Do you want to know why women like bad boys?
In case you are a typical nice guy who doesn’t understand why the girl of his dreams ended up dating a guy that you would call a complete jerk, you probably want to know the reason for that.
A couple of year ago I was in the same situation as you are today.
I constantly asked myself why the women that I admired and that I treated in the most respectful way ended up dating guys that didn’t even call them back after three missed calls.
Back then I thought that those women must have some psychological issues that force them to end up with guys that aren’t good for them. I even started to believe that I have to treat women in a disrespectful way, in order to attract them.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys who have always been nice and attentive start to think that way at one point or another. Today I know that you don’t have to be an that treats women with disrespect in order to attract them into your life. I made the same mistake that you probably make right now and thought that women find bad boys irresistible because of their disrespectful attitude.
I was wrong.
When I finally realized that women are attracted to them because of all the positive characteristics that those guys have, I began to analyze the things that they did and implemented them in my own life, without mutating to a bad man . That’s when I finally had the success with women that I always wanted.
I can honestly say that the process of realizing everything that I did wrong was quite painful. It is always easy to blame women, their weird taste and their inability to make logical decisions that are good for them. It is a lot harder to admit that it was your fault that the cute girl you went on a “date” with last week only saw you as a good friend.
Being in this position hurts and because I never want you to feel this kind of pain again, I am going to share the top then reasons why women like bad boys with you. However, because I know that a lot of guys misunderstand the concept of attracting women by behaving like a bad boy in a way that can get quite dangerous, I first want to discuss what being a bad boy who naturally attracts women is not.
Why Women Don’t Like Your Definition of a Bad Boy
When I first realized that my nice guy behavior doesn’t get me anywhere, at least not near a woman, I started to think about why women like bad boys. I didn’t have to think long until I had a clear picture in mind of the guy that women are attracted to.
I imagined a muscular guy with a leather jacket who rides a Harley Davidson and who shoots everyone who looks at him. I imagined an outlaw, a gangster, a guy who would kill his own grandmother for a couple of dollars.
As you can see, the picture I had in mind was completely in alignment with the stereotype that is portrayed in movies.
At first I was excited to become such a man but the more I thought about it the more I worried that dropping out of college and landing in jail might not be worth getting some.
Like most nice guys who ask themselves why women like bad boys and who want to change something about their miserable situation, I had a completely false idea of what it means to be a bad boy who gets laid left and right. For a nice guy who has never had any success with women it is pretty risky to start believing that you have to perform a volte-face in order to get the girls you want.
In combination with all the bottled up anger from getting friend-zoned while the not so friendly and not so nice guys had sex with those girls, this can easily lead to the misbelief that you have to become an aggressive and violent guy who goes to the bad. That’s why I want to clear up the misunderstanding that a bad boy who attracts women has to be a bad person.
You Don’t Have to Become a Member of the Hells Angles
You don’t have to fulfill the cliché of the movie bad boy who rides a Harley Davidson and is part of some cool gang who earn their money by killing people and smuggling cocaine. Okay, maybe that’s only my wanton imagination and you don’t even think about crazy stuff like that.
However that be, I want you to understand that a bad person and a bad boy are two completely different types of people. A bad person is someone who does things that hurt other people and are bad for our society. That’s not the kind of guy that women want to date.
Of course there are some girls who write love letters to serial killers, but those chicks definitely have a screw loose. Just because a bad boy has the word “bad” in his name, doesn’t mean that he is a bad person.
You can and should still be a good person. All you have to do is to incorporate certain characteristics and behavior qualities into your life that women are attracted to. Show the positive characteristics of a bad person, while you leave out all the negative characteristics and you are heading towards success.
You Don’t Have to Dress Like a Bad Boy
Why do women like bad boys? Well, when you believe the results of the Google Image Search you could think that they only go for this type of guy because they walk around with cool black leather jackets and ripped jeans.
I am sorry to destroy your plans of running to the biggest shopping center in your town and to look for ripped jeans and leather jackets, but a simple makeover doesn’t transform you into a guy who suddenly has all the success with women he always dreamed of. Just because you paint black stripes on a donkey doesn’t mean that he is a zebra from now on. Just because you look like a bad boy doesn’t mean that you are one.
The fact that women like bad boys has absolutely nothing to do with the way they dress.
It might be true that guys who fall in this category tend to have an eye-catching style, but this is related to their high self-confidence and not to their qualities as a seducer.
In case you are usually wearing elegant shirts, jeans without holes and jackets that don’t consist of leather, you don’t have to spend all your heard-earned money on new clothes. Keep your style and change the way you treat women.
You Don’t Have to Treat Women Bad
“Hmm, I should change the way I treat women?”
“From now on I start to treat them bad, because that’s what real bad boys do!”
Please don’t tell me that you are one of those guys who believe that the reason why women like bad boys is because those guys treat them like bad. From everything I have read about this topic and from all the conversations I had with friends about it, I know that this is the most dangerous assumption that recovering nice guys make.
Just because being nice and friendly didn’t work out for them, they think that switching to the other extreme will make all the difference. Putting her on the pedestal and being polite didn’t work, so maybe being rude and insulting her works, right?
During my transition from a loser to a seducer I actually tried this tactic and I am not really proud of it. It neither worked, nor did it make me feel good about myself.
By doing this you will only feel like and the only women you will attract are the psychologically unstable ones with unresolved father issues. Have fun.
The emotionally healthy women who are beautiful on the inside and the outside have better things to do than wasting their time with a guy.
Instead of treating women in a bad way, you have to learn to treat them in the right way.
What is the right way?
All you have to do is to add a few crucial characteristics and behavior patterns to your already awesome personality.
Why Women Like Bad Boys
There are many reasons why women like bad boys but treating them bad is not one of them. In the following lines I want to share ten aspects with you, which hopefully motivate you to rethink the way you behaved around women.
I don’t want you to become a bad person. I just hope that you realize what you did wrong in your past interactions and that you understand why those guys who you label are so damn successful with women.
After you have read this article it is on you whether or not you incorporate those new insights into your life. I just hope that you don’t become a bad person who hurts women, but a bad boy who makes them feel alive.
Emily Hart agrees with me on that (and disagree with me on a couple of other things):
1. He Represents His Own Opinion
Every man has an own opinion, no matter if he is a nice guy who brings flowers on the first date or a bad boy who doesn’t even care if she shows up, because he has ten other numbers in his phone that he could call.
The only difference between those two guys is that the nice guy usually doesn’t share his opinion with women because he is too scared to offend them.
He thinks that this behavior is the fastest way to seducer her. What he forgets is that women have no respect of men who only say what they want to hear.
A major reason why women like bad boys is because they have the balls to represent their own opinion and they are not afraid of disagreeing with them. That causes the necessary friction that makes dating a man exciting.
2. He Takes Her on an Emotional Rollercoaster Ride
Speaking of excitement…
Women are driven by emotions.
Everything that a woman does and every decision she makes is influenced by the emotions that the decision provides her with. Whereas men often make decisions on the basis of logical deliberations, women are always led by their emotions, even when their emotions lead them on a dark path.
Does a guy who agrees on everything, who has never taken a risk in his life and who rather thinks about his pension plan than about kissing her passionately trigger any emotions in her? No, the only feeling such a guy causes in a woman is an extreme form of boredom.
Does the bad boy trigger emotions in her? Hell yeah. A woman who is dating such a man never knows what happens next and she can never be 100% sure that he will be in her life the next day. Even though those emotions are not solely positive, they make her feel alive. That’s the emotional rollercoaster ride she wants.
3. He Shows Self-Confidence
What does a bad boy communicate to a woman through his behavior?
With every action he takes he communicates that he is a self-confident man.
Self-confidence is one of the most irresistible features that a man can have. Bad boys have enough self-confidence to do what they want and to date who they want.
Through the level of your self-confidence you reveal how much you love yourself and how confident you feel in your own skin.
When you are confident as the person you are, you are also confident in the presence of women and when you love yourself, you are literally forcing others to fall in love with you.
That’s why women fall so easily for bad boys.
4. He Takes Her on Adventures
One reason why women like bad boys is because they take them on adventures. The most adventurous thing that some guys have ever done with their girlfriends is a short vacation in an all-inclusive hotel. That can be beautiful but that’s not the kind of adventure that makes a woman fall for you.
How about a spontaneous road trip?
How about a backpacking tour through Asia? How about a motorcycle tour through Europe?
These are the kind of adventures that give her whoops of joy.
These are the adventures that women want to experience. The nice guy won’t take her on such trips but the bad boy will take her on these adventures without even asking her.
5. He Looks Like Trouble
Why do you think that the song in which Taylor Swift sings “I knew you were trouble when you walked in” was so successful?
Because every woman can identify with what she sings. She doesn’t sing about how she met a guy who looked like a reliable potential provider with a healthy retirement fund. She sings about a guy who looked like trouble when she saw him.
That’s exactly what women find irresistible about bad boys.
Women are incredibly sensitive and they already feel what a guy is capable of doing when they see him for the first time.
They instinctively feel if the guy who stands in front of them has the potential to provide them with feelings of passion, excitement and adventure. The reason why women like bad boys is because they promise all those things.
6. He is Able to Have Other Women
Saying that a woman wants to be 100% sure that you won’t leave her would be a lie. It is true that some women want to hear from you that you will stay together with them forever but the last thing they want is that you actually give her the feeling that you couldn’t leave her if you would want to.
There is a reason why so many women are attracted to married men.
Women want to be together with men who have alternatives.
They want to date guys who are together with them because they want to and not because they think that they can’t get anything better.
Due to the charisma and the dominant behavior of bad boys, they subconsciously communicate to women that they can have other women. Being together with a guy who has options makes every woman feel special.
7. He Challenges Her
Ending up with a nice guy who says and does whatever the little princess wants would be so much easier than dating a bad boy who doesn’t even think about doing what he’s told. However, it would also be a lot more boring and boredom is the last thing that women want in a relationship.
Women want guys who challenge them.
They want to date men who give them the feeling that they don’t know everything about them and that there is still a lot to find out. They want to date guys who are not completely transparent.
Even though a lot of nice guys think that women must be turned off by an unpredictable guy who doesn’t reveal too much about himself, they are actually turned on by them. Being mysterious is never a mistake.
8. He Doesn’t Care About What Other People Think
One reason why women like bad boys is because they don’t care about other people’s opinions. This is an extremely attractive characteristic that women find irresistible. Doing your thing without caring about the opinions of other people is a sign of independence and emotional strength.
I have never met a woman who dreamed about being together with an emotionally weak guy who she has to console whenever somebody criticizes him.
A guy who doesn’t give a beep about whether or not he is criticized has the best potential to protect her and to stay by her side, no matter what anyone else thinks of their relationship. That’s the kind of guy women dream of.
9. He is a Good Leader
Bad boys usually have the “my way or the highway” mentality and they are not particularly known for their qualities as followers. They want to lead their own life, without being dependent on the leadership of other people.
A man who is willing and able to lead himself through life is extremely attractive to women. Due to the fact that he shows those leadership qualities in his own life, women automatically assume that he is a great leader. Despite what you have been told, women like bad boys who lead them and not well-trained puppies that follow them.
10. He Follows His Path
In the same way as the bad boy only follows his own lead, he also follows his own path. Whereas a nice guy would change his plans and goals as soon as a beautiful woman steps into his life, a bad boy would never lose his way, just because he meets a beautiful woman.
Women are instinctively drawn towards guys who have goals and who want to achieve their goals no matter what. They don’t want someone who gives up on his goals for them. They would rather be together with a bad boy who relentlessly follows his path, instead of dating a guy who doesn’t care about his path as long as he has her.
That’s why she wants to date a bad boy, even though she doesn’t know where his path will take her.
What about your path?
Click here to follow in my footsteps…
Summed Up Wisdom
You might think that women like bad boys because they do bad things, dress like hard rockers and treat women bad, but that’s far from the truth. The fact that those guys are in demand has nothing to do with how they look and how many criminal offences they have committed. There are certain characteristics and behavior patterns that make them irresistible to women.
One reason why women like bad boys is because they show their own opinion. They are confident enough to not care about what other people think of them. Those guys are challenging, adventurous and can have every woman they want. A bad boy not only looks like trouble, but he also looks like a great leader who is willing to follow his own path. All those characteristics motivate a woman to follow him on his path.
Sebastian Harris says
It’s meant as a way of living life. Of course, in certain situations, you have to care. You made a few good points. Thanks!
Would you agree that there are some mild exceptions to the “don’t care about what other people think” rule? For example, I just started a new job and I do want to make a good impression; because if I don’t, I’m not employed for very long and the team can’t trust me. This is a very potentially dangerous job where trust is absolutely essential for everybody going home at the end of their shift; so I feel this is a situation where the whole “not caring” thing can be adjusted. Now, I don’t care if everybody thinks I’m a complete dick, but I do care about them being able to look at me and go “He’s a dick, but he’s good at what he does and he has our backs”.
Now, I’ve been dating the same girl for six months exactly today; thanks in large part to your articles (or more specifically, you wrote them, I implemented them, I thank you regardless). I also know that if I don’t continue to do what I’ve been doing, she’ll eventually get bored and move on. So would you agree that there are exceptions to the “don’t care what anybody else thinks” rule? And I’m simply talking about it in terms of my work and being the new guy and wanting to make good impressions and learn the job, not the “boss hurt my feelings because he’s a meanie” shit.
Sebastian Harris says
Don’t even think about! Please seek professional help before you do something bad. Or shoot me an email maybe I can help you a bit.
Who even cares? says
Honestly I’m thinking suicide is a better option and a lot less hassle.
No Lie says
Most low life very retarded women do.
Point 8. He Doesn’t Care About What Other People Think
This sounds good in theory. Women say that they want a man who shows confidence and leadership.
In practice, when you use this attitude, you get accused of being a self-centred arrogant unfeeling prick.
Then the argument and bickering starts followed by sulking etc. since you are not falling into line with her wishes, which were already decided beforehand.
At this point you say to yourself ‘it’s not worth the hassle’.
Sebastian Harris says
That’s exactly why this site is about international dating 😉
Ionescu George says
Nice guys are successful with women as long as the women are well behaved and are not the easy type and are serious in life.
In USA women started to get from good to bad in almost all ways thanks to mass media and evil hollywood films
But if you go for example in Center Europe or Asian countries where women are feminine wellbehaved and know their grace and inner value they respond very well to “nice guys”
In my country there are many men who would be portrayed by the decadent mass media from US or sick film industry as nice guys that are actually pretty good with women good looking women.
Its a falacy and big mistake to think being nice is bad thing.
Its society thats the problem and lack of morals,values and seriosity with regard to life.
People act like teens or children in USA.
For example I have friends who dated Eastern/Centre European ,Muslim or Hindi women and they responded very good to the traditional romantic nice guy stereotype.
Lets quit making global general standards based upon what happens in the states.
Sebastian Harris says
you are welcome 🙂
Firstly, thank you for this in depth eye-opening article regarding mastering the mindset, traits and characters that women find exciting and fancy.
It is clear that women do alot of stuff based on their emotional feelings.
I am a guy myself and I thing you are right that nice guys need blend some of the traits from so called bad guys because it works. It has worked for me!
I am a still a nice guy but make use of traits of bad boys. It is very exciting even for myself….
Sebastian Harris says
You are welcome
Agen Sabung Ayam says
great!, thanks for the tips
Sebastian Harris says
Please no mustache. You express a certain masculine energy with your body language. That’s what I mean. The way you describe it (independent and traditional) is exactly what I mean.
How do you do to “look like trouble”….details please…
Grow a beard?Grow a moustache?
About the adventures part…
I could try when I will have enough money to buy for example some airplane tickets without her knowing but that is risky what if she doesnt like the destination or has other plans…
It depends on the type of personality she is
Some like surprise adventures others do not…
Bad is not the right word to describe these men.
I say that “independent” or “traditional” (in the sense of natural gender roles) are the best words to describe the real authentic man who is naturally successful with young women.
It’s love that’s actually important. A woman has to get to know you for a few dates, your entire personality and then they might fall for you.
Sebastian Harris says
Appearance is imoportant, but not in the sense that you have to be a male model. A unique style and clothes that match your personality are way more important. I have mentioned this in other articles. And yes, mindset is important but I wouldn’t describe “fake it till you make it” as a good self-improvement technique.
Sebastian Harris says
thanks for that comment. I agree on everything you said!
Point 1 : it’s also a proof of honesty, which is one of the fundamental emotional needs of a woman.
Point 2 and 4 : the science shows that living unpredictable or risky situations with somebody create the feeling of attachment by raising the oxytocin level. Keep it in mind when you think about what you could do on a date. For example if you visit my city (Lyon), go for the Ferris Wheel place Bellecour 😉
By the way, all the points are inter connected (you need confidence to be honest, honesty creates trust, you need trust to bring her in an adventure etc), it’s an very interesting article.