Meditation is fascinating.
You just have to find a comfortable place and breathe in and out for a couple of minutes. There’s nothing special, mystical, or abnormal about it.
Yes, there are hundreds of different types of meditation. Some focus on breathing. Others focus on your heartbeat. And then there are the ones that focus on repeating mantras. Yeah, repeating mantras…that was weird when I did it for the first time.
But in the end, it comes down to one thing:
I tried meditation because I’m suffering from insomnia. I’m battling with it since childhood. I don’t know why, but my mind never shuts up. So don’t worry. I’ll never run out of ideas for articles. I actually have an excel sheet with more than 1854 topics that I want to write about. Yes, 1854. That’s how bad it is.
I didn’t try meditation because I believe in it. I tried it because I want to survive.
I sleep better than ever before.
But that’s not the only thing that has changed. After meditating for 30 days, I can confidently say that the relationship with my girlfriend has never been better. And no, it’s not just because I’m more awake.
There are so many reasons why meditation changed my relationship…
Day 1: What am I Doing Here?
I’m a perfectionist.
Meditation, however, is about letting go and accepting. The number one requirement for that is to let go of your perfectionism. I wish somebody had told me that before my first meditation session.
It took me 20 minutes to find a comfortable position and once I sat on that damn pillow, I was sweaty like a backpacker after his first Tom Yum Gung soup in Thailand. My body was tense and I had the feeling that meditating was hard work.
I still had a long way to go.
Today I’m happy that I didn’t give up because it took only a week until I realized that something was changing…
Day 7: Loving Myself Taught Me to Love on a New Level
Meditation can teach you a lot, but the most important lesson I learned is this:
You have to love yourself before someone else can love you
Please don’t get me wrong. I know that my girlfriend loves me. But I also know that it became harder and harder for her to show her love. Why? Well, because I became more and more self-loathing.
I’m still surprised that she didn’t break up with me because I’m a highly neurotic workaholic with a tendency for self-destruction. Apparently, I’m also not that bad as a boyfriend.
Thank God, I’m not always like that, at least not when I meditate. During and after meditation, I’m a relaxed human being. That’s when I love myself the most. The more I practice meditation, the more I’m in this blissful state.
And the more I love myself, the easier it is for my girlfriend to love me.
Day 10: I Expected Less and Received More
I try to give as much as possible.
The only area of my life where I’m a taker is my relationship.
I expect way too much and I’m not really willing to give something in return. Maybe it’s because of my fear of commitment. I don’t know. All I know is that it’s toxic for a relationship…
…and that meditation helped me to change this habit.
I’m still not a big fan of compromises, but I’m better at giving. I can’t really explain it, but the regular mediation practice helped me to expect less and to be more content with what I have.
As a result, I get more from life and from our relationship than in the past.
Day 12: Me, Me, Me Became We, We, We
Me, me, me…it’s all about me!
It’s the typical millennial sickness. And I’m one of these creatures. Yes, I grew up with helicopter parents, and yes, I’m not a big fan of a traditional 2.5 kids and white picket fence life.
But I had no idea that I was so entitled.
My girlfriend used to joke that, whenever I don’t get what I want, I acted like a child that’s out of control. I didn’t take it serious. Now I know that she was right and that she wasn’t joking.
Thank God, meditating three times a day for 10 minutes helped me to change my perspective. It’s like a Jedi mind trick. Calming my mind helped me to shift my focus from me, me, me to we, we, we.
And let’s be honest. Relationships are about we, not about me.
Day 16: We Became Aware of Each Other’s Moods
My girlfriend is always aware of my mood.
Heck, she even knows when I have to go to the bathroom. Let’s call it female intuition. I wish I had this ability.
What about my ability to recognize her mood?
All I see when I look at her is a beautiful woman. I’m better at reading the body language of strangers than of the woman I spend every day and night with. I don’t know if that’s normal, but that’s how it is.
Now that I’m meditating on a regular basis, I can actually see what mood she’s in. I’m finally aware of her emotions. This makes it easier for me to maneuver in the relationship land.
Day 19: I Was So Calm That I Listened
There’s one thing that men are terrible at:
Come on. Let’s admit it. We suck at this. Whenever you ask a woman about the one thing she hates in her relationship, she will always tell you “he never listens.”
I’m guilty of that.
Thankfully, my girlfriend knows it. I’m thinking about my business 24/7. I guess that’s one of the reasons why I’m struggling with insomnia in the first place. She knows that I’m a terrible listener. Or should I say that I WAS a terrible listener?
I got better. Believe me. Since I meditate on a regular basis, I’m so calm that I can survive a 30-minute conversation with my girlfriend without forgetting 99% of it. 50% sticks and I’m so proud of this number.
Day 23: Yes, You Can Connect Through Silence
“Do you take drugs?”
I get this question a lot. Everyone I meet asks me this question at some point. No, it’s not because I look like a zombie…even though I do from time to time. It’s because I speak so fast that I have to try really hard to not swallow my tongue.
Let’s say it like this:
I’m not a relaxed person…unless I meditate
Without meditation, I’m like a child with severe ADHD (maybe I should check that). I always have to do something. Silence kills me. I’m like Flubber in that movie with Robin Williams.
Up and down, up and down...breathe.
Yes, one deep breath can be enough to put me in a state where silence becomes my friend. When silence is my enemy, it’s hard for me to enjoy the moments of peace with my girlfriend. When silence becomes my friend, it’s easy to enjoy the moments and to connect with her through silence.
Day 27: Painful Arguments Turn into Empathic Discussions
Every couple has arguments.
The perfect relationship where each and every day is filled with pure joy, happiness, and red roses on the bed only exists in popular music and Disney movies. Let’s get real. You are two individuals with different beliefs, personalities, and thoughts.
Of course, there are arguments!
However, there are two different ways of dealing with arguments. On the one hand, an argument can lead to a verbal fight, flying cups, and pain. On the other hand, an argument can lead to an empathic discussion, mutual growth, and a stronger bond.
It’s your choice.
Since I meditate on a regular basis, I always choose option two.
Day 30: Learning How to Meditate Changed My Relationship
After 30 days of meditation, I was a changed man.
I didn’t expect that sitting, breathing, and relaxing can have such a huge impact on my life and on my relationship. Now I know that it’s not a Jedi mind trick.
It’s science. And it works.
I’m so glad that I learned how to meditate and I hope that this article inspires you to embrak on your personal meditation journey...
Sebastian Harris says
Is it for real a pic of you ?