’t talk about others all the time.
B: No self-esteem. Otherwise they wouldn’t feel the need to get the attention of their friends by sharing the latest news.
C: No high intelligence. Otherwise they would spend their time reading books instead of Hollywood gossip that nobody (should) care about.
A good sign to run is when a girl tells you on the first date that she absolutely loves reality TV shows with over-the-hill celebrities and a good reason to put a ring on her finger is when she doesn’t know if Kim Kardashian is the blond chick from Game of Thrones or the girl with the fat booty.
15. You Don’t Fight…Ever
I have a lot of friends who are in relationships that they would describe as happy and fulfilling. Well, they have never dated any girl outside of the German border and don’t know it any better. Of course they don’t believe me when I say that they should trade their dragon for a real woman, but it’s always a pleasure to listen to their whining.
Let’s go back to the crazy girlfriend of my friend. She screams at him, she pushes him against the wall, she is offended and behaves like a little child and what’s even worse…
…she shares every bad mood she has on Facebook.
A girl who deserves the label girlfriend material doesn’t share it on Facebook, whenever she has a fight with her boyfriend. On the one hand, her IQ is high enough to not molest the whole world with her non-existent problems and on the other hand, she has no reason to share anything.
Finding a girlfriend is relatively easy, but finding a girlfriend who doesn’t moan, nag, complain and fight with you is a lot harder. I am together with my girlfriend for a year now and I can’t remember one fight.
Don’t settle before you have found a girl who wants to make love, not war.
16. She Lets You Meet Other Women
A truly amazing girl lets you meet other women.
I don’t particularly mean that she allows you to sleep with other women. This is another topic that would exceed the scope of this article.
What I mean with “meeting other women” is that she allows you to meet your female friends.
The funny and somehow sad thing is that one of my best female friends has the problem that her boyfriend doesn’t allow her to meet me, because he is scared that I would bang her. We haven’t seen each other in months and our friendship suffers from her stupidity to stay with this jealous freak.
Think twice before you make the same mistake as her. If you have a female friend in your life that is important to you, no woman on this earth has the right to stop you from seeing her. If your girlfriend is jealous and doesn’t want you to meet your friend it’s her problem and not yours.
A good relationship is based on trust and if she doesn’t trust you when you spend your time with a woman you have never slept with and will never sleep with, the hassle is not worth it.
17. You Have the Same Values
Being together with a girl who has a completely different value system is a pain.
In case one of your values is to be punctual and she always shows up 30 minutes late, you get pissed. If one of your values is honesty and she lies in your face, you get pissed. If one of your values is respect and she treats you and other people with disrespect, you get pissed.
At some point you will be so fed up with her that “being pissed” transforms into being so angry that you want to throw her out of the window. Before you do something utterly stupid, you should find a girl who shares the same values as you.
18. She Loves the Fact That She is a Woman
There is a disease in the Western world. It’s not even a disease anymore, it’s an epidemic.
More and more women stop behaving and looking like women. It seems as if a lot of women in the Western world stopped identifying as women, while they compulsively try to be the better man. They dress like men, they walk like men, they behave like men and they (think that they) lead like men.
I am not against equality for women, but I am against sameness. Whenever you meet a woman who wants to be exactly like a man, you should ask yourself if you really want to spend your days and nights with a man who happens to have a great body.
I don’t know about you but I prefer women with beautiful smiles and colorful dresses over “women” who walk around in suits and who look like a Doberman right before the attack.
19. She is Not Possessive
A girl who is girlfriend material knows that you are together with her because you love her and not because she acquired you with a nasty contract that you can’t escape from. A truly amazing woman understands and respects that you are a man who needs his freedom and that she is your harbor you always sail back to.
Unfortunately, not all women respect a man’s freedom.
There are girls who are overly attached, jealous like hell and who really mean that just because you are in a relationship means that she owns you.
I don’t want to ruin the incredibly romantic image you have about marriage, but girls who push you to put a ring on their finger often fall in the category of possessive women. Obviously a ring as a symbol of eternal belonging…I mean eternal love. A contract that you should not break is exactly what a possessive girl wants.
Instead of becoming a possession under the cloak of love you should rather find a girl who loves you without being possessive.
20. BJs are on the Menu
The only thing that a girl who deserves to be labeled as girlfriend material should be possessive about is your dick. I totally understand if you want to have a good girl, but when you are really honest you want a girl who is good in public and naughty when you are at home.
I don’t say that the only way for a woman to be an amazing girlfriend is to behave. However, the woman you end up in a relationship with should be able and willing to satisfy your sexual needs.
In the same way as I wouldn’t give a woman who loves to get licked the advice to date a guy who is afraid of pussy juice, I wouldn’t give a man who absolutely loves getting blowjobs the advice to end up in a relationship with a girl who hates the taste of sperm.
I have done this mistake and I honestly have to say that it is self-torture.
Find a girl you are sexually compatible with and you won’t have to fantasize about all the other girls who would be happy to do the things that your girlfriend doesn’t want to do.
21. She is Not Afraid of Commitment
In the same way as we men have been conditioned to be nice guys who give women chocolate boxes, women have been conditioned to believe in The Sex and the City Myth.
Women have been conditioned to believe that they can drink and party throughout their twenties and thirties without thinking about having a committed relationship and then find the rich man of their dreams when they are forty.
In case you are a girl and you are reading this I hope that you wake up from this dream.
Women age faster than men and the party lifestyle only makes it worse. The harsh truth is that none of the rich and successful men they dream about will marry a 40 year old girl with an alcohol addiction if he can start a family with a 20 year old college girl.
Unfortunately, a lot of girls still believe in this myth, which led to a whole generation of young women who get a panic attack as soon as they hear the word “commitment”.
Don’t settle for a girl who is not ready to settle.
Look for a girl who knows that a happy relationship is more important than expensive champagne.
22. She Respects You for Being Different
Sometimes I would love to be completely average. I would get a job, work till I am 65, retire and don’t leave my comfort zone once. This would make my life a lot easier…and a lot more boring.
Fortunately, I am not average. I dream of becoming a professional writer, to inspire millions of men, to travel the world, to have unforgettable sexual experiences and to expand my comfort zone with every step I take.
I am different and the girl I am with should not only accept, but love that I am the way I am.
Are you different than the average Joe? Do you want more out of life than a job you hate, a wife you don’t love and the average three to five hours of television each day?
Then find a girl who loves you for being different.
There are plenty of them.
23. You Share the Same Image of the Future
What if you want to start a family, live in a house in the suburbs and dedicate your life to your children?
First of all, you have my full respect if that’s what you truly want. However, you have a big problem if the girl you are together with imagines her future as a never-ending party while she lives in an expensive loft in the center of New York.
Enjoying your time with a girl who wants something else out of life than you is not a mistake, but at some point you might want to make serious plans for the future. It will be impossible for you to maintain your relationship, when she doesn’t want to be part of your plans.
Make sure that you find a girl who has the exact same plan of how you will live together when you are both 60. This makes planning for the future a lot easier.
24. She Dresses Up For You
It’s absolutely okay when couples don’t walk around in suits and dresses all day to impress each other. However, it’s not okay if couples are married to their sweatpants, because they don’t give a shit about how they look for each other.
In case you are dating a girl who loves to walk around naked all day long you found a winner, but if you are dating a girl who walks around in saggy sweatpants and dirty shirts all day long, she obviously doesn’t see the need to dress up for you.
You can call me a weirdo if you want, but in my opinion it is a sign of respect and appreciation to dress up for your partner.
This is true for men and women.
If your girlfriend is important enough to you to not walk around in sweatpants all day, you should expect the same appreciation from her.
25. She Treats Other People With Respect
I believe that you should treat other people with the same respect you want to be treated with. If you love and respect yourself you will automatically treat other people with the respect they deserve.
If a woman doesn’t respect other people, she doesn’t respect herself.
Believe me when I say that you don’t want to date a girl who has no respect for herself.
A girl who treats her parents, her friends, your friends and especially you in a disrespectful way, is not a woman who deserves to be called girlfriend material. You deserve a woman who respects herself, you and your relationship.
26. You Miss Her as Soon as She Steps Out of the Door
Being overly attached and crying the whole night when the girl of your dreams doesn’t text back is a bad sign. Missing the girl you are with as soon as she steps out of the door and looking forward to embrace her when she comes back is a good sign.
Missing a woman is not a sign of weakness.
It’s a sign that you have feelings for this person and that she is an important part of your life. In case you are together with a girl and you couldn’t care less if she goes on vacation for two days or two months, you might want to rethink the brilliant idea of calling her your girlfriend.
27. Your Love is Unconditional instead of Demanding
I have already written more than 5.300 words, but now that we come to the end of this article it’s time to get a bit philosophical.
Do you know the difference between unconditional and demanding love and do you have any idea why this small but mighty difference matters?
Most couples will never admit it but the majority of relationships are based on the concept of demanding love. A girl who loves you in this way says/pretends that she loves you, while she doesn’t hide the fact that she “loves” you even more when you do certain things for her.
No matter if she demands attention, gifts or any other favor, her love is demanding.
A girl who loves you in an unconditional way loves you for who you are and not for what you do for her. The only gift my girlfriend ever got from me was a self-cooked original German dish that made her puke all night. She still loves me.
Find a girl who loves you for who you are and who doesn’t need a material reward for it.
28. She has Traditional Family Values
No matter if you want to have children or if raising a dog would already overwhelm you, get yourself a girlfriend who has some good old traditional family values. I already told you that you should be careful to not end up dating a man with a woman. Well, looking for a girl with family values makes it impossible to end up in this miserable situation.
Girls who have been raised in a way that taught them, that family is the most important aspect of life will care for you, support you and love you in an unconditional way.
You are part of her family and as a family member you get her full attention, whereas a girl who is convinced that a management position is far more important than you will never take care of you in the same way.
29. She Accepts Your Past
When I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time I was shocked at how inexperienced she was, while she was shocked at how experienced I was. She asked me how many sexual partners I had and when I told her the honest number, she looked at me like this:
If she would have made a scene I would have known that I should better not end up in a relationship with her.
If a girl blames you for your past, she has a screw loose.
All that this behavior shows is that she is so insecure that she has to be angry and jealous at girls who she…
A: Doesn’t know.
B: Have been in your life before you got to know her.
A woman who falls in the category girlfriend material knows that your past is the past and that the here and now is the only thing that matters.
30. She is Submissive to You
I know that some women who are going to read this will hate me for what I say now, even though they know that I am right. In today’s day and age it is more socially acceptable to say that a woman is a dominant leader than to speak the truth, but I say it anyway:
A woman who is at peace with her feminine side has the desire to be submissive to the man she is with.
No, I am not talking about a form of submission that is based on fear. I am talking about submission that is based on respect, admiration and the inherent desire to follow a strong leader.
It is no coincidence that women are attracted to dominant leaders and turned off by submissive men who don’t even have the balls to represent their opinion. Some hardcore feminists might call those girls misguided victims. I call them WOMEN who are happy to be WOMEN.
A girl who says “I love when you take over control” is girlfriend material. A girl who says “I am the one who leads” is not.
31. She is not Materialistic
Do you want to date a gold digger who loves your money but not you? Do you want to date a girl who spends all your hard-earned money on shoes, designer handbags and some other material bullshit that only shows that she doesn’t feel valuable without this stuff?
Then stay away from materialistic women!
I am a minimalist and when I tested my girlfriend by telling her that it is my dream to own a Ferrari one day, she just looked at me with a disgusted facial expression and listed all the good things I could do with the money I would spend on that prosthesis on four wheels.
Look for girls who don’t care if you take a bus or if you drive a Lamborghini. They will make you a lot happier.
The only exception would be if you are also a very materialistic person who defines himself with expensive brands. In this case you can choose a materialistic girl and enjoy how your bank account turns from a big plus to an even bigger minus.
32. She Doesn’t Drink and Doesn’t take Drugs
I don’t say that you should avoid all women who drink alcohol. Just because I don’t drink alcohol and prefer girls who also don’t drink, doesn’t mean that you have to be as strict as I am. However, if you meet a girl and she drinks three cocktails on your first date, your alarm should go off.
I also don’t blame anyone for trying weed once or twice in their life, but if you are on a date with a girl who gets high every weekend, you should think twice before you call her for a second date. I was once on a date with a chick who smoked weed every second day. You could really see the emptiness in her eyes. It was quite scary.
The sad truth is that girls who need any form of drugs to cope with their life while they are young and beautiful will need a lot more of that stuff when they reach an age where their beauty slowly fades. I don’t know about you but I don’t want to plan a future with a girl who has the potential to become an alcohol or drug addict.
Find a girl who can not only cope with her life without drugs, but who enjoys every moment of her existence without being dependent on any substances besides your love.
She is girlfriend material and you’ll get her if you follow THIS advice.
Summed Up Wisdom
This article is already over 6.000 words.
Let’s skip the summary this time 😉
Sebastian Harris says
Flaws are okay but red flags are dangerous
How about finding someone you are compatible with, attracted to, and accepts your flaws as you accept theirs? These rules go out the window when you meet someone you really like. 🙂
Poonam Tamang says
I agree with your sentiments. No harsh defends to the writer but also it’s a difficult situation for single ladies to find a good partner with the true love if the judgement is so high.
Jennifer Doe says
I thought you handled it very well. She obviously did not even read the girls story.
Sebastian Harris says
Loved your write-up — I mean, you seriously nailed most of it. So many great points, including the BIG ones like “She Defends You in Public,” “Loves Children,” “You Have the Same Humor” and “She Dresses Up for You.”
As an older man at the start of a new relationship with a younger woman (at 39 years-old she is 14 years my junior), I value advice regarding this topic. I must tell you though, while the majority of what you wrote seems absolutely spot on… a couple of things seem off. First, about #8… it’s not reasonable to place every single female on the “run away” list just because they need to take meds for depression. There are a lot of quality people out there who take meds for this and it’s actually commendable that they treat their condition rather than the other way around, IMO. Secondly, the generalization that any woman who has 3 cocktails on the first date is also to be placed on the “run away” list is kind of ridiculous. I mean, people drink. Yes, more than 3 drinks at one sitting. It’s not illegal. It’s not like someone shooting heroin or crack cocaine (illegal things). Big difference.
Anyway, again… great write-up. Thank you.
Sebastian Harris says
Yep, alcohol is a dangerous drug.
Thinking alcohol is less dangerous than weed is just stupid. It’s the purpose of taking drugs that is the most important aspect.
“She is a virgin or has a very low sex partner count”
Sebastian Harris says
Of course, everyone has a right for love, but my experience tells me that an emotionally healthy man should stay away from a certain type of women. I’ve seen too many guys getting destroyed in relationships with emotionally unstable women.
Well, I like the other criteria of being a good girlfriend material. I would like you to rephrase the word the girl who are using antidepressants for girl who are psychologically dependent because many would read your beloved article.
Many would misinterpret this stuff especially if they found the girl who are using psychological drugs.There are many reasons why they used these drugs.
These girls can give you love and trust as normal girls would give. It seems you gave these people (girls) have no right to love the guy romantically. You had create mental stigma those who have mental illness.
P.S Is it ok to rephrase it. Thank you ☺
Sebastian Harris says
this site is for men, but thanks a lot for your feedback!
Sebastian Harris says
everyone has insecurities, me too. And like I said, if you have a reason for your depression, I am the last one to judge you. Unfortunately, in todays society people (and especially women) swallow these little pills without any reason. Isn’t it weird that 25% of women over 40 in the rich Western world need antidepressants to survive the day?
Sebastian, as a woman who has taken antidepressants for almost two decades, I’m used to the stigma and ignorance surrounding the disorder. I wish you would’ve done some research before making your claim. Depression is not moments of sadness triggered by loss that will eventually pass. It is a medical condition the same as diabetes. If a woman can’t take control of her sugar levels, do you discriminate against her too? Or somehow is having a “mental” disorder, a disease not so easily seen, more fear-inspiring for you? Perhaps you have your own insecurities to deal with. At any rate, given how quick you are to judge people at their lowest, im surprised you found someone to stick by you. I guess the test will come when she takes her makeup and heels off, when she’s wearing sweatpants and a bun, maybe when she’s crying for a reason unknown to you. Good luck out there!
Hi Harris, how r u? Very nice article. Quite insightful and interesting. I’m sure you’ve done good research before writing this article. I would appreciate if you write another article mentioning “Obvious signs He is Boyfriend Material”. I’ll be grateful to you.
I just responded to your article and have had some similar experiences to this lovely lady. It’s very challenging in a world where women have such high expectations to meet so many of them. Many of the most damaged women have the hugest hearts and are not given a chance because they just don’t have the experience of being loved in a safe environment. Just something to think about. All gals deserve a chance at love. Especially, in my humble opinion, those who have been neglected of it for so many years. I think your article is really valuable and if it spurs people, both men and women, to make positive changes, then I say bravo!
When I first read this article, certain points struck me as very helpful and others felt unfair so I read it again to keep my emotions from writing this response. So here it goes. Several of these items are pretty right on – positive attitude, support when the chips are down, taking care of yourself. Common sense but nonetheless very true reminders. Ok, so now for the other side. Some women were blessed with a very charmed upbringing and a good social environment. Simply put, they just were trained well and flow easily in and out of relationships. They Exide confidence and are truly happy within themselves. Similar to having financial secirity and good genes some folks just karmically get a good hand. But some of us have had some struggles and areas such as romance are a challenge. We have big hearts and yet we did not have the support to learn good habits. So does that mean love is only reserved for the golden popular girl? No. Love is for all. So while I absolutely understand why man wants the best of the best…what about those of us who are working hard to overcome a tough past? I’m not discounting your article. In theory and idyllicly it is quite spot on. Just seems a little biased towards women who lean towards being at the top of the food chain which makes me a little sad. All women (and men for that matter) deserve to find love. As a woman who has battled issues of depression, lost a parent early and struggled with self esteem, it makes me wonder when reading an article like this if, in fact, love is only reserved for women of a certain pedigree. This article also is what makes me nervous, as a single woman. to put myself out there, when the judgment is so high. I’m not saying these qualities are not wonderful and things to strive for…they are however not as ingrained in some of us. So my only request is to go a little easier on us ladies. We are doing our best in a world that is often critical and exacting of what a woman should be. Thanks for the opportunity to post.
Sebastian Harris says
Thank you so much!
Sebastian Harris says
good. Another one 😉
My girlfriend also hits every single point. Guess I’m in the minority haha
I loved this article!! This is what a relationship looks like. From a mans view, with some man language. Turn the man ideas into womens and you have another article!! I think you catch the drift. I only wish there was an article like this when I was in my 20s. Im 50 now. Imagine that I only figured this out maybe 10 years ago….I hope this article gets to a wide audience
Sebastian Harris says
I tried to help her and encourage her. In which universe does that make me a prick?
How dare you try and psycho analyse this lady? I am also on anti depressants and have had some amazing relationships over the years. Arrogant, know-it-all without any qualifications, prick.
Sebastian Harris says
Thanks for “educating me”. Any thoughts on this?
BRITTANY MERRIMAN says
You seem like an intelligent person, but you clearly do not understand what depression is. You don’t need anti-depressants for the loss of a family member, or another type of “real grief” – these are natural types of sadness, and with the correct coping skills they go away and they person experiencing the grief heal in a positive way. Using medication for these types of problems are what we call a “first world problem” – it is using a coping mechanism for a perfectly natural emotion.
Anti-depressants or any other SSRI are used to treat disorders of the brain and endocrine system, where the person has no real reason for their grief or depression. This is not a disorder they can help, you are either born with it or you are not. Plenty of people have a disorder that causes them to be on medication – they are not “fly off the handle”: people like you seem to indicate here. Some possibly are (they need a better therapist and a better medication regime). You are demonizing a group of people here with a real disease that they literally cannot help – would you say “Don’t date a woman who has a history of appendicitis”? No, that would be silly. People with a disorder that they cannot help are ABSOLUTELY “girlfriend material”. Men like you, who have no idea what it truly means to have depression, are the reason most of these disorders do not get treated the way they should. Women (and men!) don’t seek medical help when they should, for fear of being labeled “Freaks” or “undatable” etc, when it is possible for them to live a normal, healthy life with the support of their family, friends, and PARTNER.
There is not a “high chance your relationship [with them] will be neither happy or healthy”.
Shame on you. You are confusing a girl who needs/craves drama for a potentially strong woman who has a medical problem, and could use the support of her partner. Of course not everyone can deal with having a girlfriend/wife with a mental disorder – but that’s like saying “Don’t date a blind/deaf/disabled woman because you’ll regret it one day!”, it takes a certain type of man to love a woman like that, but she is not unworthy of love as your article seems to suggest. Stop demonizing depression and other treatable mental illnesses.
I highly suggest you re-write that part of your article, just because your friend had a run-in with someone who was a bad egg doesn’t mean you can demonize a whole population of people.What you are looking to say, is more along the line of a person medicating with antidepressants when they have no real reason to (this is a problem in our country – where we prescribe Oxy, Xanax, Adavan, etc. for no real reason than “I feel a little sad today and I want it”). Instead you come across as bashing people with mental illness. Mental illnesses are not “First World Problems” and they are not indicative of a person being worthy of love and respect; they happen upon all walks of life, from all countries, in all socio-economic backgrounds, races, and genders. Educate yourself, please, since you insist upon educating others!
Sebastian Harris says
I got such a girl and my readers can too. But yeah, I am nasty 😉
I think the list is correct but it seems like the guy who wrote it is a little nasty. Like condemning girls that take anti-depressants? And what about these pics of ladies that look like only 2% of the population looks? A little too high demand this list…maybe 0.05% of your readers will get such a girl 😉
Sebastian Harris says
first of all, thank you for sharing your story here. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot. And like I said before, I only think it’s problematic when girls take antidepressants without a reason (we live in a sick culture that displays emotional problems as cool and trendy). One reason why you always ended up with the wrong guys might be because you subconsciously looked for guys who treat you like your father. This is a very common concept (also for guys who are looking for girls who are like their mothers). Might be worth thinking about. I really hope that you will find the right guy.
As a girl with experience outside her control (daddy issues/antidepressants) it makes my future seem bleak. In those respects. A lot of guys think nk your “crazy” but I can say that at one point I had a great relationship with my Dad. Me and him were best friends. When I was 15 he got married to a lady that literally demanded him to push me aside and take on her 4 kids. He started getting physically abusive and I had to be taken out of the house and he was estranged from my family. Here I am over a decade later and I still can’t trust him because I tried letting him back in a forgiving him and he just does it over and over.
Some women just don’t have the opportunity to work things out with their fathers.
My other issue with the anti-depressants is I’m on them because I hit all those other points as the perfect girlfriend and gave all that awesome to the wrong guys. I’ve been shoved, pinned, raped, followed from room to room being shouted at for hours, literally pad locked into the house, and been strangled. This isn’t one guy but 7. Unfortunately I’m too trusting and too sweet for my own good. I’m not crazy or physical enough to fend off bad guys and I’ve got my healing to do. It’s just that I made a lot of the same types of friends so the healing I’m supposed to do (i.e. be around people who love me, and respect me) is limited. The only real way I can heal at this point is to have a person show me that not everyone who touches me is going to hurt me. I flinch at a simple hug, and no longer enjoy touch.
I hate that it makes me less of a girlfriend material type girl cause I’m as sweet as sugar, and hit every other point on the list… not hating on the article. It was insightful and showed me where I need to improve. Just bummed cause theres a chance if I can’t find good people in the world to show me (even as a friend) that not all people are bad I might not get to be the 100% gf material I would like to be.
PS The point with others being key is actually from my therapist. It’s the step I’m at with CBT I’m not trying to use others as a crutch… it’s my next step but I can’t find people to help with that step so my progress is at a standstill.
I’m trying to be optimistic though. There are people out there, I just have to figure out where to look for them is all. I can get better and I will.
Sebastian Harris says
Isn’t it funny that a woman who found the man of her dreams agrees with me while the lonely and embittered ladies hate it? I’m happy for you!
Sebastian Harris says
Finally, a woman who agrees with me 😉
penelope bateman says
Party girls should stay single or play around with men not ready for commitment. I agree with you Sebastian. I have 2 brothers who learned the hard way with these types of woman who do want to be commited but under their terms. Constant drama 😉
penelope bateman says
Love this article! Going for a STRONG woman with values and self respect who cherishes the man they love is important 🙂 Very true that woman who holds this strength will love you and the submission part is a way they honor you as their MAN. We dont become submissive to a man we do not trust and truly love… I finally met mine and noticed this trait come out naturally. Love him unconditionally. Great thorough article! Thank you
Sebastian Harris says
it’s not about perfection. I also state in other articles that perfection doesn’t exist. I also have anxieties. That’s natural. If you read carefully, you can see that I wrote “a girl who takes antidepressants for years and not because of a temporary stroke of fate”. In other words: if she has a reason for her depression and anxiety (e.g. a loss in the family, a traumatic experience) I am the first one who says that a man should be suppportive. If she, however, has absolutely no reason for her depression (what I call a first world problem), you should be careful, because there is a high chance that your relationship will neither be happy nor healthy.
Many people nowadays talk about being “girlfriend material” and I was curious so I checked out this page.
I read till point 8 and actually recognized that I have much in common with being “girlfriend material”. I got a bit suspicious when I read the part about “giving and receiving love” but okay, sure you want to be loved and give love. BUT number 8 got me really mad.
I don’t know how this one person specially is who takes anti-depressants but then you now 1 case out of thousands. Just because you take anti-depressants doesn’t mean you’re a monster and your future boyfriend has to suffer and should better find someone else.
If something like this would happen to you, you also would just want to be understood.
And then there are people who just run away because “this person is not perfect” and yes, nobody is perfect, we are all humans. Unfortunately, many people suffer from anxiety and/or depression nowadays and this is the last thing you want to read. A girl who is on anti-depressants is “girl-friend matieral” as well, she is as well able of having a boyfriend. I think you’re looking for a perfect human being, but please be realistic. You won’t find that.
Actually I had a lot in common with your definition, expect that one point but the only thing what is “boyfriend material” for me is when a guy is understanding and guess what, you failed that test or however agrees to number 8. Do you think people are like “oh yes please let me have anxiety and depression”. No one wants that but you can’t really decide if you will get it or not. It could be possible that you’re getting depression once or more often in your life. Everyone. How would the list then be?
Have respect, be understanding and realistic. We’re humans, not robots.
Sebastian Harris says
thanks again. You must be girlfriend material then 😉
Amy wegner says
Wow… This article is very informing!! After I read it, I thought about it for a long time! Thank you very much for being so detailed and specific…because honestly, their was a lot on there that I’ve never really thought about…. Thanks! 🙂
Sebastian Harris says
I already found her…
Good luck finding someone that ticks all of those boxes!
Sebastian Harris says
thanks a lot for your feedback. Would love to get an email from you to find out “wo ich von meinem gewöhnlichen Standpunkt abweiche” 😉
Freddy J says
„If you actually have a reason then it’s something entirely different.“
Ich kann dir da nicht so ganz zustimmen. „Linda“ mag ein liebes Mädl sein, aber die Tatsache, dass sie in den für die Bildung der Persönlichkeit wichtigsten Jahren misshandelt wurde (daddy issues) und heutzutage Antidepressivum nimmt heißt meist wahrscheinlich, dass sie tatsächlich für eine Beziehung nicht geeignet ist.
Ich hinterlege diesen Kommentar deswegen, weil mir deine Schreiberein sehr gefallen und ich dir auch mit meiner Erfahrung größtenteils zustimmen kann. Nur erscheinst du mir hier etwas von deinem gewöhnlichen Standpunkt abzuweichen.
Vielleicht verstehe ich dich falsch (hier oder woanders); wenn schon, klär mich bitte auf!
Ich freue mich auf deine Antwort!
Vielen Dank und viele Grüße,
Thanks for your clarity and reply. Much appreciated.
Sebastian Harris says
thanks a lot for sharing your story. I really appreciate your honest comment. Of course we all have issues and insecurities and that’s exactly why I wrote this: “in case you meet a girl who takes antidepressants for years and not because of a temporary stroke of fate, there is only one thing you should do” under point 8. I am directly talking about the girls who need antidepressants without any reason. If you actually have a reason then it’s something entirely different.
This sentence made me think: “nothing more perfect than finding a broken honest decent girl and showing her love.” Thanks again for sharing.
You would in my opinion be 70 percent correct. I do take offence to a few things here…
I have so called “daddy issues” where I was beaten and sexually abused till I was 14, but I walked away – I am also on anti depressants oh no. !! Alarm bells.
But, I can assure you I am every other one of those points you said apart from these two and it makes me feel as if you actually aren’t living in the real world as in – don’t we all have issues with our parents, don’t we all get sad, crazy, insecure, whether or not we are are female or not ?
I’m not critising your opinion at all I’m just asking questions ?
It makes me feel sad you are trying to preach to men to find a perfect girl when in actual fact there is nothing more perfect than finding a broken honest decent girl and showing her love.
Too many stereotypes in this blog. I never comment on these things but this one was quite horrible as I googled why Cant I find a nice guy to treat me good and this came up. Spose it answered my question. X